Will I Tell My Hubby or Not About This Guy?

Hello, I would, instead, go to the guy staring and ask why he keeps staring. I would then make it very clear that you are happily married and that you would appreciate it if he would stop staring at you. If that doesn't help, go to the boss.
Good luck.
K. K.

Rather than go to husband first, I would go to HR at work and report your concern and let them know how uncomfortable you are with his behavior, then tell your husband the steps you have taken. THey, I assume will watch the co-worker around you andbe sure his continual stares are not considered harrassment. After you do this then I would tell my husband the steps you have taken. I hope mgmt at your work place takes your concern seriously, if there are no changes within a few wks, I would go to your supervisor and HR again and ask if you can be transferred to another postion at your work place where you have no access to him. He sounds like a creeper. I would not talk to this guy on your own, it may encourage him, let mgmt take care of this problem. Hope this helps and good luck

Tell HR.
It is happening at work... you do not know why this guy does this to you.
So don't assume anything.
Tell HR, because, no matter what, it is improper... and very uncomfortable or even intimidating... and so obvious.
Has other co-workers noticed this as well? Ask them. It is good to have 'witnesses".... to corroborate your impressions.... if anything.

For me, if that happened to me this is what I would do, because my Hubby and I can talk objectively and he does not have a 'jealousy' problem... and this is a "work" situation, I would talk to my HR department and also tell my Hubby to get his thoughts on it.
I wouldn't have to 'fear' my Husband doing anything to this guy... because, he would know that I reported it to HR/my employer. THEN, your Employer/HR should... remedy the issue.
It is not for your Husband to go on a 'jealousy' fit, because of this.
AGAIN... you do.not.know.... why this guy is 'staring' at you.
Thus, tell HR... because if it were me, I would be creeped out... too many weirdos out there.
ALSO, make sure, he does not follow you around, or when you are alone.
Use common sense. Because the bottom-line is... this is not comfortable and un-nerving.

all the best,
Susan

ask the guy what are you staring at??? if he says you... say sorry i'm taken.. and i am happily married.. but thanks for the compliment.. but please dont stare.. it makes me feel uncomfortable.. and my husband wouldn't be to happy ... so please stop.. thanks.. and that should be that.. if he continues to stare.. tell a boss or somehting... and let your husband know that this guy just continues to stare at you and you don't like it..

Handle it at work first. Ask the man to stop staring at you. If he doesn't stop, tell his boss. Leave hubby out of it. Do you want your hubby to kick his butt? It almost sounds like it.

This happened to me. I worked in retail in a very large store. I managed the Home department and a sales person who I knew for years and I thought was gay, asked if we could go to lunch so he can show me a line of leather desk products he wanted to show our buyers. As we were at lunch he thanked me for my input and told me I was a beautiful woman. I laughed and said "you don't have to compliment me, I haven't shown your product to the buyers yet" He said no, I mean you are really lovely and I would like to know you better. I was completly taken off guard and very uncomfortable. I went straight to HR. My problem was he made these comments to me outside of the work place, we were at the local cafe, so it would be my word against his. They did finally talk with him, just letting him know I was uncomfortable. He stayed away from me and no more problem. So if you decide to confront him stay on work premises so he can't turn it around on you and tell HR you were coming on to him. Plus they will document it and give him a warning. PS- I wouldn't involve hubby unless after talking to the "starer" it continued or he said something to you to make you more uncomfortable. My hubs gets jealous and if I can handle the problem I do it without involving him.

Not sure why you need to tell your hubby- he's not at work with you so you're just giving him something to worry about from a distance and you dont know for sure whats going on. YOU need to deal with this. Say something to this guy and then from his reaction decide it you need to tell your boss or HR dept. Maybe say something like I've noticed you looking at me a lot, Do I remind you of someone? if he makes it clear he's interested you can say I'm happily married, thanks for the compliment , but forget it and walk away. If staring continues report it.

I would go to him and tell him that you noticed him staring at you and was were wondering why. Then tell him that you are married and it makes you uncomfortable. If he's a decent guy then it can stop there, if not then go to HR and say you tried but he's still creeping you out and you tried to handle it on your own.

When I was in my early 20's a married guy at my work used to lurch around me and offer to take me to lunch and fix stuff in my apartment. At first I thought he was just being friendly but when I realized it was more and I was uncomfortable, I went to him and he told me he really liked me and he didn't love his wife and whatever... I told him I wasn't interested and that he made me uncomfortable. He did stop and I didn't have to go to HR.
Good Luck!

Before talking to your husband, you should either (1) talk to the guy, or if that's too uncomfortable for you (2) talk to your HR department. I would say start with the guy though. Perhaps, just say something to him so he realizes you notice the stare, "Did you need something", "can I help you with something", or "I noticed you were looking at me. do you have a question for me?" He may end up being embarrassed. If he says, "no" just say, "oh, I noticed you looking my way and felt a little uncomfortable then realized you may have just had a question for me". If, after that he continues to stare at you, you should say something to HR.

In any event, this is a work issue. You're not hanging out at a bar with your husband where some guy is disrespecting your relationship.

If you do end up having to go to HR, I do think you should say something to your husband simply for the purpose of good communication and sharing - let him know in a way that says it's being handled - by you and by your HR department so he doesn't feel the need to get overly protective or jealous. He cares about you so it will happen regardless, it's how you present it to him that will guide how emotional his reaction will be.

Good luck,
S.

There's no reason not to tell your husband, but what is he going to be able to do about it? Have you asked this guy why he seems to be looking at you so much? Maybe you remind him of someone? When someone looks at me more often than I feel comfortable with, I look at them point blank in the eye and ask "Can I help you?" and if they have no reason simply inform them you are busy working, you need to concentrate and you don't have time to chat right now. That usually forces them to move on. If that doesn't work, it's time to talk to your boss about it. Your boss can talk to his boss and maybe can arrange for this guy to have something to do that's not so much in your vicinity. I'm fairly sure staring at you is not what they are paying this guy for.

I agree with Charise. Ask the guy why he's staring at you, and let him know it makes you uncomfortable and you want him to stop. If it continues, report it to your supervisor and, if necessary, HR. If you're afraid your husband will get angry and do something bad, I don't think you should get him involved, unless you're ready to leave your job. Having your husband approach someone in anger at your workplace could create some real problems for both of you.

Since his constant staring, and looking at you when he thinks you are not looking his way, is making you uncomfortable, it has turned into a sexual harrassment situation. It's against the law. No one has the right to make you feel this uncomfortable and intimidated while you are working. The Mom's who already responded have given you good advice. First tell another trusted co-worker what's going on and let them witness his staring. Then take it to the boss if you work a small business or the Human Relations (HR) if it's a larger company. Tell them who witnessed it with you. Let them deal with his behavior.

It sounds like you share everything with your husband you feel like this is something he needs to know about, yet he might get jealous. You should tell him what happened after HR or your boss deals with the problem. That way you can share how you feel, yet he doesn't have to take any action because the problem is already solved.

Good Luck!

There is staring and there is STARING; There first kind is the flirt and make eye contact, the other is the harrassing kind that makes one so uncomfortable. If the staring is the flirting kind and flattered you, but now you'd like it to end you can do so by ending the looking back or going to HR. Now for the harrassing / uncomfortable you need to tell a supervisor right away and not deal with him directly. The benefit to telling a supervisor is that they will tell him to stop and will also be sensitive as to not give any job assignments that will have you work directly with him.
All companies take harrassment complaints very seriously. Now as for your question whether or not to tell your hubby; I would, but I also know my husband is not the 'go and beat the guy up' sort of guy. My husband is my biggest advocate. Good luck and hope the staring stops.

I agree with what everyone else says and would like to add that I understand about no telling your husband, afterall it is your place of work and what can he do about it. Only you know your husband, but what if you told him after you did the steps on your end (like other mom's suggested) and let him know how you've already done something to take care of it? I would think he'd feel a little better about it, but will probably continue asking you how it's going to make sure it is indeed taken care of.

Only you will know how your husband will react. If your concerned that he will react in an aggressive manner, and you have a problem with that, then you should try to deal with it at work. If the staring makes you uncomfortable, it can be considered sexual harassment. Any type of harassment in the workplace is illegal. In order to get it to stop there are steps that you need to take, the first one being that you need to tell this man that the staring is offensive to you and he needs to stop. Do this with a witness that you trust, and if possible is in a supervisory position. It is important that you have this witness, because if you tell him to stop and he doesn't, that is when it becomes HR's legal responsibility to step in, and a witness will ensure that you did in fact already speak to him about his behavior. If it continues to happen after HR has been involved, you may have legal recourse against the company, but that is very rare with all of the laws and protections in place these days.

I would tell your boss or HR more so than telling your husband. You shouldn't ever be put in a situation at work where you feel so uncomfortable.

Is this guy a co-worker? Do you know him? If you know him, do you ever speak? If so, tell him you are not comfortable with him staring all the time. You should also tell your HR department. Then I would tell my hubby but let him know that you have already handled it.

I doubt there is anything hubby can do about your work problem. Politely ask the guy why he keeps staring at you and then decide whether you can tolerate anymore. If you confront him on it he will probably stop anyway.
My husband is a starer also, and I have to stop him sometimes because it's just a rude habit. That may be all it is, just a weirdo that doesnt know staring is uncomfortable to the one being stared at.
I wouldnt mention it to hubby because he will think you want him to act on it and it could probably turn messy.

I would just tell the guy he is creeping me out. Tell him he makes you uncomfortable. If it continues then file a complaint at work and tell your husband.

Address the situation at work before telling your husband. Can you confront the guy at work in a nice way or talk to your manager about it? Try that first. You don't want your husband to overreact.

I also urge you to talk about this with your supervisor. Have you tried talking with him about how his stare is making you feel? Have you asked him why he's staring? If not, you could try resolving this by talking with him, perhaps in the lunch room, where there are also many people around.

If you don't feel comfortable talking with him, definitely do not do so. Go immediately to your supervisor and tell him what you've told us here. What is happening is against the law because it has created the sense of an unsafe work environment for you.

Whether or not you tell your husband is based on whether or not telling him will be helpful. If he's the jealous sort who has shown in previous situations that he might go after the man or create a disturbance at work then I would not tell him.

However, definitely talk with your supervisor and ask that this stop.

If this is happening at work, I would notify your supervisor or manager that this is making you uncomfortable and creating a less-than-safe-feeling work environment for you. Then decide if you want to tell hubby. Is your hubby the type to get jealous or has he acted jealous in the past? Would it reassure him to know that this is happening but you have reported it to management?

If there is something that's bothering you, I think it's a good to share with hubby. No reason for him to be jealous if you aren't doing anything to reciprocate and obviously you are not. I like what B said about facing the guy directly and asking him is you can help him or if he has a question for you. If his response is offensive or doesn't feel 'right' in anyway, then I think I'd go to your supervisor and tell him about it and that you just want the situation to be noted - that you aren't trying to stir things up. If it continues, you might tell the guy directly that you notice that he stares at you often and are not comfortable with that and ask him to please stop. - Don't be afraid of it, but since it bothers you, I would address it in a manner that feels appropriate to you. - Good luck.

Why dont you talk to your boss that this makes you unconfortable mayby it will stop good luck A. no hills

Deal with it @ work it's between you & the "staring guy"..If he gives you an upper cut then yes Hubby will need to know details.But if it'll make you feel better tell your hubby you know him better than any of us who don't know him at all.If nothing has happened between you & staring guy then why would you need to properly state anything tell him like it is your the in this position & know 100 % what is happening..

First thing you should do is ask the guy who's staring at you what hes lookin at. You don't want to get your Husband all upset for nothing, then have him going to your job and possibly starting something up with this guy when the whole time it was something innocent.
Good Luck
S. in Vegas

I would mention it to your boss and his boss. That should take care of it. If that doesn't help, tell your husband that you want both of you to go in and speak to a supervisor where you work. That way, your husband will feel that he's helping you.

Tell you husband and your supervisor ASAP.

Hi. I say tell your husband, but down play it a bit. Don't make it like you are afraid of this guy or anything to make your husband too upset. It's just important for him to know just _in case_ the guy does do something that crosses the line. Also, you should tell a supervisor of your uncomfortable situation. Again, it's important just in case.........

Good luck!

Hey Maeve,
Just go up to the guy and ask why he keeps staring at you. This will bring it to his attention that you are aware of what he's doing. That should stop it if he's a decent guy. If it still keeps happening then bring it to the attention of a supervisor. Talk to your husband only after you have done these things. It's always best to try and resolve issues yourself if it doesn't involve other people.

Is there a way you can report it to your superior and perhaps he/she can address it?

Updated

Is there a way you can report it to your superior and perhaps he/she can address it?

Hi meave, talk to this young man first tell him your are uncomfortable about his stares, and if it does not stop, talk to manament, if that does not work then tell your husband, I would tell mine right away, but he would handle it gracefully and not fly off the handle, you know your husband so use judgement by how well you know your husband. J.

I think you need to ask the man at work to stop staring first and let him know that it makes you uncomfortable. If he says anything to harass you, then report it to your supervisor and then HR. You can tell your husband if it escalates and let him know you reported it, but really that's beside the point.

tell human resources.

Just handle it yourself. Ask him, "I notice you looking at me a lot, can you tell me why?"

I wouldn't necessarily bring HR into it, yet. I tell my kids, try to handle things yourself and then, if you need my help, I am there.

Communication is golden!! If I were you, I'd go to this person and kindly introduce myself and briefly tell him about my social status. If he's infatuated by you; this is sure to cool him off. If this action fails to stop the stares go to HR and describe your situation; they're likely to deal with him. No need at all to involve third parties here.
Good luck!!

In the Name of God, Wow. I'm really worried about you. I think it would be great if you could share this observation with your husband. After all, you are sharing it with all of us, and being able to communicate with a spouse is important. What is keeping you from doing it? It concerns me that your worried that your husband might overreact. Is this fear from previous experience or just one of many possibilities that "could" happen? How likely is this response from your husband? You know your husband best, and if you feel strongly that he is going to "lose control", he may need to work on his responses. However, have you ever given him reason to feel uncomfortable with other men and their relationship to you? If not, my response would be that yes, you should tell your husband and let him know that you are concerned about your safety and the inappropriateness of this co-worker to keep staring at you. You also need to decide what you want to achieve here. Do you want to confront your co-worker to stop staring at you (and can you do this without confronting him directly; for example by setting up some divider between the two of you or making a boss aware of the situation) or do you want to just let it go? What do you want your husband to do with this information? Do you want him to be aware of the problem, give you advice, or do something about it? Why don't you let your husband know exactly what you want from him as well as soon as you share this information with him. Hope this helps.

I am trying to understand why you need to state it to your husband. Do you feel threatened by this fellow in some way? Could he simply he have an eyesight problem (as a friend of mine told me once about some guy). Does your husband need to know for any reason? Is the guy handsome to die for good looks and it feels good or is he a hundred and maybe you remind him of his daughter.Did you ever ask the guy if he is looking at you for some reason (in a polite way of course). Do you look back? And back to the inevitable. Will this help your marriage in any way?