What to Do When Discipline Doesn't Work?

Hi L.,

I'm in the same situation with my 7yo son, and my 4yo daughter (she's developmentally delayed, and he has ADD). My husband makes my son stand in the middle of the floor and hold his hands up for a short while (usually about 2-5 mins, all depends on the crime ;)... One day I tried it, and he thought I was a joke, he was standing behind me; watching the clock and dropping his hands when he thought I wasn't looking (because I thought it was mean, I would only make him stand there for a min or so). When I caught on; I made him stand there with hands up for 45 mins. It does help.

L.,

Two years ago, my daughter and I went through an incredible power struggle. She wouldn't listen and never took any of her punishments seriously. It was no big deal for her to be punished. It never seemed to phase her. One day, I happened to be watching Dr. Phil and he suggested that if you had a child that wasn't listening and simply being defiant to "take your child back to basic" and that is what I did! I stripped her room of everything, I got rid of(donated to charity and made her pack them up) all of her toys, games, everything and boy did that get her attention. I left nothing but her bed in her room. To make a long story short, we don't have that problem anymore. When I speak, she listens because she knows that there are going to be REAL life consequences. She knows that she must earn with good behavior. She also knows that good behavior is the only thing that gets attention in our home, anything else gets ignored. She knows that without a doubt now.

When my grandson, now 6 1/2, was bad in school last year (k) I made him write "I will not be bad at school" 10 times and as he wrote the words he also had to read aloud what he was writing. A bit of brain washing if you will. The teacher did not have any more problems with him.
Don't forget to hug him - hug him long!
Good Luck!

Hi LoriM,
I am in the same situation with my 6 year old boy, this has gone on for some time however, I have found that a tally system with a list of behavior goals has worked for us. He can see it and can select a reward he works toward and he scores one point when he follows through with correcting naughty behavior. My 3 year old has started trying some of the same naughty behaviors, but I am nipping it in the bud and not allowing her an inch. Good success and let me know how this works. I've also tried other more tangiable rewards so if you don't have success with this let me know. T.

Try taking away video games, TV or privilages, such as trips out for pizza, etc... Or you can try the other route, which is a positive reinforcement plan. For example, each time he does something good or correctly, give hime a sticker on a chart. When you get to 5 give him a reward, like a trip to Chuck E Cheese. The more he becomes used to it, you can make the rewards smaller, until it becomes second nature to him. Hope this helps.

I have a 5 year old and a 10 year old. My ten year old was diagnosed with ADHD when he was 7 and put on Adderall XR to control it. About a year ago I took him off the meds completely because they were only helping 10%. Mis diagnosis. Please do not allow someone to convince you that your child has a disorder because he is disorderly. I believe that my son had a mild form of ADHD and now he has grown out of it. I will try to stay politically correct here but I give 3 strikes at my house. A warning, then I do another warning with a chance for my child to explain him/herself and the 3rd strike is either a spanking or take away something depending on the crime. After which I explain the reason for the spanking or taking of a toy or item and give them another chance to explain. Spanking is NOT illegal...beating/or abusing is.

I let my child know that what they are doing is hurting me or making me upset. You have to be in control...separate your child from their source of attention...if it is you go to another room and close/lock the door or send him to his room. Tell him that you are the parent.

I hope that no one is offended.

My five year old is the same way....He loves his video games so i put the system in the living room and he has to earn time for good behavior we use mommie dollars...if he is good at school he earns a dollar completes homework another dollar and they can be cashed in but if he is mean to his 3year old sister i take a dollar he has to pay me...it works great within the first week my son was fine thy need to see there reward and hold being good in there hand that is why i think the dollar works it is in there hand and also we set a timer for the game a dollar only gives you 20 min and there is a max of one hour per day...

Have you tried to get to the root of the problem? What is the misbehavior? Why is he doing it? What does he want from you? Talk to him.

hi! My 4yr old had a phase like that too... but I found the "money" for her. (That comes from Dr. Phill believe it or not... find out what the kid *really* cares about and then taking it away as punishment.. but it has to be something that he really cares for in order to work)
Also, set out clear expectations and stick to it. (ex. I expect my 4yr old to pick up her mess, not her 1yr old sister's mess, so when she picks up and her sister goes in and makes a mess, that's it.. she doesn't have to do it again unless she wants to help ME out :P

I hope this helps.
M.

Wow...wish I had an answer to that one myself. My 5 year old is the same way. Punishment doesn't phase him...I hope someone has an answer for this one. Feeling your pain.

Maybe you are seeing him as an adult instead of a 6 year old child. What kind of things does he do that requires time out and such? Are you following through with the punishments? I could be wrong, but it's just a suggestion.