What Would You Do? *Sorry! Kinda Long*

I am frugal. Very frugal and mostly I consider it a good quality. But sometimes it's not a question of what you need - it's a question of what he needs to do for you. So accept it graciously, wear it often, show it to everyone and tell them you can't believe that you have something so nice and you will be giving him a gift over and over again because they love to be appreciated and they love to look like good providers. It will be money well spent because it will make him feel so good every time you wear it.

There is no reason why you can't have something nice once in a while.
He wanted you to have it... Yes, he's upset. He feels like you don't appreciate his gift and personally, I don't blame him.
So - sit down with him. Tell him that you appreciate his thoughts and his gift and wear that jewelry and enjoy it.
LBC

Your husband wants you to have something really nice. Please allow him this pleasure. Tell him you are sorry and you promise not to return the item.

We as moms and wives do feel guilty for any pleasures. But I am a giver and get even more pleasure giving than receiving. I do not have the right to take away the same pleasure for others. It is hard to be the recipient, but this is what he wants to do.

When my husband and I had only been married a few months, he gave me a gift, even though I told him we did not have any money for gift. I hit the roof, threw an absolute fit and yelled and carried on.. He was so crushed. I will never forget, He said he was willing to eat popcorn each night if that was all we could afford if I would keep his gift..
I felt terrible. It has been almost 30 years and I still remember the hurt in his eyes. I promised myself I would never ruin another moment of his love for me.

I think you probably hurt his feelings. He DOES notice you are selfless... I guarantee it... I think he did this to show you that he loves the things you do and you should have a beautiful gift for you too. It probably really hurt him to know you would shrug off his gift and return them (the dramatization is just from reading that he's really ticked lol).
I understand fully what your going through. I'm a single mom so if I spend money on my daughter I feel good, it's okay. But if I need new shoes or clothes or anything I feel SO guilty. I start thinking, oh I could've bought my daughter new clothes or toys with that money. I've tried to learn that sometimes we do need to set money aside for ourselves or buy gifts for ourselves.... it's like telling yourself hey you ARE an awesome selfless mom. Enjoy the jewelry, christmas will work out... it always does. I bet you'll be okay with bills and your kids and husband will LOVE their gifts. Don't beat yourself up... it's not like you took the last dollar, your husband got you a pretty gift. I'm frugal at times, but sometimes ya gotta let it go :D

You hurt your husband's feelings. He is trying to give you something nice and you are not letting him do it. Your guilt is irrational. I understand it myself. There is always something practical that you could be spending money on. . .I know, I know. But this is your husband trying to show his love to you and if you return it, he will be hurt and think that you don't value his gifts towards you. Would you turn in your wedding ring to pay bills? Maybe, if you were destitute, but wouldn't you avoid it if at all possible? Go apologize to your husband and tell him you feel so spoiled and love the jewelry so much, he is so awesome, blah blah blah, you love him so much, etc.

Please keep it! And look at it/wear it every day to remind you that you are worth the beautiful gift. Wifes/mothers tend to put themselves last, and this time it is ok to keep the gift. If you need extra money finish your shopping, sell something else on ebay or craigslist.

He wanted to do something SPECIAL for you. That $100 of let him get you something he's probably been dying to get you for years. Something sparkly and gorgeous that says "I love my wife" every single time you wear them for years to come. Giving them back says that you're not important, or his love for you isn't important, or his wanting that boyish happiness of seeing his beautiful wife in something beautiful is irresponsible and selfish.

KEEP them. Know how much joy seeing you in them will bring him.

In 10 years when you wear them one night look in the mirror and see if you can remember the bill or the 1000th toy that was outgrown a year later.

He wants to give you something that shows the world he loves you. Let him. Feel special and loved and happy wearing them. Let your kids watch daddy do the clasp around your neck on xmas morning and want to be that woman or that man for whom something so special was given.

Unless it will really hurt your finances, keep the gift. It is so easy for us as moms to give to everyone else and put ourselves last. It is okay to have something special for yourself once in a while. Think about how you are happy to see your kids joy when they open their presents. You husband wants you to have something to enjoy too. Sometimes it is important to just accept a gift gracefully and with appreciation. My parents had very little money when they got married right out of college so my mom never had an engagement ring or a big wedding (they got married in the Peace Corps). So for their 25th anniversary my dad got her an anniversary band with diamonds which she now wears every day. If everyone else in the family has what they need it is okay for you to have something special occasionally.

This sounds exactly like something I would do. So I completely understand your point of view. As a wife and a mother, you're always putting everyone else first. I'm sure hubby knows this and wants to put you first this time. Please allow him to do this.

Go to him and tell him that you know how hard he works and how much you appreciate how well he take care of you and the kids. Agree to keep the jewelry.

YOu hurt your husband's feelings and I htink tha tis a point of selfishness too. I know you are trying to do the right thing, but I think you need to let this go and enjoy a small windfall and a lovely gesture froma a man who you said normally wouldn't do this. It is good for you and your marriage - and we arent' talking about thousands of dollars.

We are raising several of our grandkids on a very limited budget. I feel your stress. We live on SSDI and occasionally get child support from the second dad, the first always pays. Money is tight and lots of months we don't have enough to make it all the way through.

I finally broke down and bought shampoo for myself because my hair was getting so brittle from using my hubbies that it was starting to fall out. I bought myself the cheapest shampoo and conditioner I could find. I bought some Dove soap too since his dial liquid was making my skin so dry I was turning black socks grey and making a cloud of dry skin when I took them off. I always buy for the kids first and him second. It is very hard for me to allow myself any pleasures.

I know it would be hard on me to spend that much money on myself too. When I stand for a half hour in the shampoo section trying to figure out which is the cheapest way to go I know it would be hard to allow myself to keep that gift. But you need to consider how much you give up and what this means to your hubby too.

It hurt our little guys feelings so much on my birthday last year, we didn't have any money left and they were very distraught that I didn't have a cake and a party. Let the gift be from them too. If they haven't seen it yet then just let dad show the jewelry to them, then they can wrap them up and it will be a secret gift they'll get to give you. It will mean the world to them and every time you wear them they'll remember the joy they felt.

Oh my gosh, you deserve it. I mean, it only cost you $156.00 after the discount! It is possible to give too much of ourselves to our family and in the process we lose sight of the things that make us happy too. Yes, family and health are things we hold near and dear to our hearts as mothers, but at the end of the day and we fall into bed exhausted, what's in it for us? You're husband WANTS you to have this gift. Think of it as a gift from him even though you picked it out. You got something that will make you feel pretty! Don't take them back unless your husband lost his job and you are about to start living in your car. Christmas is NOT about how many gifts we buy or how much money we spend on our children or our friends and family. A gift is something to be appreciated, not expected and it sounds like you are having a hard time appreciating what your husband wants you to have. It's okay to be frugal but it's important to find a balance so we don't always feel deprived. Keep the gift.

There is a point where you can be too selfless, and make your husband feel bad as well. He was trying to get his woman something to make her feel good. Keep it, and make your hubby a good meal (and maybe some extra something...), and he Wont be ticked anymore, and keep it. Don't bring up finances either and the necklace, it will just remind him that he splurged on u and shouldn't. My mil is frugal, and it is helpful in many ways but can be the other at times to.

Sounds to me like your Husband thinks you deserve some jewelry (which is an investment of sorts) and he feels bad that you don't think you deserve it.
I think you should let him feel good that he's givin you something. You are making him feel slighted.
It's hard to "surprise" each other when you both know where your money is, let him feel good that he got you something.

You haven't made it clear in your post whether your family really can NOT afford the gift to you, or whether you just FEEL that the money could be better spent. If your kids will have to forego Christmas gifts or shoes or food if you keep the gift, then yes, return it. But if it's just your feelings of guilt guiding you, then don't let the guilt control you. Your husband is doing a kind, loving thing in wanting to treat you. Many women would love to have your "problem"! Enjoy it (again, if you're not truly destitute), and also take a look at why you feel guilty if you experience any pleasure or excitement for YOU. Remember, "if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." Depriving yourself of things isn't going to help your family if it makes you unhappy. Good luck!

Oh honey, he wanted to make you happy with pretty things. He knows things are tight. He wanted to get you something nice. You hurt his feelings.
Keep the sparkles. Tell him thank you and say Im sorry. Then have a good snuggle. Maybe put them on with a pretty nightie, some soft music, a little wine, you get the picture.

Keep the necklace and earring set. Sounds like DH wanted to do something nice for you. Whether it has been stated or not, it seems like this might be his way of recognizing your selflessness & for expressing appreciation. Do not negate his feelings in all of this because you are feeling guilty. If you really think about it $156 dollars is the equivalent of spending $13 a month on yourself. Does that really sound so bad? That's about the price of some socks and a t-shirt or some coffee, cookies, & a book. Will you feel better about returning the gift from your DH knowing how upset it will make him or wearing it with love & affection?

I just gotta ask- how would you feel if you had gotten your husband something really nice but then he wanted to return it and spend the money on something else? Do you two talk about finances together? if you do- then he should be aware of where you are at and if this was something you could afford or not. Are you going to be going into debt for this?
I don't think it's worth hurting your relationship with your husband because you want to give your kids more presents. It's almost like telling him you don't trust him with money and that you know better then him what to do with the money.
Are your children not going to have any presents because of this gift to you? Will you have to put off paying bills because of this? If the answer is no- then don't worry about it- the money would be spent one way or the other and sometimes husbands like to do something really nice for their wives. My husband feels guilty that he can't get me stuff like that because right now we really can't afford it- but he has gotten me some jewelery in the past when things were tight(less tight then now) because he feels that I deserve it! Yes, the money could have been spent on other things, but this was his way of telling me how much I mean to him.
I think you need to apologize to your husband and sincerely thank him for the very thoughtful gift. And if it really is something that you guys can't afford right now, let him know why and what the money is going towards(it better not be for more gifts for your kids- that is not a need and if you are spending it on wants- might as well spend it on what he wants)
~C.

It is a rare gift and a rare opportunity.
Accept it with grace and be happy your husband values you so much he wants to show it.
You DO deserve a nice gift once in awhile.
He gave it to you to make you happy, not to make you miserable.
For the most part, do the kids even remember what they got for Christmas last year or the year before?
You'll always feel special wearing your gift because it will remind you how much your husband thinks of you and loves you.
You'll also be showing your kids how to accept something special graciously. Enjoy!

God love you for wanting to care for others, but honey, let your husband be a man here. Let him spoil you for once. Let him have this. Give this gift of spoiling you to HIM for Christmas. And really, really, really enjoy those beautiful pieces of jewelry. Wear them with a genuine smile and with the deep knowledge that your husband LOVES you! Every single time you wear them, let it be a reminder that he loves you. Flaunt them to him and do not let anyone including yourself make these pieces of jewelry about ANYTHING but how much your husband loves you and vice versa.
Merry Christmas!

Keep the jewelry and treasure it as a gift from your husband.
He obviously wants to give this gift to you or he would not have hidden it from you!!!

I hope all of your responses say: KEEP IT! and ENJOY IT!

Keep the gift. If you are in a position in which you are financially struggling and having a difficult time paying bills or groceries, then by all means return the set.

But, it sounds like your husband is confident he can afford it and also that he really wants you to have something special and beautiful, and that gift card helped him be able to do something he otherwise might not have been able to do.

Really, that's enough money to pay maybe 1 electric bill, or maybe 5-6 Christmas presents, maybe even Christmas presents for you in the form of slippers, a sweater, candle, perfume... so, would you rather have random surprises, or this? If you keep the jewelry, just tell your husband and kids not to worry about your Christmas presents for the year, because you already have met your monetary quota for them!.

keep the earrings and necklace! it obviously means alot to your husband and he wants to do something nice for you. geesh! lol as long as you're not going bankrupt then you are ok.

I would look deep inside and try to figure out why you don't feel worthy of receiving a gift. Seriously. I get self-sacrifice and I, too, am guilty of this but you sound like an extreme example!
Is the $156 a life-changing amount? Will your family NOT eat or have electricity if you do not return it? If so, return it. If not, wear it with pride, as it was obviously a show of love for you from your husband.
Good luck and Happy Holidays!

Keep the gift! You deserve it. If you're not financially destitute, then don't worry about it.

Your husband loves you and wants to do this for you.....please let him. YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!

Keep it. This is a gift from your husband. He will be very hurt if you return it. Thank him for his gift and wear it proudly. He loves you and that is awesome.

Unless you need the money for essentials, like heat or food, keep the jewelry. If you are only returning it to buy your kids more toys, think twice. You are allowed to get something for yourself once in a while. Don't feel guilty. You probably won't do anything like this again for years to come. Let your husband buy you something nice that he wouldn't have been able to do without the scratch offs. Enjoy the jewelry. It's always easier to use money to pay the bills rather than get something for yourself, but it isn't always the right answer. If you aren't going to go into debt for the jewelry--keep it. It wouldn't be right to disappoint your husband and yourself just to buy more gifts for the same people.

Do NOT return
Humbly accept and know he wanted you to have it very badly!!!!
Be Thankful and let him show you the love and attention you deserve.
It should serve as a reminder that all your giving has come back around to you----Good Karma.

Please Keep it!

Keep it. It obviously means a lot to him for you to have it. If you were a huge spender all the time and this was just one more thing you'll never wear and don't need it would be a little different but it sounds like you're very frugal. What's the point of being frugal & saving a bunch of money if you never ever get to benefit from it? Enjoy the gift. :)

Updated

Keep it. It obviously means a lot to him for you to have it. If you were a huge spender all the time and this was just one more thing you'll never wear and don't need it would be a little different but it sounds like you're very frugal. What's the point of being frugal & saving a bunch of money if you never ever get to benefit from it? Enjoy the gift. :)

Hi 2Monkeys :-)

This whole post is about "self worth" and "deserving". Your husband sees it, but you don't. It may be too difficult a shift for you to make all at once with what is considered ,by you as a HUGE value.

The common sense thing to say is to keep it and wear it proudly, but I don't feel you will truly be able to do this, within your heart, since you are showing such a STRONG reaction to receiving it and keeping it. So I say do what you need to do to make yourself feel ok about it.

THEN... I suggest that you begin to keep a journal about your feelings of self worth. Just like the child who had to write 10000 times on the chalkboard, write "I am deserving"... "I am worthy"... those kinds of positive thoughts so that they begin to share the space with some of the thoughts that are creating this anxiety about keeping a gift that is coming as an honor from the man who loves you and wishes to show it.

You ARE worth it, but you need to discover that for yourself. Look at your "day" and write down every time you do something that is "worthy".. all of the love and dedication you give to your husband and children... keep on writing down the positive things and begin to read them to yourself before you go to sleep. There is a lot of energy around why you are not able to accept this gift from your husband and it involves a lot more than just this gift so please take care of yourself and do this for yourself :-)

hugs,
A. R.N., Energy Medicine Practitioner

If you give everything to everyone else - when is it your turn?

I say now. Your husband wants you to have it and you deserve it. Make it your turn now.

What would I do? ENJOY IT!! :) Let your husband give it to you & don't feel guilty. If you feel guilty, then you should just return it -- it's not going to do anything for your family if you feel bad about it. If you enjoy it & feel like a princess, you'll be a happier momma & wife. Play it up! Love it!!

Now, if you can't afford to eat b/c of this...then you should probably return it. But if you aren't sacrificing a necessity, then allow it. And next time, keep your birthday money for special occassions like this. That's what I've had to train myself to do b/c I used to spend it on my family, too. Then, I felt bad when I wanted something & couldn't get it. Now, I have money from last year's birthday & Christmas. I think I'm going to get a nice winter coat when the season is over! I also was able to sponsor a family in Africa with this money. We talked to our kids about it & it's a family project. You feel a lot less guilty when you know it's "free" money and you can do whatever you want with i! :)

I would honestly keep the gift. A real sticking point with friends of ours who divorced was the fact that she would return gifts he bought her as she felt he spent too much.

I didnt read all the answers and Im obviously late, but I agree keep them! I struggle all the time with the same issues. Putting EVERYONE first before me. As we speak my wardrobe is PATHETIC but I wont go buy clothes because its xmas time and I want to take care of my kids first. But by all means sometimes we as moms and wives and the glue of the family need to allow ourselves a little guilty pleasure. im sure all the things you make sure your kids have arent neccessity either! Enjoy your gift, tell your hubby thanks and enjoy :) Happy Holidays!

:-) If you can return it, go ahead. Your husband is already mad and you clearly won't enjoy the item. Later, when things are not so tight, you can get a gift you will enjoy. If you are like me and hate flowers, jewelry, and all impractical gifts, you could ask for chocolate in the future.

Keep them, enjoy them, and when you wear them......thank your husband.

And this is coming from someone who feels guilty buying herself new underwear!!! But we all deserve a little *sparkle* now and then, right ;)