Working Opposite Shifts Is Not Getting Any Easier !! :/

like anything else, there is an adjustment period. You will both need to make changes. You can leave him a list of honey-dos to be sure you get the help you need. For me, it took having a mini-meltdown. I got upset and told my husband I was tired of being a single mom. Boy that got his attention! I no longer have any issues with him not being productive while I'm at work! I also had to make adjustments. Like cooking dinner, even though he isn't home to eat it until 4 hours later!
It does get better. As mush as I miss him and want to spend time together, I also have grown to love having my evenings without him. I get to watch whatever I want!

I see that this arrangement just started a couple of weeks ago.Try to relax knowing that it takes time to work out a new schedule. Know that he's not used to working nights and his body needs more sleep for now.

I suggest that you read up on Non-violent Communication so that the two of you can talk using I statements and can learn ways to talk so that each person feels heard. Here is their web site. I've given the address for a simplified version. Explore the site for more info. Also they have a book that you can read as well as work shops.

The two of you can work out a schedule so that you still feel supported. It just takes time. Do remember that your boyfriends life has just been turned upside down. He has different responsibilities while worked night time hours. He's got major adjustments to make. Give him time to do that without criticizing him. His working life is now new to him. You, at least have the same routine and the same job. Lighten up. This will work its self out if you can be patient and less angry.

Don't nag him. Talk together about how you both feel and look for ways that each of you can get your needs met. If you have the same days off you can plan your together time around them, for example.

One idea is to keep a notebook on the counter and each of you write notes to each other being sure to include words of love.

http://www.cnvc.org/Training/the-nvc-model

If you can go to sleep at 6pm, and then get up 4 hours early and be doing chores before coffee... You're a better woman than I am!!!

Your husband is ONLY getting 7 hours of sleep a night... He's just getting it at a different time of day. Coming home and being awake for 3-4 hous is NORMAL. He's not sleeping in, or sleeping late, or staying up past when he should be sleeping.

Come home, decompress and eat and get a few things done... Go to sleep, sleep 7 hours, get up, take an hour to get ready for work. Same thing you probably do, right?

Asking him to get up with you (for example) is o ly allowing him 2-3 hours of sleep. like asking you to stay up with him would be.

You're NOT going to see each other during the work week. PLAN on that. (similarly that you will both keep your schedules over the weekend... Unless you think you can cope with a 4am bedtime 2 nights a week?) have a sit down and work out a division of labor that takes both your schedules into account, instead of demanding (even silently in your heart) that one of you keep the other persons schedule.

Chore chart might be helpful... But also know that some days will be missed in both your parts. For good reasons. On both sides.

Do you come right in the door and fall into bed so you can get up around 3am or 4 am to spend time with someone or to do chores so someone will be happy with you?

Of course you don't.

A normal person gets off work, comes home, eats some dinner, watches TV or gets on the computer, relaxes and takes time to wind down. Then they go to bed and sleep about 7-8 hours.

He may occasionally get up to do something special and eventually he can move his biorhythm to fit his new schedule but he is doing what every other person around is doing.

If he has chores that are assigned to him then he needs to do them within his time schedule. He does not want to get up in the middle of his sleep/night time to do some dishes or start a load of laundry. It is his middle of the night. He needs to sleep.

You need to let this go. He is working and not being lazy. He is working his regular 8 hour shift and coming home for his down time. He is doing what most people who work that shift do. It's normal.

He can do his assigned chores on his time frame. Whatever he was doing before may not work now. He may need to switch and do something like starting dinner, turning on the crock pot sort of thing. I don't go off with electronic stuff going so that doesn't work for me but lots of people do it.

We worked opposite shifts for quite a bit. It worked well for us.
I guess what you have to do is focus on the common goal at hand (earning, saving, avoiding child care costs, etc.)

When you work the 3-11 shift, it's not just easy to come home and sleep. It feels like it feels when you come home at 6:00. I couldn't just go to sleep then either, right?

Oh--and make him lists!

Are you saying he's sleeping while you're not there until his "start" time?
My husband starts work at 4 or 5 AM most days and he's up until 9:30ish pm.
He runs on about 5-6 hours of sleep.....not 10! What's UP with that? Maybe it's taking him time to adjust to the schedule. But he should be up by about 11-12 and have a few hours to accomplish something--on the list.

ETA: Sooooo....he's getting enough sleep but he's not utilizing the time he has (his "awake" time) which is from 12-3 AM to get anything done. No reason he can't pay bills, online bank, laundry, grocery shop, clean up (maybe not vacuum!), etc. at that time. What's he doing? TV? Gaming? Then there's the time suck as far as getting nothing done!
And--I read your last post about this--you guys have only been doing this for a couple weeks, right? Hang in--takes time to get in the groove.

My husband just spent 6 months working out of town. So we had a skype relationship. We talked every night, and saw each other every 1-2 months. It was hard, but we made it work. I don't know if the money will allow you to get help for the stuff he did before this change, but if you can hire someone to help out - even if it's a neighbor's older kid or whatever, that might take some of the load off re. the house. I don't know if you're close enought to him distance wise where you could visit him sometimes at work during his lunch hour? Maybe stay awake a few times a week to spend time together? If it's temporary, and it's what you need to do, you'll have to tough it out. Maybe brainstorm with him on how you can make things work - not accuse with the "you're not doing...." but more "honey, how can we make this easier on us?"

Good luck!

At least you know what you're getting into. I've been married almost 16 years and my husband STILL doesn't do dishes. Regardless of what his schedule is, he needs to help. Stay at home people work around the clock. I get up in the middle of the night and do dishes laundry or whatever. I'm exhausted. I tell my husband how I feel but it doesn't matter. I had to let my house go because, I just didn't have the energy to take care of two small children around the clock and do the chores. My husband will let the yard go for months. Mind you, he was working part-time because things go really slow for years. He did not help me at all. He was not like this before I married him; he was wonderful.

He recently did the dishes as a present but he hasn't done them since. It's not his thing. If things don't change, I would re evalutate. Also, we have a ride on lawn mower. I'm on my sixth year of breastfeeding. I have two kids. I want my house and situation to be better; I have no family and my friends are all in the same boat; however some of their husbands or boyfriends are better helpers.