Okay. So next month my husband and his whole brigade are going to predeployment training. I watch a 4 year old boy everyday and his mother will be going for training also. They leave early in the month and wont be returning until march. This boy is going to LIVE with me for the entire month, day and night, every meal, baths, etc. I have a 4 year old, 3 year old, and 4 month old of my own. This child is....very time consuming, needs constant attention and watchful eye.. Also I will be driving to her home everyday to feed and let out her dog. Which i will have to load up all 4 kids to go do...ugh. I can't keep the dog at my house because i already have a dog and she isnt fixed...nuff said :P Finally my question LOL how much should i charge her for the month. At this point i charge her 20 dollars a day (helping her out because of daycare costs and she is going through a divorce) and I watch him from about 545 am until 530 sometimes as late as 730. I think I should double it to 40 a day since i am keeping him twice as long and add in the weekends. Gas for going to feed the dog. Time and effort. All meals. If they leave the day they are supposed to and are gone the whole month then that would be $1000. I don't want to create financial hardship but this is going to be hard on me too! I will have to take him to appts. etc. She will be bringing some food for him before she leaves so that will help. Sorry to go on and on but I just know this will take alot out of me, to just like that have an extra 4 year old full time. I might have to put off Dr. appts for my autistic son because the army will not cover a plane ticket to anchorage for a child that isnt mine, I don't want to bathe him with my boys because he was teaching my son how to hump from behind and that bothers me to have him in the tub naked with them. ETC. I just want to be fair and helpful but not put us in a tight spot and have compensation for my insanity :P EDITED to add: Alot of moms have asked some questions so I will add that info in.... His mother is no friend of mine or my husbands, and I have only been watching her son since the first week of December. That is when I first met her as well. Her SGT. is friends with my husband. When she deploys she will be sending him to live with his grandmother and father in the lower 48 (not sure what state) She can't leave work to fly him down and come back and apparently no family member down there will come up to get him. She has at this point given me full POA for him. He learned to hump unfortunately not from dogs but from seeing his father and his girlfriend doing it...makes me sad that that is where he will be living :( My son does not have solid appt. dates in feb. but we are awaiting a call from the dr. so it is POSSIBLE. Also the 20 a day now covers only watching him and breakfast, she brings his lunch about half the time and he has only stayed til dinner about 3 times, during training the army offers no low cost childcare options and while deployed you only get 20 hrs free and then a slightly reduced hourly cost. So my rates are VERY competitive with army options, other childcare providers, and daycares. My son is in 3 hours 2 days a week for a total of only 24 hours a month and its 74 dollars. And tho he sleeps he is still under my care and responsibility at that time and from what his mother says he stays up after she goes to bed and plays in his room half the night, so bedime may be an extra struggle.???
I pay a friend of mine $15.00 per day to take care of my dog when I go out of town to work. Sometimes I am gone for six weeks. Add it up. No one in my family wants to care for the dog while I am gone so that is what it costs.
Most people in Oregon charge $20.00 per day and I bring his food. I am getting a bargain from my friend.
Wow. And I was gonna say $500. I guess I need to start charging more for things. :)
Ask what you feel it's worth, otherwise you will be resentful the whole time.
I think $1000 for 24/7 care for a month is an awesome deal!! That's really generous of you. Good luck :)
First of all- you must say NO to watching the dog. It is a horrible idea to think that you can load up all the kids and haul them over there to feed a dog who is left alone for a month. Not to mention it is a really crappy way for an animal to live. She needs to find someone to watch the dog for her- not YOU.
I am sure you are a wonderful mother and caregiver, but I totally sense the stress about this responsibility already. Do yourself a favor and decline watching the dog. You will feel so much better.
That said- yes, I think $1,000 is reasonable to care for her child.
Just curious, what is the mother's plans for when she is actually deployed? And where is the child's father? Can he help take the child for at least one overnight a week?
Good luck to you!
Hi Stephani,
If it were me, I'd be charging anywhere between 2-3 grand. I charged $75 a day for all-day/overnight care as a nanny nearly 10 years ago. (I had a family whose parents liked to take longer trips sans children.) And that was a bargain, even then.
And as another poster said,I'd have her make other arrangements for the dog.
For what it's worth, this is not a job I personally would take. And from your explanation of the job, it doesn't really sound like you want to do this either. It would be worth telling this other mother to find a different option, now, while she's got time. I just read so many red flags in your post that I don't know how it's going to work for 30 days. Are you going to be okay if they are deployed for longer, because we all know that when it comes to the armed forces, their agenda comes first, families second. (I say this as former Navy: still remember in Boot Camp our company commander explaining "If the Navy had wanted you to have a husband and a baby, they would have issued you one.")
I hope for peace for you, whatever you choose.
Take care~
H.
Well, in my State... in-home childcare, per a 'flat-rate' scenario, JUST for ONLY 8 hours a day though... can run... about $600/month. Some less, some more. USUALLY, more.
Day-care, is certainly at about that amount too. Some Moms have told me higher.
You will be having to do a LOT for him... 24 hours a day.
I HOPE... you have the Mom... sign a "release of liability" form... prior to her leaving.
AND per any transportation... you have to do for the child...
You never know....
I... would not want to be stuck this way.
Nor that it become a 'habit' of them, that this will be your 'role' in the future for their son and you minding him.
Teaching your kids to 'hump'.... ?
And you have to sacrifice Doctor appointments for your Autistic son???
No way, I would do that.
That boy... sounds like a real.... royal.... handful.
all the best,
Susan
Personally, I feel like these people are trying to take advantage of you, and you need to put your foot down. I would highly reconsider all of this, I wouldn't do it myself (its not worth the money or frustration). Let them find a dog sitter or put their dog in a kennel. As far as watching their kids 24/7, If you are going to do it, charge what you want - forget about what the 'going cost' is. If they feel you are too high, then let them go elsewhere. Personally this kid of theirs sounds like a nightmare, and I wouldn't want the bad influence in my home affecting my own kids. I would refuse doing it for the month, let them find another way - a relative somewhere, or a nanny. They are getting a free ride with you, and I would say forget it. The only thing they see about you being a doormat for them is the word 'Sucker' across your forehead. Why would you sacrifice your own son's well being, and the 'corruption' from this vile kid - over your own family's sanity and happiness ? Something isn't right there. Don't do it, let them find another way.
She is going through a divorce but is there a reason the dad can't take him for the month? I agree with others that your family needs to come first and she needs to consider using her deployment plan. If she doesn't have one already then she needs to quickly put it in place. Your child should not have delayed medical care because you are helping someone else out. It's animal cruelty to expect a dog to be alone like that for so long. Stopping by with 4 kids to feed and let it out is not the quality time it needs. If you decide to move forward with this plan make sure she has a notarized document authorizing you to provide medical care for her child; otherwise you can't even take him to the doctor if he gets a cold. Good luck.
Say "No" to the dog. You cannot handle that. If the dog were at your house that would be one thing, but having to load up 4 kids to drive to her house everyday...there's no way. And $1000 is quite generous of you; perhaps a little too generous. I would charge at the very least $1500. You have a 4 month old and to be honest, no money can really compensate for the additional strain, disruption, and physical/emotional exhaustion another child, who isn't your own, is going to add to your life for an entire month.
sounds like you've had enough with the situation. it's really kind of you but it seems like you've been taken advantage of and it's either time to charge what makes you feel good/not taken advantage of or stop watching him altogether. HE IS NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY! he's taking away from your duties to your own kids, plus teaching them bad behaviors. (and where did he learn about humping anyway? hopefully just from seeings dog do it. otherwise?...) it is not fair to your children and it's not fair for you.
either way, i would definitely sit down and make up a bill of your projected expenses. (don't forget to include airfare so you don't delay your son's appointments.) i think this is mostly for your husband's sake so that he will see you're not being unreasonable about how you came up with the figure or being mean to his brigade-mate (not military, can you tell? :P). she's probably not going to like it regardless but hopefully you'll get more support from your hubby this way. if it helps, try pretending a stranger asked you to do this and what the $ amount would be. or check with another caretaker and see what they would charge. then your husband and she would both know your prices are not out of line.
as for the dog, isn't there a neighbor kid she could pay cheap to take care of that? seems a continuation of her taking advantage of you.
does she not have any family to help her out?
ridiculous that you'd have to bathe them separately. he needs to know the rules in your house are different and if he behaves that way, he's getting a time-out or something.
good luck to you
This is not really answering your question, but you should tell her that you can't take care of her dog too. First of all, it's not fair to you. Second of all, it's not fair to the dog. Only let out once per day? Alone for a whole month? Honestly, it would be better if the dog were kenneled.
Anyway, I think that you are being a saint taking in her kid in addition to your three in addition to your husband being gone. How much do saints get paid? : ) Good luck.
I would not take less than 2000 a week. End of story. I understand the went/need to help others but this kid also has other family somewhere. What happens when deployment happens? Do you keep him then!? He isn't in school so it isn't like a month at grandmas would be the end of the world.
I am not trying to be mean, but I think that they should "try" the deployment plan for a month right now because it is unfair to the military to have he train then last minute ditch because the plan was not feasible. if you are the plan, then go for it, but if you are not... well, I would help get the child to the person that would keep him during deployment but not keep him myself.
Uh, FWIW, at $10/hr, which seems to be a fair rate, you'd be doing $80/day for the basic care (before all the meals and living in that is). That would work out to be about $2400 for the month. Additionally, you'd be able to charge for food and gas... So $1000 seems super low to me.
If i were you i'd increase the charge as much as you feel you can - i think closer to $2000 than $1000. I'd also tell her to please find another care-taker for the dog, just to get that off your table. It seems like you might want to hire a babysitter for short term care while you are doing this - for an hour or so for your son's appointments, or even for one night mid-month while you go out on your own. The extra money might allow you to do that, but you'll want to clear it with his mom.
Also, you should probably lay down the law while he is with you - house rules require him to go to bed when you do. (This has worked surprisingly well for me - kids are well behaved for me when they aren't for other people, just because i set up the expectation immediately.)
I had a similar situation about 4 years ago, except I was covering for a Navy nurse, her kids were sweet and rambunctious, I didn't have kids at the time, and she didn't usually have to work nights. $1000 was reasonable then, and it is very generous now. Don't feel guilty about asking her to compensate you for your time and trouble. If she had to find a service (are there even services for this sort of thing?) or a nanny, she would pay a lot more. Plus consider that while she is deployed, her living expenses will be down, and you will be assuming a lot of the rest of them (gas, some food, water, sewer, electricity, laundry, anything a person uses while at home). So $1000 (I'm assuming that's about 1/3 of her paycheck) is very reasonable.
Suggest $1000 and that she board the dog for the month.
I agree with Jane, forget the dog!! It is going to be really hard to load up all four kids everyday to feed and let out the dog. I also think the dog is going to be soooo lonely, all alone for one month. That is so sad!
I think 1000 is very reasonable, and I have to agree with the others that you shouldn't have to take care of the dog, that's overwhelming .... If you do, you should get a seperate dog watching fee. I watched a dog for a week and got paid 100 for gas and inconvienence. That's a tough situation that no matter what the compensation is you are going to be tired at the end of it... make sure you tell your hubby you will be needing a "you day" when he gets home:)
Wow, that is a lot to take on! Are you also doing this because the mother is a friend? Where I live people pay $1000/ month for just daycare 7 am to 6 pm.
$1000 sounds completely reasonable to me. You will have your hands full! Good luck and what lucky parents to have you.
well when i asked out there about a week for 2 kids the average was about $500 a week, but my neice turned it down stating $1000 for a week is average. so $4000??? but that's with overnights. perhaps $2500?
It will be a tough month for you without taking on extra responsibilities. I've done it with only 2 kids.
My first suggestion is charge separately for child care and dog care. Maybe she will ask someone closer to take care of the dog. I don't know amount to charge, but definitely more than daily. You'll have more care and more food.
Second make sure you have backup childcare for your kids and her kid- even if they are separate.
Sounds fair to me. Except for the dog. Tell her to get someone else to take care of the dog.
Lay down the house rules day one. They will need to be reinforced because of the 24 hr extended care. Make sure you have your what happens if you act out and don't get it back together rule planed in advance. Remember you won't have a back up. Do you have a time out room?
I wouldn't let him stay up after you. Say different house, different rules. My house, my rules. And even if he doesn't sleep he does have to be in bed when your kids are in bed. He does need to be horizontal. He can look at books, but he has to be quiet if he is in a room with others.
About food. Say, you don't have to eat every thing or any thing, but no snacking in between until the next meal. You can save his meal for him if you want. Do the same for him the next meal. He will not starve if he misses a meal. Next meal he will be hungrier. Even if he misses a meal or two.
I would have her ship the boy to her parents or siblings house. You have a full plate already. You need to take care of your family. If her family can't help the military won't deploy her. If u must care for her son then I would absolutely insist on maKing her find someone esle or a kennel care for her dog.
This question really struck a cord with me because my son is in the Air Force. He doesn't have any children yet, but will be getting married soon so the day will come. Does the Army give the mom extra compensation for care of her child while she is deployed? If so I'd inquire as to how much that is and then try to base my fee on that. She must also get some kind of pay allotment for having a child. (don't forget she pays taxes on that money) My heart also tells me that this woman is making sacrifices for all American citizens, the least we can do is be supportive. My understanding is that the military families really stick together and do what they can for each other. I'm sure you are well aware of that sentiment. I also acknowledge the sacrifices you are making, but that is the way it is. And let me add I totally appreciate the sacrifice! Thank you for being willing to take on the added responsibility to help one of our country's enlisted. You will probably be more stressed while they are deployed, but that won't be just because you have an extra child. It will also be because your husband is deployed and you are trying to do it all by yourself. The children will also sense this and react as well. Good Luck! I about choked when I read the posts saying you should charge thousands of dollars. Good grief! I'm sure the child does sleep sometimes. I agree with trying to get someone else to watch her dog. There has got to be someone who lives closer and doesn't have the responsibility of 4 kids. Tell your husband and his brigade a mamapedia mom said "Thank you for your service!"
Why don't you ask her what she had planned on paying you in the first place, it might be more. Tell her to find someone else to take care of the dog, That will really wear you down. Make sure to get it in writing & when payment is expected.
I am in the same boat. I do daycare for a child and will also have him for a full month while his mother has predeployment training. She doesn't have reliable family to take him, so she asked my husband and I to care for him...we would also have him when/if she deploys. I think your idea of $1000 sounds very generous. What about $1200? So you get $40/day for the 30 days? I am thinking I will charge $1200. My thought is to keep the "daycare" portion seperate and then figure out what to charge for the rest of the time. She usually pays me $30/day on a typical day because he is here until midnight and often on weekends so I charge a bit more. But we will obviously have him every single day without days off so need to charge for those days too. I feel for ya! It's a tough spot to be in. Don't wanna break her bank, but wanna make it worth while!
I didn't read your other responses, but I personally don't think that asking someone for $1000 to become a substitute parent for their child is too much. That sounds exactly like what I would ask in your situation. Her monthly bills (besides rent) should be extremely low since there will be no one there to use a lot of electricity and water. So $1000 for an entire month is a conceivable amount of money for her to be able to come up with and not put her in the poor house. Stand your ground, I wouldn't ask for any less.
I totally get charging enough to make the hardship worth your while. But, as far as the mother is concerned, if she is paying you now $20 for almost all of his waking hours, she is probably not expecting you to charge double and get the same pay while you all sleep. After the hours he is normally there, you'll only have him for a couple more before bedtime. As for food, aren't you already feeding him 3 meals a day 5 days a week and including that in the $20? As for the dog, I'd seriously try to get her to reconsider that situation. You can't leave a dog alone for a month just letting him out once a day. He needs to go stay with someone.
Having said all that, I personally would have a hard time taking on that load for less than $1000. The mom though will probably be blown away by that amount.
