What to Do About Girl at Church Disliking Me but Not Saying It

There are some people who have a NEED to be liked by everyone.
Why does she have to like you and why do you want her to?
It's just one of those things you need to let go.
You're fine - she's fine - for some inexplicable reason you two just don't click.

how old are you?

i'm guessing teenager. because few functioning adults would give this another thought.

she doesn't like you. it's okay. maybe she's perfectly justified, maybe it's just an instinctive thing, maybe she's a Mean Girl.

who cares?

stop chasing her.
khairete
S.

Everyone isn't required to like everyone else. Who cares why? Perhaps people avoid you because you appear to need everyone to like you. It is a very off putting personality trait.

Just relax, be yourself, maybe people will come around

You sound young, I'm assuming you are. My real name is Faith so I was raised as a Christian and have attended church my entire 48 years.

Church is not a place of perfect people, quite the opposite actually. So the people that say everyone at church should accept you and be kind just because you are at church is not true. Everyone, I repeat, EVERYONE, has their own personal issues. Not everyone is accepting and friendly to every single person they see.

I have experienced this myself just recently this year, after leaving our church, attending another, then going back, I realized not everyone is going to be my friend. And that's ok. I know it's harder to see someone treating you badly at church, but that's on them, not on you.

So if you are attending church for the sole purpose of making and keeping friends, then you should not be going. You go to church to learn and serve and make disciples of others.

If this is your only problem with this church then I would not leave, I would just ignore her. For whatever reason she doesn't care for you and she's making that obvious. But that is HER issue to deal with, not yours.

I used to smile, say HI and wave to everyone, that is my personality. But I started to notice that if I made eye contact with some from across the room and would acknowledge them some of them would just look away. It was obvious. So then I realized it was ok to just be friends with people that like me and care about me. I don't put any effort into those people anymore or make the "first move". I now will walk right by them. If I happen to cross paths, I will be nice, but not otherwise. And that's ok. For whatever reason these people don't care about me. I'm very active at church and have a small handful of close friends there and more casual friends and some I flat out don't care about. No biggie. It's not why I'm there.

I hope this helps you and you take it to heart. Don't give up on a church just because someone treats you badly. It's not the reason you are there. Just let it go and be happy with the people there that love and care about you and let the rest go. Good luck.

Welcome to mamapedia, A.!!

Obviously you do not feel welcome and wanted at this church. Seek another church.

Why does she HAVE to hug you? Maybe you have body odor and she doesn't know how to break it to you?? I don't know.

Why do you feel the need to be liked by everyone?? Even in a church, there will be people who do not get along or like each other.

"People at your church seem to dislike, ignore or try and get away from me" - this is a HUGE statement. You NEED attention and people to like you. You might need some counseling. Not everyone is going to be friends. Sorry.

Try another church. Keep trying until you find a church that gives you what you 'need' - and get some counseling!

Good luck!

My vote is that you are waaaay over-focused on others....how in the world in a church full of people would you have time to notice that she went around to 'everyone' except you. Were you sitting in a corner, not engaged, analyzing her every movement? Because that would be psycho. Were you half-engaged pretending to talk to others while you were really focused on said person, and then you put that person off now too? Your behavior in this dynamic is a bit stalkerish, and I think most people would avoid someone who followed them with their eyes and needed that much reassurance.

Seriously, you need to be yourself, all others are taken. Stop focusing on one relationship. Sometimes people just don't want to be bothered with over sensitive people.

Your case it was church. My case it is work.

Not everyone is going to like or want to be with you. That is a part of life. In my case the co-worker blatantly ignored me in front of several people and I didn't say a word. The other people around noticed and did somethings to that party out of my sight. She is still a sore spot but I do not go out of my way to help or be around her. She has made her bed and I don't have to be in it.

If this is not the church home you thought it would be seek out a new one. Take your time to visit several to make a decision. Make it so that you are not causing the issue. As I told me daughter when she was younger is if you can smell yourself others have already smelled you. Make sure your appearance is clean and tidy and you use deodorant and such.

I hope you find a new home and grow a thicker skin and let odd things roll off your back.

the other S.

Finding a church is like dating, sometimes you need to try more than one before you find a good fit.

It's really hard when this happens, but the best thing you can do is pretend you don't notice. Try not to think about it. Right now that's really hard, but thinking about it usually causes you try too hard and trying too hard makes you less likeable.

You're not going to make her like you. There isn't anything you can DO to make her (or anyone else) like you. You just have to relax and be yourself and show people the greatness that is you and all the reasons they should like you and get to know you.

You have to try to shake off those negative feelings and just show them the best of you.

Regarding one person - Typically, it is fine when one person doesn't seem to like you. The best thing is to learn to be okay with it without knowing the reasons so that it stops bothering you. You do nothing but be polite as you are to everyone and carry on as usual.

Regarding a bunch of people - sometimes when a lot of people are saying/indicating the same thing towards one person, that person really is the problem.. You don't seem to be aware of anything you're doing, so I suggest a private meeting with your pastor or priest to talk about what you're noticing. Ask if he knows of anything you do that has put you in a bad light. Be open to making changes in your life if there is something in particular.

If no one can tell you anything specific, or the reasons are things that you can't change because they are beyond your control, then it is time to find a new church.

Girrl go on. She ain't thinking bout you. Quit thinking bout her. Problem solved. Move on girl

If you do not feel welcome and wanted in your church the best thing to do would be to look for a new congregation. You can go to a different church of the same denomination, or look for a new denomination. Do your research and try out different churches. Pick one that makes you feel welcome, has the type of worship service you enjoy and that shares your personal beliefs. We can't possible speculate as to why this girl doesn't like you, but I know I wouldn't want to attend a church where I feel ostracized.

Oh Bless your heart, honey!!

How old are you? You realize that not everyone will like you, right? I understand it's church and you would expect people to open their arms and love, it doesn't always happen.

Stop trying so hard. Stop trying to track her down and make her like you. It could make her feel like you are stalking her. I love Osohapi's response. read it. several times.

if you don't feel accepted at this church why not seek out a new one. i didn't like the way i was treated at one church while i was going thru a divorce. so i sought out a new church. felt accepted and eventually remarried there.

Church should be a place of fellowship meaning people (fellows) worshiping together and in that is a kind of understanding that together they believe in the same basic thing and have the same basic understanding of that. If you are not welcomed there it is not the place for you. Do not allow these people define you. It is as simple as this: God Loves Everybody. They are obviously not living this truth and so perhaps it is time to walk away and just give yourself some space. Perhaps you are to intense for them. Pray about this, pray about yourself, see yourself as others do and as God does (to the best of your ability) and compare your results. It is not about them, it is about God. Ask yourself why you go to this church or any church. Ask in prayer and meditation and then write out the results. And ask to rise up and view from a higher standpoint. Our lives are measured in how we give not how many people like us.

In Divine Light and Love and Wisdom for you

Maybe it's not so much dislike as a bit awkward? Hard to say. Generally approaching people to ask them if you've offended them somehow is a bit like saying you've noticed they aren't being kind to you.

And if they hadn't originally intended to be rude or mean (maybe they were just focussed on people they were closer too), then you're kind of putting them on the spot. People don't care for that much.

It's unfortunate you felt singled out, and I understand why you would. If she is a genuinely unkind person, then you're better off not bothering with her. Focus on the friendlier more approachable people.

Good luck :)

This is so strange. I can't imagine what would be going on here. You have 2 choices, change churches or just get involved and serve where you feel called and you will find friends through that. Sorry this was such a bad experience.

Can you talk to the teacher? Ask her what you can do. I'd be hurt too, especially since she's made a public display of her attitude towards you.

You didn't just make it into something that wasn't there, this girl did act in a not so nice way to you. She did say bye but didn't hug you like the rest....I wonder. Not to be mean but do you bathe? Do you brush your teeth? Did you shower before your meetings? Classes? Were your clothes fresh and clean? Did you even wash your face? Comb/brush your hair? Did you put on deodorant?

The reason I ask is that I am constantly telling my girl that her breath stinks, so bad I gag a little. Her hair smells dirty because when I make her go shower she'll just get her hair wet and not wash it. She will wear a dress that is out of the floor if she can get away with it.

She's at that "I don't want to do what you say" phase. She doesn't understand that people do make judgments on us based on how THEY perceive us. If you have body odor people will not want to sit next to you. If you have bad breath they'll not want to be close and personal and even talk to us. If you smell bad they'll sit on the other side of the room.

Take a look at yourself. Try to see what other people see. IF you are doing all these things so you won't be offensive to others then you do need to talk to the teacher and ask her what you might be doing wrong.

NOT THAT YOU'RE IN THE WRONG, okay? Just maybe, MAYBE, you're not picking up on social cues and you're doing something....odd or different or wrong.

Learning social interactions is one of the biggest things you will learn over the next 10 years. All the way into college. By the time you're out of college and into a job you should be able to understand all that is going on around you and how your interactions can be better and WHEN they're good and the other person has a problem. Those are the ones you can walk away from and know you did your best and the problem was with them.

I'm not saying you need to change, I'm saying you need to look objectively at yourself and see if you're doing the best you can and if there is any thing you're doing that might make it hard for others to be around you. THEN you can try and talk to someone and ask them what to do.

The teacher might do some lessons on how other's actions effect other people and try to teach everyone that their slightest actions can have a good or negative effect on others.

Write this on a card (or what ever you have at your church) to ask a question there. Hopefully the priest will bring up this behavior to the congregation.