My brother is getting married in November. He and my future SIL decided to get married in an old mansion turned hotel on a lake about 1.5 hours south of where they (and much of my family) live. We live on the other side of the country. The rehearsal dinner is at the mansion on Friday night and the wedding is on Saturday night. B and SIL have stated that they want this to be like a destination wedding, where everyone stays over at the mansion Friday and Saturday and leaves after a big brunch Sunday. That's fine by me because we're travelling in and it doesn't matter where we spend the weekend really. Staying over will be easier than driving 1.5 hours to the rehearsal on Friday afternoon, driving back to my mom's house to sleep Friday night, and right back again Saturday morning so we can be at the mansion in time for everyone to get their hair done, etc. (my girls are the flowergirls). There are a few really elegant rooms in the actual mansion, and a 40 room motel about 200 yards away. B and SIL told me last week that they picked out two adjoining motel rooms for my family (me, husband, two kids) because the motel rooms are really tiny and only have one double bed each.
I told my husband about it and he kind of groaned. He's really not excited about trying to entertain our kids for two days in a motel with nothing to do nearby. This place is really and truly out in the middle of nowhere - the nearest town or restaurant is a 10-15 minute drive. It's going to be cold and probably rainy. And we have to fill up an entire Saturday. The wedding isn't until 5pm. SIL thinks that my girls and I will be spending all day with her and her bridesmaids having brunch, getting our nails done, getting our makeup done (well, for me, not the girls!), getting our hair done, etc. I love the idea of spending as much time with them as possible, but I have two five year olds. They're not going to be all that interested in spending 8 hours primping. So husband has suggested that we rent a lake house nearby. That way we'd have a kitchen, living room, etc. And the girls and I could drive the 10 minutes to the mansion whenever we were needed and participate, but it would give us a place to retreat to when the girls got tired or needed to play. (plus, it would give him a nice place to get away from it all too - he's not the most social of people). I mentioned this to my mom and she's disappointed. I offered that she could stay in a lake house with us and she said no, she'd be in the mansion where SIL asked her to stay. So I called my brother and he said he really doesn't care. He knows that SIL's vision of everyone hanging out all day Saturday isn't going to happen because there's nothing to do and people will probably be bored. He already heard from our three aunts - they're all renting a lake house so they can hang out during the off times. It's worth mentioning that I think my future SIL is great. She's not being a bridezilla by wanting this "her" way. She's just got a vision that I think is slightly unrealistic. The motel is expensive so I don't think all of the people she's expecting will stay overnight anyway
So... my question is this. Do we stay in the motel and make my SIL and mom happy? Or stay in a lake house and make my husband happy?
My sister has 2 young kids (compared to everybody else) and she has learned that everything works better for them if they stay where it will work for them rather than what the extended family wants. Stay at the lake house!
Rent the lake house nearby.
To me, this is a no brainer.
You have two 5 year olds.
And a Husband that would like his own privacy.
Nothing is wrong with that.
And he is the one that will be with the kids, mostly.
You've already made a very convincing case for the lake house.
The only reason to stay at the mansion is to people-please.
LAKE.
You pay, you decide.
Lake house - your family, your money, your sanity. You're 10 freaking minutes away from SIL and mom. SIL needs to let go of this part of the vision. You have kids and it's just not the same thing as adults hanging out and talking all day. The poor kids would be bored to tears.
You should definitely stay at the lakehouse where your husband and children will be more comfortable.
You get to choose. It sounds like the Lake House is a better fit for your family. Your sister has her own vision and you can be a part of it better if you are comfortably situated, rested and relaxed.
It's OK if your mom and sister feel disappointed. They are grownups and being disappointed is a part of life. The mansion idea is just one small part of your sister's wedding day. It sounds like you plan to do all you can to make this day special for your sister. Hopefully, she will see this, enjoy the time you have together and you will all have a wonderful time together.
I'd stay in the lake house, it definitely sounds more feasible with young kids in the picture. If the kids weren't present, I'd probably tell hubby to suck it up, it's just for on night, but the kids need space to run. I think it's ridiculous that your mom is dissappointed, she should know what it's like having small kids. Do what works for your family, everyone will get over it I'm sure and if they don't, then they had bigger issues with you to begin with. Let the kids have fun in a larger space and a 10 minute drive isn't going to hurt anyone.
Are you serious? Lol. Definitely go with the lake house! Don't do it to make your husband happy... Do it to keep your sanity! Your brother already said that it was fine by him. Your aunts are doing the same thing. You will still be at the mansion to participate with all the girly wedding stuff. Your SIL will get over it and when she has a couple of young kids, she will think back and realize how right you were for staying at the lake house.
Totally jealous about the mansion wedding! I'm in the middle of planning my own wedding right now, and a mansion would be SO beautiful (But also, SO expensive).
Way too easy to answer: hubby, of course. Besides, who wants to stay in a motel when you can stay in a lake house?
You do what will make the kids happy and bearable in this adult driven situation.
I know that your SIL is the bride and it's her day, etc. BUT, you and your family need to be comfortable where you are staying. You have kids - you need your space and they need to play, she just doesn't understand that.
Explain to her that if the kids don't get their energy out they will run around like crazy kids at the rehearsal dinner and reception annoying everyone. Maybe then she will get it.
It's 10 minutes away, she will get over it. Your husband will not go insane and no one will even think about it if you are on time for her events (if not a little early) with a happy family.
My vote is lake house. You need to go where you and your family will be happy, not where your mom and SIL want you to go.
I vote lake house . . . your husband can handle the girls while you do all the pre-wedding fun, and if the girls are able to join in a bit (without too much of the day committed) that will be great. If they can make it all day your husband can relax and enjoy himself too.
Happy husband/children = fun wedding for you.
I don't see how the lake house is any different than the room at the mansion. The doors have locks right? The kids will be able to bring whatever they would play with to either location? It doesn't seem to me the weather will change that much ten minutes away.
It just seems to me that your husband doesn't want to be around people that long and is dragging the rest of you into it with silly excuses.
I have done enough of these types of weddings with my ex's family to be able to tell you stay in the hotel! At the end of the day it took everything I had to ride the damn elevator to our room, I can't even imagine trying to drive.
Plus the other perk is when you are in the same building when the kids get tired, which is earlier than usual, you can take them up to the room. I usually got tired quicker than my ex so I was always glad for the excuse to go to sleep. Oh sorry, the kids are tired, it was such a lovely wedding!! Bye bye!!
Don't discuss this again with your mom. She's buying into the bride's fantasy, and that's not up to your mom to push it on you when you guy's aren't "feeling it".
You will have a marvelous time doing "girly" things with your SIL while your husband hangs with the kids doing "stuff". The nice thing is that if he shows up at the mansion and the girls get antsy, he can wisk them away.
Btw, as long as you are spending time with your SIL, she will be happy enough - don't let anyone push you into being uncomfortable. She doesn't have kids yet and I promise you that if they make a scene, she will forget that she is the one that was pushing everyone to be together. (So will your mom.)
Have a great time!
the lake house! you are going to the wedding, you're spending the money, you're bringing wiggly kids, and it's important that you make all this do-able. so many people would just ditch the event altogether.
the lake house sounds beautiful, and your dh is right, it will be much more fun and practical for a family with littles.
good for your brother. and your SIL sounds like she'll be fine too.
i hope your mom comes around.
khairete
S.
Stay at the lake house. You have your family to think about. You mother may stay wherever she chooses. The weekend is going to be pretty busy anyway (for the grownups), so she may have plenty to keep her occupied. And perhaps she could come out to the lake house for part of the day if she wants. Be sure to thank your B and SIL for reserving motel rooms for you (it was considerate of them), but tell them that the lake house will be much better for your family. Have fun!
Seems like the lake house is the best option for your family.
I would do the lake house. It is more realistic for your family's needs. You would still be close enough to be there for all the important events.
lake house - it's only 10 min away.
Stay at the lake. You will be SO glad you did. Your brother is fine with it, and already realizes that the "pie in the sky" expectations of his future bride are going to not be fully realized. He is on YOUR side. :)
And SIL will be fine, too... because one day she will have kiddos and have to entertain them. ;)
Honestly, I would do whatever is easiest for you in terms of meeting the needs of your kids and getting to where you need to be. I wouldn't be worried about your mother's disappointment. Five year olds are not going to be interested in 8 hours of primping.
No, stay at the lake and make you and your husband happy. Your B and SIL have a dream and that's fine, but your reality is two kids who will be bored and if they and hubby are unhappy, trust me, you will be too.
A compromise would be to spend the night alone with your M. at the motel and with the group and let your husband stay with the kids at the lake. Like you said, you can travel back and forth every 10 mins.
The lake house makes the most sense. All the people who want you to stay at the motel don't have young kids. They don't know or don't remember what it's like to entertain two young children all day! And it's not like they'll be helping you with childcare, so who cares what they think? Also, with as rowdy as some after-parties get, do you want to have your kids woken up at all hours of the night at the motel? Lake house! Lake house! ;)
I'd do the lake house so it will be more like a mini vacation that includes a wedding. We all need our privacy especially when we have kids to entertain. I'd just tell SIL that. However, once you get there and see the mansion you may very well find plenty of room to mess around and be happy without spending the extra cash for the privacy.
It's a hard call.
Husband is anticipating the worst... and that's why he wants his own cave, he's definitely not an optimist, eh?
I'd defer to the person doing the bulk of the childcare during the day. It's fun to have everyone all together, but your husband has a point. I know from experience that being in a fancy "don't touch" place (as the mansion is likely to be) for an extended period of time with no kid-friendly options is hell.
And nice for the aunties, perhaps, to get some time with the girls.
Try to make the most of your time with your SIL and brother and let them know that if the kids were a few years older, you would have loved to stay at the mansion. If they ever choose to have kids of their own, they'll understand!
I would do what the bride wants on this one. She probably managed to get a discount for a block of rooms and she has some great things planned for everyone. It's her weekend. Consider the fact that the hotel puts you close to family that can help out with the kids and where your SIL, the bride, will need her wedding party. Let your husband figure things out in the hotel. It won't be any different than in the lake house. Instead, research things to do in the area for your husband and tell him to suck it up.
Make your mom happy-in the long run-she will have loved you the most. Your husband should be tripping over himself to accommodate his wife and two little girls-you are treasures!! and you all deserve to be treated as such. You shouldn't be manipulated by someone who already intends to have a bad time being nice-and polite to your family! He is telling you, essentially, that he cannot possibly be kind for even two days and no one's happiness or convenience or wishes are more important then his! I'd tell him to stay home and pack while you're gone!
100% Lake House. It sounds perfect and it is what your husband wants, so that if anything goes wrong.. he can deal with it.
The happier he is in the situation, the more help he will be.
Have a great time..
My vote is the motel. That way you can sleep in leave when you need to or even split the childcare
Consensus says lake house. Besides that you can run around and scream without others hearing you to let off steam. Come and go as you wish not be stuck in one place. The girls getto tun around and have fun.
Keep your immediate family happy.
Enjoy New Mexico in the fall.
The other S.
I'd probably stay at the motel. But I'd prepare by investing in some new toys, arts/crafts projects, DVDs, etc. to keep the kids entertained. Tell Mom and SIL you are trying to brainstorm some ideas to keep the kids entertained during the day because you really don't think they would be happy with as much primping time as the adults will be. What are their suggestions? Will there be other kids around to play with? An older child to lead some games in the mansion or some kind of project they can help with? DH is an adult and should be able to make it work for one weekend for the SIL. Have him go to Barnes and Noble and pick out some books/magazines. No, it's not ideal, but I'd try to make it work.
It's your brother and future SIL's wedding...their day...do what they want...isn't that what you would want if it was your wedding weekend?
I dont knkow which one I would choose but I just wanted to say that myself and my 2 girls were in my sisters wedding last year (kids were 3 and 4 1/2) My sister wanted the bridesmaids to stay over night at my grandmothers house that is 2 mins away from my house (we did this for my wedding too!) So I stayed over night and my husband kept the kids and in the morning the bridesmaids got up and started doing hair (at the house) husband played with the kids at home and around 12 I picked the kids up and they came and had lunch with us, got there hair done, alittle make up (blush lipgloss) nails done (one of the bridesmaids did them), got dressed and did a few pictures before the ceremony. The kids did awesome. They had so much fun being around all us girls getting ready and there auntie. I would bring some toys for the girls to relax that morning and then join the festivities of getting ready. I also had one of my younger cousins take the kids home a 9pm and stay the night with them. If your husband is not the social type then he could always do that and you can stay longer with family. Good luck and just have fun!
Hi Everly,
Your SIL is so awesome to plan such a wonderful trip for the whole family, and making the effort to bring two families together!
However, this is not always logistically reasonable for all parties concerned. (My family was invited to a destination wedding in Mexico. It sounded great for adults, but not for our 2 boys, who we couldn't leave behind. The couple getting married have no idea, because neither of them have children).
You know your family (spouse & kids), and what would be best. If it doesn't exactly work the way someone else had planned it, remember: you are saving a lot of people (family an strangers), from not enjoying *their* vacation because you are dealing with some bored and/or cranky little ones. Which option means your family gets the most enjoyment, and you still get to do all the fun things being part of your brother's wedding?
Good luck!
t
I understand your concern to try to appease everyone.
Here is how i would look at it.... are YOU paying the $$ for the hotel and/or the lake house?
If that $$ is coming out of your pocket and you are expected to pay for your accomodations, then you pay for the accomodations that best fit your family which sounds like the lake house.
I hope you have a great trip!
I would say lake house where you all as a family would be more comfortable prior to wedding festivities. Your girls can rest before without having all the hoopla interrupting their quiet time before the wedding. There is a reason why other family members also rented lake houses. Relax before festivities. Enjoy!
Lake House. You're going across the country for the wedding to be there for the wedding. You deserve to make your immediate family happy.
Well, one of my thoughts is that the family is all together. No matter where you stay, wouldn't it be nice to spend time with them? Primping or not, I'd use this as an opportunity to spend time with family that you don't see all the time, not just with... your family that you see all the time. If YOU stay in a lake house or not, mansion or not, couldn't you still spend time at the other lake house or mansion even if it isn't your "own" space? I don't think it should matter where you all decide to stay, but I'd be thinking about less of where you could retreat to, and more about spending time with family.
I'd also try to appease the bride as much as possible. I have four girls 3, 5, 7 and 8. Honestly, I think they WOULD enjoying primping and all the girly stuff all day. Because it would be a new experience for them and my girls LOVE weddings and brides, it is like a fairy tale come to life for them:) Your girls just may like it, but we all have different personalities.
All in all, it sounds like a lovely weekend, and it sounds like the bride and groom are trying to make this wonderful for the whole family and not just themselves. What a cool place to have a wedding. Enjoy, no matter where you decide on staying.
Your aunts rented a lake house. Your husband and the kids could hang out there on the off times (or they can watch them while he goes fishing or something--setting him up with something he likes to do once during the trip helps it be memorable to him as well) It is convenient to stay at the motel as a babysitter or husband can walk the kids to their room for a half hour tv show (waiting for the photographer...) or if they need to change clothes (for a big spill or something) between the ceremony or dinner, wash makeup over after they decide they don't want it on...
Otherwise, if you rent a lake house, your mom has a room at the motel that you can share with her and just sleep at the lake house.
You are going to be where the hubby and kids are very little time. He is going to be with them almost all the time except at bedtime and the early morning hours. I would say you need to have the room as close to where you are going to be so if you forget something there is not a trip and possibly making the wedding starting time late.
If you are in the wedding party YOU need to be in the same hotel. There is less to do in a lake house than a hotel....I understand about a non social hubby, but he can stay in the hotel room with the kids no matter if it's a house or a set of rooms.
