What to Tell Pushy People Who Tell You How to Take Care of Your Children

I tell them to take care of there family and to not worry about mine.
I tell them to raise their own child and quit telling me how to raise mine.
I also tell them how i raise my child and what i do for my child is none of there business.
If she continues to harass you tell her that there will be charges pressed or sit where she aint sitting.
I also tell people to not worry about my child i do everything that the pedatrician tells me to do

Anyone who insults your mothering skills, or insults your child, is NOT your friend. Stay away from her. Find another park. Avoid her when you see her coming. Walk the other way.

Good luck and try to gravitate toward supportive friends :)

I would just say I dont want to be rude but we are going to have to agree to disagree on how we raise our children. i would say you worry about your kids and i"ll worry about mine and then walk away maybe she will leave you alone from then on out! Arent pushy people the worst!!!

Living well is the best revenge. Let it go, take the high road, don't engage her in converstation about it, change the subject, thank her for her intrest in your life, and move on. If you don't play her game, it won't be any fun and she will pick on somebody else. Be as nice as you would want someone to be to you, because your child is watching.

M.

Sounds like she has a screw loose. Apparently no one else hangs around with her either. Either stick it out and try to figure out her personality flaws and get beyond them or start avoiding her like the plague till she gets the hint.
If you are patient with her, maybe you can mold her into a good friend. She sounds like she's a tad "off" tho. But everyone needs a friend. You might just try being honest with her. Usually, strange, weird people dont really get offended with honesty. I deal with lots of people with psychological issues every day.... and they rarely get their feeling hurt, it's like they are immune to it.

I wouldn't even sweat it. If she says something about what you should be doing I'd say "Yeah that's nice" or "That's not how I do it but I'm glad that works for you". If she tries to get your son to come to her, just say "he doesn't like strangers". She'll get the message. I definitely wouldn't leave the park because of her. If she starts talking about other things, go play with your kids and then she'll see you're not really listening to her and stop talking.

I would say something like "thanks for your opinion. I've researched this subject well and am comfortable with my decision." I may add "would you like to know why?" (they probably won't) or if I'm feeling spunky, I'll say "thanks, I'll give that suggestion the attention that it deserves." and leave it at that. Then I would change the subject.

I read a great article called "Pass the Bean Dip" (below) The principle is that you don't need to convince the other person that you're right, just confidently state that you have decided to parent this particular way.

L.

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This is from Joanne Ketch (http://goybparenting.com/)

I've found new moms often confuse boundaries and trying to convince someone of the *rightness* of their choices.

The best thing is to assert your boundary and *not* try to defend your choice.

Some family and close friend help.....

First, I learned early on that most of my choices were on a "need to know" basis. Most people don't "need to know". If asked "how is the baby sleeping?" Answer: Great! Thanks for asking! Want some bean dip?

"Are you sure you should be picking her up every time she cries?" Answer:"Yes! Thank you! Want some bean dip?"

"When do you plan to wean" Answer: "When she's ready. Thanks! Want some bean dip?"

Now, with some people you will need to set *firm* boundaries. They will need to be backed up with action (like hanging up, leaving the room or even the event). If it's a pattern of intrusion, for example. Practice kind but firm responses:

"I know you love us and the baby. We are so glad. Our sleeping choices have been researched and made. I will not discuss it again"

Also, don't confuse setting boundaries with trying to convince someone of the rightness of your choices. New AP moms often struggle with this. The boundary is that no one else has a right to tell you how to parent and create a hostile environment. You set boundaries by doing the above. Where new moms often invite problems is by citing authors, studies and sites to "defend" themselves. Each time you do so, you create more time for discussion and rebuttal and send the message that your decisions are up for debate. Don't defend your choices beyond generalities, and then only once or twice. "The doctor is in support of our choices. Want some bean dip?"

Finally, look them in the eye and say simply "I want us to have a good relationship. I want you to *enjoy* the baby. I'll parent the baby - you enjoy them. Let's not discuss this anymore. If you bring it up, I will leave the room."

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When she insults your mothering skills, throw it back at her...example, Sorry, I cannot talk to you right now, unlike some other parents who let their children run amuck...I am supervising my children, and then walk away!!!

Is there a different park? If there is go somewhere else.
She is not your friend.
Say politely but firmly "Excuse me, I will discipline my own child."
If she continues, be aloof and ignore her. Make sure your kids are having a good time and keep them away from her, go sit somewhere else.

With *those* type of women, I'm pretty glib and usually say something like "Well, we just don't love our children as much as other parents do..." and that usually shuts them up for good.

This type of mom is just trying to badger uh I mean engage you into a conversation where she can chest-thump and brag about her parenting beliefs and philosophies. By pointing out how inadequate you are, she gets a thrill and a rise out of it...but chances are she is pretty insecure and this is how she counters her feelings.

The best thing to do for a chattering know-it-all? Don't even engage them in conversation OR say something like what I suggested because they don't even know HOW to come up with a response to that.

"I'm planning on raising a serial killer...how am I doing so far" also works too.

I appreciate your concern & I know your advice is well intended, however if I need advice regarding my children I will ask for it!

I have one of those and she is my best friend and she doesn't have any kids. First of all if you can figure out what time she goes to the park everyday, change yours to a different time. If she shows up while you are there tell your kids "OK time to go, we have been here along time" Mix up your times everyday so that she won't come when you are there. Another thing that you can do is when she starts in with you, start talking to your kids and get up and start to "play with them" She should get the picture. As for me and my friend I just change the subject.

You can still be nice and when you run into her again, if she starts in you must quickly say, “________, my husband and I have a rule, we don’t tell other people how to raise their children and we appreciate the same courtesy. Your new in the neighborhood and I think you mean well but you come on a little strong with the advice.”

You should not have to leave the park until you are ready. If the woman doesn’t take the hint and becomes offended, it is she that should leave. If she is a reasonable person and can take what you said with a grain of salt, who knows a year from now she might be your best friend.

Blessings.......

I would just tell her "hello, it's nice to see you," and tell her that you are there to spend the time with the kids and really don't have the time to chat. Tell her it's best to not offer each other family/children advice because it's such a sensitive subject that we moms feel strongly about. If she starts up the subject, walk away and start socializing with the kids or other moms at the park. Even if you are just sitting and reading while the kids are reading and she comes to sit by you say hi and if she starts talking about something you don't want to talk about, tell her that you can't talk, you're working on your reading while the kids are playing. As much as we would like to get along with everyone, it doesn't happen that way. You will also tell your children to be nice but they too can't be every child's friend because some are better to not be around. Don't leave the park, just change your relationship with her. Stay in control of your relationship with her and you can call the shots in how it works out.

If you want to keep her as a friend, just say something along the lines of "Let's make a deal, I won't tell u how to raise your kids and u don't tell me how to raise mine. Apart from that topic l'm happy to chat with you." If you don't care to keep her in your life simply say "Look - u don't really know me or my kids at all and I find your "lectures" about my parenting skills offensive. I would prefer to not talk to you and concentrate rather on enjoying this park with my children in peace and quiet!" She'll probably then storm off in a huff and find another "victim" to plague with her unwelcome "advice"!" Good luck! :)