Working Moms - Potty Training???

A.,
A lot of potty training can be about control and who has the control. One thing I found that works with my extremely strong willed 3 year old daughter was giving her a choice about the potty. "We are going to go in the bathroom now and you can either go potty or 'pretend' to go potty, it is up to you". It's crazy that if you give them the choice, then they feel in control - often she says she is 'pretending' to go potty but really will go and then she feels like she did something against my wishes because she told me she was just going to 'pretend'. They get excited when they do the opposite of what they think you wanted, but the really exciting thing is that they are just using the potty and not having accidents - you just can't let them know that! Good luck.

I ran into a snag with my daughter when I was trying to potty train her. One day, my mom was out at a store talking to someone she knows when another customer came over, apologized for listening in on the conversation, and told my mom what she did. She's the mom of 6 children and potty trained them all the same way. I tried it, and it worked within a week. You have to have the training pants (the ones that have about 3 layers in the center from front to back) so that when they have an accident, they actually feel it (Pull-ups pull the moisture away from their skin, so they don't learn how uncomfortable it is to be soiled). Then, everytime they go to the bathroom on the potty, you give them ONE M&M or other such small candy. I was skeptical. And I didn't want my daughter learning that you reward yourself with food, especially a sweet treat like that. But I tried it. And the reason it works when you use M&Ms, Skittle, Reese Pieces, or other small pieces of candy is because who can stop at just one? Once they learn that they get one piece everytime they go to the bathroom, they'll want to do it more often to get more candy. Once you're in the routine, you just don't give them anymore candy. Oh, and make sure you keep the candy where they can see it, but can't get it. This worked very well for us. She was completely potty-trained within a week, but I kept it up for good measure for about a month or two. Good luck!

Hello....I have advice and hope it works....I bought an 'Elmo' doll who comes with a plastic toilet and a liitle book he holds...once he makes a noise that "he went",he giggles and says,"Elmo just went potty"..it worked...I was told and read places that potty training is so important on children and has a lifelong psychological effect on children so they cannot be rushed into it...when they're ready,they'll go....just giving some info...hope it works...good luck:)...have a great day...R.

When I started to potty train my son at age 3 at the advise of my pediatrian we made it something fun. I went to the store with my son and let him pick out a stool to stand to put in front of the potty. He picked a finding nemo stool. As we were picking one out I explained to him that we were going to learn to be a big boy and go on the big boy potty. We then purchased fruit loops cereal because he knows his colors and fruit loops are all different colors. I explained to him that when he goes potty with mommy there he has to try to hit the green ones, with daddy the red ones, etc.. We then purchased " big boy" soap with scooby doo on it and a Shrek towel that my son picked out so he can wash and dry his hands after he tries to pee. I also let him pick out his own pullups that we call big boy pants and pants that we don't pee in. He is starting to get the idea. I still use pull ups and alot of the times he still pees in his pullups but he knows when he goes and we try to then say lets go potty in the big boy potty. If he tells me he has to go potty prior to actually wetting his pull ups I then reward him by getting him a "big boy" hashbrown at Mcdonalds the next day. My thinking is that all kids are different and he eventually will get the hang of it.
good luck

Hi A., I know that potty training can be a bit frustrating!! I am a child care provider(since 1996). I have potty trained many children of all different ages. If it is an unpleasant experience for him, he will resist. At his age he have learned that if you want him to do this really bad, he can refuse. I feel that the most crucial times for him to potty is during the day when he is at daycare. I had 8 children in my daycare, however, I still made the time to potty train those who needed training. Pull ups are a waist of time(in my opinion). If he could go to the potty every two to three hours, his little body will automatically adjust to eliminating at these times.(I sing a potty song for the children when they are trying to go potty, as well as let them read a book to take their mind off of what they are doing). There are many methods, but each child will need a different method, depending on their personality.

Good Luck

I will help in any way that I can!!

P.-childcare provider since 1996

A., First of all you need to breathe in and out and calm down. It is very hard to deal with this issue with a 3 yr old due to the child being the one in control and not you. You must not under any circumstances go back to diapers. If you do you will be sending mix signals to him. As for this provider, I do see her point because I am a Licensed provider myself and I have had to train boys to. But if that provider is stating she will put your son back in pull ups you must get him out of that situation. She is not a good provider. All that tells me is that she is lazy. You will have many accidents but honestly most of the boys I have trained do not get it until they are almost 3 and a 1/2. For some reason boys have no interest like the girls do. So please stick with it, do not put pull ups on him, have some patience, and under no circumstance keep him with that provider if she is telling you what you said. That is awful. Good Luck!!!C.

Hi A., Boy do I know where your coming from.My oldest is 9 and youngest is 3 about to be 4. Stephen(9) was almost 4 by the time he finally got the whole potty thing.Noah(4 in 15days)has only been potty trained since Feb. With Stephen I was a single mother that worked luckly he went to a day care center that help out a lot I couldn't have done it by myself working during the day. I would suggest talking to your provider and work out something. Noah was differentnow I'm a stay at home mom. I finally had to just sit back and let him do it him.It was a lot easier that way.Less stress.I hope everything works out for you. T.

Drop it and wait a bit longer. I may sound harsh and I apologize but YOU are ready, HE is not. If he is resisting he is not going to do it and you're gonna have a lot of power struggling which is unhealthy and unnecessary. It'll happen when he's ready and I promise you he will not turn 10 in diapers. Good luck in the right time. Hang in there. We all go through this!

I have a 6 year old boy, and can relate to your frustration so well! When my son was 3 years old, I put him in a daycare, hoping it would help him along with potty training as he would be around other children already potty trained. Despite all my efforts, (as the other mothers have written), he potty trained in his own time--which was a whole year later!! (Just a side note--Currently, I have a 2 1/2 year old girl who is already potty trained, and it has been without alot of pressure from me) So you just never know.... Just hang in there and let things happen in their own time.

Hi A.,

Please don't stress about this - I know how you feel too. I was a working mom at the time I was trying to potty train my son & felt the same way. I agree w/ what one of the other mom's said about your provider - do NOT put him back in pullups - it will confuse him & also may make him feel defeated. What I ended up doing was taking my vacation time & potty training while I was home. With both my hubby & me being consistant, he got the hang of it, but I then had to tell my mother-in-law who was watching him during the day to take him potty every 20. min. or so whether he said he had to go or not (normally, they don't ask when they're first learning). He didn't actually tell us when he had to go for about another year - we had to remind him. Listen, he'll get it, don't worry. I know it seems unsurmountable now, but he will get it. Be kind, consistant, patient and reward him often even for trying. We used to buy those matchbox cars for $75c each at Walmart & give him one for potty & 2 for ....well, number 2! Accidents will happen & we were careful not to make a big deal out of it. We just told him we have to keep practicing, etc. We also got him a Sesame Street book about "Earnie Goes Potty" and he LOVED it. It seemed to click w/ him that he had to stop playing & go when he had to go. Also, Elmo has a good book &/or video about this as well.

Good luck & be patient w/ yourself too - everyone learns how to go & soon it will be a distant memory! ;)

You are doing ALL the right things, but sometimes they just aren't ready... and you can't push them. It's a control thing.. when they are ready, they do it. Pull-ups definitely don't work, didn't for either of my two it just sort of confuses them. Work on it with him, have your daycare encourage him to go, and trust me one day he will just do it. And there will be accidents, but it won't be that bad. Boys really are usually 3 or a bit older... it probably won't be very long from now that he's accomplished the whole thing...

Whatever you do, do not go back to diapers!! They will feel like they have won and won't even try!! I have three boys so I know exactly what you are talking about!! My youngest is turning 5 soon so I have made it past diapers!!!:)Yay!! One thing that helped me with my middle one who was extremely stubborn was setting goals. If he makes it 7 days without an accident he gets a reward. If he goes two weeks then the reward gets bigger, etc... You decide what the reward is based on his interests. Mine loves animals so once we were completely trained we earned a picnic at the zoo. My youngest child loves Thomas the tank engine so we earned a trip to the Illinois Train Museum when they had Day Out with Thomas. Each child will be different. Try putting him on the potty right after meals and every 1 to 1 1/2 hours during the day( whenever you can). Talk to your sitter about a similar schedule. Whatever you can agree on will work best because you will remain consistent all week long. Hope this helps and trust me it will happen. Just be patient and don't pressure him since that can backfire. Good Luck!!

Hi A., I'm sorry but I don't have much advice for you, but I wanted you to know I'm in almost exactly the same situation, only my little one's a girl. It's so frustrating to see her backsliding when she is capable of doing so well. And yeah, at the daycare provider's, they just give up (which I understand, because I know they don't have the time to individually "train" kids or help them each time they have to immediately run to the potty) and put her in pullups -- so then of course she is "learning" to just pee whenever! She does great most of the time when we're home together. I just don't know. I have the same problem with school (she is supposed to start preschool in the fall but must be fully trained by then, and I just don't know what to do.) Well, just wanted you to know you have my understanding and support, and let's hope things get better for us.

I was in your shoes exactly when my son was 36 months. I never use pull ups except when we left the house, underwear in the house. My pediatrician told me not to push it, or I would make it worse. He would still resist and then hate going and then if you try later he will still associate it negatively. Then I researched it more and the average boy trains between 3 and 4 years old. So, I figured that I shouldn't push it. So, we tried for a week and if he was still having a lot of accidents, we would stop. So, we stopped and tried again when he was 3.5 years old. That worked like a charm. The first 2 days were non stop accidents, but then I think he realized that I wasn't giving up and on the 3rd day he started going all the time on the potty. I also made him a "potty chart". He got to put a sticker up for each time he went on the potty. Then, once he reached a certain number of stickers, he got a prize. That made him feel like he had some control. Also, every time he went on the potty without an accident I gave him TONS of positive praise (and got to call daddy and grandma to tell them). I also tried to focus a lot on when he did anything good (gave him tons of praise) so he would feel really good about himself. I used pull ups when we left the house for a week, then I dropped those as well.

I used to be one of those moms that believed that you could force a kid to potty train. Now, having been through it, I realize you can't force them to potty train. They need to want to do it themselves. So, you can try to make him go, but it sounds like he isn't ready. Save yourself and your caregiver the stress and went a few more months. He will get it one day, and then you will be glad that you didn't go through a nightmare of a time trying to train him. Let it happen naturally. Good luck!

I don't know if this would work for you, but I figured I would share how my daughter potty trained herself on her 3rd birthday. My daughter wanted desperately to go to preschool. Her 3rd birthday was 2 weeks before school started. She had excellent communication skills, so I told her that they only let kids into preschool who are potty trained (which is true, BTW) and if she wanted to go, she had to be potty trained by her birthday. On her birthday, she took off her pull ups and went into underwear. Even overnight. She never once had any accidents, which led me to believe she had probably been ready for training for a while.

My son fought it a little harder. At nearly 3, he would NOT use the potty for me, no matter what bribes or encouragement I offered. Once he went into full time day care, my provider made a potty out of construction paper (complete with lid!) and every time he went on the potty, he got a sticker for his paper potty. He was completely trained (but not overnight) within 2 weeks, but my provider was incredibly patient with her kids. Getting to pick out his new 'big-boy' underpants was a huge deal for him too.

I hope this helps. Maybe you can tweak them to work for you. Best of luck!

H. Z.

A.,
Take a deep breathe and relax. Kids can tell when you are stressed and seem to be at their worst. I have been doing child care for 17 years and sometimes boys just take a LONG time to get it. You mentioned he is a little behind physically, that can make a difference to. I have had kids that were 4 1/2 years to fully train with no accidents. If he doesn't want to go it is really hard to make him. If your daycare provider is not consistent in taking him it will take longer too. I take all my kids to the potty every hour even when they are trained. I also bribe them with stickers when they are training. I put a chart on the wall and everytime they go potty they get to put a sticker on it. If they don't go and just sit they do not get a sticker. I once had a child that was stubborn we used to make him take a sticker off for every accident and that worked great for him. In real extreme cases I bribed them with fruit snacks.

S.

our daycare started our daughter right at 2 and she did well for well 4-5 months then kind of lost interest, SO i kind of feel your frustration. I just feel like we can only do so much with asking them and putting them on the potty. At least you just went to undies we still use pull-ups! Good luck