Husband and I Trying to Decide Whether to Have a 3Rd Baby..................

I have an almost 3yr old son and 2 month old twin daughters, & I want at leadt 1-2 more.

The only advice I can give is this...

I don't know any mother who has regreted having more kids, only mothers who have regreted not having more.

As far as the $$ is conserned, all that will work it's self out, it always does somehow.

GL! Let us know what you decide!

J.

My husband and I had also been debating for quite awhile. Someone else posted this question, oh back in July maybe, and one person made what I consider to be the best point I have ever heard regarding having another child.

You will never regret having another child, but you may regret never having another one.

Ultimately, we decided not to have another one, but that was my decision based on how my husband is with me (I cease to exist when kids are around) and how much I hated being pregnant; but that one statement had actually persuaded me to have another as I think it really is true.

i have 2 kids.. 18 months apart.. a boy 1 and a girl almost 3..

we are stopping at 2 - 2 is a good number.

I want the kids to take piano lessons, and sign up for soccer and all of the other things they want to do.

Everything costs money and kid lessons and activities are expensive.

I strugggle to find one on one time with my two. I get maybe 30 minutes one on one with my younger child (rocking him to sleep) but I barely get any one on one time with my older child.

If I could have another child in 3-5 years - that might be a possibility. But in 3-5 years Iwill be back to work. I am a stay home mom --but that is just temporary.

Dont worry about your age.... I had my kids at 39 and 41...

Ho

Worldwide, our nation is gobbling up natural resources at a rate that makes heads spin, and it is due to our ever-increasing population. If you can do your part in saving our planet by stopping at 2 children, your sense of regret should be appeased! It sounds like you have answered your own question, anyway, and it is only a matter of which of you has the conviction (or guts) to come out and say "You know what? I think we 'll concentrate on doing a good job with the 2 we've got and call it quits."

If you think children are expensive now, just wait! It only gets worse as they get older. They know they need a college education, but the way even state colleges are increasing fees, it's going to take a lot to get them through! Then, the jobs are'nt there for them when they get out so paying back loans may fall back to you. Then they'll fall in love and want to buy a house...yep, back to you! There's no end to it, unless you put an end to it now.

Like you said in your request, it is ultimately up to you and your husband. However, my husband and I have 2 kids, and although we would love more, we are done. For us, it was mainly a financial issue, and a space issue. We have a girl who is almost 4 and our little boy is 5 mos. Living in a 3 bedroom house and the economy the way it is, I don't think there is a financial chance that we could handle another one diapers with my husband and I working, and we do have lots of help from grandparents so that I am able to return to work.
I know that it is up to you, and I hope my little blurb of a situation helped. Good luck to you both!

We have a boy and girl and are done. I sometimes think I would like a third...but think that I would maybe want one more no matter how many I had. I do think that material items are what is really important in a family, however, I do want my family and kids to have a certain lifestyle. It is important to me to be able to pay for college for my children and to travel with them and allow them to experience the country and beyond. We would not be able to do this with a third child. As it is, I pay $1800 a month for daycare for two.

Good luck making your decision.

I stopped at 2 however I did think about having a 3rd. I thought I could provide my children much more in the long run. I also wanted to travel when they get older. If we had a family of 5 I would have to get a bigger car, that is 1 extra plane ticket, a bigger hotel room becuase 4 is usually the limited when we do travel. Plus if you enroll the kids in activities like dance or baseball. I think you could do so much more with 2 than 3. This is one of my reason we only had 2. Ultimatly it is up to you and your husband but what would you like to do in the future with your family.

my father in law's family had 4 boys and adopted a girl. It was hard for them to make ends meet and often he got the short end of the deal as he's more reserved and the middle child. He and my mother in law decided to stop at 2 because he didn't want his children to do without as much as he did, and carry that resentment.

I'd say financially you either need to stop at 2, or decided to scale down your lifestyle (if that's possible) so that you are not stressed to return to work. Its always hard to require both parents to work to make ends meet. It doesn't leave room for something happening to one of the people in the relationship and them not being able to work anymore. Most Americans live way over their means and feel they "need" lots more then they really do. It sounds like you're living frugally already, so scaling back might be hard, especially if housing is expensive and its hard to sell these days (and even buy sometimes). Also if you have 3 kids in car seats it requires a larger vehicle as most cars can't accommodate 3 children's seats in a row. These larger vehicles use more gas and are more expensive to buy in the first place. These are the reasons we decided not to have more then 2 (we originally wanted 3, and we only have 1 so far). We purchased the crossover vehicle after my 1st was born so we could "plan ahead" but with the rise in gas prices we had to abandon it and get a wagon instead.

Here's the thing. Our society today expects us to provide tons more for our children then our parents and grandparents societies did. Now days if you are rich you can have many children and afford them, or if you're poor and the state pays for stuff you can do it. But for most of us stuck in middle class...we just can't afford to have more then 1 or 2. BUT maybe we've gotten tricked into thinking we need a lot of extra stuff that is really not a necessity. Maybe we're fooled into overextending ourselves financially in ways that we don't need to. Maybe we need a simpler life, growing more of our own foods and spending more family time instead of entertainment... Just some thoughts that have rolled around in my head as we've pondered this stuff too.

Having another child is a great blessing and you can't "buy" that. Keep the focus on more important things and figure out how to spend your money "wiser" perhaps! ;) Best wishes and God bless!

Hi J.,
Of course this is a very personal decision. I applaud you on giving up a career and making the sacrifices necessary to stay at home with your children- this is the most important job of all. You sound like wonderful parents. If you are happy with the 2 children that you have and your finances are so tight, maybe you shouldn't have a 3rd. Will you be able to do a little traveling with your children and give them music or sports or dance lessons if they so desire? I guess that I believe in quality not quantity. My daughter just had her 4th child and I see how hard it is sometimes. I love my grandchildren more than anything in the world, but I really hope that they don't have any more children, as it is so hard to give each child the attention and nurturing that they deserve.
You sound like great people, so no matter what you decide, your children are fortunate to have such caring, responsible parents.
Best Wishes,
M.

if you can afford the three kids do it, but your 1 year old is still a baby enjoy that more right now! personally two kids is enough for me and my husband, financially we are struggling so a third is not an option. this is not the best economy to be bringing a baby into anymore think about that too.

Of course you know that only you and hubby can make this decision. We have 3 kids...one is mine from another relationship (hubby adopted him) and then we had two together closer in age. It was hard to decide to have our third. What made up our minds was that we didn't want our second to grow up without a sibling, as the first one did for the first 13 years. People will tell you that adding another doesn't add *that* much to the finances...but we have found that to be untrue. I work part time and daycare alone (even though she is family) is $52/day...and that's with a discount!

We might have decided to have more, but we like to be able to provide well for our children. No, we don't want them to be materialistic, but we want them to have what they need, and some of what they want. We like to take mini-vacations for the two of us and we enjoy things like going out to eat or going to the movies....all of which get harder with more children. Finances alone are a perfectly valid reason to keep your family smaller. Im not saying that you should/shouldn't have more children...but don't feel bad for making it a factor. You'll find stories of huge families and the sacrifices they have made for each other, and I don't mean to discount any of that...it's just not what we chose for our family.

I don't think anybody ever REGRETTED having more children...but if you do have more and had a more difficult time...it could take a heavy toll on your marriage and the rest of your family.

Good luck in your decision-making!

~L.

Our third chld - unplanned - is a dream, but I really think your kids are too small to rush into another one. You are only 35 and your husband is even younger. Three kids under 4 or 5 seems to make for a very stressful household - enjoy the wonderful kids you have at the moment without rushing on to the next one. Good luck - Alison

As you read these responses, is your INITIAL reaction relief or anger when people tell you to stop at 2?

This is your gutt speaking... follow it. You won't regret it ever.

J.,
No one can make the decision for you, but you and your husband. I came from a family with 6 kids. I always thought I'd have a large one. My husband and I have 2 kids-- a girl and a boy. We decided that although we love kids and I had fabulous pregnancies that 2 was a fine number. As you stated, finances are a huge part of raising a family. You could always adopt later on if you decided you want more children.....just another avenue to consider.

I conceived a few months after my 35th birthday -- TWINS. ;)

We have no family for many miles (a whole day's drive). My in-laws have passed away. My mom is taking care of my disabled dad. No help here.

How's your support system? Your church family? If you have another (or twins or triplets...) do you have a strong support system?

Our struggles have been more about the lack of a support system as we'd just moved here when we started having children, and didn't expect twins on the second time.

Hi J.,
I remember laboring over this decision too. Our two daughters were 18 mos apart which kept us busy for some time; finances were tight for us too as we decided that I would have the privilege of being a stay at home mom which caused us to make many great trade offs for quite a few years (only recently purchasing our first home after 30 years of marriage). We decided to wait a bit for our third to give us some breathing room. Our third, a son, came when our second was 3.5 years old, and two days before his 5 year old sister was to start kindergarten. I must tell you that our third was the "icing on the cake" - our two daughters were wonderful and we loved learning to parent with them; by the time number three came, we had alot of things figured out and also were more solid in our parenting foundation - ie: we knew what worked and what didn't for our family; comments people would offer about me nursing an older baby no longer affected me because I had seen the positive effects of this decision; having a family bed just made sense and who cares!! It was a time of confidence. Because of finances and the intensity of our involved parenting style, and after much prayer we decided that three was what worked for us. One day I was lamenting to a friend about having a fourth (or not) because our two daughters had each other, she reminded me that our son would have his dad! Which turned out to be true. His sisters also included him in play all the time - and as they grew into school age, every Friday night was "sleep in the girls room" and he would drag his pillow and blanket in their room to share in the festivities of all the chatter that occurred when it was bed time and supposedly time to go to sleep - this lasted for many years!!
I am glad that we did not let finances make our decision, question being, is there ever "enough" money? I don't know that raising one more child adds a whole lot to the family bottom line. I encourage you to not "rush" this decision - you are not "too old". Right now it is not clear, which way you should go, but it will be.
I wouldn't trade our decision for one minute. Now they are 28, 26 and 23 years old - the first two have long left the nest and the third is on his way to flying independently. Wouldn't change one thing. God bless.

Good luck. I had my first child when I was 22 with my first husband. I got remarried when I was 27 and we started trying to have a child when I was 30. It took us over 2 yrs to get pregnant with the help of a fertitily specialist. I was blessed with triplets. We were hoping for 1, possibly 2 more children. Don't get me wrong. I would prefer to have 3 over 0 any day, but money is past being tight. I had to stop working when I was 20 weeks pregnant and could not go to work after they were born because daycare for the triplets and my daughter who was 10 at the time would have been $380 a week which was $80 more than I brought home a week with OT. My triplets are now 6 yrs old and in school full time. I am now able to work PT and let me tell you, the jobs are few and far between. I am working for minimum wage 2 hours a day as a lunch aide. I still would not trade them for the world but barely and sometimes not making your bills is very stressful. I would definately talk to your dr. The older you are, the more likely you are to have a multiple birth, especially if you are needing fertility treatments. Good luck and I wish you all the happiness in the world.

Go with your gut - if you are entertaining the possibility at this point, its very possible that you will regret your decision if you don't have another. Our third was God's surprise to us. Just last night as we were putting him to bed I got teary eyed thinking that if God hadn't intervened we wouldn't have him. Three years later I'm still mushy over this. I work full-time so the expense of daycare just about threw us over the edge, but now the older he gets the cheaper the childcare is and we just keep telling ourselves that these expenses are only temporary. Yes, there's the expense of diapers...but again, only temporary. We are so blessed with our three and I wouldn't change it for the world. I do know, however, that now we are done! The chaos in the house is crazy! Good luck with your decision.

Hello, J.! I have 2 kids (12 & 8)..I'm 40 (guess that's why we don't have a 3rd!). However, I can relate to finances. I'm a stay at home mom (lack of jobs here) so we watch every penny and have taught our kids the same. If I were to get pregnant, I would be a little anxious, however, I know God will take care of us (He has so far!). I don't think there's any greater gift than children..I wish we were younger, we would have another. Personally, you are young yet..take advantage of it! You won't regret it later. As far as going back to work..have you thought of a home based business? This is what I'm starting, and after lots of looking around, I have found a wonderful company! Have you heard of Mia Bella/Scent-Sations Inc? All natural vegetable/plant wax candles w/no carcinogens or petroleum..no deadly black soot, no soy. Great for astham and alllergy sufferers. If you want more info, see my website at www.lorriedomack.scent-team.com or call me at ###-###-####. In the meantime, I will pray for you! L.-Michigan

Hi J.,

I have three children ages 14,11 and 7. My husband and I could not make up our minds on the third one either. Someone higher than all of us made up our minds for us. We went back and fourth for a long time about should we stop at two. I could not imagine my life without my youngest daughter. Three is a lot of work. It about put me over the edge. But looking back I wish I would've taken it slow and enjoyed things more than I did. If you are having that much doubt; later on in life if you decide now not to have a third I think you both would regret it. I was always told there are a lot of people that regret not having more children. But rarely do you hear of people regreting having more. I am so glad I have 3, honestly I would give anything to have just one more. Don't know if that helped at all, but if I were the two of you I would go for that 3rd. Especially if you are enjoying parenting as much as you say. Money is nice, but it is not everything. Good Luck to you both!!!!!!

Going from one to two is a lot harder than going from two to three. I have three boys myself, 14, 12, and 7. I am truly blessed to have my boys and I am doing it all on my own. My ex abandon us when our third was only 13 days old, his side of the family won't help me and my side of the family decided we have too many problems for them to allow us to be a part of their families. (All three of my boys are special needs and I have my own issues.) If I can do it alone then you can surly do it with the help of your loving husband. I'm glad I had three, there are no "what if's". The money will work itself out, it always does. Best way to look at it in my opinion is there will be one more person to love and one more person to love you back. You'll also have three kids to take care of you if the time ever comes. I would follow my heart on this one, not my head. Good luck and God bless. Merry Christmas! S.

Certainly this is a decision for you and hubby, but with 3 there is always an odd person out...not enough hands, laps and arms for everyone...if you go for 3. 4 evens things out. Sounds silly but we had 3 (in 4 1/2 years) and maybe we should have had had 4 for exactly that reason. On the other hand, once they all get older since they are close in age you have lots of teen issues, car issues and then college expenses, weddings...YIKES!! I wouldn't trade any of them for anything! We had 3 in college at one time and it was a stretch to say the least. So many thoughts on this, I am sure you will get lots of different ideas. Good luck with your decision!

Hi J.-my husband and I had this very same struggle to decide to have a third child or not. My first 2 kids are 14months apart(boy and girl) so by the time they were like 4 and 5 I started missing the baby stage and really thinking that if we wanted another one I wanted to get going cause same reason I am 34 and I didn't want the kids to be too far apart especially since the first 2 are so close. We tossed around the reasons 2 is good too especially the financial side of it because I too would make good money if I worked full time which is what I had planned once the kids were in school full time and we were getting closer to that. We struggle financially too but we are considering it one of the sacrifices you make to be with your kids and we know that it's worth it. I will tell you the advice that I received from someone when I was considering whether to have a third child or not and hopefully it helps it did me. "you will never regret having another child, you will only regret not having one in the future if it is even a thought". To make a long story short we had our third child 6 months ago and he has been such a blessing to our family. It has been so fun for the older kids to experience my pregnancy and to watch them be big brother and big sister and the baby just loves them. It has been the BEST decision I have made and I am so glad that we have him. I tell my husband all the time "can you imagine if we would have stopped at 2 kids" and he agrees. It has been so fun to start over again and do the baby stuff. The first 2 months were hard getting used to the sleepless nights again after not having them for 5 years but all worth it. Also I have really been enjoying every minute with the baby because I think that I appreciate it more knowing how fast it goes. It truely is a personal choice and I hope this helps you. Best of luck in your decision.
C.

I can relate to a lot of what you are going through. My husband is in the service so we, too, do not have the luxury of having family close by to help out. Holidays are expensive considering JUST travel to visit each side of the family, let alone presents, etc. We were blessed with 2 boys and also had the repeated conversations about should we? shouldn't we? regarding a 3rd. It was my husband who was most torn about wanting to have another. He kind of got his heart set on having his little girl, after the ultrasound tech told him it was a girl. Needless to say, the tech was wrong! :-) I was content with our 2 boys and was actually very apprehensive about a 3rd. When we moved here 2 years ago, I was unable to find work and became a stay-at-home mom for the first time - I have adjusted to it and am now enjoying the opportunity to spend more time with my kids. Financially, however, the adjustment was more difficult and made me much more apprehensive about taking on another baby. Not to mention my fears of having another boy and ending up with a 19 year old boy, a 17 year old boy, and a 13 year old boy ALL AT THE SAME TIME!!!!

What it came down to was that I did not want to be the one to take the possibility away from my husband. I didn't want him to some day resent the fact that he would never know if he could have had a little girl because I "put my foot down" and prevented him from the possibility. We were blessed with our beautiful little girl and feel so complete. There have been adjustments we didn't forsee, however, in adding a third child...

We had to upgrade our vehicle to get something to accomdate 5 passengers. We had not planned on getting any new cars and had almost paid off one of them. Also, having a 3 bedroom home, we had to purchase bunk beds for the boys in order to put them in the same room. They love it so it hasn't been a problem, just an expense we would not have had if we hadn't added #3. And now that she is almost 2, she is eating all table foods and meals with us - it is amazing how much food we go through now! Casseroles that would feed us just fine before aren't enough. I think it is also a factor of the kids eating more meals at home, rather than at daycare, but good grief! the amount of milk and bread we go through in a week staggers the mind! I know with 2 boys it will only get worse but I hadn't anticipated the grocery bill to go up like it did quite this early in the game. Then there is back-to-school supplies, school clothes, additional travel costs with another kid, etc.

It has all been worth it to us but if my husband's income weren't fixed and guaranteed through the military (not to mention the excellent insurance coverage) we would be in a different situation. Good luck with your decision. Its a tough one.

J.,

I have 5 children. We planned for 4 but #5 was a suprise. All in all I am happy with our family size and really 3 was not that much more expensive than 2. If you plan ahead with the hand me downs, and with the food budget, such as stocking your pantry with sale items, and putting in a garden etc.

Money is tight here as I am a SAHM but I wouldn't have it any other way. We do lots of fun things that don't cost a lot of money. We may not be able to take vacations but do day trips with the kids, Lake Michigan is a favorite, its only 45 minutes away and most of the local parks there cost only about $5.00 (per car) to enter, plus gas, and pack a lunch and you can keep everyone entertained for hours. Board games or playing cards are also cheap entertainment for them, plus you spend lots of time together as a family.

You are right you need to make this decision between the two of you, but you may want to consider this: You will most likey not regret any additional children you add to your family, but it is very likely you could have major regrets if you don't, and then change your mind later.

God bless you and your family.

You will not regret having another child, but you may wonder what if...if you stop at two. We have three children within 5 years and I was 33 when I had the youngest one. They are all so different and wonderful. Also you'll never have enough money if you have 2 or 8. The great thing with three so close in age is that the toys, clothes and activities area close. True, we could have three in college, but they are all involved in the same things and that keeps us in the "loop" for everything. Pray about it and enjoy the family God gives you.

And if you do cloth diapers your not always buying disposable ones. And I found the water bill didn't go up much at all.
Message me if your interested in talking about cloth diapers.
A. H

This is definitely a decision the two of you will have to make for yourselves. But from my experience, the third one was a breeze, but it is also the one that made a "dent" in our finances. I didn't notice a financial difference with the second one, but it was quite obvious with the third. However, if you're a stay-at-home Mom then you won't have the expense of daycare.

Your kids are still young, maybe give it another year and see how you feel about it then. The fact that you're "struggling" to make a decision makes me think that you'd really like another one, but there is something else (maybe the finances) that's holding you back.

Whatever your decision, you'll manage to make it work. Have you prayed about it? Good luck!

O.K. here's my advice. I have 3, and I can't imagine my life with out my second little girl. My oldest daughter is 7. My son is 5, and my littlest girl is now 2. I am in the same situation kinda. I don't have any babysitting help from family. I stay at home and sacrifice alot of things that involve money. But honestly the only expense I have is diapers and wipes. I always buy the biggest box, because you get more for the money. I watch for sales and then use coupons too. Also found a good deal at Toys R Us on their Especially for baby brand. I exclusively breastfed for 6 months. (Free food in exchange for my calories!! I loved that!!!!). I'm sure you have hand me down clothes, right? If not, go on the Mom2momlist website and find mom to mom sales. You can get awesome clothes for a buck or 2 a piece. Including Gymboree and Baby Gap. Time flys. It feels like just yesterday when I had her and she's already 2. In 3 years she'll be in full day kindergarten and I'll be back to work. That is gonna come quick, and now I'm soaking up the last of my baby days. She really does complete our family. Now I have 2 daughters that I can shop with when they are grown and moved away. I wouldn't trade it for the world. Let me know what you decide, but I say DO IT!
D.

HI J.! Merry Christmas!!
My husband and I after having a girl and a boy were also on the fence about having a third - we said after we go on vacation we will decide..well, needless to say - when we got back from vacation we found out I was pregnant w/number 3! (I was pregnant before we went and didn't realize it)! we both say to this day that we are glad the decision was made "for us" (because he wasn't really planned) because we can't imagine life with out him!! I recommened you thinking..in five years will I be sad if I dont' have another? I would love to have a fourth, but unfortunatly we are no longer able to have kids. I am VERY blessed with all three of my children and feel like three just "completes" our family! Good luck on the decision making! Keep us updated!!

Hi! I have 4 daughters and it is hard on finances, but the best thing Ive ever done for them is give them each other. We were on the fence with having a 4th...and I realized I dont want to live my life regretting not having that other baby. Now with four I KNOW I'm done, and will never have that pang that I missed out on something. We've had to scrimp, Ive been at home for 7 years. But its so worth it in the end, and our day of extra money and nice vacations will come! Good Luck! Angela K.

This is a decision that will have to be made betwween you your husband and your Heavenly Father. My suggestion would be to decide, then take that to God in prayer. I will pray for you in making your decision