Drinking in Front of children....yes.....no.....sometimes?

I don't think there is any harm of having "an adult beverage" in front of the kids as long as you are not drinking in excess. I wouldn't worry about it.

I haven't read the other answers.
We, as a society, have made drinking into a weird thing. I don't see anything wrong in drinking in front of children. There is something to be said for showing them responsibility in drinking. I'd rather my kids see me having a good time (not a DRUNK time) with social drinking than being untrue to myself and to them by hiding it. If you don't have some sort of problem, isn't it better to show them how to do things in the right way, instead of hiding it and not showing them how the real adult world deals with life?

Updated

I haven't read the other answers.
We, as a society, have made drinking into a weird thing. I don't see anything wrong in drinking in front of children. There is something to be said for showing them responsibility in drinking. I'd rather my kids see me having a good time (not a DRUNK time) with social drinking than being untrue to myself and to them by hiding it. If you don't have some sort of problem, isn't it better to show them how to do things in the right way, instead of hiding it and not showing them how the real adult world deals with life?

I try not to drink in front of my kids, but I don't see a problem having them see me have one every once in a while. I'd say if you aren't getting drunk, or drinking all day, then you're fine. You're also showing them (for later reference) that you don't have to get drunk when you drink.

I think any time that you can model responsible, adult behavior for kids it is a good thing.

Hi K.,

I think drinking in front of children is fine as long as you are responsible. Let me tell you a story:

I was a Nanny for many years, and the kids knew I would not drink if I was driving AND I would not drink the night before I was working with them. I felt it was important to talk openly about drinking and how to be responsible.

Here is why that paid off. I was at a family birthday party/ BBQ where beer & wine was served. I was offered a drink, and the oldest child, 10 at the time, answered for me and said, "R. doesn't drink when she is driving."

These kids know that drinking is ok, as long as you have rules and limits. You can enjoy a drink, without going too far, and if you're driving you're not drinking. They also KNOW it's ok to say no.

I'm proud of this, and I encourage all parents to talk openly about these topics with thier kids, young & old.

R. Magby

I think it is a very subjective question. Many many many moms/dads think that drinking any alcoholic beverage of any kind at any time is WRONG and a bad influence. (I don't happen to be one of them... but they are out there).

I look at it this way. If I want to have a glass of wine. I do. It is not something intimate and personal; it's a beverage. If my husband has a beer when he comes home from work... he often has it while I'm making dinner. And finishes it with his dinner as his dinner beverage. If we were stumbling around sloshed... then gosh... there would be a bigger problem than the kids seeing us drink. But since we believe in moderation, then it isn't a big deal. I think the bigger issue is how you behave. Do you sip wine for a bit, then hop in the car and run up to the store for something? THAT would be a bad thing to show your kids. But if you enjoy a glass or two of wine while competing against your husband watching 'Jeopardy!' and aren't driving anywhere after, then there's no issue at all to me. If you have a few glasses of wine EVERY NIGHT/ 7 days a week/52 weeks out of the year. I would think that would be a bit much, though.

I view it a lot like chocolate and sweets. If you make it not exist in their world, then they will be more interested and curious and crave it more later on. When you are "of age" it's okay to enjoy a glass sometimes. I probably wouldn't "indulge" more frequently than I have ice-cream or some other after dinner treat. Not every single night... but a few nights a week is just fine.
Now, all of that said... if we were having friends over to play cards and "indulge" in beverages... we would probably wait until the kids were in bed. Now that they are a little older it is just easier to have adult conversation with them in bed. And if someone ELSE over-indulges... I don't have to worry what might be said b/c the censors were out of order on their mouth... lol.

But for everyday... just me and the hubby... or an afternoon by the pool with a couple of close friends... no big deal. The kids have snacks and fruit and koolaid/water/lemonade, and we adults have a beer or a glass of wine and water/lemonade/soda/tea, and snacks and fruit while we watch the kids wearing themselves out.

Drinking in front of children is not a sin and certainly is not against the rules. For me and my brothers and sisters it taught us how an adult should handle drinking alcholholic beverages and to drink responsibly.

But...smoking is another matter and we try not to have our girls around people who do that....plus my lungs just can't take the smoke.

I have an occasional drink with dinner. I don't think it's a big deal unless you are drinking everynight and more than one glass and it's in front of your kids. My kids have asked me about alcohol and I am honest. I have talked about alcoholism, drinking and driving, and other issues with them. I have even talked to my oldest (13) about losing close friends due to getting in cars with people who have been drinking. I don't think an occasional drink will harm your kids. You may not want to drink everyday in front of them. Even if your not getting drunk, it may appear to them that alcohol is an important part of your daily rountine and that might send a bad message to them.

I never even thought about it until our son was a senior in high school. Then for some reason I felt funny/guilty? Not sure of the emotion. Until I remembered, I am an adult and can drink legally. I never drink and drive, not even just one glass of wine with dinner. My husband drives or I hand our son the keys.

I don't think you're harming them at all as long as you are responsible about it. You are being a role model of how to drink responsibly.

I don't think there is anything wrong with you sipping wine in front of them , that will not send them a bad message , the time of day when your sipping the wine will probably play some part in the way it looks to them , if your sipping away all day then no that don't look good lol!!! , but if your having a glass on the evening then that is ok

My kids are 6 and 7, and we drink in front of them. We're not big drinkers, maybe once a month on a weekend we'll have a few drinks, but my kids know that it's alcohol, and that you have to be 21 to drink. I think that hiding it would turn out bad in the long run. Why not be honest with the kids now? There's absolutely nothing wrong with an adult drinking responsibly in front of their kids. It only teaches them that alcohol isn't a big deal and it also shows that drinking just a few is safe and doesn't affect you.

You have received a lot of great answers, so I thought I would chime in my 2 cents as well! I truly believe that it is important to drink in front of your children. I believe that children live what they learn. If you choose to drink excessively in front of your children, they are going to believe that that is acceptable, but I also believe that if you teach your children how to drink "appropriately", they will in turn learn those same beliefs. Growing up, my parents and all of their friends always drank socially in front of us, but none of them ever drunk. We all learned "how" to drink. My husband and I will drink wine or beer when with friends, but again, I think as long as you are drinking acceptable amounts, you are showing your children the "proper" way to drink.

It is better that they see you having a drink and not getting inebriated. They like any other children need to learn quantity and responsibility. I don't feel that your harming your children at all. When they grow older themselves and decide that they want to drink (through no fault of yours) its just the curiosity.
This is whether you drink or not. No doubt they may overdo it a few times and learn from their own actions. It never hurts to speak to them about alcohol when they get older and its best if they want to drink that you have them have a drink at home rather than some party where you don't know how much they are drinking. Allow your children to have their friends over to have a few drinks, this way you always know what they are up to.
Again remember if they drink its because of their peers, it has nothing to do with you whatsoever. You could even be a non drinker and they would still try it anyways. Be their mother but also their friend, allow them to speak openly to you. Good luck and not to worry!!

What a GREAT question! I've never thought about it before, I just DID it. I agree with the moms that have said it's fine to drink in front of the kids to show them the responsible way of handling alcohol consumption. Lead by example. You're not telling them to go out and drink, but you're showing that that when they do choose to drink, this is the way it should be (not pounding beers and taking shots recklessly). Just the fact that you're so aware of it is a good, responsible thing. I remember my parents drinking socially in front of me and my little brothers... when we were older, they would give us a sip of whatever if we asked... and at that age it was just GROSS and totally turned me off to drinking for quite some time! I'm looking forward to reading the rest of the responses :)

While all alcohol can be abused, sipping wine is hardly a source of going into a drunken stupor. But, when I do have a drink in front of my little one, I have my sober husband by my side. I usually drink wine as well. I want to be sure I am able to compose myself responsibly, as drinking does make you act differently and this could scare or concern the little ones. Kudos for you for considering this!!

If we are at a BBQ or some other social gathering I will have a beer or 2 and nurse it. As long as you're not drunk its fine. I don't believe making drinking a taboo is helpful. As long as kids see adults who drink doing it responsibly then they won't be negatively affected by it. Don't worry.

I personally don't think there's anything wrong with it. Kids are smart and they know when we're hiding something from them and it becomes more of a taboo and they become more and more curious. The more open communication the better. I think that goes for a lot of things including alcohol. Like you said, you're not getting drunk. In a way, it's showing responsibility and the idea that alcohol is not just used for getting drunk.

We do. We enjoy wine with our dinner and it is available for adults at our home routinely.

Of course we don't get sloppy drunk or anything like that but we don't hide it. We have a 15 yr old. If we hide it from her, then we are teaching her to hide things as well. We maintain a very open communication dialogue with her. We talk about everything.

I don't think it is wrong to consume alcohol in front of children as long as it is done in moderation, no one is drunk, and no one drives.

Hey K.,
I agree with most of the ladies. Teach your children responsible drinking. You are the adult, and a glass or 2 of wine in the evening while winding down and cooking dinner is a very normal "adult" thing to do. If you aren't getting drunk and you aren't driving, you are fine.
I don't know about anyone else, but some evenings a glass of wine and a good conversation with my fiance' is just what I need to get past the day.

Sounds to me (I'm no expert) that you are doing a great job. Have a great weekend.

Without looking at other's answers I'm going to give you my 'teetotalers' perspective. If drinking wine is just something you normally do and it's not to get drunk, I don't see why you would hide it from your children. It seems the same to me as my husband and I drinking coffee or soft drinks in front of the children we care for. We don't serve either one to them, and they know that both types of drinks are reserved for adults. Our little guys like to pretend they are having coffee with us. We put some milk or juice in a coffee mug and they sit with us at the table while we drink our coffee and they drink their juice or milk. They even like to pretend they are making coffee for us during the day. In Europe, parents serve wine to their children, but in doing so I understand they carefully teach the difference between drinking wine as a reasonable beverage with a meal and getting drunk. My friend from Greece tells me they tell the children that getting drunk is to make ones self "stupid" and that it is not an option for the children to grow up to become stupid drunks. Makes sense to me! I simply have chosen on a personal level not to drink alchoholic beverages, but see no problem with anyone drinking them responsibly in front of children.

I think its perfectly ok to have a drink or two around your child. My parents always had a glass of wine or two at dinner, so I grew up with a healthy outlook on alcohol. I never saw them drunk, and it showed me drinking was ok in moderation as an adult. I feel like I was less eager to see what the fuss was about, and it was my friends whose parents made drinking very taboo that got in a lot of trouble. As long as it is done in moderation, as with anything in life, than its fine.

hhhmmm well, I grew up in Argentina. Adults drank wine all the time but we never saw them drunk. Around our family wine was seen as a delicacy per se. They would seriously sip it and hold their wine glasses like wine was to be respected (LOL). My grandfather even had his own vineyard. You would think growing up around so much wine I would be a huge drinker, but I'm not. I know, shocker!! LOL

In fact, I've always been a "have a drink every once in awhile" type of person and those are the type of people I hung out with. SO what does that tell ya....

You're doing fine IMHO =-)

In my house we do, "sometimes".

"everything in moderation."

i honestly feel that as long as you're not getting drunk and acting stupid in front of them, it's probably fine. my parents both drank beer casually (well my dad was more than casual but i didn't know it till later, he hid that part) all through my childhood, and i rarely drink, my sibs rarely drink. when i do, i prefer it to be around friends and family, having fun at a picnic or bbq or camping at the lake. basically, just like i saw them do. my mom still drinks on weekends, tho she rarely gets drunk. i see zero problem with it. as long as the kiddos are taught "this is only for grown ups", what's the issue? as responsible adults, we model responsible adult behavior for our children. i hope your mind can rest easy. you sound like a perfectly fine, normal, caring mother.

We are the role models for our children. If we are modeling drinking in moderation and being responsible, then it is fine to drink in front of our children. My daughter fully understands that mommy never drinks a lot and I am above 21. Way above 21, if you ask her...LOL.

Hm. Its probably just fine. This is where you need a good friends honest opinion of you when you drink. Even if its just one or two, does your behavior change? It doesn't take much for children to sense a difference. Any good friends of yours can tell you if it changes you, some people are just very sensitive to alcohol and have no idea how they seem when they drink.

I occasionally have a drink of wine here and there, sometimes at home or out to eat. I have drank in front of my kids(only one drink, never to the point of intoxication either), I don't see the big deal. I tell them that its not healthly to drink often and excessively nor is it good for kids. I grew up seeing relatives drinking all the time so I don't see why it would be considered wrong. They have no desire in drinking ever, as they put it.
This would fall under personal preference. Everyone decides what is right or wrong for their own personal situation. Some parents ban television ,computers in their home, others do not. Some forbid their kids from drinking soda or ever eating fast food. To each their own.
I say, you do what you deem appropriate for your family.
Good Luck!

Laura

Depends on thier age and wether you are getting drunk. When my child was little I would only drink if there was a sober adult in the house. if you are only having one or 2 glasses of wine you are not getting drunk. When my child was old enough to take care of himself 13 or older I would drink a little more infront of him. He now knows the diffrence between an occasional drinker and a drunk.

he knows occasional drinking is alright but getting s***faced is not. when he would say so and so was drunk I would say like me drunk(not very) or like grandma drunk (toasted) to decide how drunk that person was. he understands toasted is not acceptable around kids. It teaches them limits. What is ok and what is not. 2 glasses of wine does not make you and alcoholic.

I would only drink once every 2-6 months. I believe it teaches responsibility. if you can show them you can drink responsibly they will practice the same thing. Yes I drank infront of my kid and no my kid doesn't drink. not because I won't let him and he is 21 because he has seen the diffrence between responsible drinking and toasted and has chose himself not to drink. They are going to do what they want to do but you need to teach them the diffrence between responsible and irresponsible for them to make wise choices. good luck

K., I want to be clear-- you say that you sip wine all the time in front of the chidlren right? You say you never get drunk is this by your or the childs view? Anytime you do something that is all the time be it soda or alcohol it is not a great example for a parent to set. I have know children that have major drinking issues as pre teens and teen years becasue of the "casual drinking of their parents".
I have family members that never thought of themselves as having a drinking problem until thier child started having a drink a day just like mom and then they both learned some hard facts. I would have only the best wishes for you and hope that you will think hard about the goals and desires you have for your children. Having family and friends in law enforcement have heard of sad tales of poor examples set by parents.

I drink in front of my four year old. and one day he asked if he could have some and i told him no and i also told him that it was alcohol and i let him smell it. I was drinking hennesey and pepsi that day and the smell alone made his face turn upside down! lol and he said no mommy i don;t want any of that. sometimes i just put the alcohol in my pepsi can and he asked one day if he could have some of my pepsi, i told him yes, he grabbed the can, sniffed it and said mommy it's alcohol in this I can't have any because I'm not a grown up yet! Any time he gets something to drink from anyone he smells it first to check for foriegn smells. I personally feel that if you enforce that it's for grown ups ( whatever you drink) and let them smell it so that they can identify it and you know they will say no to it you should be o.k. and don;t get sloppy drunk in front of them either because some ppl get silly when they drink and the shild may think it's fun. but i feel to each her own. I don't judge others for what they do cause I can only control my household. I think you should be alright though. good luck! and CHEERS!!!!!!

Sipping an occasional glass of wine with dinner should be fine, but the key word is occasional. If you are doing this often, I guarantee that your children will follow suit as soon as they feel like it. What you do, they will do, only worse. That's just the way it is. Why wouldn't they? Think about it. If you do it why shouldn't they? That's just the way they think, and why not? You should be living your life just the way you want them to live theirs. It's hard enough to get kids to stay straight without giving them bad examples. Give then good examples and spend a lot of time having good clean fun with them all the way to adulthood, and they should turn out just fine. Wouldn't you feel horrible if they were in a terrible accident some day because they were drinking, and they learned it from you? I read the answer from the person from Argentina and I can see how she could turn out that way. But that was Argentina, a different culture altogether. In this country you are dealing with a lot of kids who are entirely different and a culture that is invaded by a lot of famous people who do drugs and alcohol. You could get lucky, but why chance it. Stick to occasional.

You know it's funny I was sort of thinking about this recently too! Before I had kids I would say don't be silly, you should have a drink or two in front of your kids, but now that I'm a mom of 2, there are times when I catch myself thinking the same thing as you!

Ultimately, I think you're right, don't hide your drinking and don't sneak around. They need to understand that you have some things that are just for adults and they need to see drinking in moderation in practice and not just words. That way when they have to decide for themselves, they will have experiences from which to draw upon!

I only think it harms them if they see you drunk on a regular basis. Even if they caught you drunk once, I wouldn't worry. I have memories of seeing my mom a bit tipsy and we laugh about them still today, but my dad was an alcoholic and there is no laughing at those memories. Kids are smart and they need to see a good example. It sounds like you are one!

i think that is a bad example for them, i don't let anyone to drink in front of my daughter. I hate watching parents get drunk i front if their kids.
You say you don't get drunk...thats good.
But they are seeing you doing it as normal and thats what they are learning.
Just think about if you want to see your kids becoming men that way.
If you think thats ok with you or not is something that you have to find out.
My mother in law (for example) didnt care if her son (my husband) when teenager drink like a drunk men. With so much work i toke away that horrible bad habit by before we have our baby...i remember her fighting with me because i was making a complaint about it, telling me that 2 beers a day has nothing bad, that he was a men, and that was perfectly normal....i dont see it that way at all. that's why im telling you that depends in your point of view.

I don't believe you are harming your kids by enjoying an adult beverage in their presence. After all, you want to differentiate that some permissible things are designated by age - how late you can stay up, when you can start dating, how soon you can drive, how soon you can drink. If you are not getting drunk in front of them, I don't see this as an issue.

I've wondered about this issue myself. And depending on the age it gets trickier. My oldest is in school where he has been taught alcohol is a "drug". And you shouldn't drink etc. I have explained to him that yes alcohol can be classified as a drug, and cause great problems. If you drink to get drunk, drink and drive, drink everyday etc. but then I explain mom is a responsible adult, and it is acceptable for an adult to have a drink or two in their home if they choose. Just communicate with them as much as is appropriate for their age. Being a parent you are always in "responsibility" mode, showing them whats right and wrong. If you aren't getting drunk, or downing a bottle of wine a night in front of them, you should be okay. Just talk to them.

If your occasionally having a glass of wine with dinner, fine. If you're getting intentionally sloshed, that's not fine. The whole family will occasionaly open a bottle of wine at dinner when we all get together or order a drink at a restaurant when we get together. None of us drink to get drunk. We have taught them that alchol is a grown up drink. We have taught them the effects of alchol on a person and their brain. They've been allowed to a drop on their tongue to taste to satisfy their curiousity to be met with the "EWWWWW" response. We don't treat it as this big "ohh aww" big and nasty thing. They don't care, it's not harming them. My husband and I were both brought up exactly the same way and we have a healthy, respectful attitude of drinking. Never got into the whole sneaking out teenage thing. Nothing bad at all.

Seeings how most everyone here thinks it's fine...I have a scenario/question. I'm a childcare provider. I'm open 7 days per week/24 hours per day. If I liked wine, and I wanted to sip it sometimes.... Would you consider that okay? See I think if the answer is...you are getting paid to watch peoples children and you CAN'T drink anything at all while on the job, then the answer should be NO for everyone. I hate double standards.

Personally, I don't think most people can really tell the difference between a little and a lot after awhile. But then again, I grew up around sloppy drunks. So maybe I'm biased against it.

I do not see any harm in having children learn from their parents how to drink responsibly. Don't feel bad. I do not feel as if it harms kids to see their parents enjoy a drink or two...it is legal and you are an adult.

MOMS BE AWARE about this poster. when IM-ed privately she goes beyond appropriate topics regarding children.

I asked my kids if it bothers them when my husband and I drink. They said yes but then I talked to them about it and explained that its ok to have A drink but when you have to many it can be dangerous. I dont drink often, it doesnt seem to bother them since we talked about it. Every time I do have a drink they ask me if its bad for me AKA is it alcohol

Children learn by example. If you set a good example in how to drink in moderation... that will form a foundation of what "normal" is to them.

Personally... I take the more EU stance on drinking. I think it's ridiculous that a person learn to pilot a several thousand pound battering ram before they learn that they can't ride their bicycle in a straight line. Also, that in every other aspect of life, we actually get to teach our children when they're young enough for us to set the rules. But instead we teach our kids to drive and then send them off to college (or the military) where they learn to drink at frat or military parties. Just seems backwards to me.

I, personally don't drink in front of my child, she's only7 months so she wouldn't know anyways but I'm just not much of a drinker. However, my husband will drink a beer or two at night and I have no problem with that in front of my girl. My daddy drank like a fish when I was a child (somehow he was never drunk) and it didn't ruin me. If anything, I remembered the nasty smell coming from his orange juice and I had issues with drinking for years and years lol
I don't hink it'll hurt anyone as long as you aren't a wino =)

You might think about it this way. Are you sipping wine every night? There is nothing wrong with drinking but if you are holding a glasses of wine throughout most of the night every night, what does that show your kids? That the only way to relax is to have a drink.

I make it a practice to set the example. If I don't want my kids drinking, I don't drink at all, let alone in front of them. Kids learn by watching. Actions speak louder than words.

I think anything a parent does, in moderation is fine. The fact that you said "all the time" perked my ears up a bit...but you said you never get drunk. I agree that hiding alcohol and making those that drink "the bad people" may exasperate your children's interest and possibly create very judgmental children, too.

You must look into your heart about your own drinking. The fact that you are asking the question is a bit of a clue. But you only know for sure. Did someone suggest you were wrong? Do you have to make sure you don't have one glass too many?

In America we put a real different emphasis on drinking than in Europe, but we are in America...so there ya' go. There are many things that adults do that children do not and that is not appropriate for children to do: drive a car, stay home alone, drink alcohol, use sharp instruments, have sex, etc. Having a glass of wine is one of those things.

I think sometimes is fine. I really like that I grew up in a family where my parents didn't drink except on a rare occassion.
I think every night would be too much, but about once a week is okay. That's just my opinion. Some people probably drink a lot more frequently without any problem. I think, especially when your kids are teens, drinking a lot is something they will be watching and questioning you on or thinking they can get away with more because of. I don't have any teens myself though - just a 1 year old. :)

I don't know what I will think when my kids are older, but I drink wine in front of them now (they are 3 1/2 and 21 months old). We just call it a grown-up drink and say it is for adults and they will sometimes call anything we won't let them drink a "grown-up drink." I also say what it is (if we are having wine with dinner, etc.) but just say it is for adults only. I grew up with a responsibly drinking mother and an alcoholic father, and think the responsible example was helpful. My little sister's reaction is she will not allow alcohol at all in her home. I don't think children can be harmed by a responsible example, especially if you are following reasonable limits, etc. If we dine out, my husband might have something to drink, but I do not and then I drive home. I think that seeing it as normal is always helpful for children, whether their parents drink or not. If you are worried, since you said you do it "all the time," just mention that it is something adults drink sometimes, but not all the time. Not sure how old your children are, so I can't say any more than that. I do like my wine with dinner, or a hard lemonade in the evening, and hope that my children benefit from a responsible, legal adult example. Unfortunately, since having children, my tolerance level has dropped and I usually have to wait until they are in bed and asleep to have even on drink. Otherwise, I'm not really alert enough for them (one of the reasons I don't drink often).

as long as you arent getting drunk and impairing your ability to take care of them, you arent hurting them. My family always had drinks around, no big deal. I sort of wonder if we're harming our daughter by NOT drinking around her except at holidays and stuff, because my husband cant, he has a liver problem, and I dont like to drink alone. It's good for your boys to see people drink responsibly and not have their first experiences be with binge drinking in college.

IN A WAY YES AND IN A WAY NO, MAKE SURE U JUST DRINK UR WINE AT DINNER, THEN AFTER THE KIDS GO TO BED TAKE A WHOLE GLASS IF YA WANNA!!! JUST DONT GET TOOOOOOO DRUNK!!!!

P.S. what kind of wine do u suggest is better???

My parents would drink a wine or beer in front of us and I really don't think it harmed any of us. I'm not really a drinker at all, but when I do have a drink it's usually wine and I don't have a problem drinking it in front of my kids. I talk to them about it and let them know that the key to a happy and healthy life is "all things in moderation". When they are adults, they can have a drink every now and then if they choose, but they should always be careful about how much they drink. Right now, they swear they'll never drink any alcohol because it smells so bad and I don't contradict them. Who knows, maybe it'll stick! :)