Wondering About Others' Experiences with Deciding to Have Another Child

My philosophy is to stop at three. that way, if you take a vacation in Hawaii, you can rent a compact car to get around. And you fit on the five middle seats. Otherwise you have to get a mini-van...just a thought.

4 kids was EASIER than 3 kids. The kids paired off when it was 4 kids and didn't fight nearly as much. They helped each other more. The pregnancy was hard, though--3 kids and no energy.

I agree with Kathy J, pray about it and God will reveal the right choice for you and your famiy. My husband and I have 4 and go back and forth about maybe 5, but we are waiting on God to let us know if we are done or should go ahead. Until then we are taking the neccessary steps not to carelessly conceive, if we do even after taking the neccessary precautions, I guess it was meant to be!

Good luck and God Bless,

M.

My first 5 kids were 19 months apart (except the first 2, which were 15 1/2 months apart). I thought I'd go crazy, plus I babysat 4 kids.
I remarried when my youngest was 12, and four months later got pregnant. My son was born when I was 40. People thought I was crazy, but I felt like you. This little guy was and is a strong spirit, but better because of it. My body protested some, but I wouldn't change things for the world. Jake is 14 now, and a joy. He's also a teenager, but I've been through that 5 times before, and I will survive this one. You know who will give the best answer to your question. Go to Him, and you'll figure this out. Stay strong, T.!

Hi T.,
I have 3 kids- 6, 4 and 1- so we're in a similar situation. We debated this issue for the first 10 months of baby's life, and finally decided to go for it. 4 kids will be our limit. My first 2 are 18 months apart and BEST FRIENDS, and I guess that played a part in deciding to have one more. A playmate for my 3rd. Of course that's not the only reason, but it does help. We love children and every child is a blessing. I feel very similarly to you. You know, things will WORK THEMSELVES OUT if you choose to have one more. And part of our decision to have one more now too is that I'll be 37 next month. Technically in the higher risk category just because of age. It does up your chances of having complications. God bless you and definitely get on the same page with your husband first. :)

I also believe that children are little miracles and wouldn't change my life for anything. In fact, I am the youngest of 8. With that said, however, I am still amazed that in this day and age there are so many people having more than 2 or 3 kids. It might be fantastic to have a big family unit, but from a socially responsible perspective, what kind of environment are we creating for our kids and grandkids? I'm not saying that kids are a bad thing, but at the rate humans are destroying the earth and our immediate surroundings, I am really concerned for the quality of life of future generations if we continue to put more people on earth than we replace (ie, more than 2 kids).

If people are going to take the bible literally, remember that there were millions fewer people walking the earth that long ago. Just my 2 cents.

I hope you won't perceive my advice in the wrong way, but here goes. Because of your age, and the stress your family is already under, I would be wary. Have you considered what it would be like if you had a special needs child? (I have one myself and wouldn't undo it for a moment. However, I only have one other child. I'm not sure how we would manage if we had three others. There just might not be enough time in the day....)

It's so difficult for me to read responses and see how judgemental people are. But I guess if you really want opinions you are up for the good and the bad. Bottom line it is you and your husband's decision. I am 42 and having my last due in October. Every time he kicks I "savor" the feeling because I know he is my last. I am sad every day that I won't feel this ever again. But I am excited for the challenges that having the 3 I am having and the dance recitals and the soccer games and the college graduations and weddings and hopefully grandchildren are going to bring. Good luck and only listen to YOUR heart and make the decision with your husband.

Hi T.

You are right. Children are a BLESSING. They are a gift from God. But again their number doesn’t matter. The prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) says to give your kids the best education (especially girls). He says be it one or two or three girls…if you give her or them the best of your love, time, education, if you do your best for your kids, they (especially girls) will be a protection for you in this life and the hereafter.

Again it is not the number that matters, but the quality of education , the time you spend with your kids, the love you give them , and the love of their dad too.

Being a mom of two little wonderful girls (one is 4 and the other is 10 months) , I believe that children are a gift from God. And as he tells us, whenever God gives us kids, he would give us the needed strength, money and patience to take care of them. But again He only would decide when and how. So it is not a question of being 39 or so.
Sarah, prophet Abraham ‘s wife (peace be upon them) had her first child Isaac when she was an old woman, that’s a miracle of course, but God shows us that things happen whenever He want to, and not when we want to.

So if something happens for you down the road, well that will be good for you, if not that will be good too and good luck :-)

I say wait just one or two years. There are a lot of women nowadays who are having children in their 40s. I think you could have one or two more which is a pretty big family. You'll probably start to feel less stressed in just one more year. It sounds like you still want children and if you're not sure right now, it might just not be the right time. But I don't think there's anything wrong with having children in your 40s. You might need help to get through the pregnancy, but other than that, I think with your positive attitude you can do whatever you want! =)

Dear T.,

I sort of went through the same thing. I think women have a difficult time when it comes to reaching the age of not being able to have any more children. I would say that you are done because of the stress level you mentioned. Enjoy the little ones that you have. Keep praying about this.

My motto is: "Live a life giving love and leave the planning to THE Planner."
I have 8 kids: 17,15,13,11,8,6,4,1. I am 43. I am tired and overwhelmed. My clock is ticking too. I would still like to have more as well - if that is what God has planned for our family.
Sometimes its real hard - but, nothing worthwhile in life is ever easy. Children are blessings - but, that doesn't mean they are supposed to be easy.
So - when you come to that "decision point" just decide to let go and let God!

T.- This is one of those questions that takes a lot of soul searching and prayer. It also takes patience and sincere listening for the answer to that prayer. I too wanted another child desperately. I even had a dream of "her". I was so sure that we were to have four and I think I almost tortured my poor husband with all of my pleeing. (I'd say things like, "How do you think our little one feels looking down on us and hearing you say we don't need her?" Talk about guilt trips). But he was 100% confident that we were and ARE a complete family. At the time I refused to listen to him. I was so sure that I was right. My prayers where more concerned that he would see that there WAS another... and I was so sure of myself that I didn't hear Gods true answer. I realize now that my husband was/is right. My 3 children are all in school now, a kindergartener, a seventh grader and a Junior in High School. So, I have to admit it is hard knowing that "the pitter patter of little feet" is pretty much gone. But I've found that I really enjoy this time in our lives. My kids are great and they are all so much fun! And I truly don't feel as though we are missing a little some one. My life is full with 3 amazing individuals and I completely respect my husband for his wisdom (and patience with me). Good luck with your decision... you'll be in my thoughts and prayers. -S.

I believe like you do that children are marvelous. If I could afford to hire someone to clean my house, and afford sitters more often so I could get away, I would probably have more than I will. Did that make sense? Because what's more important, dishes, toilets, vacuuming, or nurturing another child?
I think you still have some time. If you waited just a little longer, until your 4 year old goes to school, then you'd only have two at home. You would have to figure out how much longer that would be, but if he/she goes next year, just waiting a little longer, like January or February to get pregnant would mean that he/she is at school during the day when the baby is born. And it would mean your last two would be 2 years apart. That's not too crazy (at least according to my own experience).
I'm not to the point where I have to decide whether I should stop, because I definitely know I want another. But after that, I'll pretty much just make it a matter of prayer. If it's in the master plan for me to have four, I know that God will help me manage four children somehow. If the number is three, then I'll have to be okay with that, too. I suggest you maybe look at it that way and pray about it.

I was told by some women in my church that you just know when you see your last baby that you are done. I have 6 right now and I still don't know if I am done yet. I have some time still as I am only 32, but it has to be a joint decision. You and your spouse need to be on the same page for this one. For us some of the children came as more of an "accident" or surprise and after they were here we realized that yes we wanted more children. Sometimes God has another plan for us that we don't know about and will help His cause along.
As another post said, as they get older some of the stresses leave, but yes they are a joy to have around. Even with a large family right now we are considering making it bigger. (My DH wants another boy as we only have 2 with the rest being girls.) Good luck with your search.

this is truly an amazing time. men don't seem to understand the same as women and if we don't feel that we are done then we will have regrets. i believe that if you are meant to have another you will. but if it's not meant to be it wont happen. i believe we learn something through each expierence and deciding if you can handle the stress of another child and hiring help is a learning process. right now you can save the baby gear for the next (pro-- no added expense) i am a mom of 4 kiddos 14 g 10 g
7 b 3 b, and even thought they are spaced out it has been easy . stress is no different then with two or four. and they will each have a buddy no one will be the 3rd wheel. i am a 3rd wheel and it felt terrible. a lot of emotional issues. your husband will adjust. men think of it in $$ signs . once i had my 4 th i felt complete. so if you don't have that feeling then you might be ready for trying. what exactly do you need to hire someone for? please feel freee to contact me directly if you would like to talk further. ____@____.com good luck and god bless

I think your own words say it all... if you are stressed most of the time WHY in the world would you have another baby!?
You are denying your 3 children NOW of a mother who is happy and totally present with them.
Your husband is right!!! Why have another child if the only way to handle it is to bring on help.
Why not enjoy the 3 beautiful children God gave you and give them your all!
Raising them in a happy home is more important that adding to your numbers.
And believe me as they get older the stress will just change into new challenges, but it won't go away.

I have two, but have been considering a third. Someone told me, "You never regret the kids you do have, but you may regret the ones you didn't have." I think if you are thinking about it this strongly, you aren't done having kids. Yes, it may be stressful now, but all too soon, they will be grown and out of the house. Good luck with your decision.

my husband and i prayed about the timing of our next child, and feel it's ok to have one before our first is a year old. I say pray about it. I believe very strongly that you need to be on the same page as your husband. if you both go to the Lord and accept His will, you should both come to be on the same page. Heavenly Father not only considers our duty to be mothers, but also our health and what He wants us to experience. There's also adoption if you decide you want more kids but not naturally. There are so many children who need good homes. I hope that helps. :)

I guess with mine being four and seven now I can relate to how you are feeling. I am almost 44, realizing I will not have anymore children can be sad.
That said, you have three young kids. They need YOU, with another baby in the mix, you could be cheating them of you just enjoying the three you have while they are young.
Big families aren't so much the norm now, for a number of reasons.
You are just feeling angst because of your age it sounds, not because you had a family plan to have more kids.
It is about what is best for everyone.
If you have to hire help if you had another, then I would say that may be your answer.

Enjoy your kids when they are the ages they are right now.
In 10 years they will be a lot more self sufficient and you don't want to miss a second of it!!!!!
I believe God allows us each child as a blessing. But there is such a thing as free will too and sometimes those choices aren't the right ones. I mean you can have sex and get pregnant but it is really about overall what is the best thing for your kids? What is going to be best for you?

Having a 1 year old ready to hit all the great milestones in the next few years is so exciting, the potty training and all, are you really going to be able to juggle and enjoy that stuff with a newborn?

I say if you had a plan, all of you to have a big family, that is your God given right. Go for it then!! :) Just don't let age panic you into making some decision that may not have otherwise been made.

I see my kids growing up and I truly do miss the baby stage, feeling sad they grew up so fast, however reality tells me that I was so blessed and am to be here for them daily, to watch them grow into independent, smart little people. With another baby in the mix my life would be chaos and even more stress.
I am with the theory you can have another baby, but that doesn't mean you should unless all the factors are in place.
Hormones and age do goofy things to women sometimes and put us in panic mode. I would give it a year or two and see how you feel. I had my son at almost 40, it isn't abnormal now and if you are healthy there is no rush.....

As far as kids having strong wills this generation my personal opinions is it attributes to it being a overly greedy, overly "materialistic" society nowdays that indulges children instead of holding them accountable. I don't think the taboos of today are any more serious then 10 years ago. I just think kids are allowed to get away with a lot more due to new age parenting and parents just not having the time to be there for their children more. I think children today have it easier then any other generation and are allowed to be defiant in the name of "being high sprited" and not held to having to respect those around them. That is my two cents on that one.

I had my 1st at 20, she was 9 wks premature, I was terrified going into delivery.
My 2nd was at 26, I worried during the whole pregnancy.
I had my 3rd at 38, it was my longest labor & delivery.
I had my 4th at 42, I enjoyed the pregnancy the most and the birth was the easiest.

Hmmmmm.....I feel that children are a wonderful blessing but command alot of time and effort, so having said that I would be leery of bringing another child into your mix if you feel you need "help" to raise them. The reason I say that is because what should happen if at some point your family is not able to support the "help", then what? I am well versed in this children business as I have 6 children that range from 15 years to 2 years ( YES, their father and I are the biological parents of them all, been married 17+ years ) and have experienced many of the joys and blessing of a large family but also the struggles that come along with it too. You are correct though, God blesses us with babies and as Psalms 127 and 128 say, children are a blessing!!! Let us know what you decide!

Hi T.!

If you can afford help, I say do it! Get a maid and enjoy your kids. I moved overseas when my kids were 6 (just ... we flew out the day after her 6th birthday), 3 and 1. We were there 2 1/2 years and I didn't want to have a baby while we were away. I was nervous about socialized health care, immunizations, etc. My husband worked incredibly long hours as well. When we moved stateside, he had a new position which also meant long hours. I needed to get the household set up. By that time I was 40 and my youngest was nearing 4. We decided we'd stop at three. I still need baby "fixes" at almost 48. We have two dogs as a result. When I tried for the 3rd dog, my husband said no. I love kids! I'm not "emotionally scarred" and do not live in regret, but sometimes I wonder about number 4. I loved having my kids close together! They are a blessing from the Lord. If you can afford it and your husband supports you, go for it!

God Bless,
L.

I am a mother of four who understands the busyness of the younger years. My oldest was a month shy of 3 and a half when our baby was born. I have loved almost every minute of the process and have the advantage of seeing that time, in deed, does move on quickly.

Having grown up as one of four I knew that I too would have at least four children. Crazy as it sounds to me now, I was afraid of missing out on opportunity so we had them close very much by choice.

I remember bringing home our last baby from the hospital and a neighbor with three chidren ranging from ages 3-7 said to me, "Enjoy this time of being able to stay home and to rest and be with your kids. I really miss how easy our schedule used to be." I was exhausted and offended. But now I too miss the ease of those days.

We really try to control our schedule. I always tell my kids that part of their job is to play and learn to entertain themselves. Our involvement in sports is limited to YMCA for the most part, which has the most managable time commitment for us. We are involved in our church which is close by. All of this to say that I still cannot believe the amount of activity that has infiltrated our lives and how much activity fills our house. Last night I counted nine extra kids in our backyard, and of course they usually need a drink or to use the bathroom. :)

My husband is amazing at spending time with all of them individually and as a whole, but at the end of the day I am still amazed at how we seem to run out of time for all that I wish we could do. Homework, confrences, tending to their special interest, parties, friendships, and even talking before bed are all time things that I never even imagine...as last night I was talking to my twelve year old, past ten, to discuss something that was important to him.

I guess all of this to say is that money is important, but as they have grown older (and more expensive) the time and energy to nurture them into the bigger people that God has called them to be is far more of a consideration.

I am of the opinion that you will never regret having another, but it is also important to be the best that you can be for the children you already have. Little side note..I really wanted a fifth and my husband said no. That was hard. Now I praise him all of the time for his infinite wisdom. We sometimes think that by not having that fifth, that I wanted so much, has allowed us to welcome our children's friends in more readily, or to have that spare child come a long with us to certain activities. I happily dub that extra child my fifth.

As the mother of 7..SEVEN you may not want to read this. Ours are 15,14,11,9,5,2 and a newborn. My husband is finished....and was after #6...oops...whom he adores now. I am not finished. I look at my newborn and cry occasionally knowing that he is it. If you aren't sure wait another 8 months. Once your oldest is in K things really change. Maybe your 1 year old would benefit from a playmate in the later years. I am not referring to a puppy, either. If you want more and stress is the issue get rid of the stress. Make meals more simple, make time for you and hubby, don't stress about the dirt on the kitchen floor (it WILL be there tomorrow) and focus on enjoying what you have. It will make planning the next a more enjoyable experience. I have really done that this time! Good luck!!!!

My sisters say that once you have three, adding a fourth does not add that much more stress. (Besides the newborn part). And they are very happy that they did! When you have three, you are already in the mode. Do whatever you feel is right.

I would think about how much personal *parental* attention you can give to each child. They will remember that always. If you feel like you cannot give each child the amount of attention they deserve, stop having kids. Sure, newborns are cute and cuddly and all that, but there is a reality that comes along with that as you know!

The Lord gave you the smarts to make your own decisions. Sure, being prayerful is helpful, but I think you know what the right answer is for you already.

T.,
Just wanted to say "God Bless You!" for still being open to having another child even though you are already stressed now. It will get easier as they get older especially if you have the option of getting some help now. Another soul to praise God is a good thing! :-) I have 7 children and all of them wished I would have more! I admire your spirit! Good luck and God Bless!
Chris

T.,

You have a lot of thoughts here. Unfortunately, some of them are pretty judgmental, but there is a lot of judgment of bigger families nowadays. There are some ideas that I'm seeing about motherhood and children that I find really disturbing, and I would like to address them. I'm sorry that this is a bit of a long post, but it's an important issue.

1. The picture of a "good" mother that is being presented is someone who has it together and isn't stressed. Yes, there is an unhealthy, even a dangerous level of stress we can reach. However, I don't know any moms who aren't stressed out, and it seems to have NOTHING to do with the number of children they have. When I had one child, I was stressed. I didn't know how I could juggle everything, and sometimes I yelled at her and sometimes I cried. Oh yeah, and I loved her to distraction and laughed and played with her, too. When my second was born, I didn't know how I would handle it. I am still stressed out and my bathroom is dirty and sometimes I yell at my kids. Oh yeah, and I love them both to distraction and we laugh and play, and they giggle and play together, too. Now we are planning our third, and I have no idea how I will handle being pregnant (I get very sick) and having a toddler and a preschooler at home. I do know we aren't done yet, so I'll take it a day at a time. My friend who has eight children is stressed, and her bathroom is dirty, and sometimes her kids eat takeout, but she loves them all and doesn't regret one single child (including her first, who has many immune disorders). Don't buy into the image of a mom that has it all together, and if you don't have it together than you need to stop having children, because obviously that's the problem. Life is stressful. Children are incredible, but they are also hard to raise. Every mother I know is busy. They all get stressed out. They are all tired.

2. Who says children need or deserve to have all their parent's attention? We raise up our children to be the center of the universe at home, then we wonder why they grow up to be self-centered adults. Your children are a PART of your family. Yes, each child deserves to feel loved. Each child deserves to feel that he is valued for his/her individuality. However, in my experience, I can never give my children enough attention. They always want to play more, read another book, or get pushed a little longer on the swings. It's just human nature. In a big family, children have other people to turn to instead of just mom and dad. They learn that the universe does not revolve around them, and they have to make compromises. That's life, and I think parents would do well to teach their children that before the outside world hits them over the head with it.

3. The population argument is ridiculous. In 2005, the birth rate was 2.1 children per couple. To "replace" parents, each couple must produce two children, one of whom is a daughter who survives to reproduce her own children. As birth rates for boys are slightly higher than girls, and as not all women survive to childbearing age, the accepted replacement birth rate in the US is 2.06 children per couple. Additionally, the birth rate actually has to be slightly higher than two per couple, because you also have to account for people who die without having children. (http://tinyurl.com/5gexsf) The much bigger argument for environmental responsibility is that the US has only 5% of the world's population, but consumes 24% of the world's energy. (http://tinyurl.com/6dthjq) The solution is not to stop having children, it is to teach them to consume less and be responsible stewards of our world.

4. Hiring a maid does not mean you cannot handle your children. No, you don't want to hire someone to take over your job as mother, but if housekeeping help gives you more time to spend with your kids, by yourself, or with your husband, then I say go for it. The idea that you would be unable to handle your children on your own seems a little silly to me. If you reached a financial point where you couldn't afford it, then you would figure out how to swing it yourself. We handle what's on our plates.

5. Finally, it doesn't matter what we think. None of us are in your situation. We are responding to your one paragraph explanation. You and your husband are the only ones who can figure out what works for your family. If your husband is concerned about your stress level, what can you guys do to lower it? Are there places that you can streamline your time to get things done better? www.flylady.com has some great ideas for getting on a housecleaning schedule and getting more accomplished in less time. Can you get your kids on a consistent schedule to reduce everyone’s stress load? Are you taking time for you and your husband to be together? No matter how many kids you have, they will all eventually leave the nest, and it will be you and your husband left. The time to build a strong marriage is now. Are you taking time for you? So much mother depression seems to be built on the fact that we don't have any idea who we are outside of being so and so's mommy. Take time to figure out what you like. Know what gets you excited, and take some time to do it.

All in all, if you aren’t sure, then wait a little bit. Pray, and LISTEN for the answer. Talk about it with your husband. Think about the pro’s and con’s to having another baby. Think about the pro’s and con’s to stopping where you are. Try living with the idea that you are finished, and see how you feel about it. Try living with the idea that you are going to have more children, and see how you feel about that. The answer will come to you. You aren't in a race. If you can't get pregnant, then I think that is an answer.

Best of luck,
S.

T.,

I have a neighbor who is 85. She had five children (one has passed away) and she always tells me she wished she had had more. Her children are her life. I am 35 and have a 5, 3, ancd 1 year old and am expecting our fourth in six months. My pregnancies are very hard and we had trouble conceiving for years. In fact I was told at one point I would never be able to conceive more children. From this perspective, my kids mean everything to me. I would not trade this pregnancy for all the money in the world. Children really are our greatest joy. Yes, life is crazy. I have a great amount of stress sometimes, but I would never change it. As the advice goes "your hands are full now, but your heart will be full later." I would say absolutely have another child. Absolutely! It will be hard for a while, but oh the rewads are worth it!

Its such a personal decision - but if you are already stressed, just keep in mind: will you be taking away from your existing children by having another? I don't necesssarily mean in terms of resources, and I don't want to imply that you would love them any less! Its just that will your stress level be so high, that the quality of their lives will be compromised? Just another confusing thought to add, I know!

T.,
I have made the decision to only have 1 child. My husband had a vasectomy the last 2 weeks of my pregnancy, so we knew right from the beginning of starting our family we only wanted 1 child. I have to wonder why if you have 3 children and a the stress that accompanies not one but 3 why would you want to add to that stress. I was a nanny for 5 years of a family 5 children and the mom kept wanting to have more...i ultimately had to quit becuase she was using me more as a "fill-in" mom for the children she couldn't give her time and attention to. i was there to help ease the strain of stress and allow her the opportunity to relax, shop, and even take a shower without being interrupted!
I really feel that if your husband is happy with the family you have, and you are too..why mess with the mix? sure bringing a child into this world is the most amazing experience, but try to think of your families long term happiness. how will one more child affect you finacially...and hiring help will certainly add to the financails, what about college for your children, tuition prices will only go up as the reach college age. and never forget how the children you have will feel if you add one more to the mix, their whole lives will change and the attention they are getting now, will lessen. i can honestly say, i have never wanted or needed another child than the one i have been blessed with. i couldn't imagine having to split my attention and love for her with more children (i have 2 dogs, so it's hard enough with them!)
besides, think of your own health, not to say that 39 years olds can't have healthy pregnancies and babies, but why risk it? the last thing you would want is complications with your health impeeding your ability to be a mom :-)good luck :-)
C.

Hi,
I always wanted to have 4 children, at least that is what I thought. I have 3 and am done. It took a lot of soul searching and prayer to decide whether I was really okay with 3 children. I held a lot of newborn babies and was really okay with letting them go back to their mommies and not wanting to have one of my own. That's when I knew that 3 was enough. I am so glad for the stages my children are in right now. Thankful that they can walk, eat, and almost potty on their own. :) I am ready for the next stage in life, the fun stage where we can take our children and do things as a family like going camping, going to the park and playing, taking the kids on an adventure and them being able to remember the fun and learning experiences. Take some time in prayer and hold lots of newborns, and if you are still longing to have another baby make sure your husband is also on the same page as you. Mine wanted to have more children, and we talked and prayed about it together and he realized that he was done too. Good luck and my prayers are with you.

I to had this same feeling about a year ago. I am 35 years old with three children 12, 10, 6 going on 7 soon. I work full time and always have. My husband went to school, is a Day Trader with the stocks and was home almost all the time and raised them. I knew that I wanted some what of a large family and 4 was calling my name. We have always had our ups and downs and that is not to prevent you from having children. I did realize that it wouldn't be fair to the kids if we did. My daughter would end up doing more work then she should. I wouldn't provide as much time individually to each one as I am now. I felt spiritually and strongely that there is one more. I realized that your growth of your family isn't always from your own but from what they will have. I was told that I would have son's and daughters and I only had one daughter. Sometimes we think the answers are plan in our face when they are future situations that will happen and not now at the momment. The kids are so indipendent and older then yours but if you feel overwelmed don't stress yourself out more or finacelly except someone to help you out. Take what you have a charish the momments. I love each day with them more and more. I don't regret it but yes, if I could of done things sooner I might of had one more. Good luck to you and your hand fulls.

OK, first off, don't let Holy Scripture or anyone dictate to you have many kids to have. Secondly, your clock is not ticking. You can kids until you're probably into your late 40's early 50's. Spacing a good idea. Our good Lord didn't say have ten or more kids. He said they are good to have. I have 3 of my own. Although grown, I spaced mine 3-4 year out. It was nice one was tying the shoes and the brother was coming. I personally feel 3 is a good number for any parent. But it is your family.

peace

C.

T. I know how you feel. I have 4 kids 18, 15, 13 and 11. I always felt like a wanted atleast one more, but was very overwhelmed with the 4 I had. My oldest has ADHD and my 2nd has a hard time in school. He is smart but just had a hard time with reading which affected many of the other subjects in school. I felt like if I had another child someone would get neglected, either the baby or the other 2 that required extra help. That feeling of wanting another child has never gone away. I am 43 now and past the time I think would be good to still have kids. So I guess my advise is... if you feel like you are supposed to have another one and you have the means than do it as long as you can give your family the motherly attention they need. I see too many kids and teenagers in my neighborhood who long for one on one attention from their all too busy parents. Not sure if that helped or made it worse.
Busy mother of 4(who loves being a mom)

My oldest is also headed to Kindergarten! Yes it's stressful. I do have 4 right now. Ages 5,3,2, 10 months and WOW it's crazy!

I know the feeling wanting and feeling there is another one on the way but if you can't raise them properly then it won't be worth it. Sorry for the babble. That would be the ten month old that was pounding on the keyboard when I wasn't there.

Wait, pray and you two decide what is best for your family. Will adding one more increase the chaos and make your home not a place you want to be? Hard questions that I too must ask. I know there is one more waiting to come but I know that I have to be in a better place in my emotions, spiritually, and handle what I have now to bring another life into our home. My husband says he is done so for now, we have 4. I hope soon as I am 31 I would like to have that other little one.

I hope you can decide what to do and what is best for your family :).

I have 7, my older 4 (2 are not bio) and three small ones, with the older ones I always new I wasn't done and my husband was a little leary, but he understood that although we had 4 I still wanted another baby. One day we just decided to do it, and then 2 more followed. We never really thought it through, I mean on some level we did, but we never had long conversations about it. He would have more if I would let him, and had my last three pregnancies not been so horrible I might of had more, but I can't handle being ill for 9 months, it starts from conception and only ends when I give birth.

I completely agree with the poster who said "you never regret having them only not having more" number 7 was a surprise, and I was so angry with my husband ( I forgot to tell myself that I was there when it happened!) for getting me pregnant, and it took months for me to no longer be angry. But I look at him know and couldn't imagine my life with out him, he is such a joy, and I got real blessed cause he was an easy going baby!

If you do it know you will still be in baby mode, but spacing is good also. There is 8 years between my older 4 and the littler three, talk about transition!

Good luck, whatever you decision!