Never allowing your daughter to see you have a drink (alcohol) and she knows stories about you being drunk ............. or having a couple drinks in front of your daughter and she has never heard stories of you being drunk? My daughter is 9 by the way.
LOL no my daughter hasn't heard stories about me. Her dad (my ex) was bragging today that his daughter has "never seen him with a drink" ........ but yet she tells me how she heard stories about her daddy went out and got so drunk. But, with me, I do drink. I'll have a couple glasses of wine or what not..if we're at a bbq she'll see my family with beer or whatever but no she has never heard of me being drunk. My ex was bragging like he was so good by not letting her see him drink.
There is nothing wrong with having a glass or two of alcohol. The problem is with drunkenness. So, I think it is better to have her see you drink on occasion, but never know anything about you being drunk.
I don't think alcohol should be in the home of children at all and I don't think children should witness their parents drinking regularly, unless it is a glass at a special occasion or out at dinner or something. I think children should be educated on it, not just being told it's forbidden, but also how to do it responsibly when they are of the appropriate age. I also don't think anyone with children should be getting drunk enough for stories to circulate anyways, whether the child is present or not. Most of my drunk friends in middle/ high school got it from their own parents.
How in the world are your children supposed to know how to behave if they do not have a good representative?There is nothing wrong with having a drink once and a while, you just need to represent what you expect from your children. In other words, you don't drink and drive, you don't get loaded, etc. That way when your children grow up, they know how to behave themselves. If you drink like a crazy person in front of them, then drive all over, fall off the tables, wear a lampshade on your head, etc., then they instantly think this is how adults act and they will surely do it.
I would ignore your ex, it sounds like his message is to fake who you are in front of your children, then have everyone brag about what an a$$ you are when you lose control. Looks like you have it dialed in sister, just be smart and responsible. You will be fine and so will your daughter, a lot of times girls copy their mothers - thank God! = )
Good luck.
Kids learn what they see, and what they don't "see" they imagine. By having an occasional drink and not overdoing it, you are teaching your daughter that an adult can enjoy an adult beverage with responsibility. Her father on the other hand, by hiding what he is doing, and letting the stories get back to her, is teaching her that drinking is something that should be kept a secret. When a parent tries to hide something IMO it just makes it more attractive to the kids.
My children have seen me have a wine here and there. They see responsible drinking.
I think you are showing her what a responsible person does. Good job.
As for your ex, that's why he's an ex right? Because he makes bad choices. This would be one of them.
"Having a couple drinks in front of your daughter and she has never heard stories of you being drunk".....You are over 21 and an adult. Alcohol is legal. Having a glass or two of wine with dinner for example and never acting like a drunk in front of your daughter is the way to model responsible drinking. Adults may enjoy a drink or two responsibly and I see absolutely nothing wrong with that. For the record, my parents NEVER had alcohol in our house growing up and were not drinkers AT ALL. I experimented early with alcohol (high school). Maybe if it was not always talked about as forbidden and evil, it would have had less appeal. Who knows. Luckily, I never had an issue with it.
personally I think it's better for a child to see you drink responsibly. I have an adult beverage once in a while, and we always do at family functions. I don't want my daughter to get the idea that having one responsibly is bad. Of course, I've only been drunk once in college, so it's extremely unlikely that my daughter will ever see me drunk.
I personally don't drink....I think in the 11 years my boys have been on this earth (9 and 11) they have seen me drink 3x....
Their daddy drinks beer every day....
We have given them tastes of beer and wine - as well as other mixed drinks...just like I was raised...by the time I got to high school where alcohol is a BIG DEAL (at least it was then!!) it didn't matter to me....I could have a drink at home so I never had to sneak about and party like there's no tomorrow....
I am sure there are many here who disapprove of that - but my children will know what alcohol tastes like and what it does to them - so when they get pressured to drink in high school or sooner (God forbid since society seems to be pushing our kids to grow up faster) they will already know what it tastes like and be strong in moral character (we've been working on this since the day they were born) to say no and stand up for themselves and their beliefs...
I believe in letting your child see you drink. Neither hubby nor I are big drinkers, but we do have a drink ocassionally. I think it's important for them to learn how to drink socially.
Every year we go to a New Years Eve party. Several of the adults drink too much, and most of the young adults get drunk. The young adults do really stupid things. I think that by seeing this my children are having the opportunity to see how alchol affects your judgement.
I think it is fine to have a drink or 2 in front of your children, and it is ok for them to know about your past, that simply opens the door to talk to them about the responsible use of Alcohol.
Letting her see me have a couple drinks and never hearing stories. Stories should be told by me when she is mature enough not to use them against me lol. Lead by example and that's how I feel. She'll have a good example on how to drink without the intent to be drunk. I have a couple drinks but can stop before I get tipsy. My daughter sees my dad drink every night, he doesn't get drunk he just drinks a few beers to unwind. He chills on the chair, drinks a few, acts totally normal (he's not a lightweight at all lol), and she sees that you can drink responsibly. Your ex is silly lol that like him braggin b/c she has never seen him handle conflict or be mad, how will she know fully how to handle conflict or anger effectively if she never sees it done. Rant done hahaha.
We drink in front of our kids (15 and 4) and we don't make a big deal of it. We can't drink like idiots, somebody's gotta watch the kids :)
.
I think you shouldn't worry about it. If he wants to do that, then good for him, but whatever, he's probably just trying to play some stupid head game, so be glad he's your ex..There is nothing wrong with having a few drinks, as long as your child doesn't see you acting a fool....God knows I sure need a few many days myself....My kids are 5 1/2 and 3. Enjoy and relax...Cheers..
The adults in our family drink responsibly and in moderation. That's the example we want to set (actions speak louder than words!). I don't think they ever need to hear stories of our youthful mistakes.
HOWEVER, I grew up with stories of my parents' drunken college adventures and it made drinking seem a lot less glamorous to me. There were a couple of things they did that I said I would never, ever do! Still, I think that was the best of a bad situation--I'd probably rather never have heard those stories!
I think you're letting your ex get your goat which was his goal. He wins!
I drank wine infront of my children since they were babies. I expect them to drink alcohol when they are of age, and I think allowing them to see me drink and still be able to prepare dinner, do homework, bathe them, and read to them at night shows that I can drink and not be drunk.
What Mama and Daddy do is what children are gonna do. I have not had a drink in 22 yrs because of that. There's no such thing as "social drinking" To kids, drinking is drinking. You are dealing with a very serious issue. Education or not, your children will ultimately do what their parents do. Don't even keep it in your house. It's a crazy world out there.
I think it is better to have your daughter to you drink responsibly than to hear stories of you being drink. You are a role model for your child and you can use the opportunity to teach several lessons: 1) alcohol is an adult beverage and should be used in moderation 2) people that drink need to be responsible for their actions 3) people that have been drinking (or drunk) should not be driving. Your ex has several issues I am sure. Is he telling her about his drunk escapades or who is telling her about his behavior?
So... has your daughter heard stories about you?
To start off my husband and I rarely drink. I drink more often than him. I think kids need honesty. Because more likely one day they will find out the truth. Should a 9 year old know about your drunken hay days, no. As she gets older they can turn into learning lessons( if you can think of mistakes you made while too boozed up) But should you hide that you drink at social occasions, no. How is she going to learn how to drink responsibly? My mom allowed me to drink at a younger age in social situations, family parties, thanksgiving, etc. In fact by the time I was legally of age to drink I rarely drank at all. Kids are going to experiment. Sometimes teaching your kids the right and wrong way can make all the difference. Dangers of binge drinking, drinking and driving, guys trying to take advantage of her. It is our job to teach them how to do things responsibly. Sounds like your ex is making a bad impression on your daughter about drinking.
