When Do You Take Care of Yourself?

I am not a single mom, but my husband doesn't get home in time for me to go anywhere, so I put my youngest in a mothers morning out one morning a week.

I hear ya!

Husband and I both work full time and have no family to help (even though my in laws live 30 minutes away).

So, I either take a half day from work, or here recently, my hairdresser has been coming to my house. I tip her a little extra for gas and I am beautified at home! It works great for me. Well, maybe not great. Husband has to watch all three kids by himself while I get rinsed and cut - I hear the chaos and yelling for mom and it makes me nuts! Not relaxing, but I don't expect it to be. I am looking for hot hair and that is it!

My suggestion is to make friends with a hairdresser who will come to you, or hire a sitter. It really will be worth it. And, when you get cut/colored, etc, go SIMPLE. No highlights that need to be touched up every 5 weeks, no short do that needs to be maintained every 6 weeks. I have long, healthy gorgeous brown hair with very subtle low lights for depth. I can easily go 12 weeks without a cut and color. My hair grows fast so I get antsy about week 13.

Good luck!

A friend of mine uses her usual hair dresser and asks her to come and cut her hair at her house. She pays her a little extra for gas and coming, but after you pay for your own gas and a sitter and packing and lugging and well, you get the idea, the extra expense is worth it.

Now you probably meant "CANT I GET AWAY ALONE FOR 5 MINUTES?" but if you wanna get your hair cut, that is always an option. :)

FYI, it takes a village. I realized LONG ago the the more hands I had in my kids life (read: love and watchful eyes) the better and well rounded the kids were. Watch a friends kids one weekend, they watch yours one weekend night. Sit in a tub alone, with good music, bubbles...glass or wine or beer (more realistic, lol) and breath a minute.

I was a single mom for allotta years and there is something to be said for a 30 minute break once a week...an hour...two.

Sending good thoughts your way.

My husband and I both work full time and have ZERO family help (despite my in-laws living within 20 minutes) so when I need to get my haircut or to do anything that has to be done within typical working hours, I have to take a day off to get it done. Essentially, I have to hire a sitter to take care of things that need to be done before 7:00 at night!

A salon with childcare sounds great, but in all reality would probably be very expensive and not all that relaxing. If you get a cut and highlights/color/blow-out- you're looking at 2 or 3 hours and an additional $20-$30 in childcare fees, not to mention the crying, looking for mommy and diaper changes needed! Ditto for the housecalls.

Sometimes, it's really worth it to call a babysitter and just enjoy the 2 quiet hours in the salon chair with a trashy magazine.

So how do people who don't have access to free childcare take care of themselves? Hire a sitter!

My husband was working 12 hour days and I couldn't get anybody to babysit for me :( so I took my 2 & 3 year olds to the hair salon with me. (I called first to make sure they wouldn't mind.) They said, "As long as they're good it will be fine." LOL!!! Thankfully they WERE good. I just brought snacks and books and kept them in the stroller. It wasn't exactly a relaxing experience, though.

I do an hourly drop in place on the once or twice a year that I go to a stylist.
On those in between times when I just need a trim, I run in to a super cuts for 15 minutes on the way to the grocery store! My husband doesn't mind keeping the kids while I grocery shop, so, I just slip it into the grocery time.

And yes, a salon with child care would rock!!! Any salon owners out there listening? I also think they should serve mixed drinks at more places that have a playland, the way Joe's Crab Shack does, but that's just me.

We have a place here called club kid that you can drop your kids off and pay by the hour. maybe something like that by you?

Like Tamela T's suggested, I traded off babysitting aka playdates. I would invite someone's kid over to play one week and the next week my kid would go over there. That's when I'd get whatever grooming I needed to get done! (which is why I'm always hosting playdates!)

I have this problem too. My local Walmart has a salon inside. I get there early when they open, put the kids in the cart and get my haircut. I usually will do this on a Mon., Tues., or Wed., when there aren't many people shopping, so I'm in and out in no time. Remember to take a picture of the cut you want....and go get it done!

Im not sure how close you are to a Lifetime Fitness, but you do not have to be a member to use their hair salon and they DO have childcare. Just a thought.
It is ok to ask a friend to watch your kids though, so you can take an hour off. Im sure your kids would love it too! Offer to watch their kids on a different day.

Even though my husband's family is around we still hire sitters. His family rarely offers to watch them so we finally decided to find childcare we could count on. We now have 3 sitters who we use for exactly those reasons....running errand alone, getting haircuts, getting to hang out with my girlfriends. Yes its a lot of extra money but its worth it. My cousin's husband has been deployed quite a few times but so were the other moms on base, they took good care of eachother and watched each others kids alot. They also had aIso had a daycare on base where they got 20 free hours of daycare a week.

I needed a haircut 3 weeks ago (ha) but will finally get it cut this Saturday. The lady I use doesn't work on Sundays, and I can't get away from my children much on weekdays, so Saturdays it is. I've figured out that I need to call ahead and schedule an appointment a week ahead (the other couple weeks I've tried to call last minute when I finished playing with the family and can't get in). So to take care of myself, Saturday is the day (my husband is off work on weekends and can play with the boys or take them somewhere while I'm getting some time away). I used to do the weekly shopping on Saturdays, but moved it to Friday and bring little guy wtih me, so that Saturday can be a pamper day. This weekend I'll get my haircut, a pedicure, and my eyebrows waxed for the first time in thousands of years. One day a month I get a pedicure, once every couple months I get a haircut. The rest I do at home. If I had extra money, I'd love to get a massage, but that's pushing it.
I made friends with a mom while at my oldest son's soccer games. Her oldest is my oldest's age, her youngest is 1 month younger than my youngest's age. I invited her over for a playdate, and then we went to her house for a playdate, and then we went to a bounce house place for a playdate there. The boys get along, we know how our homes are set up and like each other, so we've decided to do a babysitting swap. The $13/hour for a babysitter is a pain in the rear, so this seems to be much more realistic and affordable! My boys will go to her house so we can have a datenight, and her boys will come to my house so they can have a datenight, no charge. (We've discussed it ahead of time and agreed to make it like a 6:30-10:30 time limit just so it's not TOO long for anyone, and to not take advantage of each other---anything more than that, we can hire a babysitter properly), and we discussed doing it for a mom's day off kind of thing for a few hours too, like if I need to go to a doctor appointment or she needs to take care of business, etc. But that way you can "repay" your friend with giving her the time she needs also. Neither of us have family in the area so we're excited at this new option.
I am not a military wife, but I noticed that in my MOPS club, probably 85% of the ladies in there have husbands that are deployed. The friends they've made at MOPS are supportive that way, it's a good way to meet friends and finding help. I met a mom whose boy is in my son's kung fu class. She has 3 children ages 5, 2, and 1 and her husband is deployed, and all her family lives in NJ!!! She mentioned her husband was coming home soon and a nervous wreck, so I offered to keep her children for free so she could get a haircut and highlights, get "prettied up", and clean the house up to prepare for his arrival. In Ft Worth we had playcare, similar to daycare but they had a drop off service so that if you wanted to go to a movie or whatever, you could take your children and drop them off. Perhaps you have something similar to that in your town? (We don't have that in this town, but I've seen it before).

I didn't read all your other responses, but do you have a college near you?? When I was in college, the early childhood center had "The Concordia Babysitter List". It was infamous. We put our names on it & moms in the area would call the center & ask for students on the list. I pretty much paid for college that way.

I suggest college students because, one they are in need of money & don't usually charge a ton & two, they have flexible schedules.

I'm an only parent now & it is VERY hard to "get away" to take of myself. I guess I could be a lot more selfish and do what I did when I was sans children, but that just isn't in me. So, when I do get away, I enjoy it.

Tell one of your friends that you will watch their kids one day if you can go get your haircut. I think that would be the best thing since your husband works all the time. It is probably what single moms or deployed spoused do also. Good luck

I wish you lived in Cali cause I would have a hair dresser that would make house calls!

My sister hehe
I live in Ohio, my sister lives in California. She is the most amazing stylist ever. Runs in our family. I refuse to have anyone else cut my hair. I have had too many people mess it up and I am very picky about the skill of the stylist. So that being said, I haven't had my hair cut in over 2 years.
I worked in her salon for a long time and was taught a few things, so every once in a while I will trim up my own hair. I am so excited though, cause my sister is coming to visit in a few months and I am having her chop all my hair off! :)

i have to agree it is hard trying to find the time. i am a single mom - with my parents traveling the states. i work full time and would love to see the idea of the kid area in a hair salon. i am actually getting mine done this weekend since my aunt has volunteered to watch her for the nite. i made time in between dropping her off and dinner to have it done. in the past when i have a day off work (i am a government worker - so we get alot of them) and take her to daycare for a "me" day. you learn to handle and figure it out when you really need to get it done. good luck

Set expectations with your husband to identify a better balance between his responsibilities at the office with his responsibilities at home.

I had the same problem! I found a pay-by-the-hour daycare nearby and use that when I need to go to the gynecologist, dentist, hair salon, etc. It is the only way I found to go to things like that - where I'm not free to run after my child.

I feel your pain, my stylist always says to me, "just bring the kids, we don't mind!" but really...do I want my two toddlers running around the salon. lol. I've decided to grow my hair long just to avoid having to make more frequent trips to the salon. Do you watch your girlfriends kids ever, if so I wouldn't feel bad about asking them, it's like you're trading off help!

When I was married to my ex-husband and he was deployed for over a year and I had a baby, I would take her with me to the salon. I even got a perm when I had her with me. As she got older, I still took her with me and brought a few books/toys/snacks she could eat in her stroller. When she was past the stroller stage, she would sit in my lap and look at books or sit on a stool near me. I would look around for a salon that is kid-friendly (someone who doesn't mind if you bring your kids and need to attend to them). As a single mom when she was 4, I would still take her with me and she would sit and watch me or the other ladies cutting hair. Most of the hairdressers would talk to her and keep her engaged.

I know, it must be hard. I am not single nor have deployed spouse, but I still have a heck of a time trying to figure out what to do if I have an appt. for something during the day. I have two WONDERFUL in-laws that are always willing to help, but I know what you mean by not wanting to take advantage-especially if it is for a hair appointment!!

That sounds like a great idea! Since you don't have any family near you, you definately should try to find some reliable and trustworthy sitters. Who do your girlfriends use? Do you have any neighbors that have teenage daughters that babysit (that are also responsible)? Try and network to see what you could do, because you deserve to pamper yourself every once and awhile! (Especially if you are on your own!)

try care.com you can look for on call sitters and work out an hourly wages and meet them before you decide you like them. I would just really get to know them before you leave your children with anyone.