Teaching 4 Year Olds About Sex??

I have a 5 year old little girl and I don't plan on talking to her about sex until she asks questions. One time I had a CD out called Blood, Sugar, Sex, Magic and my cousin (at the time she was 5) asked me what sex meant. I replied Male/Female. I wasn't trying to dodge her question. I knew she was not ready for that talk yet, she just wasn't familiar with the word sex. Anyway, hope that helps.
K.

Age 4 is too young! It is best when they ask and only give them the info they ask for. Study their faces to see if they understand what you are saying. I think probably age 8 or 9 is when they really start questioning.

I am the mother of two grown children, a boy and a girl. I told them when they started to ask where babies came from and the, only the answer to the specific question they wanted answered;i.e., they grow in a special place made just for them below mommy's tummy. At some point they will ask how the baby got there, then they were told about mommy having an egg that needed Daddy's seed to join with it. That seemed to satisfy mine, until they asked how did the seed and egg got together...I found some wonderful books in the library that introduced the subject little by little, without being overwhelming or not age appropriate. I think it is best to let them ask, then respond with the truth at a level they can comprehend.

D. - Great Question.

I come from a large family and can attest to the fact that children are hearing about sex from their friends a lot younger than any of us did.

I think talking to your children about sex before they are interested in boys/girls is (sorry to be harse) a waste of time. It goes in one ear and out the other because they think they will NEVER like girls/boys. I plan to wait until I notice my son taking an interest in girls - but I am a very present parent in my sons life. Some people may not notice this change in their children and then I would recommend having 'the talk' with them as they enter middle school.

However, if my son comes to me wanting to know about sex before I speak to him because he heard the word somewhere I will absolutely take that opportunity to educate him. Never pass up an opportunity to educate your children when they initiate the conversation - They may not be willing to listen later.

That's a sensitive subject. I don't know that there is any magical age you should talk to them about that.
I think that if there are movies and such with sexual scenes or what have you in them you should cover their eyes or make them leave the room.
They are going to see some things no matter what.
My 5 year old son was with me at Barnes and Noble and we were getting a coffee. He is checking out the magazines behind me and yells hey mom look at these girls boobies. I turned around and was like "What?" It was the Sports Illustrated with a girl on the front with NO top on just some necklace perfectly placed as to no show her nipples.
Then he just kept staring at it. I said Logan come over here, he replied, "What Mom, I like boobies".
I thought I was going to die, it was funny and mortifying at the same time.
He is his father's son. So, as much as you try to protect them it's out there and the more I think you try to make an issue out of them avoiding it the more interested they are in it.
So, I think you are just going to have to play this one by ear. And address the issues or questions as they present themselves.

Always make sure though to tell them that we don't show our privates to people, that's why they are called privates. Only mommy, daddy or the doctor can see the privates.

P.S. I would just like to say thank you for your sacrifice in giving your husband up for our country and her protection.
My husband is ex-Navy and served during the Gulf War. Please tell him that the W. family appreciates his service and sacrifice.

D.,
YES, That is wayyyyyy to early to teach a child about sex, why would anyone even consider that ,at such an early age. The age appropriate thing to do would be to teach them the differences (when they pose the question)about boys and girls. Eventually they will ask, but, I wouldn't provide the info until they ask about it. Half of the children that age couldn't even pronounce some of the correct words for body parts, why speed up their childhood, when these days it really doesn't last that long. You could explain their private parts, and how NO ONE SHOULD TOUCH THEM THERE, and if they do , no matter what,it's ok to tell . Good luck with that talk ! C.

I agree that it stinks.. but I have a five year old who randomly announced at dinner two nights ago that "S-E-X spells sex" ... I didn't know what to think about it! I asked her did she know what it meant? And she said no. I asked her who told her that, and she named another girl in her class. So I simply said "Sex is what mommies and daddies do to make babies. It's something that isn't very polite to talk about though, so it would be a good idea not to go around saying that, okay? We can talk about it here at the house, but it isn't very good manners to talk about it other places." She seemed satisfied with the answer... she replied by asking "Is that how babies get in your belly?" And I told her yes, and that was the end of the conversation.

I think 4 is far too young to even consider teaching children about sex. Your child should be more involved in Sesame Street than sex. At this point he or she should know the difference in boys and girls and good touches and bad touches, especially if they attend day care or school. As far as children being exposed to too much at an early age, yes I agree strongly that they are and that the media should be responsible for what they put out there. Unfortunately, sex sells. You as a parent need to be very proactive in censoring what your children watch on T.V., listen to on the radio and what games they play. That's why there are ratings on these things. I wouldn't want your child to be the one asking other children about sex on the playground.

i tould all 4 of mine about sex when they were little better they get it the right way and now with all the child molester out their u can never be to careful u can say thing like if some one touch u down their to let u know i think all kids show know about it but do it in his age

I teach my kids age appropriate stuff. my daughter was molested when she was 3 and didn't tell me until she was 6. i think at that point she was able to deal with it altho her bio father tried to act like it was her fault. i also explained that their was ppl out their that was sick in their heads and it wasn't her fault. when she asks questions i answer them age appropriately. she already knows about puberty and what happens with that and because one of her little friends liked to play i'll show you mine if you show me yours i explained that just because a boy begs she doesn't have to. its her body to say no.

I think that sex in it self is a subject for later, but I have talk with my kids about other people touching them in there bathing suite covered areas and they know that only mom and dad are allowed to see them or shower them. Another thing we have talked about as a family is that there are no secrets at all everything needs to be said to mom or dad even if someone says you can’t tell.

How long has you husband been in the Navy?? My husband was in the Navy and my brother just left Monday for Navy boot camp. I was so sad to see him go we are close and we will not be able to talk for a while.

I hope this helps,
Email me anytime

Well... I don't know about teaching them about SEX at 4, but probably teaching them where babies come from is fine. I started asking my mom about where babies come from at this age (because all my friends were getting baby brothers and sisters) and she gave me the straight dope. She gave me "A Child is Born," by Lennart Nilsson, which is an older book of in-the-womb photographs that go through trimester by trimester. I still remember how cool I thought it was, enough that I went off to Montessori and told all the other little kids where babies came from (oops, sorry mom!!) My teachers eventually told my mom I was holding "sex education" classes, but no one seemed to mind. Still, you might want to think about whether your four year old is capable of not talking about something. I, alas, was not, and embarrassed my poor mom. BUT, I am now working on a graduate degree in biology, so maybe that's where it came from...

As for the actual sex part, I don't think she's going to understand at four. I really think this stuff is best saved for puberty, when they're more likely to have some understanding of physical feelings. I know you want to head things off at the pass, so to speak, but I think you'll freak them out if you try to talk to them about this stuff when they're not ready. Maybe focus on having a good open relationship with them and hope they'll ask you about these things in the future. I don't remember hearing anything about sex until about 4th grade, but that was a long time ago... I'd say if you get that far without her asking on her own, it's time for the sit down.

Hope this is somewhat helpful.

I've talked to my son about sex when he asks. He is 10 now and I'm not sure if he really knows. He has asked questions over the years and I always answer truthfully and give him as much information as I feel he can handle, or stop when he seems satisfied with what I've told him. I think 4 is too young to have the topic sprung on them for no reason.

Yes...however, if there is a question, answer it in the simplest manner. They don't want details they can't understand. Make it a conversation, not just a question and answer. Ask open ended questions and you may see that what you think your child is asking, really isn't. However, 4 year olds should not be sharing bathrooms with the other gender, and girls should wear shorts under dresses. Everyone should be taught to respect each other, by word as well as physically.

I have a 4 year old boy, and a 21 month old, and a 4 month old... all boys. My oldest started asking questions when I was pg with the second child. I just let him ask and answered as simply as possible. In your case, I would probably just ask if there are any questions they have about babies or something similar to that. I think if kids have questions that they are willing to ask a parent and a parent doesn't answer, the kids will go elsewhere for their answer. I wish you the best of luck!!
Jen

Good Afternoon D. R:
It may seem a little young, but the questions do arise especially if we as Moms become pregnant. You do not have to go in great detail. If they are asking questions, then answer them as honest and on their level as you can.I have three teens now and I believe I had to start explaining sex to them around four to eight years of age. I didnot have to be graphic or extreme. sometimes kids are just curious and want to know and what seems a iffy subject a small answer is all it takes for the curiosity to be curbed. One of the things I learned early on was not to be dishonest.( the cabbage patch lie or the stork brought you to us) I also want my kids to know everything they need to know about life period. Sex is a wonderful gift from God for two people who are married. the results of this action is children(which are precious gifts from God.) My kids were okay with that until they reached puberty and then we had to go a little deeper. I guess what I'm trying to tell you is that the dreaded subject is a reoccuring thing. remember, they are little us and they are developing and their becoming aware of their gender so they are going to ask very uncomfortable questions to us , for us to answer.
I agree, it does not seem fair that we have to "tell all" now adays so that are young ones do not get hurt. I don't know if this helped you. May God Bless you and keep you
C. G

D.,

Interesting question. I have been lucky enough to sit in on several fascinating discussions regarding this question while studing for my masters. The overall mood at the time was that your child is never to young for you to be open and educate them. The thing to remember is to keep it simple and talk to them at their level. At age 4 a good thing to teach is appropriate words for body parts. My 4y.o. was three when I had my second so I explained that I had a baby in my belly and I was going to go to the doctor; because, the doctor would help mommy get the baby out. Often questions come up when you are least prepaired; like in a public toilet. I remember a mother taking her young son into a Toys-R-Us bathroom and he saw the tampon dispencer so he asked what it was. I was on pins and needles waiting for mom's answer. His question was so innocent and was pure curiosity. She said that it was something for girls and she would explain it later. That seemed to work and it got her off the hot seat so she did not have to answer the question in front of strangers. I though that was ok. Most children would not be satisfied with that answer, but she kept it simple and did not get flustered; she was also direct. I have often thought about what I would tell my daughter if she caught me with a tampon. I sometimes would pratice my answer in my head. I think once I had to tell her that mommy has to use tampons sometimes because it is part of making babies. When she pushed me I told her that God made mommies so they can make babies in their bellies and this is part of what has to happen so mommies can make babies.

Another fun thing to deal with is masterbation. It is normal for girls to masterbate at young ages. They will rub on pillows, blankets and other things. It is not abnormal or a sign that your child has been molested. What would be concernig is if they are sticking things like pencils, toys or other objects into their vagina. Then I would question it. I read an article, I think in Parenting magazine, wherein a mother was trying do the the best thing for her daughter who was masterbating all the time. She did not want to shame her daughter, but she wanted to teach her apprpriate social behavor. If I remember correctly the mother tought her daughter that people don't do that in front of others. She told her if she was going to do that then she needed to go to her room and be alone.

Well, thoes are some of my thoughts. I don't know if it was what you were looking for. Best of luck to you.
D.

Well this is a very personal subject to say the least. As a mother of 14 and 11 year old boys , we started talking with theem very eaerly on. I believe it starts when you are talking about their bodies as early as diaper changing, learning to go potty and up! I believe it helps them to be comfortable with their own body and learning to respect others at the same time. But most importatnly it establishes the foundation that your child can talk to mommy about anything and know i can trust her and she wont judge me and I dont have to be embarrssed! Those early years of cousre simplified is much better, but in my experience it was worth it. As I mentioned, my boys are 14 and 11 (12 soon) and have never hesitated to ask about anything related to sex or the opposite gender. They are at the age now; where most would simply rely on their friends advice......smile... You'll make the right decission for you. We are fortunate to have very open trusting communication with our children and it surprises me every time I read or meet some one that thinks their 9 , 10 or GOODNESS SAKES ELEVEN YEAR OLD DOESN'T know about sex! OHHHH THEY DO!!! they are exposed to it EVERYWHERE!! T.V., NEWSPAPERS, MAGAZINES, COMPUTERS, MOVIES, GAMES, MUSIC AND I have had friends that have tried to "shelter" their children, but when their is a will, there is a way. Kids talk ...period! You want them to have the right information! It is good to sharee experiences and trust yourself to make the right decission for your family.
Namaste.........D.

I think 4 is too young to teach a child about sex. I am a teacher, and I have a 10 year old boy and a 4 month old girl. As my boy grew up, we spoke openly about parts of the body and other such information as he becasme curious or began to ask questions. Now that he is in fourth grade, I have purchased a book that we read together that answers most questions about puberty and growing up. If there are conversations going on during recess at your son's school, then I would let the teachers there know because being a teacher myself, I know those conversations are inappropriate. It could be a sign that the child speaking about these things at school has been exposed to inappropriate material and conversations at home, and it should be reported to the staff.

i agree that 4 is way too young to be teaching them about sex. i don't know if you are a Christian like myself but if so the best way for them to learn about it is through biblical teachings. i have 3 boys 0ne soon to be nine, one who just turned 7 and another who will be 4 in august and none of them have been told about it because my husband and i feel that any other way would not be right.

D.,

Yes, four years old is too young to talk about sex. However, it's not too young to explain that people "love" each other and they "love on" each other. At 4 yrs old, the "sex" talking should be very very very basic and definately not detailed. Their minds cannot comprehend the true meaning of sex and what it entails. When a question comes up, from the playground or elsewhere, address the question, but only in very simple terms. It is also ok to say, "that is something you will learn about when you are older. When you hear your friends talk about that, you just tell them that you can't talk about that until you are older." Often kids just need to know what to tell others and it's ok to say I am not allowed to talk about that. The other children are getting too much information too soon. Once they start learning about this at such a young age, they begin to lose their innocence and then they impose their information on other children whose parents will not appreciate it.
When their questions begin getting more and more detailed, say around 9-10, you can give a bit more detailed answer, but still not too much.
When your daughter is coming of age of menstration, that is a good time to explain how the egg is being dispelled and that the egg has a purpose. I would then give her the factual information of procreation and let her know that it is in a proper relationship that we contain sex. That it is meant for a husband and a wife and that when we give it away, we are robbing our future mate of what belongs to them. Before dating age, you can then have a more detailed talk and answer any questions she may have.
Take Care,
Mother of 4 terrific children,
T.

Hi D.,

Yes, 4 years old is too young. Their little minds can't even comprehend abstract thinking until they are around 11. That's a documented developmental stage. The rule of thumb is give them answers the way they give you answers. At four years old you are probably getting answers to questions in two or three words. Netaria, did you brush your teeth? Yes mommy, OR No mommy I didn't, are probably the answers you'd get.

We had a farm and bred miniature horses when my youngest girl was little. She even saw the act and still didn't put it together because developmentally she wasn't there yet. Her thinking was concrete. She asked what they were doing and I told her they were making a baby. She said "Oh." Now, at 12, she can put it together.

Answer questions when asked but don't give them an abstract answer because they will just translate it into their concrete thinking and then you will have some undoing to do later :)

Regards,

M.

I realize that children are talking and experimenting sooner now than ever before so I'm not sure what I would do considering the situation. According to Dr. Dobson basically you answer (simply) their questions. You can be sure that you will have ample opportunity to answer alot of questions as they grow up. God Bless.

I wish my family had been more clear to me about what sex was younger. By four years old, I'd already been sexually molested. I didn't know that anything wrong had happened until I was 11 and my mom sat down to have "the talk" and I realized I'd already had sex. That was terrible. All I'd ever been told is tell us if someone touches you in a way you don't like. Well, I didn't like my sister hitting me, so I'd tell them that, but I didn't know that being sexually touched was wrong because it didn't hurt. If my parents had told me at 4, I would have been able to pursue criminal action. By 11 the statute of limitations had run out and there was no physical evidence. Parents need to think of all the reasons to discuss sex, not just whether or not a kid needs to know that babies come from sex and that is what mommies and daddies do. If we aren't informing our children, we aren't protecting them.