I just want to get some perspective...we have an 8 (turning 9) year old. We are planning a party. I've noticed that some people don't reciprocate our invitations (i.e. they have a party and don't invite my dd - even though she invited them.
Some of those kids who did not reciprocate live in our neighborhood - we see them at the park and the kids play...I don't feel right not inviting them - I like to keep peace in the neighborhood, on the other hand, I feel more obligation to invite those who DID invite my daughter. How do you all draw the line on who is invited?
Another sticky situation is whether or not to invite a girl who did invite my dd to her party, but recently she's been overly bossy with some fighting between them... she usually has some type of meltdown at parties...so she's very high maintenance...I'd rather not have her there, but my dd went to her party.
Advice??
I never keep track of who's party my daughter (10) was invited to. I set a limit for number of people she can have for a party depending on what we are doing, then I ask her who she would like to invite. Her 10th party was held at a waterpark and so she was limited to 3 girls. She thought through who would get along best with whom and picked three. Done. I don't keep track. If other parents do, that's their issue.
Just invite who your child gets along with and will have fun at the party. I wouldn't worry about the reciprocal thing, there can be a myriad of reasons why parents don't invite many children.
At that age, invite who your daughter wants to invite. If she wants to invite the neighborhood kids -invite them, but if not -who cares? Your neighbors haven't invited her to their kids' parties, so how is it "keeping the peace" for you to invite them? As for the bossy kid -again, if your daughter wants to invite her, do, but if not -it's HER party!
My daughter is 9.
Per her birthday parties, we ask HER... who she wants to invite.
I don't make her invite people that is "my" choice.
She invites, her BFF's. These are SCHOOL friends.
Not the whole neighborhood.
Why should anyone have to do that?
Again, per my kids' parties, they invite their best friends. These are classmates.
We determine how many kids they can invite, per how many we can manage or can accommodate.
I never "expect" a person to invite my daughter to a party, just because she may have invited them.
And visa versa.
My daughter is 9. And she herself, can maturely determine, if she wants to invite or not, a "bossy/drama" kid. Mostly she stays away from kids like this. This is not her personal circle of friends.
Next: is your neighborhood full of drama/meddling/nosy/bossy neighbors? And is it the "routine" that all the neighbors invites the whole neighborhood to each other's parties??? Or not.
To me, even if living in a neighborhood... each family should have their own privacy and about what activities they do in their home with their kids.
Otherwise, you are ALWAYS, controlled by what the neighbors are doing or not.
It is simply, not sane... to HAVE TO invite every.single.kid that you or your kids may socialize with ALL around the city.
Just because you see or mingle with kids at a public park, that does not mean you have to invite them.
And again, this is your daughter's party.
See who SHE wants to invite. But as the parent, you have to determine, how many she can invite. So that, you either have a huge party or a nice small cozy party. With HER friends who are closest with her.
Don't feel obligated... they don't feel that way about you. Invite only those who invite your kids. From there see who is the closet in age to the birthday girl and the correct age range for any planned activities. From those choose the ones who aren't bratty, whiny or bossy and that have parents you like or can tolerate and who won't act as though they "forgot" you said to pick their kid up by 4pm not 9pm. From that pool select one kid per year of the birthday child's life. That should leave you with 9 guests. Add 6 to make it a nice 15. About 10 kids will show up including the high maintenance girl who you can creatively ignore by giving her something simple to do every time she makes a request.
Best wishes and Happy Birthday to your Princess. :)
I wouldn't necessarily invite the neighborhood children unless your daughter actively wants them to come to her party. When deciding who to invite, I usually go in this order of priority:
1) People my child or I really want to come
2) People whose parties we have attended within the past year (and obviously there is a lot of overlap with the first category or else we wouldn't have gone to their party)
3) People whose feelings will be hurt if they find out we're having a party and they're not invited
I usually just sort of go down that list until I reach my designated limit to the number of guests we can accommodate. Sometimes not everyone in the second or third categories makes the cut, but I figure that we can't all be invited to everything.
As for the little girl you don't want to invite, kids go through phases where they get along better than others. Unless it's a very small party, I think you will be sending this child (and her parents) a message that you/your daughter don't want to be friends if you don't invite her. If you're comfortable with that, go ahead and leave her off the list. However, I personally would invite her if she is someone your daughter sees regularly.
Invite who you and your DD want at the party. Never mind what parties she was invited to. If you start inviting everyone who invites her, then she may not have room to invite those who did not invite her, but who she really wants at her party.
Don't take it personally that DD is not invited to everyone's party. Most parents put a limit on the number of guests who are not family - usually because of not enough room or expense.
Just invite who she wants to have and don't worry about the rest.
Hi, Sally:
Invite everyone. When your daughter gets old enough, she will
be able to choose who she wants to be friends with.
When anyone is bossy to your daughter, hold them accountable for their
inappropriate behavior. This modeling will teach not only the girl but your
daughter in how to handle situations like this.
Good luck.
D.
the best way to handle this is to tell your daughter she can invite 9 friends (1 friend per year of her age) to go for a birthday. I would let her choose who to invite. I would not invite anyone she is not friends with and I would not invite the whole neighborhood. the other choice is to do something really cool and let her only invite a couple friends. that way she can just say "my mom said I can only invite 2 friends or however many you want. but at all costs skip the meltdown girl lol.
I agree, let her pick the guests, but do give her a max # of people she can invite. Don't feel responsible to invite neighbors she doesn't play with and/or who don't invite her to parties. Have fun.
When my daughter turned 9 last October, I told her to make up a guest list and give it to me so I could send out the evites. I gave her a week to get the list together. When she did, I simply invited the people on the list. It was the best party she'd ever had. Everyone there WANTED to be there and SHE herself WANTED those girls there. There was no drama, nobody threw a fit, it was awesome because she invited her true friends, and nobody *just* because of an "obligation". By this age, it should be up to them who to invite.
We don't draw lines or take sides. Everyone gets invited-and you deal with people's rudeness (the grownups) and you keep the children occupied the best you can so there is no opportunity for bad behavior. For nine year olds-you should have one adult or teen helper for every nine children.
it's your daughters party so let her decide. tell her how many she can invite then let her have the rest of the rein.
