Why Are People Rude

I think you may be being too sensitive here. Everyone loves little chubby babies, and they're not saying "fat" like there's something wrong with him, they're more than likely saying it because it's cute! My little boy looked like a michelin tire baby, and everyone LOVED it! His cute little rolls were adorable!

Unfortunately, there's no way, really, to tell people to shut up and mind their own business without being rude. People, doctors, my sister, and the person who works at the WIC office tell me that my 3 and 1/2 year old is too tall for his age and is too heavy. Basically, they're telling me he's fat, too. But I know that he's healthy, and there's nothing I can do about his height. I just ignore their comments. If they insisit on discussing it, then I am forced to tell them that he is my child, he's healthy, and they should mind their own business. With my sister, she usually keeps arguing with me, so I point out to her that her daughter is too skinny and looks really unhealthy. This leads to an argument and phones being hung up on people, but like you, I get sick of hearing what other people think of my kids. I'm sorry this post wasn't more helpful.

You could mention he is a baby and is healthy. Not that many rude people care about what anybody says.Believe me I have dealed with rude people.My other advise just ignore them . The only thing that matters is that you are doing the right thing. The doctor said the baby is healthy . Right? Then ignore them. There will always be some dumb person that has to say something rude when they really don't know what they are talking about.

I really love Miss Manners (I read her regularly) and she says that rudeness should never be answered with rudeness. Because even though someone else lacks manners doesn't mean you do too! However, she does have some wonderful comebacks that I have used in the past.

If someone asks you a personal question like "have you gotten him checked out? He seems so big!" then you could say "why do you need to know such a personal detail?" I love that one because it calls them right out for being nosy, but not in a rude way.

If someone says "My, he's so big!" then you could take the high road as some have suggested and say "That's my boy! And I'm proud to be his mommy!" because it's possible that the person is not saying it to be rude but merely making a comment on the thing that is the most obvious about him. They'd say the opposite if he was skinny or small.

Or you could say "compared to what?" and watch them stutter for answers!

I hope you understand you are not alone, and that people are going to comment on your child no matter if he/she is big, small, fat, skinny, redhead, adopted etc. It's much better to not even give these people room in your head and focus on being a happy mommy to a wonderful, healthy son!

I had a lady from my play group tell me that there *must* be something wrong with my son, because he was so tall for his age. At 10 months old he was average height of 2 year old. Tall boy! After assuring her politely that no, he is just fine thank you, she wouldn't drop it, said a big "hey ladies, don't you think.." to the group and then she began telling me all the medical diagnosis that SHE had decided my son had and then making fun of him. WOW! No more playing nice! I said to her something along the lines of - "aren't you embarrassed to be acting so rude?" that shut her up and left her appologizing for weeks. Ugh, what a creep!!

The problem with these people is that they speak about the baby as about a thing, not a person. They would never say, meeting a fat adult - "hey, I am surprised how fat you are". Moreover, the kids grow fast and change rapidly, each one is different. Unfortunately it is almost impossible to change the behavior of the people you mention. But you know that you have a beautiful child and that is the most important. (Sorry for the language, I am not a native speaker.)

i don't know if it's the 'best' response but i feel if these people feel the need to be RUDE to my child (any mother should know better than to say something like that about another woman's child) then there's not much cause for me to be polite. and he's only 6 months old so you don't have to model "perfect" behavior yet! like i said, i probably wouldn't react correctly. but i would definitely give a "gotoh***" look and walk off, at least. depending on whether i knew them or not. if it was a friend or family i would definitely let them know that it hurts. no need for that. so what, when he's a year he already has self image problems? come on. people have to have more common sense than that. you just don't say something like that.

btw, if his dr. isn't worried than that is your answer. "his dr. says he's just fine."

but i still prefer being as rude as they are lol. yes, i know, i'm awful. that just makes me really mad.

Consider that some people see a "fat" baby as a healthy baby. They like to see a robust baby. It may not be a criticism, but that they think he is healthy and cute. I think this is especially true of the older generation.

Of course this may not be the case with everyone. You know best. Consider what would make you feel better. Here are some options I thought of:

"Yes, he is a big boy. The doctor says he is perfect and healthy! We are very lucky."

"Actually, he is not fat at all. The doctor says he is perfect and healthy! We are very lucky."

"Oh, please don't call my son fat. The doctor says he is perfect and healthy! We are very lucky."

You get my drift.........

My favorite is when people would call mine "a little butterball". I mean, really? I would just smile, say "Yes, he is healthy and strong" and leave it at that. Take the high road and enjoy your beautiful boy.

Both of my boys are big too. Not fat by any means, just big boys for their age. When I get comments about how big they are, I usually respond with "Yep, we're getting him ready for the NFL draft" or (to baby) "Yep, you're a big strong boy, arent you?" Just try not to sweat it... as long as he's healthy, who cares what other people think :) Another thing to note... my first went through a little butterball stage until he started crawling, then he thinned out. Its easy for a big baby to look chunky until they start being more active, then they even out a bit.

If it's strangers making comments, don't answer with actual weight and length. "He's the perfect size for a 6 month old! Aren't you sweetie!"

Sometimes people forget and think that babies stay tiny and newborn-sized until they're a year old. They forget that 6 months old isn't "tiny" any more but that they can range in size from 12/15 lbs to 18 lbs with variations in between. Perception is a funny thing. Or maybe their children really were tiny little babies and they forget that every baby is different, and genetics can play a role. It's just filler talk, something to say, something to fill the space with and they end up inserting their feet into their mouth. I like to respond with generics and then bait and switch.

"Wow, he's such a big baby! When my kids were that age they were so tiny in comparison." A good response might be, "Isn't it amazing how every baby can be so different from the next? Even in the same family. Hey, by the way, did hubby tell you that junior started ____ a day or two ago? We're so proud of him!"

"He's just so big. What are you feeding him?" That probably implies you're over-feeding him. "He has a good appetite, but our pediatrician says he's healthy and he's within normal percentiles. Ooh, did I tell you that he started ____ this morning? He's learning so many new things already!"

"Oh my God, he's huge. How big is he? Is he really only 6 months old?" "He's the perfect size for a 6 month old. He just started _____ the other day, isn't that exciting?"

Honestly though, I see no problem with letting people tactfully know if their comments sting. When my girls were babies, I responded with generalities rather than specifics. It defused situations between myself and in-laws and competitive moms who for one reason or other wanted their babies to be smaller or the flip side, wanted their babies to be bigger. You can't win, really, so don't play. Don't take it personally because it really isn't about you or your baby.

Do you know these people? If not you do not have to respond at all. Sounds like you are a wonderful mother, baby is well cared for, you take baby to the Dr. and I do not see the problem either. Tell the rude people that perhaps you could loan them some money for food since their babies are little sticks. Or maybe they are just jealous because they cant find their child under a blanket or maybe they are just really mean terrible people and why do you want to know them anyway? These people are sick. Calling your baby fat. Ask them to turn around and tell them whats fat. Sorry but they are way out of line.

My daughter is a very healthy 15 yr old. When she was a baby, (her first year) she was a big baby. My pedi applauded me because she ate well, had a little extra (not FAT) and was very healthy.

She was over 2 before she ever had a mild antibiotic and to this day is rarely sick.

That said, I had people laugh and tell me I had a fat baby. "She's as big as you" because I am a stick thin size 0. I also got sick of hearing it. SO, I started saying...."at least she is a very healthy baby" "well she has never been sick" or I'd just roll my eyes like they were crazy.

Today she is a size 0, very active teen.

It is hard to hear rude comments from others.....after a while, it will roll off your shoulders and/or you get used to it.

Sounds like you have a healthy baby so you hang in there and get through this tough part when he is called "fat". I think babies should have a little extra heft the first year. He is healthy!!

I have to agree with everyone here. My daughter is tall for her age (21 months and just about in 3T clothes). Many people comment on her height. I just brush it off and usually say her dad has strong genes (he is 6'6''). Or I just smile and walk away.

I know I don't want my baby to grow up too fast and when others comment on her being bigger or older or taller than she is it makes me a little sad, but love her even more.

I am still getting that at 22 months (although not usually as rude anymore). My comments were usually, yep, he is a great eater! Everyone called him a linebacker, and I didn't like that one. But I would say that I just loved his chubby cheeks, and his baby rolls. There are so many women out there that have skinny babies, that really like baby rolls, that I think that they are jealous. My son looks like a toddler now - he is a toddler, yet almost all the other kids in his daycare class look like little adults because they are so skinny.

I may have made a few innocent comments about friends kids, "wow, he is so big.", not meaning to be rude, just genuinely surprised that they are so big. I usually follow it up with how cute baby rolls are, but I'm sure that the comments could have been misunderstood. Maybe you can see it that way?

I am dealing with the rude comments directed at me now...I am 6 months pregnant and while in a store, a lady asked when I was due. I told her 3 months, she looked me up and down and said, "I don't think you're going to make it"!!! I was speechless. I'm going with the jealousy on that one. :)

The additional fat in babies is needed for brain development, and the weights and sizes that you listed are no need to worry (unless your doctor is). Enjoy your baby and ignore the rude people...I know, easier said, than done. Good luck.

I think too that people mean it as a compliment. My oldest daughter was a very big baby with rolls upon rolls of that delicious chubbiness that was begging to be squeezed. She is now 6 1/2, tall and looks like you could snap her in half she is so thin (and she eats more than my other two combined). However, I remember having tears in my eyes one day that everyone was gaping at her and ogling over how "fat" she was. It can be hurtful, but just remember that it probably holds no malintent, and a simple
thank you" will tell them all there is to say.Or "I know and I love it - I can't stop squeezing him". That should shut them up.

Hi L.-
It is RIDICULOUS for people to be calling your son fat. Babies are supposed to be fat! It's healthy! Have you seen a scrawny baby? They look malnourished! And, yes, your baby's current weight is at a consistent growth with how much he weighed when he was born. My suggestion is to not worry about it and when someone says that he is fat tell them that they are ridiculous and they should keep their opinions to themselves!

Good luck,
L. B.

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I believe most of these people don't even realize they are rude. Just try to say something and comment on the first thing they can or the most visible (either too fat, too skinny, too tall, too short, or still having a pacifier).

For me, the worst is when the children can understand and I need to say something to fix it. My daughter is 10 months and my son 2 1/2. She is in the 75 and 80 percentiles for weight and height (chubby). My son is more on the 25 and 70 (tall and skinny). And people would say in front of him: "wouaw, she will soon be bigger than him" or "Are you sure he weights more than her?"
Or the worse, telling him directly "Be careful. She will soon walk and be bigger and stronger than you!"

Not sure if this is helpful at all, as I have no magic answer, but just to let you know you're not alone.

People are just naturally curious and I believe MOST of them (or at least I hope) don't realize what they are saying or asking and how it sounds to the Mom. I have friends with big babies, small babies, etc.. I know they get those comments all the time. If it were me, I'd come up with something clever, maybe "thanks for noticing, his pediatrician says he's perfect" or "he is a baby, of course he's a little fat - what is your excuse?" (ok, that is kind of mean).. "gosh, you know, I get this a lot and I just find it to be such a rude question. Do you still need me to answer?" "Mind your own business!!" or just pretend you don't hear them... bottom line, as hard as it may be, don't let it get to you. He is your perfect little baby - every baby is different (thankfully). Don't worry about what others think, they are always thinking something!
Best wishes,
M.

We too have lots to love babies :) I would give the answer, "The doctor says he/she is right where they should be" or "doctors says the bigger the better" or he/she is just perfect that usually give the person a hint and they stop. My 3 1/2 month old at his last check up was 14lbs 10oz...following suit of his big sisters to be a little rollie pollie baby, which I just love but as soon as my kids started walking they lost all of the rollie pollies and thinned right out, kind of sad because I loved it. :) Don't worry about what is considered "normal" or what not, as long as your baby is healthy, that is all that matters.

laura-

So feel you! My daughter is actually only in the 30% for weight, but she is short- 10% and she has a square build, a very round big head (98%)- People including my MIL are constantly commenting on how chubby she is- Really at 22 ounds at 18 mos... she is not chubby- she is right on! All you can do is smile- say " I know isn't he/she addorable" and move on. Some people just don't have a mouth filer and the first thing that pops into their head comes straight out the mouth- most aren't trying to be rude .

M.

As I read this, all I can think about is how my child is 3.5 months old and weighs 16 lbs already!!! :-) I'm sure I'm going to have to deal with a lot of those very same comments. People just tend to speak before they think, unfortunately.

There really is NOT a problem, so don't think that at all. He's a baby! My goodness -- all babies grow at different rates. When people say that, perhaps you can respond with something such as "we don't use the word fat in our house, b/c it's offensive"...or "we prefer to use the word healthy instead of fat" or -- you can even tell them that the doctor has assured you that your baby is not overweight, but healthy!

I realize that the comments of others can be biting, especially when it has to do with your children. Try not to take it to heart, as you have a beautiful little boy, I'm sure, and healthy is GOOD! Underweight is scary, in my personal opinion! Just means you are doing something right!

So, keep your chin up -- otherwise, you'll only be looking at your own boobs all day! ;-)

People can be very insensitive. My boys were both biggun's when they were born and people did comment. All I can say is ignore ignore smile nod ignore. You will get a lot of unsolicited advice in the future and the only way to not lose your mind is to ignore ignore smile and ignore. I do it with my MIL a lot. And strangers.

So many great replies! This past Christmas, I was at my daughter's school christmas program and these two women were making comments about how tall this child was, how she was taller than all of the other girls in her class, if she'd ever find a boyfriend-these are 6 and 7 year old kids-and they kept going on and on. I finally started looking at the kids and realized they were talking about my daughter. I politely leaned forward and replied with a smile-that was my daughter in the purple, and yes, she's very tall like her daddy, and right now, at seven years old, she's more focused on doing well in school than finding a boyfriend. The point wasn't to be rude back, but to make them aware of how thier comments could come accross hurtful.

Don't let these comments bother you! Like many people posted below, they may not realize that their comments sound insulting and rude. You know your little man is healthy and happy, and I would reply just that.

Updated

So many great replies! This past Christmas, I was at my daughter's school christmas program and these two women were making comments about how tall this child was, how she was taller than all of the other girls in her class, if she'd ever find a boyfriend-these are 6 and 7 year old kids-and they kept going on and on. I finally started looking at the kids and realized they were talking about my daughter. I politely leaned forward and replied with a smile-that was my daughter in the purple, and yes, she's very tall like her daddy, and right now, at seven years old, she's more focused on doing well in school than finding a boyfriend. The point wasn't to be rude back, but to make them aware of how thier comments could come accross hurtful.

Don't let these comments bother you! Like many people posted below, they may not realize that their comments sound insulting and rude. You know your little man is healthy and happy, and I would reply just that.

Just let it roll off your back. No use upsetting yourself over other people's thoughtlessness. I think a lot of people do say it as a cute thing when babies are this young and may not be trying to be rude. Both my babies were little butterballs when they were infants and as they got more active and weaned themselves off of breast milk they slimmed right down. If you ped is happy with your babies weight then don't worry!

Take care

Im glad you posted this. I am coming from the other end of this. My son is one of the shorter children in his class. I couldnt believe I actually had a parent last week say "oh my, he sure is small" in front of everybody. He is in 4th grade. I didnt even know what to say. I wanted to say, yep we all come in different shapes and sizes. My husband (who is shorter) said his mom delt with it his whole life. I guess she would always say --he sure is cute isnt he. I ended up just turning around and walking away.

I understand where you are coming from. My daughter is 6 months old and at birth weighed 8 lbs. 14 oz. Although, when I see my friends and tell them how big she is, they respond that she is fine. I smile with the feedback I get, which makes me feel comfortable. So by this, it has prepared me to respond nicely to others who are rude and make comments such as you are dwelling on. When people say that to you, "He' fat", just respond back with a big smile on your face, " He is perfect!', and walk away. It will make them look stupid! But your bundle of joy is perfect! You will have more confidence in yourself.

I know what you mean. I work in the sunday school class at church. My 2 year old is the youngest in the class (everyone else is 3) I have had so many people tell my how small my child is. My own grandma told me he might be a midget!!!! He is just fine. Yes he is smaller because all the other kids are a whole year older them him!!!! I agree people need to think before they talk. When people tell me how small my child is I don't pretend to take it ok, I show then how hurt that makes me feel and also tell them that at his last check up the MD said he was in the normal hight and weight range for his age. Good luck, I hope the negitve coments stop soon.

My son is six months old and 18 lbs but I have not had people tell me he's fat. I think each baby is different and while some carry weight in their faces, others carry it in their legs.

When people comment and you think it's rude, consider saying these things:

Yep, that's my big boy!! You know he'll be a football player.

He's getting great food from his mama (if he's breastfed). I can't help it he likes my milk!!

I know, aren't we lucky he's not underweight?

He's not fat, he's chunky...I LOVE his rolls!!

Or just smile and inside, say something very rude and walk away!!

People are just so rude sometimes I can't even believe it! You just have to ignore it and not get upset. People always tell me how small my baby is... I get annoyed but it's not worth saying anything. All I say is Thanks... he's such a cute baby isn't he. You can just say Thanks... he's so healthy. Hope that helps.

People are generally judgemental and rude. It's unfortunate.

Our daughter has been a chunk right from the beginning. To offset people's comments, we'd usually say something about yes, she's our petite little girl. We were in Chicago on an elevator after visiting an Oncologist all day, and one of the ladies was loving her (6 mos at the time) and said, "Girl, you've got some juicy thighs" - we used that story a lot to break the ice.

She's 22 months and enormous now - but evenly matched on height/weight. She weighs 33.5 lbs, and our pediatrician's never been concerned (we've asked him about it at each well-baby visit). She looks like most 3 year-olds.

Good luck. Wouldn't it be nice if there were 1 day/year that you could just speak your mind back?

Just tell them to mind their own business. Every child is different. My mother-in-law told me that back in the day when she had her first that she was told to bulk him up with Karo syrup and she did. When he was 3 months he was 25 lbs. By the way, Karo syrup is bad for babies- they just can't digest it properly. My son was just fine except he was under weight according to them but he ate as much as any baby. Now he is above 50th for everything but he doesn't eat much. Go figure. A lot of people don't know what they are talking about. Are they a doctor? Are they even parents? I find most of these people don't have kids. You are doing fine. Don't be surprised if he changes things on you in the future either.

a "fat" baby is different then a fat adult. most people dont think twice about calling a small child fat but if it were a 20 year old they would hold their tongues. i faced the issue in a different manor. my son was over 9lbs when he was born but didn't reach 20 lbs until after he turned one. i had to deal with the "oh don't you feed him enough" it is hard to shrug it off but most peoples comments about babies are not intended to be insults. you can simply tell people he looks how he does because that is how he was made. children are not made to look the same unless they are cut from the same cloth so to speak. forget what other people say love your baby chubby or not :)

Maybe you should let these people know that he is not fat, he is healthy, perhaps giving a hint that you are offended. People should be more sensitive when making comments about someone's children. Kids come in all shapes and sizes and there's nothing wrong with baby fat, babies are supposed to look chubby. I had the opposite problem with my daughter, she is tiny for her age but it runs in the family. People make comments and sometimes imply that I don't feed her enough which is offensive and irritating. Next time you get a rude comment just say something rude about that person, maybe they'll get the hint!!

Hi Laura, I wouldn't worry about it at all! My four kids were all big babies. My daughter was born at 10 pounds, 2 ounces and was always big as an infant. I would get comments like that all the time. I tried to brush them off, but was secretly worried that maybe she was too big! She is now 8 years old, and average height, extremely skinny! It's hard to find pants that fit her because she's so thin. My youngest is now 2, and is a chunky little guy, but I look at his three sisters, who are all very average size, and I don't worry about him at all. When people comment on his size, I just say, "Yes! He's big for his age. All my kids were big at this age, but now they're average-sized". And that's it! Good luck!

babies are meant to be fat! what are people's point anyway?

I have to admit I have found myself a little annoyed at this one.....what's funny to me about my baby right now is that I can go to one store and someone say "he's so little!" and I say "yeah, he's 10 weeks old" and they'll say "really? he's pretty little" and then I can go to another store the same day and someone go on about how he's a little football player, he's gonna be a big boy. My older son was 2 and fell out of bed, and we had to put a bandaid on his eyebrow. We visiting in Louisiana and people were all "How old are you? You're big for 2!" Regarding his bandaid, they all said "Wow! You're tough!" Coming back to Texas, everyone said "You're 2? Kinda small for 2!" and re: the bandaid "Oh nooo, are you ok?" I think part of it's cultural, part of it is just not knowing what to say but wanting to talk. I think they see babies and can't help but say SOMETHING because let's face it, babies are awesome and we want to look, and then feel obligated to say something. Consider it just running the mouth, 90% of the people are just talking to talk, and not being rude on purpose. There are a few out there who are actually trying to say something, but just blow them off. I make a point to not to judge whether someone has said something innocently stupid, or if they're really a jerk; just go with the flow. Makes life easier. My only thing is that if they say something in front of my oldest, who can understand English (ha), I make sure to calmly redirect their statement to a positive. I stay calm and NOT defensive, so he won't think something's wrong. For example "he's kinda small" could be casually answered with "Well, he's a GREAT big brother, a HUGE help around the house, and his daddy was my height (5'2") until he graduated highschool and now he's 6'2. " That way I brag on him, and he knows his dad is tall and a hero, so it makes him feel good.

I don't think people mean to be rude. For a lot of people, a "fat" baby is a good thing. It's a sign of a healthy baby. I would have given anything to hear my baby be called fat. lol. My son was only 6 lbs. when he was born and he's still a peanut. He is tall for his age, but he is lanky and very thin. Just last week someone asked me if he was 20 months. It hurt a little because he's actually almost 2 and a half. But, I just laughed it off and asked her if she had children. No, of course she didn't. You have to learn to just ignore people and keep the mama bear growl in check. If your pedi says he is fine...who cares what others say.

i wouldn't worry about it. my son was 8.3 when he was born - at 6 mos he ws 20lbs. since then he's only gained 1.5lbs every 3 mos - he's now 18 mos and 25 lbs. he's been in 18mos clothe since last june - he needed them to fit his belly but were always long. he's slimmed down and shot up and he's 18mos and fits in 18mos clothing fine now. once he starts moving he'll really slim down.

if it really bothers you, you can do 1 of 2 things. get defensive and say politely, i know he looks big but he's proportionate and the drs. say he's on track.

or laugh it off - and say something like he's my little beefcake.

If it was me, I would state that he was a big baby at birth and he IS NOT FAT,he is where he should be for his size. Or say excuse me,my son weighed (state how big he was at birth),and he is not considered fat for the weight he was,and u don't appreciate their statement "of him being fat". When i see a big baby,I always say how adorable they are and he must have been a good size baby at birth. My kids were 6lbs,but my neice was 9lbs and my nephew was 8lbs when they were born;so,they went thru the same thing u are.Hope this helps;but there maybe times when u need to be rude back.