Do Your Little Kids Cry All Summer, Bored?

I remember DISTINCTLY what my mother would tell me if I said I was bored. She would give me a long list of chores to do. I learned VERY quickly to either entertain myself or at least not mention being bored. :)

I have a 4 and 8 year old.
They rarely get bored.
If they are bored, I don't cater to it.
I tell them it is GOOD being bored... because that means their brain, can work and their imaginations.
So I tell them, to THINK of something to do.

My kids always manage to find something to do.
Whether or not, I steer them toward something.

When my son says that he is bored, I tell him that their is no such thing. Luckily he does not say this too often. He always finds something to amuse himself. Drawing, painting, reading, cleaning, helping me with house chores, going for a walk, crafts,etc..Their is always something to do.

Boredom breeds creativity.

Shut off the TV and all electronics. DON'T take them anywhere. For at least a week. (aka go on strike as an 'entertainment machine'). Let them completely and totally lose their minds being bored and in a day or two their imaginations will turn back on. Do play with them if they ask, but don't suggest anything. "We have LOTS of stuff to do, what do you want?" / "Nothing!"/ "Okay" and go back to reading your book. Let them figure it out. Any whining means straight to their rooms until they can speak in a conversational tone. Complaining that they're bored means it's time to clean.

We do this once or twice a year. It's amazing how it's actually *painful* for them to start thinking again. Particularly once they hit school age, where they are just told what to do all the time. It only takes a day or two, and the effect (having their imaginations turn back on) in my experience lasts 6-12 months.

I've notice parents are often AFRAID of their kids being unhappy. Don't be. It's not abusive for kids to relearn how to think for themselves and not be told what to do 24/7 / be ushered from one entertainment to the next.

I don't stand for that behavior, sorry. I say "Only boring people are bored. Find something to do." Otherwise, I can always find a chore that needs to be done. I do lots of fun things with my daughter, but it is not up to me to entertain her all day.

At five, and crying and whining, I'd put your child in his room for a nap. He sounds tired after his morning camp.

I hear you. My best friend and I (immediate childhood neighbor) played ALL day, OUTSIDE, on our own from about 4 or 5 every summer. Our props? A sandbox and a swing set. Whoppeee. Big deal. We NEVER complained about being bored. IMO, kids now are over-scheduled and over-stimulated. And we weren't under our moms feet all day.
Solution? Not sure but I think the constant "planned" activities just make it worse.

I think it's really a paradox- when kids are in school they are so sick of it and can't wait for summer- and then in the summer they get bored, lol!

But you don't have to buy into the boredom. My son is older now -11- so that makes it both easier and harder -easier because he and his friends can read or go to the park on their own to play basketball or something and harder because they just want to play video games all the time.

But I always tell me son, and have since he was little 'Only bores get bored!' I know it can be challenging, but as moms we have so many resources available for things for kids to do. Do you have a free parenting magazine in your area? they will often list tons of free events and things for kids to do at nearby park districts or libraries. The internet is full of things to do or go to see.

We live near Brookfield Zoo and the membership totally pays for itself after one visit= whe n we get bored, we go for a walk at the zoo for an hour.

The 'I'm bored!' whining happens, but you don't have to let it become the reality. I often say " I am your mom, not your constant entertainer!' Sometimes it is ok for kids to be a little bored and have to find things to do for themselves too! I just try for a happy medium between those two things.

Nope, I don't think my girls have ever said they were bored. They wander around, whine, complain and do all the other typical four year old behaviors... but they know how to entertain themselves. It's a learned skill, so you may have to help your kids figure out how to get started.

For example, many little kids can't imagine the fun they'll have until they're actually having it. So pointing to Legos or blocks or paper to draw won't work. You need to set them up and play with them for a few minutes and then watch them take off. This morning I suggested decorating the dollhouse (with foam board and tape, nothing fancy) and within two minutes my girls were so busy they could barely answer me when I asked what they wanted for breakfast. We all sat down together and I cut out a few foam flowers and asked where to tape them to the walls, and then my girls were off. They found the old Christmas foam set with sticky backs and made rugs, wall hangings, etc without any parental intervention. Then they moved on to their pony palace and decorated that. An hour later when my husband asked who wanted to go to the store with him and get a milkshake on the way back, he got no takers.

This is one example, of course... but the theme is - set the kids up, play for a few minutes, then back off and let them morph the play into something else. The next day your kids may even come to you with an idea of something to play with.

I always told my kids that if they came to me complaining about being bored, I would find them something to do, and that usually meant chores.

If a child any older than one cried with no real reason (hunger, pain), I told them it was obvious that they needed more sleep, and I put them to bed.

STOP trying to keep them constantly happy. When you feel it's your job to amuse them, they think it's your job, too. It's not. It's theirs.

If they don't want to play with the toys and games they have, announce that someone else needs them more than they do, and give them away. Don't buy new stuff to replace it, either.

Don't say, "We can't afford to go" to places in front of the kids - that makes them think that if you had more money, it would, and should, be spent all on amusing them. Say things like, "The movies (or aquarium or Chuck E. Cheese or whatever) is a special treat. It's not going to happen very often."

Recently, we had houseguests - 10 people, 7 of them kids! - in our house, and in a home stuffed with toys, books, games, video games and movies, what the kids enjoyed the most was digging in the sand in our back yard. That's a good thing! They were happy, without a lot of adult involvement.

Even with all the whining and crying and complaining they'll do, it'll be easier to deal with this behavior when they're young than it will be if they're still behaving this way in their teens! Trust me - I've seen those kids. They're miserable and mean, and suck all the fun out of things for everybody else.

J.,

My boys are 6 and 8 and my husband calls me "the entertainment committee!" When my boys were younger I felt that I was failing them as their mother if they were bored! Now I realize what a mistake that was. I will exhaust myself to make them happy. I now have a 7 week old baby. I am too busy with the baby all day to entertain them! I keep having to juggle all 3 kids. They are slowly learning to entertain themselves! I wish I would have done this much earlier. Being busy with the baby has forced me to step back and let them be. I am also realizing that I need to role model taking care of my own needs so that they hopefully grow into adults that take care of themselves as well. Sounds like you are a great mom!! Take some time every day for yourself and tell the kids this is imagination time! They have to play by themselves for 20 minutes! Then gradually increase the time. You deserve some down time and they truly need some time to figure things out on their own. I wish I would have realized that when my kids were younger:)

Nickie

I would not allow that kind of talk in my home! If you are bored, find something to do or sit quietly in your room and be miserable. That type of language is rude and unacceptable! Life is not about entertainment, even if you could afford it all the time. Children who are raised in constant entertainment are miserable adults.

I would recommend cutting out a lot of the entertainment stuff you do allow them to do. It sounds like they are getting "entitled", and that is something you'll battle the rest of their lives. Constant brain stimulation destroys creativity and creates a "high". They'll keep seeking greater "highs" and never be satisfied, even if they were doing fun stuff all day long.

Try sending them out into the yard to play. They might be miserable the first few times, but eventually they'll find things to do. Bugs to watch. Sticks to play with. Etc... A few generations ago this was normal child play. Kids were much more content. Give them an assignment the first few times. Find me 5 pretty leaves, or stones... Some purpose.

Another idea for inside. Don't suggest what they can do. Set up a table with paper and crayons. Tell them to draw. If they are mad, ask them to draw a picture of it. If not, ask them to draw their favorite toy, movie, etc... Or set them down with the Legos and tell them to build you something. Direct what they're going to do and don't allow them to complain about it.

Don't tell them they're doing this because they were complaining about being bored, it will seem like a punishment. Don't react when they complain about being bored. Tell them to stop because it is rude to talk like that. Then tell them to go do ____________. Keep low key, but FIRM. Soon they'll get the picture.

Daycare would limit their creativity and build up this attitude within them even more, because they would be surrounded by constant stimuli and other children, peer pressure is so strong and if their friends are complaining they will be too. Kids need to learn to self entertain or they'll be crying for entertainment forever!

Best wishes! I know its hard to listen to, but hang in there and stick to your guns. Your kids will get it, and though they won't realize it, you'll be teaching them something that will benefit them for the rest of their lives!

Yes, I get the bored whine too sometimes. Kids definitely need to learn how to entertain themselves sometimes too, but easier said then done, so here's some things my 2 girls like...

Whenever I see art stuff on sale I buy a few and stash in a closet. There might be watercolors, stickers, crayons etc. We make cards for friends or grandparents.

Nature walk (with baby in stroller) find 3 different types of leaves, rocks, trees etc whatever you think you might find in your nieghborhood. If they really like that they could collect the items or draw pictures of it later at home.

Help you bake cookies or bread? My girls LOVE to help measure and add ingredients. Of course, they usually make a mess too, but it's fun activity and can help with numbers and fractions.

Do a scavenger hunt. If your kids can read, (or draw a pic) post little cards around the house of clues to go to the next card and eventually find a "prize" or something. Clues can be (Where the laundry gets clean, where you take a bath etc)

Pet Vet-We get a bunch of stuffed animals and line them up. They use their little doctor kit to help the animals. Each one has some ailment that we help. One daughter is the doctor and one is the patient (or mother of the dog, cat etc) .

Mine also like to do tea parties, dance party and fashion show stuff, but not sure boys would be into that at all. Sometimes we "picnic" in the living room on beach towels for a change.

Love to run in the Sprinklers or shoot water guns outside.

I also try to get my kids to help me clean one thing a day that they can handle, like Windex the windows, put away toys, use the little dustbuster or collect bedroom trashcans. Mine usually feel a sense of accomplishment and pride that they've helped me. Did you notice I said one? The "fun" wears off after that! LOL

Then there is always the computer, or videos, but I try to have that as the last resort or use for the older when I am putting my youngest down to nap.

My mom had a stock response
"Boredom is a choice. You can choose to be bored or choose not to be bored. Choose not to be bored."

I have several stock responses:
"You're bored? Shocking! I'll alert the media."
"Well, gee, we have lots of chores. Do you want some?"
"This is not my problem."

Generate a few stock responses of your own. It is not your job to entertain your children. They need to learn that.

My usual response to the argument about who had the "boringest house" probably would have been to ignore it completely.

If I was feeling a bit mischevious, I would have gotten involved in the argument. "No! I have the boringest house. I have all these toys here and they're not for me. Instead of getting to play with my own toys, I get to sit around listening to you guys complain. Boy is it boring. Listening to someone else complain is just so amazingly boring. I'm going to complain about it all day. Boring boring boring. It is so boring to listen to......etc, etc." I would continue rambling until they were all looking a little alarmed, then stop and inquire sweetly "Shall we talk some more about how bored we are? Because I could do this all day! No? Then go find something to do."

YES! My son is soooo bored at home. It makes me insane. He requires constant entertainment. He's four and an only child. I have him in gymboree and summer camps to keep him happy. I'd love to play with him at home; but he is just too bored at home. Like you, we've got everything he could possibly want to play with too. Oh, and forget going outside. He hates being outside....Grrr. It's not just you Momma. :)

Dr. Laura Markham > Why Boredom is Good for Your Child
www.ahaparenting.com

I am so pro boredom: )

Funny-----I have to agree with Sue on this one, that if he's crying and whining after camp, he's most likely tired. Some people think that's "too old" to need a nap, but I beg to differ. I babysat a kindergartner who would hit my son (a small 2 year old) EVERY DAY when he'd come home from school, no matter how much I watched or orchestrated activities. (After picking him up we'd have snack and wind down, then the little ones would nap while I read a story, helped with "homework", did an art project, made popcorn and watched a "big kid movie" with him, whatever....) It wasn't acceptable so I changed the schedule to EVERYONE (it was just my son, the 6 year old, and his little brother) gets a nap after school pickup and snack. Wow, when he woke up from just a little 20-45 minute nap, he was awesome. The rest of the day just flowed so smoothly, noone fought, and we still had time to do "big kid projects" while the little ones still slept. I would suggest a real routine where they know and understand what to expect. My 4 1/2 year old has learned the days of the week, and we have a color coded system on his calendar (since he can't read too good yet) to help him out: preschool is M, W, F; during soccer season the practices were T, games Sa; during the school year: Awanas is W pm, Kung Fu is T and F, church is Su. Extra things (a trip to Grandpa's, a special outing, birthday party, story time at the library, playdate) would be either a sticker or would be highlighted in a different "special" color so he knows what is going on today, what he's got to look forward to, and when it will happen. Now he knows there's "hope" for the future and he just needs to deal with NOW. On days with no preschool/daycare, he goes outside in the morning with his brother before it gets too hot. He does seem to not know how to make up his own game yet and needs a little kickstart at this age (he'll be expected to make his own fun a little later, but he is quite young)....so I will help him get going (what does he want to play with: balls, trucks, or guns? what will he be fighting or hunting? do they have guns too? etc, etc). Then they'll take off and have their own thing (my youngest just follows the older brother's lead most of the time, unless he feels like doing his own thing). Seriously, at the preschool age, they really need you to mirror the fun, like "this is how we will do this..." and then you can walk away and they'll play, add-lib, etc. When they come in, we have specific shows they like to watch: I dvr them so that they watch one at a time, then do something else....it irks me to see them sit for 2 hours watching TV, lol. We have reading time: I read to them both, we sing songs, they have times to "read" to themselves. Sometimes I tape butcher paper to the coffee table and give them crayons or playdoh. (It's HOT outside or they'd be doing finger painting outside). We all do stretches and some basic exercises in the morning. My 4 year old will take us through the kung fu routine (including warm ups) and my 20 month old is right there with me, we try to copy and do good (it's so cute). Not only is it fun, exercise, and something to do, it's building my 4 year old's confidence and teaching him to be a leader. I have a youtube file titled "kids" with videos and songs that they can watch (but I take the chair away so noone is just sitting there mindlessly watching).....I crank the volume and they can dance, sing, or play with the music as background that they enjoy. We have "school" time where I will set my son up with the computer (starfall.com or nickjr.com, etc-he thinks he's playing a game, but he's learning how to read) and he can practice his numbers, letters, etc while my younger son and I go to do singing games, holding crayons the right way when drawing, practice scooping, etc. They can go to the patio to do the sand/water play. Each of their bedrooms has toys or whatever, but I open the playroom up after afternoon snack so they can play in the playhouse, or with the train table, etc. We still have occasional sulking sessions even trying to do all these things when my oldest thinks he's bored. I say "Well, what do you WANT to do?" and if it's feasible then he can lead us in that activity. If it's not the right "time" or "day" for it, (like go to the beach at 8pm or make a snowman in July, etc) then we can either PRETEND to do those things together, or they can do chores with me. If the sulking doesn't go away and he doesn't want to listen to me, then I say "obviously your brain is too tired to not know what to do, so I will help you balance your brain and body: here's the dust cloth. Go empty trash cans. Here's the vacuum cleaner. Help me sort laundry. Here are the gloves, rags, scrubbers, and soaps---let's go clean that toilet" etc, etc. He doesn't do that very often. It happens, we all have bad days. But a whining, crying boy is a boy that gets to go potty, get a book read to him, and then put in bed, lights out, for 1 hour or until he wakes up. Children do need their rest! Now when he's 8, I will introduce him to my childhood punishment if the word "bored'' ever dared to cross my lips: weeding. Blech!

What about having friends over? All things are more fun if you're doing it with a friend.

Yep... I think he's tired!

Kids today have trouble using their imaginations and time for play and entertaining them all the time or too much TV/video time just perpetuate that. You're on the right track to provide simple stuff they can choose. Having them play outdoors more might help.

I'm just starting to get the first little taste of this with my 2.5 year old--I'm so dreading the school age summers in my future! i can't wait to ship this bored/clingy/whiney kid off to preschool next month! Those 6 hours a week are going to be glorious

My oldest (six) really doesn't complain about being bored, but we've encouraged her to entertain herself from the start. We didn't do classes/activities/sports until she was 4, we didn't sit to play with her all the time, and she learned to play very well independently.

I'm not sure how to encourage you, other than to tell your children that if they want to sit and complain all day that's fine, OR they can go play with their toys.

One suggestion...write EVERYTHING you can think of for them to do on scraps of paper and put them in a hat, and then make a hat for chores, too. When they complain about being bored, let them pick ONE paper from the "fun" hat. If they complain or don't want to do it, then they have to pick one from the chore hat and do that!

Mine almost never say they are bored. they learned to entertain themselves from a young age. I love Riley J.'s suggestion, try to reboot their creativity!

My kids don't say they are bored because they know they will be given extra chores to do.

A couple of weeks ago I came across a web site with "Boredom is Not Allowed Activities." I can't tell you what the address of it is because it's not on the sheet I printed out. If you Google it, I imagine you can find it (and others like it).

Sometimes children need to *learn* how to get un-bored. That's when you step in and say, "We're going to do this for the next fifteen minutes." You have all these ideas, and you know what's on hand to use at home. You may need to get them started.

That's not the same as taking on the job of entertainment chairman. It's more like being a teacher.

Sometimes what they need, really, is rest or food! But I bet you know that already.

Don't expect your little ones to keep busy themselves until they're (1) a little older and (2) know *how* to keep busy. Don't take "I don't wanna" for an answer. If they can't decide, decide for them. It takes some fast thinking on your part, sometimes, but I'll bet you're a fast thinker.

My soon-to-be 4 y/o has been going through the same thing this past summer, even though I have plenty for him to do. He never seems to want to do any of the activities I have for him (and it's not always the same thing, I try to introduce him to new things). After a while I realized that he was acting out for the attention and after a few talks I was able to piece together that he just needed extra attention. It made sense because we did move to a new home a few months ago; his younger brother is starting to "test his independence", to put it nicely; and we're expecting baby #3 any day now so of course we've been busy with that too. Once hubby and I began making a conscious effort to pay him more attention his attitude improved. And we didn't have to shower him with attention per se; we just tried to incorporate him into more of our responsibilities and let him become more of a "big boy", making his own decisions and helping out more around the house, etc. It really has seemed to help.

My kids are 6, 4 and 2. I don't think they get too bored.

I try to take them out to do stuff a few times a week. These are our favorites: The zoo, the YMCA pool (or splashpad), a new park, the library.

We bought a slip and slide and I dug out the pool. We put the sprinkler on the playset for a "waterpark".

My boys are 4 and 6 and play well together. They play cars, zoo, something they call "trucktown". We have a set of "dinosaur hunter" toys my MIL bought at a thrift store which are fantastic.

It sounds like maybe your kids need help remembering how to play? How old is your baby, maybe they are fussing for your attention?

Maybe you should try sitting down to "get them started" playing. Help them set up a train then let them play with it. Help them build something with blocks, then see what they do next. Build a fort in the living room with cushions and blankets then have them have a book break, or snack or soemthing in there.

Good luck, Summer's nearing an end :)

J.

I argee with Sarah R. And Sue W.

I don't allow that attitude as well.

When my daughter was younger and did this, I would give her a list of suggestions, from playing with her over abundance of toys to reading, coloring, crafts, etc.., but I also included some not so fun things like cleaning her room, folding clothes, mopping the bathroom, etc... and I told her that if she didn't choose something to do then I would choose for her. She learned quickly that even if she is bored to not voice it to me.

You don't say how many kids you have besides the baby and the five-year-old so I'll figure you have a couple under five but older than the baby....

If they are all five-to-under five, they still need some help figuring out how to entertain themselves, even though you're giving them choices, they can't really seem to choose. Entertaining oneself is kind of a learned skill, not always something that comes naturally to all kids. If you're bringing them home and saying, camp's over, play or do Legos or something, they can't always get themselves started. I know you're probably offering them "Here are Legos, we've got play-doh, we've got craft stuff, or we could go in the yard," but if it's all offered at once, it can be so much choice they get overwhelmed and just whine. I'd make it more of a schedule: "After lunch we're going to get out the Play-Doh. What should we do with it?" (As opposed to, "You can do W or X or Y or Z, can't you just choose?") If they moan, suggest play-doh things like "We could make some food for your action figures" or whatever might get them going. Then at a certain time they help clean up the stuff- they should always help clean up the stuff! -- and you can offer them "After snack, I'm getting out either the Legos or the toy X." Which one do you want?

What I'm driving at is, if you're giving them a big menu of things to do and play with, I'd limit that menu and limit the time with each thing. Also, consider whether the five-year-old is outgrowing the toys and actvities the younger kids are doing and playing with; he may be so used to playing with "older" things at camp now that he simply is ready for more challenging toys and activities rather than playing what his younger siblings play. As for play dates with kids his own age like the one you describe -- sigh! Hearing the "my house is more boring" thing is a pain. Again, you might want to goose the play date along by having a specific activity ready for at least the start of the time together, such as having the sprinkler on for them to run through, or having a new (second-hand is fine) Lego or building set your son hasn't seen before for them to start on, etc. If they moan and roll their eyes, you can try, "Let's see how fast you can get this set done...if you get it completed in 15 minutes there's a surprise..." and follow up with a popsicle or whatever. I know it's a lot of organizing. But I do know that kids seem to do better if given more limited choices and/or a starter activity.