Why Wont My Husband Say He Loves Me?

GUys like that suck...and need to be kicked in the head...If they can hug their mommas when they cry why cant they hug us???

Hey at least he went to clean the garage instead of yelling at you like mine does.

I know this is going to sound blunt, but I do understand where you are coming from, but I've learned to just tell them "Honey, I need you to hug me right now, I am feel fat" or "Honey do you still love me?". You need reassurance and unfortunately the men don't read minds, so we have to tell them what we need. After teaching my husband the cues for when I need a hug, then he learns and does it spontaneously when I need it most. He doesn't understand your emotions right now, all he sees is the logical side that you are pregnant and it is causing you to cry...he doesn't get it that the crying is actually an indication that you need to be reassured you are loved...

Hmmm, maybe if you have another meltdown this weekend he'll clean the basement, and wash and wax your car the following weekend! Tehehe, sorry :(

My (now ex) husband never once in our entire marriage satisfied my need for positive reinforcement, even when I specifically stated what I needed to hear. And so throughout my entire marriage I had a lot of male 'friends' who DID. Needless to say, my husband didn't like that either. I still do not understand why they can't just HUMOR us for God's Sake and say something, ANYTHING nice.

On the other hand like Tina I now have a guy who is gushing over me at my very least attractiveness ALL the time, and like Tina, I don't believe him. I DO believe he feels that way, but it doesn't help me feel better about myself. And so I realize that needs to come from ME, not The Man, sigh.

I think (however subconsiously) his cleaning the garage is his way of 'helping you'. They are 'doers' not sayers. This is not a valid excuse for his behavior of course, but it is a REASON anyway.

So get tough, be focused on the kids, know that what you're doing is THE singular MOST beautiful natural thing a woman can do. Sucks for him if he doesn't understand his good fortune!

Pregnancy hormones wreck havoc on us, don't they? I also have 3 children with another on the way. I feel fat, unattractive, unpretty, ick (gaining weight we never wanted has a way of making us feel bad about ourselves) Fortunately, my husband bathes me with compliments...but I don't always believe him. It's hard to believe something when what you see in the mirror speaks volumes. I get weepy too, it's part of the pregnancy and no matter what you do, you cannot make your husband understand what you are going through. He's a man...cannot relate to pregnancy or the feelings/emotions tied to it. The best you can do is to talk to your husband and tell him how you feel. He is just reacting to something he doesn't understand and it's hard to not take it personal but just tell him how the pregnancy makes you feel inside, how you feel about yourself. Talk about your expectations and your concerns. I hope this helps.

I know when our nose is red and eyes are swollen with tears and snot is flowing like a rabid dog, a hug and an "I love you" should happen, but some men just arent that way. We are programmed (by tv) to think they should respond that way.
I'm sure he wishes he could cry too! This is your third child, he probably knows what is in store for him, he's also scared.
Sometimes, just getting that affection from your kids is the better way to go, they usually respond pretty well to a mommys tears... and they are part of your husband afterall. He just isn't one of "those" guys that likes to get snot on his shoulder apparently. I would say he's just as miserable as you are but doesnt want you to see it. I'll bet when he was cleaning the garage he may have had his eyes well up also as he pondered the situation himself. You are an emotional mess, we've all been there. A hug and an I love you would be the simplest solution from him, but maybe he's afraid he would break down too and just doesnt want you to see that (man thing).
You have <<hugs>> from us tho... hang in there. One day you will be like me and the kids will be grown and gone and you and husband can go out dancing every Friday night and this will all be a thing of the past.
Just remember you are a woman and we are much stronger in many ways than men are. A good cry always makes you feel better. He will get more sensitive as he gets older, they usually always do. Mine cries more than I do nowadays ;)

a lot of it has to do with the fact that your pg and your hormones are crazily out of balance and out of your control, which is ok, every woman needs to hear that she's still beautiful at that stage (any stage for that matter). my ex husband never said any of those things to me, i had to mow the lawn, clean house, etc at 9 months because he wouldn't, thankfully, i let the dishes go so leave him SOMETHING to do, and he STILL didn't do those things, his gma came over for a delivery for the baby (a crib i think) and wound up doing our dishes, sweeping and mopping, complete house cleaning, i couldn't, especially the wet stuff, i severly cut my hand (bad scar to prove it) so i had to keep it dry, and dishes would've just been asking for a bad infection.

i showed my current husband my pg pictures of when i was pg with my daughter, and he was in tears with every pic just dying to see me in that state for our baby (will be a while before that happens).

hang in there hun, him cleaning out the garage just may have been his way of SHOWING you that he loves you and still thinks your beautiful :) and actions are louder than words, maybe have a date night before your ready for delivery :)

he was probably scared to death LOL! typical man, if he didn't love you he wouldn't be there, he would have left, not to clean the garage, but to live somewhere else.
it is his problem not yours, he is obviously not the type who handles change or emotional situations well

Some men aren't made that way. My husband NEVER says he loves me. I have NEVER heard him say I look nice. We have four kids. For him it's likely cultural. Never heard it when he was growing up. You are just supposed to know. Why else would he do the things he does? Which in his mind is a lot, even though most us women would not agree. My best advice is accept that this is the way he is. As Heather says do you want to force him to say it? It looses it's significance if it's forced. It's hard. At times it is harder than at other times. It's hard when pregnant or when you have no hair because of chemo. Oh well. He has other good qualities.

What is his problem? He is a man. What is yours? You are a woman who is about to give birth. aaaieee. See one of my posts: why do men always clean the garage when you are about to entertain. I forgot when you are about to have a baby. Woman stand up and be assertive, walk into the garage, grab your husband by the neck and say "if you don't tell me you love me right now I am going to make your tools disappear". There did I at least make you laugh?

Has he always been like this? Some people are very reserved with their emotions, but since this is your 3rd time up at bat, so to speak, and he should know the drill by now -I find it sad that he couldn't give you a bit of comfort. I would be quite angry with my husband if I was a weeping mess asking him for a little comfort and he walked away! I think you should sit him down and tell him -calmly if possible -that you know you're hormonal and pregnant and all of that, but whenever you're upset and sad -it's very important that he respond to you. Let him know it really hurt your feelings. I don't think it's okay to act that way in a marriage or deeply committed relationship. Even if, in his head, he's thinking, "She's a hormonal nightmare!" -he should have a little compassion! Does he help you around the house? How has his attitude been with the last two children? It sounds like a long talk -but one where you hold it together and are calm and rational -is in order.

Was he like that before you got pregnant? Or is it just recently? If he's always been like that, then he'll probably always be like that. I don't think men get it when it comes to giving compliments, at least mine doesn't. He thinks a big romantic gesture is doing the dishes. Sometimes a woman just wants a nice sappy card and some flowers!
If I were to think like a mine, I would say that he thought you were over reacting and decided to remove himself from the situation. But, I don't know your husband. Maybe he just thought you needed time to calm down. Hormones are a wicked wicked thing. Add that to little to no sleep, feeling like a whale, heartburn, etc etc, and NO FUN! I know, I've been there! :0)
Treat yourself to a nice day out soon. Schedule a prenatal massage and maybe even a mani/pedi. It will make you feel so much better! Every woman deserves to be pampered a little her last months of pregnancy.
I know you didn't ask for medical advice, but I really encourage you to see a chiropractor. I can't explain the wonders that my chiropractor did for me. It was beyond amazing.

My hubby isn't a man that says he LOVES ME with words he does it with his actions daily he provides for us/me everday he does back breaking work in & outside our home he does alot for me/family.Don't get me wrong he has a loving touch & of course the mean verbal arguments why can't he say loving words I LOVE YOU if he is so verbal at times anyway he loved me being prego we have 3 with each & everone of them he was very loving to me & my big belly just because he doesn't say the words it does sting a bit at times but I look deeper into things as well as the whole picture & it's not that he never says he loves he does it everyday..Take a deep breath I was a sobbing mess when I was prego with 2 girls..It's different when you say I love you first then they say it back i'd being a sobbing mess to if he didn't tell me back but that only happens once a year if that when I verbally tell him so i'm the same way since I began our relationship 10 yrs ago he just isn't that guy that verbaly says it so I let it be..
IT's both your problem to care for the other 2 kids not just yours so you'll need to make a plan don't just verbally tell him have it in writing with dates & times everything for as long as you need to recover & have him look it over agree to it that this will have to work & you'll be setting it in his calendar on his phone as a reminder ( it works for me)..
Take care your last 5 weeks get ready for baby & give hubby extra hugs he maybe lossing it inside too..

I can just hear it now, Your husband says those things that you want to hear then you say, You're only saying that b/c I told you I wanted to hear it! :)

I am actually like your husband (I’m guessing he’s always like this, not just while you’re pregnant?). I'm not good at giving compliments, my husband is wonderful at it. But I can tell you I think those things all of the time. I am just really bad about saying what I think. My husband has said a few times that I'm really bad at compliments. I think, you know, he's right. But then I don't immediately give a compliment b/c he won't believe it since he just mentioned it to me.

Hopefully you know deep down that your husband does love you and think you're beautiful. I do feel for you though, I remember feeling exactly like you are now. Is there anyone that could watch your kids for an evening alone with your husband before the baby comes? My husband and I always try to have a romantic dinner alone at the end of our pregnancy. It always makes me feel good to get all dolled up. If you do that, I think you'll see your husband does think you're beautiful, because you'll feel beautiful.

Good luck and congrats on your new addition!

There could be so many reasons... I don't know what your marriage was like before your pregnancy but I will take a few guesses. My guess is that he could feel like if he tells you he loves you when you ask - you won't think it's sincere anyway because you had to ASK for it. Many men are not raised being taught how to communicate emotions, navigate them, offer comfort.. your outburst could have made him feel very uncomfortable and cornered. He could feel bad that you are so miserable and there is nothing tangible he can do to help. Men are DO-ERS in our culture. They like to fix things. (Ever try to just talk to your husband about something and have him try to "fix" it for you? Tell you how you could handle it, when all you want is for him to LISTEN?) It's often a huge way men and women will miscommunicate love to each other - many men will try to *show* love by actions - washing your car, repairing the sink, cleaning the garage.

So, maybe he's waiting for the right time... maybe he doesn't really understand your emotional need to hear the words... maybe he feels awful because he doesn't see how just telling you he loves you will really make you feel better and he doesn't like seeing you this miserable.

When you've calmed down, talk to him. Ask him why. Do it without blaming him.. or being angry. Would you really want a *forced* "I love you"? Would that truly make you feel better? I know it wouldn't make me feel better. Tell him you would like some intimate time, perhaps? Cuddling, loving on each other.. just enjoy some snuggle time before the baby is here.

Good luck, it will be worth it in the end.. We just had our 4th child and it was a rough road but he is soooo worth it. :)

wow...sweetie...he looked at you sympathetically and said "you sound like a woman in the last month of her pregnancy". not maybe what you wanted to hear, but compassionate and, yes, the truth. at least he didn't look at you blankly like he had no idea what you were complaining about - my husband literally had NO clue. i know you are crazy emotional - which is why you should try to let this go. when you are CALM, look him straight in the eye, and say, "babe i love you. i need your support. when i am super psycho crazy, would you just hold me and tell me you love me? that you still think i'm beautiful?" coming at him as you did probably just confused and frustrated him - from his point of view he was making an effort, and his effort brought out a crazy lady.

Some people don't relate well to crazy emotional. I knew one pregnant woman who was down right cruel to everyone around her for the whole 9 months. She totally reduced her husband to tears with her rants. Being pregnant for her was like being possessed by Mr Hyde when her normal personality is Dr Jeckle. Feeling miserable is hard, but try not to take it out on everyone around you. Your husband is there for you, and that says 'I Love You' more than just saying the words.

your hormonal and he is being a typical male. some men just cant say it so they show it instead. if he shows it in his actions it makes up for the lost words.some men are just that way. if he does special things for you he is saying he loves you without saying the words you need to hear. they say they love you by cleaning house, bringing you flowers unexpectedly, taking care of the baby for a day without you. letting you sleep in, cooking dinner and other tasks. he is not trying to hurt you and he thinks in his mind he is saying it by the things he does. he went out and cleaned the garage cause crying women make men nervous. they dont know how to fix it so you wont cry and dont know how to handle it. the fastest way to clear a room of all men is have a woman cry. I worked construction and this is how I figured this out. it makes them extremely nervous. mine does say he loves me and shows it in numerous ways but he leaves the room when I cry it is just a man thing. Saying " you sound like a woman in her last months of pregnancy" is his way of saying sorry he cant help you cause he doesnt know how. this too shall pass and yes he loves you even if he cant say it.

I wonder if you actually scared him away with the big cry and hormonal surged meltdown??

His verbal response was so logical and his physical response was actually helpful. Go fix something. Be helpful. So it sounds like he tried in his manly way to 'be there.' He just didn't get it right for you at all in that moment.

The classic "he can't read your mind" advice is right around the corner here. You're going to have to spell it out for him. Tell him, " When I am _____, then I need you to _____." Think through the possibilities and rehearse before you approach him with the request.

And congratulations on baby #3!!