What to Do If the In-Laws Hate Me but Want to Stay with Us for at Least 6 Months

Updated on November 12, 2015
H.A. asks from Brooklyn, NY
31 answers

So the story goes like this. A couple months after I got married, my in-laws decided they wanted to crash in my living room because God knows why. While my apartment was very small (1 bedroom) and my husband and I were newlyweds who had to get used to living with each other, let alone having semi- permanent house guests, I did not mind so much because I liked them and they seemed to like me and we got along great. At first, things were great but that didn't last long because my mother in law started picking on things. My husband told me he knows I am doing nothing wrong and am just trying to make them feel welcome. However, she wouldn't let it go and she just kept building on little insignificant things like taking something good I was doing and turning it around saying I was trying to upset her. Whether she was feeling like she wasn't needed because she was always used to doing everything for her sons and husband or whether it was because she felt like I took her son from her and he was giving me attention..I don't know. I suspect it is a mix of these thoughts/emotions as well as some others. I even gave her the benefit of the doubt and would always try to ask her what was wrong but she never wanted to fix things with me. She kept talking about me to her daughter, husband and even my husband. After being tension building for so long things finally blew up one night when she was being so short and abrupt with me in her speech and actions. She was throwing words and snatching things. I called her out instead of ignoring her immature behavior. That was the night that my husband FINALLY said SOMETHING. He got fed up and basically yelled at her. But his kind heart turned him soft in a matter of 5 minutes and he was trying to calm everyone down.

The next day, she packed her stuff and made my husband drive them back to the daughters. This was 3 or 4 days before they were scheduled to fly back home. The day of their flight, I told my husband to ask them if I can go say goodbye because I did not want things to end on that note, but they flat out told him no. I spent months enduring problems with my husband from the residual issues that situation left such as his lack of coming to my defense and allowing them to disrespect me and allow them to convince him of the things she convinced herself of so much so that he would come home from visiting her and be upset at me for no reason. I started questioning the man I married, our future, my position and whether or not I really meant anything to him if he was so willing to turn against me. I, myself, was prone to anxiety attacks ever since I was 23 years old. Originally, they were triggered by an emotionally abusive and controlling relationship I was in on and off for years before I met my husband. I lost a lot of myself but managed to end the relationship and build some of myself back up and so, my anxiety attacks stopped. However, when all of this happened with my husband and in laws, they came rushing back. I was so angry with my husband. I treated him better than he treated me. Needless to say, we had a ROUGH start to our marriage and I really thought we wouldn’t make it.
Come mid-July, my husband comes up to me and asks "if I call my mom, will you speak to her?" Aside of me being shocked, I said to him you can ask her if she wants to speak to me because if I get on that phone and she is rude to me, she is not going to like what comes out of my mouth. I also told him not to force the situation. Once he calls and hands me the phone, I say hi and I get this reaction from her as if she was so happy to speak to me using words like honey and sweetheart and speaking to me the way she used to, back before all the problems. I swear the woman is bipolar. Either that or she was faking it for her son's sake. Either way, at least she was trying. I spoke to her a few times after that maybe 3 or 4 times but never to my father in law.

About 4 months ago I found out I was pregnant, on accident. I started freaking out because I was not feeling stable in my marriage to my husband. I felt like our relationship was on the brink of ending because I did not know if he could be the husband I needed him to be. If you ask him straight out, does your wife defend you behind your back, he will say yes without hesitation. But if you ask me the same question, I would say I don't know. He flip-flops because he doesn’t like confrontation or he doesn’t want to upset his parents, even when he privately admits to me that they are wrong.
I am going through a very tough pregnancy. Aside of the hormones provoking every emotion at the same time, all my issues with him are just being emphasized and I am constantly thinking about what kind of life is this going to be for our child if my husband can't ever stand up for what's right. It will affect our relationship as well as have an impact on our child. However, I have recently seen a change from him as he has really stepped up in my eyes. He tries everything to make sure I am comfortable, gets me what I need/want. He honestly shocked me because I didn't ever think he can be that considerate and really sympathize with how I was feeling. This has made most my issues and concerns just melt away. My worries have faded and I am more in love with him than ever. Even the way he looks at me now is more a look of adoring me than ever before.

Now, my in-laws want to come for 6 months and stay with us even though they could stay with their daughter. I calmly had a conversation with him about the situation. All he could tell me was that he agrees it can cause problems and that they were wrong and unfair to me. He agrees that he needs to step up and stand up. Yet, he does not offer any words of comfort or support. His response to me in regards to what he will do is “I don’t know.” I politely told him, my house is open to whoever wants to come in with respect, but I cannot handle problems now. I have a child to think about and that is more important than anybody right now. Aside of the typical issues that will arise, my apartment now is smaller than what I had before. My pregnancy has made it impossible for me to complete daily routine activities. I barely clean my house. I do not cook. I constantly have a look of pain on my face because I am constantly bothered or in pain. If you need to know anything about me, it is that I LOVE to cook and play hostess. I am or used to be slight OCD when it came to cleaning. Now, I have turned into a slob who sleeps until 4 in the afternoon. My sleeping in late will be something that will be picked on, and viewed as I am not caring for my husband. Not being able to stand long enough to take a vacuum to the floor will be construed as I am leaving the place filthy in spite of them. Next, my lack of preparing meals will be taken as I don't want them to feel like welcome because I used to spend hours cooking gourmet meals for them the last time. Next, I stay up until about 4 am just sitting in my living room on my laptop looking up recipes or watching tv. I sit without pants sometimes because the elastic bothers me, I sleep naked most nights, I make frequent visits to the bathroom. Basically, my space is going to be taken over and I can't even tolerate the thought of that because my nights are the only time that I feel somewhat not sick and so I can do the things I enjoy and enjoy the things I am doing.

My question is this, what do I do as far as them coming and sleeping in my living room for a minimum of 6 months??!!!! I cannot even deal with the thought of it. It gives me anxiety. If I had a 2nd bedroom, I would not be as annoyed. I really was open to the idea when I had the conversation with my husband because I was having a good day. I was thinking maybe they will come and start to like me again but I think I was being deluded and delusional. I know I need to have another conversation with him but I do not know what exactly to say to get through to him. I am scared he will not see my point. Basically, I am at the point where I am already planning for problems, and for my husband not being able to control the situation again and letting things escalate. I can see myself telling him I am leaving the house. I have unusual health circumstances that make my pregnancy high risk. I am only 28 years old and basically, I have had many scares with miscarriage and any slightest stress can trigger some deeper health issues which can cause me to lose my baby. I need to take care of me in order to take care of my baby. Even my husband realizes it but he can’t bring himself to say what he has to. I know that if I don’t claim my right no one will claim it for me and I can’t depend on him to stand up for me because I need to do it for myself. Part of me feels like this has to happen so that he can prove to me if really is capable of making me and the baby his priority. He can easily tell his parents to stay with the sister. It is not as though we are kicking them out into the street. The other part of me feels bad because I want to treat them the way I want him to treat my parents. I really try to live life by the philosophy that is to treat others how I want to be treated. It just hasn’t paid off with my in-laws and I can’t tell if it has any bearing on my husband.

Any advice? anybody?

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So What Happened?

I really want to thank everyone for their responses. I can see how so many people relate which is what I was counting on because I wanted real advice from people who gave been there and done that, so to speak. I apologize for the extremely long post, I guess this turned into a sort of outlet for me to just get everything out. In addition, I wanted to try and give as much background information as possible in order to get the best advice possible.
Upon reading the responses, the idea that I have a hard time asserting myself, my opinions and my voice, essentially, has taken front row in my brain. Although I may have a good heart, good intentions and H. for the best, I need to accept reality. I plan on having a heart to heart with my husband tomorrow. Although this may be about him and his issues with his parents, it is also about my issues and how I need to make sure my voice is heard. I really do not think I can stay in this marriage if my husband is not on board with me because his reaction to this will speak volumes about his reaction to future issues, which there are sure to be. God bless and wish me luck!

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M.S.

answers from Washington DC on

I wouldn't even host nice people in my living room for 6 months! One of you needs to call them and set some boundaries. Sounds like his sister did. Get individual and couples therapy and take care of that baby inside of you.

4 moms found this helpful

J.S.

answers from St. Louis on

All those words, you really think only three paragraphs is appropriate? I would go with too long didn't read but this is really too long and poorly written, didn't read. Perhaps if you really want answers post in a way we could actually make it through with a bit of understanding

1 mom found this helpful

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S.T.

answers from Washington DC on

wow, i couldn't make it through this. there's sooooooo much in here that's not in-law related. clearly you need a good therapist and to talk all this out. that's not a slam, hon. you've got baggage you need to unload and sort through, and it never hurts to have help for big overwhelming tasks.
as for hosting your in-laws for 6 months, no and no and no. it would be fraught with peril even if it were a happy relationship, but under the circumstances the most likely outcome by far would be a divorce.
your relationship is in enough peril already. making your husband your 'everything', expecting him to 'protect' you, putting him on a pedestal, yet doubting he can be the husband to you and father to your child that you want- all the ingredients are here for an unhealthy, doomed relationship.
you need personal counseling and marriage counseling. you and your husband both need to do a lot of growing up and developing reasonable, loving expectations of each other. throwing a baby into a mix this volatile is just asking for trouble, and adding nasty in-laws for a ridiculous amount of time is a recipe for disaster.
khairete
S.

8 moms found this helpful
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M.D.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Um, tell your husband to call them back and say no, they can't stay with you, but you'd be happy to find them a long-term stay hotel nearby, sublet an apartment nearby for 6 months or, since their daughter appears to live nearby, find out if they can stay there.

And, make an appointment for you and your husband with a marriage counsellor ASAP. You need to learn to communicate with each other - he needs to stop running to his parents, you need to stop running to your family - and instead talk to each other.

5 moms found this helpful
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D..

answers from Miami on

I'm sorry, but I couldn't read all of it. All I will say is don't let them move back in. You and your husband need marriage counseling in the worst way. If you don't go to marriage counseling and really work on your marriage and if your husband doesn't really work on your marriage, then you need to get a divorce.

5 moms found this helpful
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J.C.

answers from Philadelphia on

Your in laws own daughter won't let them stay for 6 months...why should you? This is just over the top especially considering they would be sleeping in your living room.

If I were you I would not argue with my husband about this. I would just tell him that it just isn't going to work to have house guest for 6 months. This is nothing personal. You would not have your own mother stay for 6 months or anyone else so why would you have someone who so blatantly disrespects you.

Best of luck!!!

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L..

answers from Raleigh on

Girl, I would not host ANYONE for 6 months that I did not marry or give birth to.

I didn't get through your whole post, but it's clear that there's some marriage issues. They will only get worse with his folks crashing at your place. If I were you, I'd say a week max, then get myself and my husband some counseling to start working through this. You're a mama! Be strong!

4 moms found this helpful
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J.F.

answers from Las Vegas on

I cannot imagine the rudeness of anyone---family or not---EXPECTING to stay at someone's home, in their living room, for SIX months! Throw in the past history of inconsideration and disrespect from them to you, a new baby about to be born, a very small space, and you have a recipe for disaster.

Don't allow this. Don't allow yourself to be treated this way. You are pregnant and about to bring a new life into this world. This should be a time of joy, even with all of the physical challenges of your pregnancy. Your focus should be on your health, your baby's health, and you should be looking toward all of the exciting changes that are coming your way.

Talk with your husband and let him know this will not work. Tell him that it will be easier to work on building a better relationship with your in-laws if you are not on top of each other 24/7. HIs family can stay with his sister, or they can get a hotel, or even rent a house or condo, and you can get together with them occasionally---outside of your apartment--- and try to build positive experiences together. If you move them in and you are together all of the time in this tiny space, the chances of building a positive relationship with them are very slim.

Stay strong and stand your ground here. You do not want to start your new life with your baby under such stress and negativity.

4 moms found this helpful
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M.G.

answers from Portland on

Sorry I couldn't read all this. Sounds like you had a lot to get off your chest ...
I have a difficult MIL. She upset me greatly at my wedding, and decided she didn't have to listen to anyone when we had our first baby. What ended up happening was me in tears, her telling me I was ruining her one chance at happiness, you get the picture. Sometimes it has to get bad for men to see just how horrible their mothers really are. My MIL has mental health issues but won't get help. Sometimes it's hard for families to accept that. In our case, my husband realized he had to make a choice. Some men don't want to have to. I was perfectly willing to have my MIL in my life if she got help. She hasn't. My husband is involved with her in a limited way with our kids, and while I have never formed any kind of attachment to her, she at least does not pull stunts with me. I stood up for myself. My husband backs me up. We had counselling early on. I strongly suggest that.
My mother's advice to me was decide what we want and are ok with as a couple (both people count) and then tell people what works for you. Don't change your plans. Be polite but firm. Boundaries. Good luck

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L.Z.

answers from Seattle on

I would work on finding a little apartment or room they can sub-let when they are in town. It's not healthy for them to be with you. I'd explain that to them together. Your husband sounds easily swayed by them, so having a conversation with them together about your health and pregnancy might work and not leave them feeling neglected. This really shouldn't be such a problem, but I can see that you are feeling very guilty about it. Lose the guilt, it's okay to have boundaries and worry about your own health.

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G.♣.

answers from Springfield on

I really H. that you found writing all of that to be therapeutic. I sometimes type very long emails when I'm upset or frustrated or just need to get my thoughts out. Just the act of typing it all out can help me feel better or think things through a little better.

Because your post is really just one continuous stream and you getting your thoughts out, it's a little hard for me to truly make sense of it. But I think I got the gist of it ...

I think you need to get your feelings out, walk away from it, maybe type or write again. It might take a few tries, but you need to try and break it down to just a few specific, concrete statements and talk to your husband. You don't need to bring up lots of details. Just let him know that as much as you want to be there for his family, you simply cannot have house guests for 6 months. (Unless you lived in a very large house or mansion, most people could not handle house guests for 6 months.)

It might help if you come up with some possible alternatives. Be calm, be logical, try very hard not to get emotional. Be very clear. You cannot have house guests for 6 months.

Talk to him when no one is upset or stressed. Just talk to him.

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M.R.

answers from Seattle on

Where are you from and where are your in-laws from? Meaning, what culture are we addressing here?

Is it normal for in-laws in our North American culture to invade the privacy and personal space of a young married couple expecting their 1st baby?? Absolutely never and no way.

Could this be practiced and expected in other cultures?Possibly.

Are your in-laws poor and destitute and mooch off of every one of their children? do they not have their own lives and hobbies and interests and part time jobs to keep them occupied?

You really answered you own question. Your husband does NOT like confrontation. With that knowledge and with that insight as his wife, you need to protect your own space, your own health and welfare of your mental and physical abilities and politely and kindly and FIRMLY so NO.

No is a complete answer. You do not ever owe anyone an explanation. This would be too much for anyone to manage and you will have negative health and relationship consequences if you give in.

Congratulations on your pregnancy and I H. your husband continues to have your back.

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J.C.

answers from Anchorage on

Reading this it sounded just like me 15 years ago.

First off repeat after me......"no".
6 months is just way too long in that situation where you do not have a second bedroom. Tell them they can stay a couple of weeks, but that is it. Be firm, this is your home too and you are pregnant, you should be allowed to be comfortable and should not have to deal with the stress of extended stay house guests, especially ones who do not treat you with respect.

That said, let me tell you a little of my story, in the early days of our marriage my story sounds just like yours. My inlaws showed me no respect and my husband never stood up for me. I would say how it hurt me but he never seemed to change. When I got pregnant I had many of the same questions. I finally explained to my husband that I needed to feel like a family. I said that when he fails to stand up for me with his family that it makes me feel like they are his family and I am the outsider, that I needed to feel like our little family was priority, and like we were actually family. The first time he ever stood up for me was when his father said something about me being an overprotective mother after a visit with them, and he finally said something. After that it got progressively better over the years, never prefect, but what is. I will say though that having him stand up for me was great, but the only thing that brought about real change in the behavior of my inlaws was when I started standing up for myself every time they disrespected me. EVERY.SINGLE.TIME. I also had to accept that some behaviors are just a part of who they are and I had to learn to look past those things and accept them.

3 moms found this helpful

O.H.

answers from Phoenix on

I'm sorry, but I didn't even read the whole thing, it's way too long and not enough spaces between thoughts.

Ok, so just say no. You already have experienced how it will be and you don't need to put yourself through that. You have a heart to heart conversation with your husband and tell him you don't want them at your house. Period. You don't need to feel obligated and 2 weeks with inlaws is too long so no way would I do 6 months. No, just no. Good luck.

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R.B.

answers from Dallas on

I can't read this way to long and it doesn't matter what the details are - get them out!

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S.W.

answers from Amarillo on

I am going to take a wild stab at this post as you are all over the place with your post. You are American and your husband is not. He is from a different culture were the wife does all the stuff for the parents. The parents come and stay as long as they like and interfere with your marriage and everyday life. Perhaps some study into the cultural background would have helped you understand the traditions but that shipped has sailed.

The in-laws coming was a nice gesture for the wedding but they don't know how to go home and live their own lives (again culture) and we here don't like to have any long term visitors in our midst. A week or two is fine and after that it is time to leave (the old fish saying after three days).

Get counseling for you and your husband and speak up. Let him know what you need from him to do and maybe force his hand to make him do it. As you say, he has never had to do things and still a boy or man/child. Do take care of yourself and when you can do things again, do them. Right now is not the time to clean or entertain anyone other than your husband. He does sound like he is trying to find his way but at a very slow pace. Hubby needs to speak to his parents again and let them know that this is not the time and it is not that they are not appreciated it is the pregnancy that is difficult.

The alternative is to dissolve the marriage if you cannot come to a middle ground. As you see, what you get is what you got for the rest of your life. How does that feel? Only you will know if you can get over the invasion of your home by the in-laws for six months at a time. I personally could not and would not spend money for a hotel room on them either.

You are probably correct in your thinking that mom does not know how to let go of her sons and thinks she is the only woman that they will ever need. Sorry she feels that way but she would not be welcomed in my home after what she did and belittled me in my home. There would be a lot of crow eating on her part to make it cordial. Stand your ground.

Do keep us posted. I H. that you are able to have a speedy delivery of your little one.

the other S.

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J.H.

answers from Birmingham on

I haven't read other people responses, so I may be restating here. And please understand, the statement below is meant respectfully.

Why in God's name would your husband even consider allowing 5 people to live in a 1 bedroom apartment? It would be workable with 2 adults and a baby, but not 4 grownups and a baby. Don't let this happen. Stand up for yourself and your sanity. It really is a ridiculous notion to even consider this. His parents should not place the burden of their housing responsibilities on you two. That isn't fair. I love my in-laws, but they wouldn't be allowed to live with us long term. Helping people get on their feet and figure out their issues is one thing. Being their constant safety net is to your detriment, not theirs. This situation is a bunch of baloney.

I H. you figure it out and things get better. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy.

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G.L.

answers from Salt Lake City on

This may not be easy to do, but it really is very simple. Say no. If asked again, say it again. If asked again, say it again. It is not your husband's job to make his mother happy. It is not your job to make his mother happy.

In light of the way your husband's mother treated you the last time, I'm surprised you're even considering allowing this. You may need to say to your husband (calmly, without drama or long lead-in - after all, he knows your situation) that he has to choose which role is more important to him - husband and father, or mama's little boy. It sounds like that won't be easy for him, but if he values his marriage, saying no to mom is what he needs to do. What might help him is if you let him know that YOU will support him through the difficulty of facing her. The two of you need to approach this as a team. Make sure he knows that you're on his team, and that you need him to be on yours. And both of you need to be your child's team. Small babies do pick up on the emotional environment in their home. Ask him if he really wants to start his baby's new life in a conflict-filled environment.

Is there a culture gap involved here? Also, have you considered seeking help from a counselor?

2 moms found this helpful

D.B.

answers from Boston on

I just couldn't get through all of this, sorry.

Short answer to long, involved question: If you don't think your husband is the man for your or if you don't think he'd be a good father, then you need to use contraception and not get pregnant, especially if you are such high risk. Get your medical issues sorted out first. If you let people walk all over you, you will never be happy or raise a mentally healthy child. If your husband is a doormat for his family, that's a problem you should have realized before the marriage. Your in-laws are not the problem - the relationship with your husband is the problem. Get counseling, serious counseling.

2 moms found this helpful

D.D.

answers from Boston on

No is a complete answer. Have your husband call his parents and let them know that they can visit but have to stay at a hotel. The apartment isn't big enough for you to host them. Period. Take pictures of the baby and email them a couple times a week to the grandparents so that they'll be able to see their new grandchild but don't let them stay at your house for even 1 night. His parents have shown that they put their needs and wants ahead of everyone else. You've been through their games once and once is enough.

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R.B.

answers from San Francisco on

I don't have time to read your post. But, judging from the title, you need to sit down with your husband and agree upon boundaries. Hopefully you and he are in agreement. Then he tells in-laws how long they can stay.

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J.K.

answers from Wausau on

Without even reading past the title, I barked out a laugh and said, "No." outloud to my monitor. Even if it was someone who adored me, I wouldn't do it.

I understand that you're having issues in your marriage, but I also think you're being unreasonable in regards to what you're expecting from him. You said:

" I calmly had a conversation with him about the situation. All he could tell me was that he agrees it can cause problems and that they were wrong and unfair to me. He agrees that he needs to step up and stand up. Yet, he does not offer any words of comfort or support. "His response to me in regards to what he will do is “I don’t know.” I politely told him, my house is open to whoever wants to come in with respect, but I cannot handle problems now."

Those WERE words of comfort and support. It sounds like he is trying, but you're wanting some kind of mind-reading so he says just the right thing. Don't do that. You have to state out loud exactly what you want from people, or you are not going to get it.

You're being part of the problem, rather than part of the solution. Your home is NOT open. You know it isn't, even if you wish it were true. Don't let the polite lie come out of your mouth again. As for what to do about the in-laws, the two of you discuss that too and come up with a plan together. If he doesn't know, he doesn't know. That's why you both work on an answer as a team.

"My question is this, what do I do as far as them coming and sleeping in my living room for a minimum of 6 months??!!!! "

Your husband says, "No, that will not work for us." Repeat as necessary. Staying in your apartment is not going to happen. It is off the table as an option.

He may offer alternatives such as visiting for a week, but staying at an Extended-Stay type of business hotel. If a short stay would be silly because they are out of the country or something, they will need to rent an apartment of their own for the time they intend to spend in your general area.

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C.W.

answers from Santa Barbara on

Too much to address for me. Going off the title my answer would be "no way". Let your husband who may or may not br into fatherhood tell them. No way. Get some help for all of your issues.

1 mom found this helpful

C.T.

answers from Santa Fe on

Here's my quick advice: Your in laws coming for 6 months is a recipe for disaster. I can see hosting them for 3 days. You husband needs to give you his word he will calmly and firmly stick up for you if anyone is rude or mean to you. Then they need to stay elsewhere (hotel, sister's house). If you are up late at night perhaps wear a dress instead of a shirt and no pants. Set some boundaries. Three days. They will be unhappy but you are setting a precedent for years to come. And you and your husband should do marriage counseling together and bring up all these issues. A therapist will really help him with dealing with his own mother and it will be good for him to hear it from a neutral party. Make it a priority!

1 mom found this helpful

E.J.

answers from Chicago on

You seem to have a hard time asserting yourself to others.

Is this a cultural norm for you?

The inlaws should not stay with you.

You have six months to get into therapy to learn how to set and enforce boundaries with others.

From this post and your last, your husbands family seems to walk all over you. This is not good for you, your marriage, or your baby.

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S.W.

answers from Detroit on

Hi H.,

I'm at work so I'll admit I didn't read the full post. I know how inlaws can be and you have my empathy.

For our family?? bottom line???

he handles his people and I handle mine. this is your husband's issue with his parents and not yours. Your role is to communicate with him how you feel and what you expect and his role is to do his best to make sure it's understood you are his priority, you are his wife and you will be treated with kindness and respect while under his roof.

i know it feels complex when you're in that sort of quagmire (sp) but it really is just as simple as that.

hoping things get better. :-) S.

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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

Your post was long and hard to read but I think that you and your DH need to come to an Understanding about long-term guests who hate half the people who live in your home. Perhaps a third party professional can help you communicate NO in a way that he understands and will reinforce. I love my inlaws and I still would not want to live with them (or vice versa) for 6 months, and nobody gets to "announce" to me that they want to come stay in my home. They ask. Or they don't come.

If you do not know what he will say/do and you are anxious to bring it up, then all the more reason to seek help communicating as spouses.

And, frankly, though I try to treat people how I want to be treated, if they treat me badly, then they do not get my extra effort in that department. "No" is a complete sentence and standing up for oneself is healthy. Be the woman of the house that you are or should be.

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K.M.

answers from Fayetteville on

HECK NO!!!! I like my in-laws, our house is 4000 sq ft with a guest suite, and I still wouldn't let them stay 6 months...not sure I'd even let them stay a month!

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S.H.

answers from Santa Barbara on

Just say no.

You are trying to hard to convince why you should not feel guilty saying no.

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R.K.

answers from Appleton on

Find them a place to rent during their visit.

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S.E.

answers from Wichita Falls on

This is a complicated problem, and the solutions are not going to be easy, or one sided. So lets talk to the husband for a sec.

Mr. Husband, when you got married, you pledged to put your wife as the top woman in your life. Your priorities are now 1)God, 2)Wife, 3) Children, 4) everyone else. That is what marriage is. If you cannot make that commitment, you were not ready to be married. You need to communicate this to your mother (and sister) even if you fear that it will damage your relationship with them. They are no longer your priority. I am not saying that they are no longer important, but you have been damaging your relationship with your wife trying to appease these women. Confrontation is coming whether or not you want it, choose sides and stick to it. Oh, and your mother CANNOT stay for 6 months. She burned that bridge. Happy wife, Happy life.

Now, H., you are not off the hook. You know you have problems, anxiety, OCD, insecurity, and I am guessing a number of others that have not been dealt with. Not being able to get up all day is also a bad sign. Don't tell me it's the pregnancy, many of us have gone through difficult or even hellish pregnancies, you move forward anyway. It sounds more like depression. Seek professional help. Now! Do this no matter what your husband does (or doesn't do). You will have to find a way to get along with your MIL. She is part of the package. You will have to accept your part in the way the relationship is forming. Counseling with your husband would also be a good idea. Things will only get more complicated once the baby arrives.

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