When Do They Start Listening?

We have the same thing with my daughter who is 22 months old. She doesn’t respond to STOP, so what we have been doing for the last month is playing “Freeze and Go”. We have made it a game to see who can stop the quickest (she says freeze to me too) and when we can go. We started out with dancing and I would say freeze and stop what I was doing and then she would imitate me and stop too. We then started playing in the back yard while we were chasing each other and it makes her laugh really hard.
Now when I see her going for the stairs, oven, climbing the rock wall etc. I say FREEZE and she automatically does it and it gives me enough time to get to her. She thinks it’s part of the game, so I still have to tell her why she can’t do whatever it is that she was trying to do, but it has been REALLY helpful.

Good luck!

M.,

My friend shared with me to teach a child more than just "NO!" for everything, but to also use "NOT SAFE!" to give them an indication for only dangerous things. I also taught my boys to stay on the sidewalk, so even if they were running in the direction of the street, they stopped at the edge.

Best wishes,
K.

To answer your question, I believe it is somewhere around age 25. That is not to say they follow your advice. But at least by that time, if you have done a good job parenting, they respectfully listen. lol

I agree - this is one of those instances where I would give a spanking and a time out. It is not funny, and I would explain that if he thought the spanking hurt, getting hit by a car would hurt so much worse. You have to make this such a big deal that he would not want the consequences again. I can count on one hand the number of times I have spanked my 17 year old son. This situation was one of them.

I would have scooped him up and spanked him. Then put him in his room (wet clothes and all) for about 15 minutes. With two 2 year olds, you've got your hands full! Spanking for something like this will send the message you are serious and it's not a game.

Also, someone said get them involved with things (playgroups,etc.). I don't think that will help. 2 year olds don't need scheduled activities. Too much of that stuff will just lead to an overtired 2 year old who still thinks the street is fun. Kids at this age don't do dangerous stuff b/c they are bored - they do it b/c they have no sense of danger and very little impulse control. It's our job to help them build both.

I would have spanked the minute I reached him, then would have sat him down and "explained" the dangers in roadways. At 18 months and up to about age 6 is the best time to use spanking as a method of getting his attention without turning it into a game. He thought it was funny and this would let him know that it wasnt. I dont believe in spanking for simple disobedience but when it comes to a dangerous situation I am all for it.

OK M., as the mother of 6 and the grandmother of 11, here is my thought on this VERY DANGEROUS situation.
#1...unless you have a SECURE fence and gate (no way to squeeze through or climb) you cannot be occupied with doing ANYTHING where you cannot get to them in 2 seconds.
#2...Don't bother with "Come back here!" You must tesch them to "STOP!" or "FREEZE!" and not move from the spot until you get there. Perhaps you can make it like "Statues" and practice in the yard. I did see Supernanny do this one time with a boy who always wanted to run ahead of his mother when they were walking and he would not stop. She made it so that if he stopped when his mother called to him and waited until she caught up, then he could go on ahead until she called again...if he did not stop when she called. then he had to walk right beside her for a set time(like 2 minutes for a two year old.)
#3...In my experience, this is one of the few times that a swat on the behind is useful to get their attention.
Too much talking at this age is not productive. I would have grabbed him with one hand, swatted him with the other, and simultaneously shouted "NO!", as I hauled him away from the curb or street!
This is NO time to be wishy-washy...you yourself know how lucky you were this time.

M.,

I think you did the right thing about no time out - you are totally right that he wouldn't have a clue WHAT he was being punnished for, the incident happening 15 minutes ago.

I have the same problem with my soon to be 2 year old; everything is a game and my 'mad voice' is hysterical. I tell you, I'm actually thinking about a leash!

I have just a couple of suggestions;

1. Start taking the boys on walks, you and your husband holding tight. Every single street make a big deal at stopping. Loudly teach them to look both ways and stop for a long time. If a car is approaching - even far away, launch into your 'serious voice' and talk about the big dangerous car, now much it would hurt with an ouchie, etc. Talk about how safe you are on the sidewalk.

2. Even though they might be too young to understand, try and teach them "red light, green light". That way, in a pinch, you may be able to 'red light' them into a freeze.

3. Try and use "stop" or "danger" instead of "no"

Nothing is going to get kids to stop running, it's just what they do. I think with age, the realization of the dangers around them materialize, but it takes time. A healthy respect for the road may be a while away.

Until then, we can have little heart attacks together.

Good luck,
J.

Every time they go near the street, you go inside and there is no more outdoor fun. Tell them this before you go outside and then follow through immediately as soon as they disobey. If they are laughing and thinking it is a game they probably love that you are flipping out and that they can get such a response from you. That's why it is important to be calm. They do not understand the danger of cars really - but they will understand the logical consequence of having to go inside if they go near the street. It should only take a few times before they get it! Good luck.

Hi M.--

I have a 3-year-old and a 4-year-old and I tell them that cars can't see them and that seems to work (so far!) :-)

This may sound weird but it worked for all three of my kids; when they were little. When we would go for a walk or if some unlucky animal got hit near our house I would make sure that we walked by it and I would say, "Oh no the poor little animal. But that is what happens when you go into the street with out mommy or daddy or don't look both ways and make sure no cars or trucks are coming." "This is why mama says that you are not to be near the road because this could happen to you and then I would be very sad." After that they didn't go near the road and when they did they made sure that not only were they with an adult but that they were holding hands. They weren't scared or had nightmares but the picture of the dead animal stuck and made them realize in a way toddlers can understand that what could happen. Now my 2 yr old granddaughter was staying with me for a week acouple of years ago and we lived in a trailor park where the speed limit was only 10mph. However we lived at one end and at times some of the cars would be going 30+ if they were coming from the other end of the park. I was outside with her one day and she started for the road. I called her name and told her a stern NO. She turned around and looked at me and I told her NO she is not allowed to go in the road. She came back to me. Later on; same time outside, she started toward the road again and I told her NO, she turned around and looked at me. She gave me a little smirk and continued toward the road. She had gotten acouple of steps into the road and I told her that grandma said NO and she is not allowed to go into the road without holding someones hand. And I swatted her on her bottom. She had a diaper on and by no means did it hurt her in anyway except her feelings. I broke her little heart. But upto this day when grandma tells her NO, she listens. When I was a teenager my Aunt had her backyard fenced in so her sons and dog couldn't get out without going through the house or gate. Ha-Ha-Ha. Once the boys got old and big enough the realized that it was more fun and took less time to climb and jump over the fence then to go through the gate and making sure it was shut so the dog didn't get out. Then one week when I went over I noticed that Buddy was out of the fence and asked my Aunt and Uncle if they knew that the dog was out. They said, "not again." My little cousins actually taught the dog how to climb the fence and get "free". So I understand that a fence only holds whomever is not determined enough to figure out how to get out of it. So good luck. I hope my stories help in some way.

M. -

I have 3 year old twin boys so I can understand your frustration! Some people may not agree with this, but we told our boys that there are dinosaurs in the street (ie...the cars). I even showed them some dinasaur poop one day....some fresh tar on the road! It worked like a charm. They will not go into a street or in a parking lot anymore with holding on to my hand. Good luck!

First of all big hugs to you for dealing with this scare situation. I live on a very quiet back road and we're also 80-100 feet away but the few times my daughter has taken off towards the road or into a parking lot my heart just sank and I know that fear. What we started doing was teaching her about the road and how to approach it safely and always with an adult. We would take her with us to get the mail and tell her that she had to hold our hand and taught her how to stop, look and listen for cars. Same with the parking lots. Do it every. single. day as repetition and consistency is the best way to teach them things at this age. It is important to not only teach them to listen to you in that or similar situations but to also teach them how to properly approach that situation if they are with any adult and not just you.

First, Im wondering why f he looked like he was about to cry, that you think you didnt get through to him, obviously you did!

Second, what do you mean no time out! If you dont take it seriously why should they be expected to. Yes time out!
And in for the next day too!

Third, kids dont drink poisons and do dangerous stuff unless they are bored to death. Take them to the pool, playtime with kids their own age, take them to the Ymca and enroll them in a regular play group, toddler soccer, something. But ounds like you have 2 that are very bright and just hanging out around the house is not a stimulating enough environment.

Dont be freaking out when you talk to them, but letting them know that they can be hit by 5000 pound car and be seriously injured at best. Or someone could run off with them.

Also, its time for his parent to start setting the example for him and follow all og the rules too. Dont let them catch whiff of you and your hubby doing things that they shouldnt be doing either.

And last of all, Im sorry but I want to laugh at you. When do they start to listen, two things here. Lol they dont, to some degree ever. Wait till they are teenagers. But you need to be firm, now or it will be a huge problem later. And kids learn by making mistakes, you have this huge gate here, have you ever told them why the yard is fenced off in the first place. All people learn by making mitakes, that is how we all learn and grow. You stop making mistake, you stop growing. Kids are fascinated by everything in the world, they just got here, theyve only been on the planet for 2 years now, they cant be expected to know everything.

That is how they start to pull away from you and grow up as they get older, that is how they know they are separate from you. It sounds like you have two very independant little boys.
Good luck!

M.,

I can so relate to you! I have 2.5 year old twins boys and one does the same thing to me. We also live on a very busy road. Anthony will run to the street and look back at me and laugh. Michael is busy playing with toys and really doesn't do that to me. We don't have a fenced in yard and we have a pond next door to us. We got a quote for a fence, but it would cost $5,000!! I figured I would pull my hair out for a few years watching them very closely.

Anyway, I also have a 5 year old son and I do remember him not really understanding about going towards the road or watching cars in a parking lot. He really didn't start caring/listening until 3 years old closer to 4.

What you are going through is normal and in time it will get better! I am wishing my twins to be 4 already just because by then it gets a lot easier! Hope this helps!

I'm sorry, I can't answer your questions:( My best advice is to kick off the Crocs and climb the fence next time. Or maybe just don't do things while they are playing?
good Luck!

Oh, M., I hear you! My 2yr old is also fascinated with the street. We have sidewalks, so we walk nearly every day to ease the stigma. Also, she was required to hold my hand initially. Now she can walk freely and sometimes just a bit ahead of me - as long as she stays on the sidewalk. STOP! wasn't working for us, so now we FREEZE! She has to FREEZE until the car we hear or see passes, then I say OK, and we can move on. FREEZE works REALLY well. I don't know if you let your kids watch TV, but Kaitlin is into Steve Songs on PBS (you can see them on Youtube too). But there's a safety song he does that also is helping to reinforce the WALK/DON'T WALK/FREEZE thing. Good luck!

When something like this happens you CANNOT just give them a "talking to". They are 2 years old, their language isn't fully developed yet and they are probably only getting every 4th word or so.
This is obviously a dangerous scenario in which I can't advise not running after them. But in a normal setting when they are misbehaving and running away from you and not coming when told, that's when you need to be decisive, stern and make sure they know they don't have fun stuff when they disobey. Don't chase after them in a normal setting! You make sure when you say enough is enough they know when to stop the fun and games and do what they're told.

I feel like I'm making myself sound like a dictator to my kids, but really, you have to do this to prevent them from disobeying in dangerous situations. You can have fun too! But they have to know the distinction between your "fun" voice and your "enough is enough" voice.

Wow - what a scary situation! I have a 14m old, and he is likes to get into things as well. I don't know how you feel about spanking, but you may want to consider a spanking in dangerous situations (associate the slight pain and embarressment with the dangerous situation). My husband and I have agreed to this form of punishment but as of yet have needed to implement it.

Some advice my mom gave that she did with me, is that a lot of times part of the reason I/young children didn't listen was because we didn't understand what dangerous meant. For example - my mom kept telling me no something was hot. Well, according to her, I had no idea what hot meant in my young innocence. So in a very controlled manner, she let me feel hot by holding my hand above a burner just close enough that I could feel the heat - I never reached ontop of the stove again. Your son may not understand that the cars can hurt him - and needs somesort of connection of what danger is with the street. Just my thoughts and good luck with your boys!
-L.

I think it's a phase. They do not have the cognitive ability to fully understand cause and effect relationships. I had the same problems with my two boys that are only about a year apart. My oldest is now 5, and he pretty much listens since he was 4. However, my other child is super energetic and he is always testing boundaries. He is 4 and he still doesn't listen that well. When something is in his head, he is going full force into the heat of the battle. It's still sort of a game, and he thinks I am playing chase with him. He knows I am mad, but he doesn't always respond. I have to make sure I have a tight reign on him at all times. He will lead my older son into the fire with him. Monkey see, monkey do.

I had to put a latch lock at the top of the door that the boys couldn't reach. They kept escaping before I was ready to leave in the morning. When we go to the store, my 4 year old always has to be latched into the front of the cart. Otherwise, he will act good for a few minutes, and then he darts off quickly.

I couldn't take my boys to the park or anywhere if I didn't have a helper with me. We each had to take one child and follow them around closely. I only took them to parks that were fenced in like at elementary schools. They still run off quickly in opposite directions, so it was really hard. They are getting better now.

I have to set strict boundaries for where ever we go. If they do not listen, we leave immediately. I had to get babysitters for going to the grocery store and running errands because they would run different directions, grab everything and really stress me out. It's a phase. Hang in there.

They really don't in the way that we would really like them to do so. My brother was finally only allowed out on a harness to preserve his life and my mother's sanity. My son tipped over garbage cans, climbed up them and unwired a gate to allow himself and my mother's dog out of the yard at age 2 1/2 and there were 2 adults in the yard with him. He did it several times after that and then we put locks at the top and bottom of the gates both to prevent this activity so he started climbing the chain link fench. Guess what, it became a harness situation as well until he was about 4.

How about pin the nose on Mickey. Make it kids friendly. Go get a bag of red pompoms and some tape. Roll the tape so it's sticky on both sides. Use a large picture of Mickey. Blindfold them and have them stick the nose where Mickey's goes. Closest one wins. Next find a glass jug that milk or juice comes in or a plastic one will do but is harder. Hold a clothes pin to your nose, bend over the bottle and drop it into the hole. Do several and the one with the most wins or just do one. Make sure to give prizes. If all the kids were older I would say take a small square of paper and have them draw a face of Mickeys and let them judge which one looks more like him but I think all the kids might not be able to do it. What about trying your hand at making a pinata. We made them in the 5th grade. Take a balloon and sections of cardbopard to be ears. a ball of paper taped on for a nose. Make paper mache out of newspaper and glue with a bit of water and flour. Dip the strips of paper in the glue mixture and wrap the balloon. When dried cut a small hoile in the top and also use an awl to poke holes to hang it up. Paint it to look like Mickey then fill with candies and let them wack the poor guy till they pop him open. You might want to cut it completely open and not put too much extra paper strps to glue it back together. Other wise they may not be able to break it open. If you do a good job people might want them for their children. Have fun. Ask some of the older kids what they think the little ones might like to do. Also instead of an egg on a spoon which can be messy try marsh mallows. they dip a spoon in a bowl and carry the spoon in their mouth to another bowl empty and rubn back to the next child to repeat. Then prizes for the winning team. Just keep them busy.

One friend of mine showed their 2-yr-old a dead animal squashed in the street. Told the child that was what could happen if they ran in the street. When asked later what happens when you go in the street, the child responded "squished!" Maybe kind of gross, but it seemed to be effective for them!

good luck!
J