Why Does She Not Trust Me

What Canuck said - and a good reason I would say that she DOES trust you, is that you came on this board and told us right away that you were a kid before you asked the question. That's trustworthy. You didn't pretend something else.

You may end up having more fun than you think, and a lot of empty time would get BORING after a while.

Maybe it is not about trust but about opportunities. The opportunities to explore things you have little knowledge or experience.

First, I want to express my appreciation that you did say up front who you are, and it shows real character that you decided to ask another group of adults for some insight into why another adult might have said something to you. Now, we can't tell you for sure why your mother is concerned about you running around the streets or whether your interpretation that she doesn't trust you is actually what she thinks. You will need to ask her yourself whether that IS what she thinks.

However, I can say that as a parent of a couple kids younger than you, I would NOT want my kid just hanging out for the whole summer without any planned activities. First of all, he would get bored REAL fast, or he would fill the time with screens. If he was just hanging out with other kids, they might just hang out... or they might slip into doing some less-than-healthy activities due to boredom. Second, summer is a great time for kids to do things which they don't get to do during the more-scheduled school year. It would be a wasted opportunity, perhaps, for you to just hang out when you could be exploring some different interests. Some downtime is important, however months of it is not a good idea.

Some other answers had a great suggestion. If you don't like the activities she has picked out for you, then do some research and find others which you know you like or you are curious about. Make a list with the costs, dates, and so on. You can build in some unscheduled 'hanging out time' into the summer if you really want that. Then schedule a time when you can have a good, relaxed conversation and present those ideas to your mother. It would be wise to be prepared to compromise, namely that you might do some of the activities she has proposed and some that you have proposed. Good luck with it, and I hope you end up with some great plans!

I have a teenager - 14 was a tough age for me as a parent. He wanted more independence; to move away from the summer programs he had been attending; but I wanted to ensure he had productive time in the summer - not idling around the house or wandering the neighborhood. So we, he and I, looked into alternatives for him the summer. Some trust building time of letting him stay home a half day or so - there were chores involved and expectations to be met. Some camp days. etc.

The thing is J., as parents we want our kids safe. We know that you all are growing up, but we also know that you don't have the life experience and life skills of an adult.

So it is not that your Mom doesn't trust you - she is just older and wiser.

Have you come up with alternative activities for the summer? If my son just throws out "you don't trust me" or "I don't want to do that" with no concrete alternatives, then the plan I made stays in place.

What do you want to do this summer?

I would want my kids in summer activities as well, not because I don't trust them, but because I don't think it is healthy to sit around and do nothing. I don't really care what the activity is, but I think everyone needs to get up and have a "purpose" each day.

You can't counter with "You don't trust me!" when your mother wants you to be involved in summer activities.

You can only counter with suggestions for activities that you'd like.

Your mother is not unusual in the least. Most smart mamas want their children to occupy their summer hours with good things. So come up with a few. Then come up with ways to pay for them, means of transportation, and a willingness to commit to those activities for the duration. You'll probably end up having to compromise - doing some things you want to do and some things Mom wants you to do. But compromise is the way grownups do most things.

Once you prove yourself, your mother may be so amazed that she'll be willing to let you do even more planning.

On the other hand, if you just whine, don't expect your mom to listen to your wishes at all.

My daughter didn't like summer activities either, so she asked if she could babysit here and there over the summer. It gave her some spending money, she gained some confidence with this new "job" and it kept her off the couch a good amount of time. Why don't you try something like that if activities aren't your thing? You're old enough to do something like that.

Oh, and I wanted her to do summer activities because I didn't want her to be bored. I wanted her to get some exercise, be with people and learn some new things. It wasn't about not trusting her at all. Not one bit.

J., the only person who can answer this question is your mom.

Talk to her.

I really like everyone else's suggestion of coming up with a plan on your own... find out what sort of things you would like to learn/do, look at camps/programs you would be interested in and then make some proposals to your mom.

And I have to agree with the statement made by Purple Star: we are older and wiser, we know what kind of mischief either we or our friends got into at that age. So, it may not be an issue of trust, it may just be that our life experience helps us to know that kids need a bit more guidance during the summer than being home all day.

For what it's worth, J., the summer I was 16 I was sent to care for an elderly relative to 'keep me busy'. It was a growing experience, but weird, awkward and uncomfortable at that age. Be GLAD you are getting a camp!

What does trust have to do with it?
She doesn't think a young person with lots of energy should be idle over a long summer so she's keeping you busy learning new skills and meeting new people.
In a few years you'll be able to get a job and you'll miss activities and fun during the summer.
Believe me, once you're in the working world and out of school there is no such thing as summer vacation ever again.
Now go thank your mother and quit giving her a hard time.

Because you're 14, and your mom was once a 14 year old girl. :-)

I don't think anyone can answer this, we don't know you.

Oh my, I disagree with some of the other answers. My kids make their own summer plans. They make sure I know what is going on, always, because if not they would lose that privilege.

Thing is it is a privilege, not a right, and from what I have gathered, hard to earn. My kids valued it like gold. I know that, your mom doesn't, don't ask me why

What do you want to do this summer? It would not be healthy to sit around your house all day and watch TV and it would even be worse if you ran the streets all day. I know 14 is a tough age because you are still too young to work at most places but you think you are too old for camp. I get it but your mom is right in finding something for you to do all day.

My daughter volunteered at a drama camp last year working with kids ages 9-12. Could you find a place to volunteer?

There is an old expression "Down time is the enemy."

One of my friends who is a teacher says it a lot. Her reason is if a teacher does not have a well planned agenda and there is too much free time in the day the kids act up and are harder to control.

Now I am not saying there should never be down time, but it is an expression meaning there needs to be some structure to the day.

edit: I look back at some of the organized camps and such and have great memories. Could you find a friend that would join in you in some of the activities? Heck you could even look up you own things and ask you mom. I think the price and distance needs to be reasonable, but that could be a good compromise. You are old enough to be a jr. leader at the kids camps. I think this is free or you might get paid.

That's a good question. I would suggest you sit down with your mom and talk to her. Maybe she has good reasons for not trusting you. I don't know, but you need to ask her. Sort of sounds like you might have some growing up to do.

Perhaps if you do some research of your own you can come up with some ideas of your own for summer activities. Maybe you and your mom can compromise; you do some of her suggested ideas and she'll let you do some of what you want to do. But you've got to come up with compelling reasons why she should compromise and trust you.

Good luck.

we can't say why she doesn't trust you, but you might want to consider that it's not a matter of trust, it's a matter of responsibility and good parenting.
what would you otherwise be doing with the time?
if it's just wide-open, then vegging in front of the tv or 'running the streets' are the two most likely options. there's nothing wrong with some veg time, or hanging out with friends without constant parental oversight, but i sure wouldn't want my kids to have nothing but these two options for an entire summer. it's just a recipe for trouble, nothing to do with trust.
i suggest you offer her a few alternatives that you would find acceptable.
khairete
S.

I think your mom would rather you have an interesting summer doing things instead of sitting around the house or hanging with friends doing nothing. Bored kids sometimes decide on activities that are not the best choice. Unless you have some other plans that will fill your days or make money then you need to work with your mom on summer stuff.

I doubt that the reason is that she doesn't trust you, especially if you haven't given her a reason not to. I believe that she knows that boredom is the devil's playground and that if you don't have something planned to do, you could end up in trouble just because you were looking for something to do to combat boredom. Also, mom knows that the summer can be long and boring if you sit in the house. That's what we used to have to do. Mom got us up at 7:30 every morning, summer or school, and for the summer we spent the entire day IN THE HOUSE watching tv, cleaning and working jigsaw puzzles. We were not allowed to go anywhere or have any friends over. Summer was long and boring. I think your mom is trying to give you something to do and trying to ensure that you don't fall into some trouble simply out of boredom.

I don't think she doesn't trust you, but us moms don't trust the world. You are a fourteen year old girl. If she is working that would leave you alone all day. There's a big monster out there a lot of us moms were afraid of and still are. It's called life. It is worrying about boys and bullies safety and so on and so on.Meet her halfway.Do something with your summer and negotiate some free time. You do sound like a wonderful daughter and person. She just superduper loves you.

Because you're 14. Thank your mother from all of us for taking responsibility and not mistaking her young teen for an adult. We need more moms like her.