A co-worker who a worked with has recently returned to the building where I work. She has been out of work for a while and has worked off and on since she left this building several years ago.
She called and told me that she was back in the building and wanted to do lunch. We were very good friends before she left which is unusual for me as I don't get close to anyone were I work. However, it is rare that I come across a female friend who I can talk to and we just hit it off and me not being on guard. That is how it was in the past anyway.
This person before she left had several run-ins with other employees (all female) and had problems with just about everyone in our unit (things got pretty ugly for a while)
I have no idea why these issues existed but maybe it was just a case of personalities clashing. She was not the type to go along to get along. However, this happened with everyone. She did not leave in good terms. I have no idea who she managed to get back in here. I suppose she is working for an entirely different employer within the building. I'm still working in very closely around everyone who hated her. I think that because of association I was treated in a crappy way by some co-workers.
Now, I'm wondering what I should do? Should I just continue to be friends as we were friends before or risk the chance that her reputation will but a bad shadow on me again? I know this is a petty situation that should not even be an issue for a grown women but I have to work in this "snake pit".LOL
thanks, I would like to keep my distance. However, I don't want it to seem like others are dictating who my friends should or should not be. We did keep in touch for a while but again I'm not one to actually keep close female friends
(except my sister)
If you truly like her as a friend and you know who she is and she treats you well, why does it matter what others think. It sounds like you are not even friends or more than co-workers with the others, so WHO CARES what they think?
If your daughter were 16 and asking you this same question about high school, how would you tell her to respond?
"Mom, there's this girl that was all about the drama but I liked her anyway even though none of my friends did. She moved to a different school for a while but now she's back and wants to be my friend. I don't want my friends to hate me for being her friend but I kind of like her anyway... What should I do?"
Good luck...
Since it was several years ago, I doubt it will cause much gossip. I wouldnt worry about what coworkers say, she's your "friend", she matters more than they do, right?
i would keep my distance, if later something major happens and she clashes with the new group she works with, if you're known to hang with her, then regretably you'll be pulled into the gossip trap and could lead to you becoming a part of the mess because the "he said she said crowd" pulled you in.
Continue to be her friend. She has not done anything to you, maybe all your coworkers are just JERKS! Sounds like it if they're treating YOU badly because of her.
If they start to do this again, I'd have a frank chat with them about treating you the way YOU deserve to be treated, and not how your friend acts. And if your friend is really being a jerk as well, don't defend her actions to the others, and perhaps challenge her on it as well. That's what friends are for, to tell us the truth about ourselves and help us be better people.
Best wishes. Office politics are awful. Be true to your real friendships!
Unfortunately people will be judged by the company they keep. Obviously these other employees don’t know you well enough. All they can deduce is since you hang out with her, you must be like her. YOU need to decide = do the opinion these employees hold of you because you choose to go to lunch with her, really matter? Do you enjoy this girl’s company? Has she ever wronged you? Has she ever wronged a close friend of yours? Will associating with her affect your job?
You said it is unusual for you to get close to others, what was different about her? You stated that you were “good friends” but you are going to let the opinions of others rule your decision?
Just because you hang out with a not so great person doesn’t mean that rubs off on you right? LOL!
I worked with a girl years ago that no one liked at all. However I had lunch with her on several occasions. I also took lunch with others as well. Before long one of my co-workers told me that people were starting to talk behind my back because I would go to lunch with this other girl. I couldn’t believe it! All I could say was “And how old are these other women??” PULEEZ!!
I wasn’t going to let their opinions dictate who or who I wasn’t going to lunch with. In the end they all realized I was the same person as I was before I started to go to lunch with this other girl and it was all good. They realized that I’m a good person and I wasn’t influenced easily.
Bottom line is = do what you want. If you choose not to go to lunch to avoid drama at your office= fine. If you choose to go and ignore what others think = great. If these other women are talking bad about you, IMHO, they wouldn’t be worth my time.
Be friends with whom you want to be friends. Go to lunch with whomever you want to lunch with.
Why your cow-orkers should influence who you are friends with or who you lunch with is beyond me unless you're making grand announcements about it.
You might try taking the friendship outside of business hours and explaining that, office politics being what it is and you wanting to maintain professionalism at work, it would be better for your friendship to flourish after work and outside the building.
Otherwise, I think if you want to see her during work hours, you'll just have to decide that the friendship is more important to you than the bad vibes/gossip of your coworkers... And if she is not working directly with you but is instead working for a different company, I would think that whatever nastiness there was might be remembered but not revitalized too much since they aren't going to be directly interacting with her daily.
Well one ? I have is did you and her stay friends while she was let go or did she have nothing to do with you after she was let go???? If that is the case and you decide to do lunch. I would be very careful on what i say to her let alone tell her especially about work. She maybe using you to get info to use against you or on someone else. Also if she did stay in touch and always have i would not worry what others say but just try not to discuss work she maybe trying to get info....
I'm with Marta!
I work with all men... It's far easier. : )
Well I am surprised that she even got re-hired, by the company... being that no one likes her....
Everyone deserves another chance, and you were good friends. Your continuing to be her friend in the face of all that happened will show what kind of character and integrity you have, whether others are understanding or not. I say, always do the right thing - and this is the right thing. If she acts hurtfully to you, I'd address it directly with her. Otherwise, I'd cut her some slack and assume she was going thru a very bad time and it's over.
Other people shouldn't expect you to fight their battles. Do what you want.
Do lunch with her without being obvious...don't have her meet you in your office. Or do lunch on the weekend/outside of the work atmosphere.
