When to Try for #2 - Blue Point,NY

My personal experience..is wait a little more. Diaper changing one at a time is much easier. Believe it or not I thought my first two boys were much easier to handle with 23 months apart than my younger two with only 13 months apart. The sharing was also nicer with the older two boys. Just my opinion that it would be easier to have a few more months apart. It will work out anyway.

C.:

I had my two years apart and I can tell you from experience, don't do it! It's like having twins, it's extremely stressful, I would suggest you wait a bit longer, at least until the other child is potty trained and perhaps in daycare or kindergarden. It is too much to handle.

Best of luck, A.. of East Windsor

C.,

It is never a plan. I planned to have mine kids much farther apart than I did but my second one just happen to come along a bit sooner. My girls are 22 months apart. No matter what age it is hard to have children. Working full time also makes things a little bit hectic but you do it. The nice thing about having them close in age is that they will grow up together. They are playmates and when I am done with diapers I will be done! So there are pros and cons to each situation. My sister was the complete opposite, she spaced her kids 5 years apart. That worked for her b/c she had no help. She lives far away from all family. So think about what will work for your family and go for it! Good Luck!

I was curious to see what others had to say and I dont agree with don't try yet. Some people said things like iti s like having twins, some said your daughter may not be ready for it... why? My oldest was 22 months when I had the second... honestly, I felt it was easier... I was in that baby mode still... I got all my sleepless nights over with in one shot. Listen... do what works for you. Some people may not want kids so close b/c it can be overwhelming... but for whatever the reason you do what works for your family and life. Like I said before my sister did the complete opposite of me. It worked for her. I truely love that my girls are 22 months apart. They play together, the older one helps me (she feels so independent that she can help her little sister) there is a lot of good with having your kids close. You go through stages around the same time etc... I was a little surprised to see so many responses to how much work it is to have 2 close together. Well I disagree... having kids is workin itself! period. at any age there is always a battle with kids. And to say your older daughter isnt ready? That comment is just not right. The nurse told me when I had my second... Your oldest will not remember life without her sister and the youngest well she will always have had her sister. This will make their relationship very special. Good luck and have fun in whatever direction you decided to go in.

I'm in a similar position! My husband and I had planned on spacing our kids 3 years apart, because "research shows" it's a good age difference.

Well now that I'm a mom, that whole research thing has flown out the window. All kids are different, and there are a lot of benefits to kids being close in age as well! While it's harder for mom at times, it's easier for siblings to connect and bond (with less jealousy).

On the other hand, 3 years of one on one time can really help a child develop their own identity.

We've decided to wait only 2 years, after all. Is your husband feeling the itch, too? If so, go for it! It's probably your gut, telling you that you are ready to share your life and love with a new baby.

Good luck!

Go with your gut as long as your husband is on board. My kids are 26 months apart and they are very close. I think more than 4 years apart kids aren't as close growing up. You may not get pregnant right away but even if you do they would be a good age difference, they wouldn't be as close as some other kids in age!

1000% Go For It.

Trying now, even if you got pregnant on 1st shot wouldn't put you too far off that mark. And likelihood is, you won't get pregnant the 1st month. At least not if you go about having sex as normal. And that's really important.. that you guys can just go on with your sex lives as normal wihtout worrying about ovulation cycles and dissapointments when your period comes, etc. Just get off the pill, breathe a little and have some fun with hubby. If it does take a few months and you start to get closer to that time frame, then you can chart yourself or something. But, you should defintely trust your mother's heart so long as your hubsand can be supportive. -N.

My husband and I never talked about when we would try for our second child. We knew we wanted another, but it wasn't up for discussion because money was tight and having 1 baby and a 12 year old (from my 1st marriage) was very expensive.

Surprise, surprise - when my daughter was 6 mos old I found out I was pregnant. We were shocked although my husband was more excited than me. It turns out to be the best thing that ever happened. My kids are 15 months apart. The first year was pretty rough - diapers for 2, formula (again!!!), and my daughter really was still a baby.

My son will be 2 on Sunday and my daughter turned 3 in August. She is potty trained and the baby is doing more everyday as he grows. They fight alot, but they also constantly look for each other. When Meghan leaves, Aidan cries and vice versa. I am glad I had them close. I only wish that my oldest wasn't so much older than them. He is now 15 and LOVES them, but he will always be the much older sibling and won't have the connection the 2 little ones have. Although, he will be able to help guide them through his behavior. He is a great kid in advanced placement classes, honor roll, volunteers at the VA, making him a great moral guidepost to look up to.

I don't believe there is a right time. Whatever happens and how it happens doesn't matter. It all works out in the end. Go with your gut:)

I would resist the itch if you can. You may be ready but your daughter is not. It's really best to let her be the only baby for a while longer. Also, 16 months is a great age but things change drastically in a few months. I wouldn't want to be pregnant with a 2 year old and I certainly wouldn't want to have a newborn while caring for a 2 year old. You're young enough that you can wait, I would if I were you.

Hi, my girls are 3 years and 11 months apart and I think its a great age range. My older was more indepentdant while I was in the last trimester so I didn't get that guilty feeling about not picking her up enough, not doin enough for her, etc... Good luck, I know I am so happy with my two beatiful girls. Also I would look into staying home for a few years with them. Daycare for two is very expensive. That is one of the things my hubby and I took into account whening trying for #2. We made sure we were going to be able to live on one income for at least four years. I'm a stay at home mom now, but I do babysit a little boy so that helps with grocery money. Hopefully I will be able to go back to work PT when my youngest starts kindergarden.

I have a 17 month old and have the itch a little bit as well. I am planning on waiting though, until my son turns 2 before getting pregnant again (so this summer) that way the kids will be almost 3 years apart.

If you start now your timing will be perfect by the time you concieve. As long as you love each other, everything will be fine. Some people do not have that.
Life is short. Enjoy your happiness. I lost two close friends to cancer. Live in the moment.

I raised two children six years apart and it was like raising two only children. I came from a family of ten children in 10 years. I think my mother had it right when she told me, "When God provides the bottoms: He will provide the pants--and the patiences to handle whatever." So relax, enjoying your family and allow for nature to take its course.

M. H

I tend to think it's important to consider why your husband is undecided at this point.

Hi C.,

If you think about it 3 years apart you should start very soon. :) You know when its the right time. Good Luck!

C.,

We accidentally had our 15 months apart (son then daughter) and we loved it even though we would not have done it on purpose! No lies though, it was pretty hard when they were little. But once they were both out of diapers we really enjoyed how close their relationship was. They are now in college and still devoted to each other. I think you know best when to have the next one, what you can handle. If you can love them both, you'll be able to properly care for them both!

C.,

There is no right answer - you can only go by what feels right to you and your husband.

Best of luck to you whatever you decide!!

mine are 3 apart and i cant tell you how happy i am with it. having a second is completely different, you know everything and are more confident. instead of worrying, you are enjoying every moment. that being said, when your child is 3, you can really enjoy the baby more since she will be so independent and not as demanding as a younger child is.

i would def say three is perfect, as long as you arent one of those "i want them close together to get everything done with". i have heard many people say that who dont LOVE the baby age. i personally love the baby age so i would rather them spaced out so i can enjoy each one individually as the only "baby" in the house.

if there is any concern though about taking longer to concieve, ect, then i would start sooner. everyone is so different though, no matter what, when the baby does come it will be the perfect timing !!!!

Dear C., If hubby is not opposed, start now! No guarantee that you will become pregnant right away. I have learned that when you try to be precise in timing it does not always work. Leave the planning to God. Have fun trying and enjoy your daughter. Good wishes, Grandma Mary

hi
i haven't made the #2 plunge, but am close. there seems to be an itch around 18 months, my baby really went through a bit of a golden time so i can see how that would be. i wasn't ready yet, and i had a similar "plan" that 3 yrs. would be nice... we'll see what the reality will be though;) my friend who went for it at 18 months felt like it might have been a bit easier if she'd waited so that her first could have gone through the ensuing "terrible 2's" w/out her being pregnant and then having a new sister. there are reasons to have them closer too, as people have said, but i just wanted to share that one anecdote with you. best luck!

Hi C.,

I tend to use "The Portable Pediatrician" as my parenting bible -- it's a great book. Each age level has hints on what life will be like for you and your older child if you have another baby. It's really helpful.

Using that and my husband's experience, we waited until our oldest was 3 (the baby arrived a month before his 3rd birthday...) It's great because our older guy did a lot of the developmental stuff (figuring out his own personhood, letting go of mommy a little more) before a baby arrived to confuse him -- the first month was miserable with how he regressed, but once he recovered it's been good. The problem is that he gave up his nap just as the baby (now 6 months) started taking naps -- so now when the baby naps I have to work twice as hard to keep the older one entertained and quiet (we have a small house, so we're always near the baby's room!). So between birth, post-partum depression, and no real quiet time, it's a challenge.

I really advise getting a copy of the Portable Pediatrician -- she lays things out so well to help you figure out when is the best time for your family to try for #2. You can get a used copy on Amazon pretty cheap; new is $15, I think.

Girl, start trying asap:) Our boys are 23 months apart and I wish we had them closer.I did not see it being harder than having just one kid, but now that they are alomst 2 and almost 4 it's simply great. Try for another girl too:) I know people say that girl and boy can be close too, but I have seen it from friends that there is nothing like closeness in kids of the same gender.My 2 cents

My husband surprised me by asking "when do you want to have our second child?" I thought I'd be the one to bring it up first, but he was! Our two sons are almost 28 months apart and that is perfect for us. They are very good friends and have always been each other's 'best friend' because I told them they were and encouraged it very much so over the years. They are teens now and are still each other's best friend. When they were around the age of ten or so, there was a bit of fighting, but it didn't last long. They are great friends. Go for it! And best wishes!
Love, D. N. xo

Oh, and one thing we did is..... when we brought baby Connor home, we had a Winnie-The-Pooh gift for big brother Cooper, a gift from Connor to him. He was two at the time and when we told him it was from Connor he looked at his baby brother and sweetly said; "Sankyoo, Connah!" (It was so cool!)

Our first 2 kids are 16 months apart...they're (usually!) the best of friends...go for it...you'll never regret it.

Hi C.,
Only you can decide what would be the best spacing for your children. Think about the age your daughter would be when you give birth if you conceived now. Do you want a newborn and a child that age? Can your finances manage that, how about whether it's a good time to take leave from your job? Can you afford two in daycare for that much time?
My children are 4 years apart - that was a planned spacing. It has worked out wonderfully for us. While many people choose to have kids closer together, I had no desire to have two babies at once, I couldn't afford more than a year of two in fulltime daycare, I now will never have both my kids in the same school - so I'm not running back and forth between classrooms on curriculum night or conference night, my first will be done with her braces before I have to start paying for the next one, I won't have two in college at once, I was done with all the baby gear before I needed it for another child.
Some people might say a closer spacing will make the kids closer but I disagree - having kids close in age does not guarantee a friendship. My two oldest sisters are 17 months apart, and as kids, they did not get along and did not play together. My 2 kids spent more time together than I'd have expected of different sex siblings with a 4 year difference.
Good luck!