Working Parents -- Night Shift and Day Shift

Try it to save money and to know that at least you tried--but have a back up plan for immediate use.

My sister-in-law and husband did this for years. It was absolutely horrible for their children. The husband was so tired that the children had free reign to do whatever they wanted. I don't blame him at all. He is a fantastic man and has all the right ideas, but could not function on such a schedule. He was literally unable to be the father he wanted to be. There has been no discipline whatsoever and they are now paying the price. I seriously recommend against this arrangement and am only sorry I don't have better alternatives for you.

D.:

There are people that do it. The night shift worker sleeps from the time the other parent gets home until it's time for shift...it's tough, won't lie about that.

Check into a nanny.
check to see if you qualify for state aid for child care.
Look for home day care - sometimes their rates are lower.

Did you not look into this before now so that you could have set the money aside already? Sorry - not trying to be mean - but this is something that one would have been working on for a few months now.

Maybe you need to look to find a better paying job - either you or BOTH of you need to find better paying jobs. I realize that it might be tough in this economy - but it's possible. It might be that you need to quit your job to stay home. I don't know.

Find an older neighbor lady, church lady, relative, or retired teacher, etc. who is not trying to make big bucks from babysitting, just needs to feel needed. She can help out for 4 hours a day.

Your body doesn't particularly care when you sleep so long as you sleep. I assume he comes home and sleeps. About three months before the baby is born, maybe less, google it, he needs to start sleeping when you get home from work, then get up and go to his shift. To his body it is no different than when you get up and go to work.

Oh yeah, you are off three months, okay after the baby is born. Just start the new schedule far enough in advance that you know everyone is ready when you go back to work.
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Okay, cause I am wondering if I made sense. Right now he works 10 to 6? So he comes home and goes to bed, sleeps till 3 so 8 hours sleep. You get home from work at 3? So with an afternoon nap he goes to sleep just before you get home, wakes up at 9 still gets his 8. His body does not care whether he gets that 8 right after work or right before work.

sleep deprivation is an issue all new parents need to deal with. his situation is really no different from that of a SAHM with 5 kids. there aren't any good answers, except to trust that you do what you need to do. help each other out as much as you can, and catch up on your sleep at every opportunity.
it'll be okay, mama.
khairete
S.

You don't mention what type of work your husband does - mine watches three (soon to be 4) kiddos after working the night shift as a paramedic. They have sleeping quarters and a bunkhouse and can rest when not on a call. He does these shifts as "pick-up" shifts meaning that they are not regularly scheduled although he generally will attempt to get in a Monday and Tuesday night shift each week.

He is also an RN and would never dream of taking an overnight shift as an RN since it means being on his feet and alert all night.

As for making it work, after a bad night on the rig, I'll try to stay around for an extra hour or two so he can shower and catch a cat nap. We also work together to set up meals on the weekend (i.e. pre-marinated chicken, pork or beef, pre-cooked chicken, lasgna, stuffed peppers and cabbages, etc) so that during the week, he can use the crockpot or quickly grill something up. Also, it will be really important that he sleeps when Baby sleeps - just the same as you would do if you were home.

Take your time and work together to find a routine and rhythm that works for your family. Good luck.
~C.

We had this scenario when our kids were little - sort of. We had to hire a babysitter to come over in the middle of the night so I could go to work - and my husband worked the night shift so he was already at work. I ended up calling the local college, and they had students that they had already checked on their references and everything - that I could hire. There were actually lots of college kids willing to come to my house at 3:30 am. Of course I interviewed them myself and took my own references from them and checked on them also - and in 11 years that I did this - I only had one weirdo. You can do this - you just have to know where to find your help. Good luck to you.

I just wanted to let you know it CAN be done. yes it is hard but we've done it. When I had my first--triplets--we could not afford the amoutn people wanted for childcare. Even having someone come to our home. We also did not have anyone in the family that could help out. My mom worried about it but it was way too hard for her to make her way by us everyday. When I went back to work (I had the insurance) after my leave, he changed his shifts and worked nights. As soon as I got home, he left for work. He would get home at 3 am and catch some sleep before I had to get up. I would take care of them before leaving. Our kids did not have the schedule that everyone talks about--kids are in bed at 7:30 because that is not what worked for us. They would nap about 6 pm and wake around 8 and then we would go to bed around 11 or so. The best way to handle is to be open to changes, open to "yeah the house is a bit messy right now" and open to changing priorities and making thinggs work for your family, not someone elses. We also decided the kids came first. Yes,I might have laundry in the living room, especially during the first 6 months and sorted/folded/put away whenever I was in the room. It does get easier. And you will be tired. But it can work.
I wanted to add that when my 5 yr old was born, my husband work a shift from 4 pm to 2 am, home at 3. We had a sitter come for 2 hours a day. He slept when she did. One thing to add to your list of how do we do this and making sure you discipline the same. At one point, my husband was letting the kids make the decision and they were taking over. he had to get back on track and take charge. it is really easy to get sidelined when you are tired. My kids are now 14, going into high school next year and are not in charge at home--though they do try. And we have the usual get your chores done issues.

I think you need to pay for part time care. maybe 4 hours a day? so the baby can be cared for and hub can get some sleep. maybe have him take the baby to a home day care at noon and then you could pick up baby on your way home. that way he could get at least 3 or 4 hours of sleep without interruptions.

my kids were good nappers.. I could count on a 3 hour nap in the afternoon. but not all babies do that.

I think it's doable as long as you are both on the same page, depending on the timing. The problem will be he will have to rest when the baby naps but get up when the baby wakes. My hubby can do that because he can "cat nap" and feel good. I can not do the cap nap and am better off to just stay up. He can then take another nap once you get home. Now that will mean that neither of you will have time when you are home with each other that both are up for long so you have to work out when/how to get things done. Assuming you each have two days off per week those may be the days you get the bulk of the house work done where as during the work week you do the necessities only (dishes, a load of wash each day, and general pick up/straightening as you go).

Could you afford part time care? Could he take the baby to a provider around/after lunch and go home and sleep (after all, most of us are up for 5 hours or so before we go to bed, he's schedule isn't typical)? You could then pick up when you get off. This would allow him uninterupted sleep and cut the cost of care.

Do you have family or friends that could help?

Can u put baby in home say care and hubby can pick baby up early afternoon, usually about $8/ hr in my area .

A friend of mine found cheap care for her son so daddy could get a few hours of sleep. They did 25 hours total a week, and daddy got enough sleep.

My sister-in-law works all night and takes care of their baby during the day. She naps when the baby naps and then takes a nap once daddy is home. I work overnight also but I would not trust myself to watch a baby on little to no sleep. I average about 3-4 hours of sleep a day and it increases my irritability. I would do a few trial runs before you go back to work to make sure hubby can handle it. You also want to make sure that his lack of sleep does not effect his job performance. You definitely do not want him to lose his job over no sleep.

We did a variation of this when our son was under 1. Yes it's doable. It's a grind, but you can make it work. We did!
(Oh--my husband amazed me with how great he did with our little guy! I think it really gave them a unique bonding opportunity.)

I think you are right to say that this will not work well. What about a combination of looking into childcare assistance and possibly just looking for something part time (if you can find that cheaper). Maybe find something for that you can drop the baby off at. Then he could pick up at lunch time. After that, if the baby gets on a good afternoon nap schedule, they could both take a nap. This depends because some places cost the same anyway. Another option could be just setting up a couple days a week so he is at least getting a few full "nights" of sleep to offset the full days up.
Your probably right about him not intentionally hurting the baby, but accidents are much more likely when people are tired. You will probably learn that in the first few weeks of sleep deprivation coming up soon.
Congrats and you will make it work. My husband and I got pretty creative with our schedules and used about 15 hours a week of day care with both of us working full time for the first year. We didn't see eachother enough but other then that it worked, although it wasn't substainable.

He cannot stay up all day and work all night while caring for that child.

If you are truly unable to afford child care then you seriously need to apply for child care assistance. I had a family where both parents made over $14 per hour each.

They had 4 kids and only paid a small amount each month. They want parents working so child care assistance is pretty easy to get if you qualify at all.

Here are a couple of links that might help you discretely find out if your income is low enough to see if you qualify.

http://www.ehow.com/how_###-###-####_apply-daycare-vouche...

http://www.mdchildcare.org/mdcfc/for_parents/poc.html

My husband and I just went through that. Our son is much older, so it worked out okay for us. I left for work as soon as he got home and worked 6p to 6a. Our son would still be asleep until about 8 or so, so I'd get a good couple of hours before he was up. Being 4, he could communicate his needs to me and I could communicate with him to where he'd understand. It was still really hard, though. At that time, he was still taking a nap during the day, so I'd get a couple more hours of sleep in the middle of the day. I just lived on Red Bull at work. And my job was really super easy and my boss slept most of the night at work, so I'd sneak a nap there, too! LOL
Do you qualify for childcare assistance programs? I sure wish I was closer, I would do it for next to nothing just because I know how hard it is.
Wishing you the best of luck!

My hubby worked 3-11 and was able to care for our daughter until she was about 12 months old. After that, she was too alert/awake during the day for him to feel like he could properly take care of her. He was home by 1130 and I had her on a late schedule where she would go down for the night 10-11am. So they would sleep until 7-8 most mornings.

From 6 months - 1 year, my sister in law would come over 2 hours before he would have to leave so he could catnap before work. Then from 1 year until he moved to the weekend shift, she was in daycare all day.

Hi, D.:

Don't let money stop you from doing the right thing.

Talk with your pastor and see what he/she can come up with.

Good luck.
D.