Who Is Calling My Son a Brat!?

I wouldn't make a big deal about it. I tell my kids that they are good and I love them even when they have bad behavior. They know that.

I also don't call them brats, I may tell them they are acting bratty, but they are not brats. It's all about behavior and choices.

Honestly though, he could have picked it up anywhere and I'd let it go. Tell him it's not nice to call people names and he is certainly not a brat.

i wouldn't ask anyone where he heard the word brat....I mean really he could have said something a lot worse

What does he think a brat is? My son was never scared of "monsters" until preschool b/c I didn't connect that word to mean something scary. To him, it was another word for animal. He probably heard the word somewhere and he's testing the use. Kids do that a lot with swear words and usually its completely out of context.

Everyone is exposed to thousands and thousands of messages every day and for whatever reason that word made it through his filter. He may not even remember saying it to you at this point,

Did you ask him what "Brat" meant to him?

Did you go back and watch every episode of any tv show or commercial or radio station etc that he may or may not have seen/heard?

Did you consider that your child heard it from another?

Did you consider that your child may have been acting like a brat and someone said this is bratty do you want to be a brat? As a teachable moment?

Have yo considered that it cameout one day in conversation and these things happen PERIOD?

ETA: way to change the tag line from who the #&$^% is calling my son a brat? Just so all understand what the first responders are talking about.

Chill out, mama.

Explain to your son what a brat is. Then ask him again if he thinks he's a brat. Reassure him that YOU don't think he's a brat, and he shouldn't let people call him one.

Don't bother trying to track down the offending party. It doesn't matter. You can't control the rest of the world. Teach him what it means and what to do next time.

Luck!
C. Lee

Not necessarily anyone.

- Im a military brat
- Bratz dolls
- Yo, Michelle! Don't be a brat about it!
- Im feeling a little bratty today
- This is Bret, he'll be your new classmate. Everyone say hi to Brett, and lets all be especially nice to him

1001 different ways he could have heard brat used, not directed toward him, that he's extrapolated.

Or 1001 ways he could have heard it directed toward him (other kids, etc.).

Hi S.,

This may not be the popular answer, but are you sure he didn't hear it at home, even by accident? I ask only because of the title of your post makes me wonder about the language used in your home. I'm really not trying to be judgmental, I'm just asking, because kids are like sponges, they soak up everything they hear and often repeat it just to sound it out.

Your son will hear a lot of words you won't like as his vocabulary develops. When he says a word you don't like, ask him gently where he heard it, and make it clear to him that "we don't use that word in this house"> You will probably never know where he gets some of the words he hears. Do reassure him that he is not a brat, a bad boy, etc. because he's not.

You don't want to go into daycare or the Y flaming angry (even though you are angry) because that won't get you anywhere. You can politely but firmly ask is any has called your son a brat, but you probably won't get an answer you like.

Be prepared for worse things to come out of your son's mouth, the worst is yet to come.

He learns a word and that means someone called him that word? I don't follow that logic otherwise our children would be pretty slow learners unless we called them specific words.

And so what if someone called your son a brat. The sun still rose, he's still alive and life will go on. In fact, he's likely to be called much worse during his life.

If it were my son, I'd teach him how adults deal with name calling - we rise above it and take the high road. Otherwise he'll be tattling, crying and having all this drama every. time.
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oh, and doesn't spongebob say brat? maybe he picked up from there or another tv show?

Ya know if you make a big deal about this you are going to make your son feel bad. Right now the word has no power to him. Why on earth would you want to give it power by flipping a nut over this?

And you seriously haven't considered it may be another child?

AFTER SEEING YOUR "TAG LINE" CHANGE:

Very revealing what may be said, done, or tolerated in your home and then try covering up.

You may not call your child names, but your tag line indicates that he might hear the F word and probably other cursing in the home. I would rather explain what BRAT behavior is rather then explain why someone might call one another VULGAR name.

Your child may be exhibiting bad behavior and thus someone called him a BRAT. Maybe you should talk to him about the way he was treating others when he was called BRAT.

He might have heard another kid use the word, or, of course, one of his caregivers might have said it.

My Kindergartener came in my room the other day and saw a bra on my bed. He said, "Mom, I know what that is. It's your boobs." Yep, he heard the word "boobs" at school, but apparently didn't understand the definition -- they aren't removable, kid ;-)

ETA: When I was a kid we lived next door to a family whose dad was racist. The youngest kid was 3 yrs older than I was, and he would always use the "n" word when doing the "Eeny, Meeny, Miney Moe" rhyme. One day I said it and my mom slapped me harder than I have ever been slapped in my life. I had no idea what it meant. Looking back, I doubt my neighbor had any idea either. He just heard his dad say it.

I love how parents can call kids - theirs or someone else's angels and feel all warm and fuzzy. But as soon as it's something negative you get all offended. I tell my daughter she's a brat when she's a brat and I tell her she's a lady when she's being a lady and I tell her when she's a sweet angel when she's being an angel. This is real life good and bad - let's teach our children the reality of life and not the rosy-colored glasses version.

Oh and I don't mind being called a "b*tch" when I am being one ;)

How do you know someone called him a brat? There's a hundred places and ways he could have heard that word used. That's probably why your question confused him. I remember my daughter using the word "pussy" when she was five, she couldn't even remember where she heard it (not a word WE ever use) and she clearly didn't know it was bad. I simply explained it to her and she never used it again.
Kids come home with phrases, words and picked up behavior/habits all the time. It's our job as parents to teach them and direct them, not fly off the handle and look for someone to swear at and blame and get all furious at. My goodness, unless you plan to raise your child in a bubble you'd better learn how to deal with these incidents in a calm, mature manner.

S.,
I would consider the possibility that someone may have said it to him in a teasing way. I have a hard time imagining some adult snarling at him and calling him "you little brat!" but I CAN imagine a scenario where he does something mischievous and someone teasingly says "you brat!" I wonder if he might have heard this from another child, at daycare or the park or something.
Either way, I would just keep your eyes and ears open. You could certainly ask other parents at the gym whether they like the daycare or have had any issues. If he says things like "I am a brat, I am bad" then sure, ask questions like "Why do you think that? Who said that?" in a calm manner and then reassure him that you know he is trying his best to behave and that you love him.

S.:

He could have heard it from ANYONE...someone at a store, a child at the gym, etc.

Take a deep breath. Let it out slowly.

If it happens again. Ask him if he knows what being a brat means. Then ask him who taught him the word. Don't freak out. If you freak out - he will zip his lips.

If you want to avoid a huge scene, just drop it. If it comes up again - ask subtle questions....get your answers then press forward.

Good luck!

If you make a huge scene you will only be embarrassing yourself. Chances are that he overheard someone use the word somewhere. Maybe a child at daycare or the Y, maybe he overheard it at the supermarket.... he obviously has no idea what it means... probably thinks it's a compliment.
His little brain is a sponge and will retain many words he randomly overhears...just get used to it and start teaching him what language you deem appropriate for him to use.
Good luck.

He heard it somewhere. Let it go. He is 3. If this is the worst he comes home with, count your blessings.

I suggest that you take it with a grain of salt. Kids are not known for being very reliable, especially at that age. He probably heard it somewhere or saw it on a TV show or something.

Please don't go to the YMCA and childcare center and accuse anyone of anything. There is a saying amongst teachers regarding this topic. It basically says, "If you believe half of what your kid tells you about me, then I'll only believe half of what your child tells me about you". My DD is almost 7 and I still have to take what she says with a grain of salt.

If you take the attitude that your snowflake is always right and factual, and you make a big deal of it, then you are going to have a long, hard road ahead of you, and you will make it harder for your son, too. You will learn that a large part of being parent is choosing your battles and saving the boxing gloves for the really important things. This is not one of them.

I have to agree with GalwayGirl ... I call our son rotten all the time in a teasing manner. You've got your momma bear claws out, and while sometimes that's absolutely necessary, this isn't one of those times. Let it go and move on ... Your little guy already has.

Deep breath, step back. He may have heard another child say it to a play mate. Another child may have called him that. I don't think it's worth a freak out. Yeah, it raises mommy bear, but out of all the 4 letter words, it's minor. Just keep your ears open, and mention that your son came up with the word and that the kids might be "calling each other names" and you want the care people to be aware. It gives them a heads up if the kids are doing it, and a subtle warning if one of the care people slipped.

I'd get over it. Your little guy is going to hear a LOT worse and repeat most of it. It's good to hear things and then have a talk about it and how it's not appropriate.

Any kid with older siblings has a large vocabulary of words they shouldn't use and they pass them around.

Don't go asking around - it will make you the crazy lady.

I hear ya loud and clear! I don't think that you'll get anywhere going on a rampage. Maybe you can ask casually as you interact with these places but not spend the day visiting each spot, you know? The most/best that you can do right now is to counter whatever you hear that you don't like. Don't put too much emphasis on it, because that'll call his attention to the negative. Just counter it in a matter-of-fact tone. When you happen to be at those other places, make a point of telling the people who come into contact with him that you've heard him say this and want to make sure that you are all on the same page and they know that you would like for NO ONE to refer to your son as a brat. Not that it's good either way, but he might have heard them talking about someone else. He's at that age where he's picking up everything and not always sure of how to put it down.

Well, I think it would be a huge scene if you start asking at places where this may never have even happened!
What would *I* do in this situation?
I would say (immediately) "where did you hear that? Do you know what "brat" means?
Your son is 3.
You're going to have about a zillion incidents like this where you can go off the chain or choose to look at the bigger picture and deal calmly.
So, yes, keep your ears open where you take him.
Could have heard it on the TV, a cartoon, part of a phone conversation, the radio....who knows?

I would go to the directors of the programs and ask. You don't need to make a scene, but you can absolutely tell them that your son referred to himself as a "brat" out of nowhere. Let them know that you do not use that word in your home and are trying to figure out where it came from. Ask them to please look into it and get back to you about it.

I doubt that you will get to the bottom of it, but I do suspect that whoever is using such phrases will stop. I have had this conversation with providers before.

I would also try asking your son again out-of-context. Don't ask him "who called you that" b/c he won't rat out someone he likes. Instead try asking him where he heard it. You are assuming that it was directed at him and it may not have been. He may have heard someone call someone else a "brat" and was trying the phrase out to see what reaction he would get. that happens ALL THE TIME.

My son referred to himself as a "jackass" once (around that same age). When I asked where he heard that word, he told me "school". I let it go and talked with the preschool director. She talked with the teacher who shared with her that one of the older children used the word on the playground. It was handled appropriately (from a discipline standpoint), but the teacher didn't tell the director, which she should have done "just in case"!

At this age they pick up all kinds of words from just about everywhere and don't always know what they mean.
He could have heard it anywhere and I would not jump to a conclusion that anyone was calling HIM a brat.

My son came home with a couple of swear words from preschool (from other kids) and I had to explain that those are not nice words and we don't talk like that.
Eventually he'd ask me if he could say a word so I could tell him what it meant or if it was a bad word or not.

Is it possible that he heard you call another child a brat and he just picked up on it. I wouldn't sweat it.

S., you will probably never find out. And this is just the first of many things that will anger you as a mom, so you should probably try to calm down and just tell your son that you don't think he is a brat, and have fun with it, that way he won't see it as a negative. and I agree that he could have heard it anywhere, and is just repeating it. And if you go in the gym and start making accusations, you know next time you go back, you will feel awkward. I wouldn't do that.

I would have asked him at the time he said it, "Why would you say that, honey?" and followed up from there. At this point I wouldn't do or say anything unless he brings it up again.

Why didn't you ask him when he said it to you? I'll bet he could have told you exactly who called him that.

I would talk to the daycare and tell them that if anyone there uses that word, they need to stop. No one there is going to admit it, so don't even think anyone is going to raise their hand to it. If it is the same class at the Y with the same teacher, do the same. A letter written to the YMCA director might be better because they'll share the letter with the proper department.

It's not making a scene to bring this up. Threatening to not come anymore would be making a scene, so don't do that.

You cannot prevent your son from hearing stuff like this, but you can give your opinion. Do that...

Please put the fury on ice if you can.

He goes to day care (even if it's only once a week); he has sitters at the YMCA; and there are other kids in both locations. It's just as likely that he heard "brat" from another kid as from an adult - will you be equally furious if you knew that he heard it from a kid? I think you're assuming here that an adult directly told your son HE was a brat. That might not be the case at all and you really have no way to know.

Also, you mention "the time he told me he was bad because he had an accident" as well as this time when you seem upset that he's blaming himself or criticizing himself. This is pretty typical for children his age, so don't let it either make you assume he's been treated badly by an adult, or assume that he is unhappy or too self-critical. Remember -- for kids his age, the entire universe still revolves around themselves; that means it's "all about them" and that can include the idea that "If something went wrong it was my fault" and "If someone told me I did something I shouldn't have, I must have been very bad and naughty." So...even a "no, we don't do X" from an adult, said nicely, can turn into "I'm such a brat" or "I'm so wrong" or whatever. Again -- this is how kids this age see the world, and it is typical. He will outgrow it, if that's what worries you.

But the brat thing -- let it go. If he continues to say it about himself over and over, yeah, ask him gently where he learned that word and why he says it about himself when he's a nice and smart boy. But otherwise, let it go and save yourself the stress of being furious.

One last thing -- does he watch ANY kids' TV at all? Brat is not considered at curse word by any stretch of the imagination, and I feel sure it likely turns up in many a kids' show, so don't overlook that possibility.

Simply ask him...I agree someone shouldn't be calling him that, but HE knows who is doing it. Ask, "Who says that to you?" And ask it in a friendly, "Do you want ice cream?" voice, and he'll tell you.