Worried About Being Insensitive....

Everyone has given you great advice. I was so happy for my sister-in-law when she told me she was pregnant even though we'd been trying for nearly a year. It wasn't her fault I wasn't pregnant so I would never be bitter towards her for being able to get pregnant. And then when I finally did get pregnant, I had to call my other sister-in-law and tell her knowing that they, too, had been trying for years to get pregnant. I just told her that we were expecting, gave her the due date and she asked a few questions and that was it. She never made me feed weird and was genuinely happy for us. (They later adopted two girls.)

Anyway, my point is, like all the other advice, share your news and then drop it. Don't be surprised if they don't ask much about the baby and try to refrain from talking about it too much when you're with them. It doesn't mean they aren't happy for you, it might just be a little too much for them to handle right now. But don't hold your news back, they'd hate to find out from someone else.

Congrats and best wishes for a happy, healthy pregnancy.

My sister in law is not able to sustain a pregnancy, and it's something that she will never "get over." With that in mind, when I became pregnant with my first, I was very careful in how I told her. I didn't go into a big long story, and tried to keep the call somewhat short. I wanted to allow her time to process the whole thing and to come to terms with her own feelings without having to be face to face with me. That way, she could say, "That's great!" while hiding tears or being upset, and my keeping the call short allowed her the opportunity to not have to have a long conversation about it with me.

Throughout my pregnancy, I often waited for her to ask me how things were going with the pregnancy, and I tried to talk about other things when we were together. She always did ask about the baby, and we'd talk about it, and when I could sense that we had talked enough, I changed the subject.

I just have always tried to keep in mind that she is very happy for us, and thrilled to have another niece - I also keep in mind that I don't need to go overboard and only talk about baby (which is so easy to do).

It's a tricky situation - some of your friends may honestly be so happy for you and will want to know everything, and some may be more subtle about their excitement and may need more time to get used to the idea. You'll sense from each one how they feel, and it sounds like you're a great friend to them all, regardless.

I just went through this again with my sister in law because I am 4 weeks pregnant (just found out) with my second as well - my daughter is 22 months. This time it was a little bit easier - she knows we were wanting to have another baby.

Congratulations to you - that's very exciting. Know that regardless of how a friend may act or react to your news, they are happy for you, and they will come around. It takes time, especially if their loss was very recent. It's not that they're not happy for you, it just reminds them of their own loss or trouble.

Congratulations! I have been in your position and also on the flip side - one of my best friends and I were trying to conceive at the same time and I had a miscarriage when she found out she was pregnant. She waited a few weeks until after my ordeal and told me, and I was very happy for her. Although I felt sad about my situation, I was not going to let that ruin our friendship and was glad that she told me, because true friends want the best for each other! She just kept the pregnancy/baby talk to a minimum around me, which actually made me initiate it because I wanted her to know that I cared what was happening to her. When I did have a healthy pregnanacy a few months later, I kept this in mind and told all of my friends, just not talking excessively around those who may be having their own issues conceiving.
Definitely let everyone share in your joy!

You've gotten some great advice already. I've also been on both sides of this situation. The biggest thing I thought made a difference was when I wasn't told about a friend or sibling's pregnancy. That hurt more than if they would have told me even though I had just had a miscarriage. The worst thing was that my sister, and two stepsisters all got pregnant around the same time shortly after I had a miscarriage. My sister and one stepsister told me about their pregnancies, but the other stepsister told me she wasn't even after I specifically asked her about it. Who knows what the motivation was, but in my opinion, your friends will probably be very happy for you. It would probably be more damaging to relationships to not say anything at all and they find out after a few months and know that you didn't tell them. I would just say that when you tell them, just straight out say it, and don't "rub it in" but don't diminish it either. They'll be happy for you. Congratulations!

You are a good friend to have these concerns. Even though your friends may have trouble covceiving themselves, I am sure they will be happy to hear your news, and might be offended if you DON'T tell them right away. I would mention it, but don't make a big deal, and then maybe just keep your talk about it to a minimum around them.

I agree with the respondees that said call your friends. I have a very good friend who was a work aquaintance when I told her I was pregnant. She had been trying for over a year and had started invitro. I didn't know that I was the 5th person in a month to tell her I was expecting and she was so overwhelmed with emotion and anxiety that she burst into tears and had to leave the office. Of course I followed her and got the whole story which really cemented our friendship.
A quick phone call would give your friend the chance to privately experience her feelings without a public scene. I can't tell you how embarassed my friend is to this day about her reaction. It was totally understandable, but she still feels guilty that she reacted that way. By the way, she had twins invitro and a natural single 2 years later! YEAH!

Congrats on the new baby!! You should tell your friends about your joy. I have a girlfriend and her husband who can't have their own, but have been on a waiting list for over a year to adopt. My girlfriend has other friends who have been pregnant and had babies during this time, and is always supportive, caring, and always goes to the baby showers. She said once that one friend was reluctant to tell her that they were pregnant after just adopting a baby boy, and it hurt her feelings that they didn't want to share their happiness with her. She understood the fear they have, but as your friends probably are, she is not so fragile that she can't be happy for her girlfriends. She is very thoughtful and always stocks up on baby gifts for friends. I think you need to put it in the perspective that you are sharing a joyous thing. I have always told my girlfriend/neighbor that she can borrow mine when she needs a kid fix. She has known them both since birth, and is very loving toward them. She and her husband are like family to us, and we are just waiting for the good news from her that there will be another baby around. My husband and I stopped at two, so we can't wait to spoil their baby when they get one. For now we just spoil their two puppies. Ooops, I got off track. Just don't think of your friends as fragile when you tell them. If you come across that way, they will sense it. Maybe have a girl day with lunch or shopping and give them all the good news at once. Make it a fun day. I'm sure your friends will be very excited for you. Congrats again and happy pushing!

Congrats! I've been on the other end where I couldn't get pregnant and everyone around me was. The nicest thing to do is give your friends a phone call individually. It's much easier to deal with the news if you're not in person so that you don't have to fake a smile and you can hang up and cry about it if you're really upset. I hated when people made public announcements and I had to choke back tears and paint a smile on my face. There is no easy way to do it, so just be sensitive and don't go on and on about how excited you are. Give them encouragement that it will happen for them soon. Good Luck!

Do tell your friends yourself. A lunch or something is always a nice way. I've been on both sides of this and that was always how I preferred to hear it. Knowing how much you care about their pain will make it easier. They may not be happy for you right away, but they will be grateful you were sensitive to their feelings. I am still friends with those who both told me when we were unable to have kids and those who we've had to tell we were expecting. Don't worry, just be kind and gentle. You'll be fine! (And so will your friends, even if it takes some time.)

Congrats! I wouldn't worry so much about hurting anyone's feelings. They should be happy for you. There is always diplomacy necessary on these things with people having an issue trying to get pregnant, but sharing your news with your friends is important. At some point too you can send out announcements of the new arrival coming too or in casual conversation tell them. They will be happy for you I am sure.

Congraduations!!

It is so kind of you to be concerned for your friends so many people are so insenitive. I would take them to lunch and breakit to them gently. Tell you are happy but don't want to hurt them. It will still be hard for them but you told them instead of finding out third hand and feeling like they are haveing their nose rub into it.
C. B