What Should I do.....please Help !!!

I would not take them.
It is a LONG flight and will be very stressful for them. and 2x as much for you.

I would take them if you want to. And they are old enough for a funeral in my opinion... well the 9 yr old is anyway.

Why are you so persistent about your sons NOT attending their Grandma's funeral? What is the harm in seeing and experiencing this? This is a natural part and conclusion of our short lives here on this earth.

I have taken my children to funerals. Youngest at age 5. No harm done. My daughter is a lovely young 22 yr old woman now, and not traumatized by such an event.

I say if you or ex can afford the last minute flight, then take them along. Wievel kostest es? Otherwise, you are only gone a few days, not like your away for several weeks or months.

From the sounds of how emotionally devastated you are, it might be better for you to be away from your children so you can prepare your own heart for this final adieu to your mom. It is time for you to mourn and grieve this loss for yourself, not so much for your children.

I am so sorry about the loss of your mother.

All kids want to go where their mother goes. It doens't mean it's always the best thing.
It sounds like you have a very generous ex husband, offering to pay for the flight(s), and also for making arrangements to take care of the children.

When I lost my dad, I flew back alone and although I missed my children, I really needed that time by myself to grieve as a child who had lost her father. I couldn't afford for the kids to go so that took care of that, but like I said, I needed that time.
My kids don't like seeing me cry. It upsets them. I needed to be able to cry and reminisce and get it all out around my family who knew how much I was hurting.
Were your kids and your mother really close? That would be a factor, to be sure.
I think if you are considering taking your kids because they may be a comfort to you, you should let them stay home with their dad. They might not be a comfort to you. They might be tired and cranky and have the idea it's a vacation when it really isn't.
You might not be able to be in the moment as far as putting yourself at peace with your loss.

I mean no offense. Only you know what's right for you under these circumstances. A week isn't a long time. You said yourself that your son is very sensitive so it might be best for him to be with his dad and for you to be able to do what you need to do.

I wish you the best and again, I'm sorry for your loss.

First off I am so sorry to hear about the passing of your mom and also that she was so far away from you when it happened.

This is my opinion...if you want your boys with you you should take your boys. They are your children and the grandchildren of the woman that passed away. I see nothing wrong with them going with you and attending the funeral. You may have to do some explaining and there may even be some good books on death that you could check out at the library to prepare them. I just believe in being honest and having the support of your family and it sounds like you could use them to help you through. I am betting there maybe others that could use the heart of a child to help them through this difficult time.

Do your children have any relationship with their grandmother? If not, then I would not take them all that way. They would be upset to see you so sad, and it is not their job as children to comfort you (at least not at this age). Presumably there will be other family members (adults) there who will surround you and you can all celebrate your mother's life together. A week is a short time for a child to adjust to a big time change, miss school, come back, re-adjust to another time change, catch up on school, etc. IF your kids knew their grandmother, then take them - otherwise, I wouldn't.

I'm very sorry for your loss.

So sorry to hear about your mom's passing. It must be especially difficult to be so far away from your dad and brother at this time. I think it is fine to take them to Germany and to the funeral. Why do you not want to take them to the funeral of their grandmother? My daughter attended her brother's funeral at 3 years old. She fell asleep on the way to the cemetery and we didn't wake her up and she actually remembers this and ask why we did not wake her. In hindsight I sure wish I did and so does she.
take care and once again I am so sorry for your loss.

Many things to consider...
1 - Do the kids have passports? I'm guessing yes otherwise you wouldn't even be concidering this?
2 - Who's going to pay for the tickets? As you know this can be very expensive?
3 - Who would watch the kids while your at the funeral? Of course, your family and the people you know and trust will be there.
4 - school - probably not an issue at this age
5 - Have your boys ever flown before? A long flight? Going thru security, hanging around airports, etc, can be very boring, especailly when there's no real reward for them.

Based on the amount of information you've provided, and that it will only be a few days, my vote is to leave the boys home.

I would take the kids with you,& if it were me they would be attending the funeral don't know why your not allowing them not to, is it too much for you to handle them are they out of control or something?Maybe you just don't know how to tell them someon has passed don't know.
Funerals are sad but they are also a time to reflect in all the joys you had with your mother.Have a safe trip & if you don't take the boys with you who will they stay with ex husband is he going wouldn't he like to attend the funeral or he is just there for helping with the kids either way I would leave them with their dad since he has taken off work to help

If they will be missing school it could be quite disruptive for them. If they don't have passports you may not be able to get them in time. It's not exactly a holiday or a happy occasion and you'll only be gone for a few days.

If I had someone I knew to watch them during the funeral I would take them if you and they would both feel better. With all the snow days we're having your oldest will probably miss only 2 or 3 days of school. Their dad seems to be onboard with it.

I am sorry for your loss...loosing a parent is hard! I lost my Father in 2002, I can't even think about loosing my Mother...

We took my nephews with...we also had to fly and they were very helpful in keeping everyones spirits up...nothing reminds us more that life goes on then children...

I think you should do whatever makes you the most comfortable.

What a sweet Ex-Husband you have...I hope you have let him know how much you appreciate his kindness...what does he think about you taking the kids? I know you said he would also pay for their tickets but does he think they could handle it? If you both think the boys would be fine, they will probably be fine.

Don't worry about your oldest missing school...that is just silly, family should always come first! IMHO.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know it must be hard to think straight and prepare for your trip, so I feel for you and I can't imagine your grief. I would say, yes, take the boys. It sounds like you want them there and although I think your concerns are valid, I think they should go. I also agree with the others who said you may want to consider taking them to the funeral. It all depends upon how close they were with her, etc. but I might let your older child decide if he wants to attend or not, he may surprise you. I think you can wait to make that decision but you should all go...and forgive me for being bold here but I had another thought...was your ex going to take off work while you were away? If so, maybe he would consider attending as well. I know that is a lot of money to consider but he may want to say his goodbyes to your mother as well. I assume you were married for a while and it sounds as if you have a decent relationship if he's going to pay for your ticket, so what better comfort would it be to you to have the kids' father there to help them cope and/or watch them while you are at the funeral. It's the best of both worlds in my opinion that way you have less stress and your kids are there. Just an idea...it may not be an option, but I thought I'd throw it out there!

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Let your kids know that this will be a very sad trip & are they ok seeing you and everyone around full of sadness. If they are somewhat understanding of what you are preparing them for then I say let them go.

For my husband & I, we tell our kids that family always sticks together whether it's good or bad & we must be there for eachother at all times to share in happiness & sadness. Death is very hard on everyone so you have a difficult decision to make. Since your ex seems to be very helpful, perhaps you both can talk about it then discuss it with your kids.

Sorry for your loss, Blessings

My grandpa died when I was 12 and it destroyed me. Looking back it was because NO ONE PREPARED ME. They were dealing with their own grief and didn't think about me.

A close family friend lost thier 7 year old son in the middle of night, completely unexpected, so we drove 21 hours with a 4 year old and a 10 month old. We told our son that his friend had died and answered all of this questions....well, as best we could....until it came to, "Mom, why doesn't God just give JT another body?" I did the best I could, but when it came to the viewing of the body, I didn't want him to see his friend, but he wanted to....so we let him and he was fine with it. Shocked me.

Ask your kids IF they want to go.

Also, there is a great book called Freddie the Fallen Leaf by Leo Buscaglia all about death in a beautiful way.

I'm so sorry you have to go through this, but I tell you, it's easier for us to see our parents die than to watch your kids die. You're "suppose" to outlive your children. Hang in there.

I agree with Shane. I didn't have to travel when my father passed away last year, but i picked my daughter up from pre-school and took her to the cemetery. I was totally distracted with her there and really didn't "feel" what was going on, whereas at the service I could cry and grieve and be in the moment. So just think about that, whether you need the time to yourself to deal with this, or you'd prefer to have the kids along.

i would take them and allow them to go and have closure. it is for the whole family in my opinion. they don't have to see her if it is a viewing, but this is life and so i think that maybe if they are old enough too handle it. My kids have been to two and they are very spiritual kids and it was just fine. school is last on my mind in this situation.... so much time to make that up, you only have this once.