Two-year Old Runs Away and Won't Stop When Called

Have they tried the child "leash"? My son did the same thing, I bought a leash....never had to use it, but threatened a few times in the mall. Didn't have a problem after that. Good Luck!

I would plop him in a stroller and tell him that when he learns to listen and stay close to mommy he can walk with her again. I have also used a "leash" for my kids. It allows them to walk around, but they can't get farther than you want them to go. She just has to be consistant in telling him to stay close to her, he should eventually grow out of this stage.

Here is how I "stop trained" my son. When he got as far away from me as I was comfortable I would say STOP in a firm commanding voice. If he continued even one step further I followed after him (not chasing) and spanked him as soon as I caught him. The longer it took me to catch him the more spankings he got. 1 swat for taking only a few steps up to 3 for running away or being in a dangerous situation. It didn't take him long to freeze as soon as I said STOP. To some this may sound mean, but it sure hurt less for both of us than to have him run out in front of a car.

I raised two boys, one is now in college and the other is a junior in high school. The younger one was a "bolter" when he was two. Tell your friend to do whatever she has to do to keep her child safe during this period, even if it gives her embarassment and sadness. My son would take off the second my back turned and was quick to hide. He did not come when called. He ran away from me in the zoo once, and that was terrifying. He also ran away in department stores. (Once it resulted in closing down the store for 20 minutes while all the patrons searched for him.) It wasn't just a game with him, it was a battle of will. He would not hold my hand to cross the street, and would struggle and collapse to the ground if I grabbed him and held on. He was too big to drag along and I didn't want to dislocate his arm. I was at my wits' end and had to resort to putting him in a harness in most public places. It had a fabric pad that went across his chest and had a sort of leash coming off the back. People gave me horrible looks, but at least he was safe. Eventually, as he became old enough to reason with, we bargained with him to switch to a toddler alarm if he was being good. The alarm had two pieces, one to put on the child and one for the adult. If the two pieces got a certain distance apart, the alarm would go off. We didn't have to use the alarm for very long before he got tired of that system and finally learned to stay with us. (He never did learn to hold my hand while we were walking.) The stress when he was little was tremendous, but he is now the most kind, loving and considerate young man. So, I would not wish to change him. He is a good student and is popular in school. His headstrong nature has helped him to know his own mind, and avoid antisocial behavior from peer pressure. So, the bottom line was that he outgrew the "bolting", just like other childhood habits. Tell your friend to hang in there, no matter what. As I always say, "you spend the first two years teaching them to walk, talk and go to the bathroom; then the next sixteen years telling them to sit down, shut up, and get out of the bathroom!" Parents have to take a long-term view of things.

A harness or a stroller is what I've used. The harness was attached to her wrist so we were holding hands I told her. It was a definite safety issue and you get lots of opinions from people who do not or never had this issue. They cannot understand a parents fear when the child runs headlong into a busy street and is laughing, because it never happened to them or only happened once, not 40 times a week. Anyway, forgive the comments and do the child a favor.

Also, at home, playing "listen to mommy" games with whispering little commands ("get the red ball", etc.) and playing Red-Light, Green-Light helps, but at two it is still difficult. I have 2 year old twins and while they are not as bad as one of their sisters was, they are put in the stroller more often as well to avoid the issue.

You'll get there, assure the mom she is doing right by seeking advice and being willing to try different things. My daughter stopped doing that by age 3 but it was a hard thing to go through until she could understand more.

Another mom who agrees that a toddler harness is appropriate in this situation. With my twins (who weren't bolters but did 'push the envelope') if they didn't stop/stay when called, they got buckled back into the stroller.
I never got any snide remarks about the harness (we lived very close to a couple busy streets and I would have one twin in a single umbrella stroller and the other in the toddler harness, they'd take turns), but was quite prepared to be snide back if necessary ("Cruel? Well, yes, that's what we thought too until <sniff, sniff> we lost one of the triplets")

He needs to wear a child's harness; hate to call it that but for lack of the correct word. With four little kids I used one for my youngest that zipped up in the back, gave them freedom to roam abit from me and I put the cord on my wrist. They come in really cute styles now too compared to thirty years ago. I did not like them but it really kept my daughter safe walking. Safety is the most important thing and it helps have fun too not worrying.
F.

I am the mother of 5. 11 Year old twin girls, a 10 year old girl and 3 year old twin girls. I've had my share of runners. My youngest girls were by far the most challenging. The more I called them the faster they ran. I was at my wits end. I was also worried that they would get hurt.

I taught them the Red Light, Green Light game, when they were just barely turning 3. We played that a lot during the day at home until they were real good at it. Then I tried it out during a walk to the park. Of course they started to run when we got to the sidewalk. I yelled Red Light! and surprisingly enough they stopped. HEAVEN!!!

I've used this in the store and everywhere. In fact I've had other mothers come up to me in the store and say they wished they had thought of that when their kids were younger.

As a parent you need to have a whole arsenal of discipline methods. Running away and not coming back, while dangerous,is a two year olds instinct of freedom to explore. They think it's a game. Spanking a child for playing a game is not usually the best use of a spanking. I'm not against spanking, but it's not necessary in some situations. You have to be smarter than the 2 year old. If you use spaking for everything, it's not effective. Spanking should mostly be reserved for outright willfull disobedience, even then it has to be done, consistently and lovingly, usually one swat per age of the child (3 year old gets 3 swats), then lots of hugs and kisses after.

Good luck. I hope you find a solution that works for you.

I have two boys that are/were bolters. My 4.5 is no longer a bolter but my 2.5 is still and if you try to call him back, he'll just run faster. I either keep him in a stroller or a backpack-type leash (Target). I really don't care if anyone says anything about having him on a leash. I would rather have that then having him hurt or lost. With my 4.5 it just took time. I would say it was sometime after he turned 3/3.5 that he got better at listening and not bolting. At that age, I started giving him a little leaway (sp) and as he got better, I eventually let him walk on his own. Now, when I go on walks, the 4.5 doesn't have to hold my hand but the 2.5 yo is on his leash.

I would use a child harness.

I have a 2 year old boy that is a runner too. He is getting alot better, but one thing I have taught him is if I can't carry him, say out of store or something, he has to hold onto my purse strap instead. When we get to the car, I have him put both hands on the back passenger door until I get the door unlocked. (Don't do this in summer, he could burn himself on a hot car). If he wants to walk with me in the store or the mall or something, he MUST hold my hand. If he lets go, he has to be carried or be put in the stroller. If we are in a store with shopping carts, he can walk with me but he has to hold onto the cart or he has to sit in it. I have a harness for him that he hates, he will try to get out of it from the moment I put it on him or he will throw himself on the floor, but he has a choice, either walk right or get the harness/stroller. At 2 they are old enough to understand. As far as the running, I totally understand. On a recent plane trip to Arizona we were waiting to be screened by TSA and I had dropped the tail of his backpack to show the Agent my ID and he took off running. I had to run after him and go back to the screening agent to get my id and ticket back. So instead of being free to play when we got to the gate, he had to sit down for 2 minutes and had to wear the harness the entire time until we got on the plane.

I think he will grow out of it, they are just naturally curious and don't understand that running is so dangerous. I know when mine was a year and a 1/2 he learned how to open our gate and I didn't know it, I walked outside just in time to see him close the gate and take off running down the sidewalk. So know we use a bungee cord to keep the gate from opening wide enough for him to get out. We just have to outsmart them!

They make leashes that look like backpacks. Tell her to get one and use it.

I agree with the idea of a child leash. Many people do not like the idea of a leash, because they think it's treating their child like they are a dog. My mother tells me she used one with me when I was a toddler and her answer to people who responded negatively was "if I had my dog with me along this street, I'd put a leash on it so it wouldn't go out into traffic and get hurt. Why shouldn't I care at least that much for my daughter's safety?" There are leashes available now that also have a little animal shaped backpack attached. We used one with each of our young granddaughters for a while and they loved them. Another thought about using the leash is that it actually gives the child more freedom than having to hold an adults hand all the time.
Also use continual conversation with a child when walking with them anywhere. Talk about where you're walking, what you're seeing, safety issues, etc. as you go. Give verbal instructions and when in a relatively safe area begin selecting goals that they can run to and then stop. Reward them with positive comments when they follow the instructions correctly and do stop. Gently correct them when they fail to stop as directed. One consequence of not listening may be to have to hold your hand, or be put onto the leash for a while. I think I would use the hold the hand rather than the leash in this instance, because you want them to continue to see the leash in a positive light. Of course you don't want them to see your hand in a negative light either, but I don't think that will happen as readily as it would with the leash, since you use your hands in other postive ways. This proceedure helps the child learn safety and also helps give them additional language skills. Be sure the goals you give the child are near enough that you can easily catch them and prevent harm if they fail to stop.

My younger daughter did this as well, and I agree with Minta's advice completely!

And, until such time as I felt confident she wouldn't bolt, I'd put one of those animal backpack leashes on her. She hated it, but she'd have hated being hit by a car even more, I'm pretty sure.

Hi J.,

I am again surprised by all of the advocates for spanking. I responded to this question several months ago... Here's my advice...

We taught our daughter the "stop and go" game. We did this just during play times outside at the park or yard or whatever. It came in handy when she would run too far away from me or I couldn't run after her for some reason. Our son however, was not as good at listening and following instruction. With him we kept him in a shopping basket or stroller and took small steps with natural consequences when he wouldn't listen. Every kid wants to run wild and hide in clothing racks, or pull groceries off the shelves or run up and down the isles... we talk to our son before we let him get down. So for example he'd want to get out of the basket and walk and we would tell him that he could, but he needed to stay with us. If he ran away he had to get back in the cart. ( I also am always armed with little boxes of raisins and healthy snacks to keep him busy.) Sometimes we had to go sit in the car for a few minutes, and sometimes because of the way he acted at one store he couldn't go to the next one. He had to go home and stay with Dad while I went and finished my shopping.

I figured out very quickly that I couldn't play the reverse psychology game or the putting my foot down game of telling him good-bye or telling him that I wasn't going to chase him. I had to be careful that he didn't get so far away that I couldn't sprint to him and catch him. My son eventually grew out of this.

I would recommend that your friend is clear and consistent with the rules she sets up. He can walk if he'll stay with her otherwise he has to go in the stroller or be carried. And if they are at the park and he runs away you have to leave immediately. Sounds like he isn't ready to go when it's time... are they giving him notice 5 minutes left and 2 minutes left when they are trying to transition from one place/ activity, to another? Is the running away playful or is it because he doesn't want to leave what he's doing?

I never tried the leash, but am definitely not opposed to it, especially in places like airports or busy streets when you have too much to carry and can't hold a child too.

Hope this helps!

I kept my son in a stroller when we were out and about at that age. When he was around 2 and a half he started having more sense to stay by me as we walked together. I don't agree with spanking him...he probably just has an intense desire to explore, and this could also be a natural part of development (for his temperament).

There are also "leashes" that wrap around the child's wrist and the parent's wrist. They look a little less insensitive than the harnesses that always seems to remind strangers of dog leashes. I got one for a friend of mine at ToysRUs. My nephew was a bolter, and when my sister and I lost him in an airport one time, she'd had enough. She went out and bought the wrist leash and he stayed in that the minute we unbuckled his car seat. He HATED it, but she'd just remind him that until he could learn to stay close and listen to mommy when she said stop, he'd have to wear it. Every day, she'd give him a chance to prove he'd learned by letting him walk from the house to the car--and every day that summer, he'd bolt right to the street. She'd yell STOP and he'd keep running. So, on the leash went. He wore that leash any time we went out every day that summer, but by late August, he finally got it. We all walked through the airport together to take me to my plane and he stayed close. The leashes are not fun, but neither is taking your child to the hospital because he was hit by a car.

Toddlers are rejoicing in their ability to run and see the world. A bright something catches their eye and off they go in pursuit with nary a by your leave, as our hearts jump into our throats when we think about traffic, cars, strangers and everything else a toddler just can't comprehend. We had to put a leash on our son in the mall and in stores or other places where it was not safe to run around. We'd attach it round his waist or to the back of his overalls (these had a handle sewn firmly into the back which was wonderful for this - he couldn't reach to undo it and he couldn't slide out of it and he couldn't work the overall buckles which were tight - a perfect harness.). Where a leash was not practical (I never left him alone in a car even to go to an AMT), when he was small enough, I'd seat him up on my shoulders and he'd sit up there till I was finished conducting my business. He liked riding in the super market basket seats, so that worked fine there. By the time he was 4, he developed a fear of getting lost (not that he'd ever got lost) and would not leave my side for anything. It takes time for some sense to develop and it happens at different ages for different kids. Planning ahead and preventing escape worked well for us.

Both of my kids went through this in their 2's. They outgrow it, but it can be very frustrating and a lot more work for mom or dad to keep them safe. If I'm in a place that's not safe I would keep them strapped in a stroller so they couldn't run and I knew they were OK; even if they were unhappy about it. But I tried to avoid situations like that as much as possible while they went through this(its a short time in the big picture). It created much more ease for me and them to be in fenced-in parks, friends houses, or home; any place where they could explore freely and safely. They do outgrow it and then you'll appreciate their heightened sense of adventure!