Why Did I Let People Treat Me like That?

I can relate to your anger. I was teased and called ugly, and chased home from school when I was in elementary school. I was always very shy, and quiet, and those are typically the people bullies pick on. It got a bit better in high school when I found a great group of true friends. I think when you feel like you have no friends, you take whatever you can get, and it is usually people who are really not your friends.

The last time I saw any of these people was at reunions. I have to say that a few people appoligized ( I appreciated that), but I do not run into these people anymore.

I am 46 yrs old, and these things still hurt, and I now have a 11yr old going through similar issues, and it breaks my heart. I want her to be confident, and stand up for herself.

Do not feel embarrased,it was not any fault of yours. Kids are cruel, and girls are the worst.

We can only learn from our past, and try to look forward, not back.

L.

I am with you, sister. I was painfully shy and didn't fit in with the kids who seemed to know how to act, talk and handle themselves in social situations (or so I thought- they were probably just as insecure, but I couldn't see that.)

As kids and teens, we were really just learning day after day after day new things, bombarded by choices,stuck in awkward situations and trying to make sense of it all using our teenage brains- which are hardly the most stable, predictable, sensible things!

I don't think you purposefully chose to let people mistreat you since you were just a kid (or a teen or even a young college kid) and it is really hard to think on your feet without some experience behind you. I didn't realize I'd been mistreated or made-fun of at the time, just in hindsight. So, I have had to forgive myself- I didn't know any better, seriously. And I eventually stopped holding a grudge against the "mean kids" because they were only working with the skills they had (and several actually had MEAN MOMS who I new, so that made sense that they didn't know how to treat others in a caring, compassionate way if Mom was a jerk to others around her!)

But, the good that has come out of it: I know how to better help my kids manage the challenging years ahead, can share some of my experiences in hopes that they won't feel as awkward or -gasp- ever try to bully someone themselves!! (Not accepted in this house!!) I tell them everyday how we are all unique and different and isn't that wonderful? And they think, "yeah, that is cool." I have a mild hearing loss and auditory processing challenges. They know to turn to me to let me read their lips if we are outdoors or it is loud. I point out often, "This is how I am built" and how they are unique "allergies", "blue eyes", "missing 6 teeth at once" (my 2nd grader.)

I only wish everyone saw the beauty and the benefits of difference!

So, hopefully, one day, my little guys will be as caring as adults as your sweet 4 year old will grow to be!

After having many hurtful, embarrassing, and awkward experiences in schoolhood and adulthood, I get it. EVERYONE has insecurities; they present in different ways. Most women I know made choices that they understand to be hurtful to themselves in some way. You are not alone on feeling this.

I don't have specific answers for how to handle "these people" when you run into them. It depends on how you manage conflict, this conflict being your past and/or current feelings. Do you address conflict directly or avoid it? I will guess that you tend to avoid it (hence, you ignore these people). Nothing is going to be resolved WITH them while you ignore them, so you may as well resolve things within yourself. I wrote you a long, private message about this very concept.

I know that many of us insecure, "butt of the joke" kids can grow up into caring, contributing members of society, and I believe that insecure, mean kids can achieve the same.