What Shld My 18Month Call Her Dad's Wife?????

How about momma (insert first name). If she is good to her and loves her, I would find that reasonable.

another thought..

Dommy

My step-daughter calls me by my first name. She has a mother, and it's not me. Start with her first name for now and over the years, an appropriate nick name might emerge.

First name.
You are her Mom. No matter what. No matter who you are married to or not.
You, are Mom.

A good friend of ours is stepfather to 3 children (he has been in their lives since they were preschoolers, and they are now in college). The children's biological father is in their lives as well, and all of the parents (bio and step) have a good relationship. The kids call both men "Dad." Bio Dad's wife is also called "Mom."

Our friend said they took a seminar called "Bonus Parents" years ago and that's how they view it. Not "yours" and "mine" but "ours." They see their kids as lucky, because instead of just 2 parents, their kids have 4 parents. I must say, given that all 3 kids ended up being academic and sports stars, and received scholarships to the universities of their choice, these kids definitely feel secure and loved. They were never asked to choose loyalties, which must have been hard for the parents, but it worked out very well for the kids. So, that worked for them - you will know what the right thing is for your family. Nobody will ever take your place in her heart, but it is wonderful that when she is at her daddy's house, there is a woman who loves her as her own there as well.

I would look at a pseudo word for mom...

Maybe she can be Mimi, while you get to be Mama... When she gets older, she can be 'Mum' and you can be 'Mom'.

It would be a different story if she was older, and this new 'mom' came into her life... but she has been there from day 2. lol. So she is going to grow up seeing her as a maternal figure... Even though YOU are her mom, she will still have a close bond with the step too. Especially if she is a GOOD step-mom and truly loves your daughter.

I wonder if you and the step-mom can get together and discuss this... It would be good to have her and the father in on whatever you decide to go with, so that you can all work together. :)

Your daughter might only make mama and dada sounds now, but it does not mean that she cannot absorb any sounds that you teach her.
Regardless of what she says now, decide on how you'd like your daughter to call her dad's wife as, and repeat the name to her every time they meet. Just like how you might keep pointing to your mom, and saying 'Grandma', or 'Nana'. She'll learn it gradually.
I think you are right in not wanting your child to call the other lady as 'mom'. I'd want it that way too. You are the mom.

my question to you is, do you want her to feel excluded when they have another child who gets to call her mom? My daughter met my boyfriend when she was 4 (turning 6 in a week) and asked to call my boyfriend dad a few months ago so that she wouldn't feel awkward when he picks her up at school and J. ebcause she loves him were her reasons. We spoke with her dad and my boyfriend and concluded she could do what she liked and he'd be more than honored. Obviously this was after we talked about marriage nd being together for the long run.
Anyway our reasons were, kids dont choose divorce, we do. They already are split between 2 homes, sometimes feeling like they are permanent members of each house and we don't want future kids treated diferently then her.

If she is in fact a second mom to her why can't she be called mom? It doesn't take away from the fact you are her mom. To M. that is about insecurity and jealousy (which we all have) and not abut the kid.
I'd wiegh the pros and cons of her calling someone else mom and see if there is any detriment to her ( I would assume not since they are married) and weigh the pros and cons of her not (I would assume there are a few--feeling diferent, confusion, and so on)
that's my humble opinion. to each their own though

ETA: People are going to say "your mom" a lot when she is with the two of them. it will be awkward for her to feel she has to correct people. my daughter often calls my boyfriend by his first name but in public calls him dad, ecspecially when people say "give this to your dad" and so on in public at carnivals and so on...she found it odd to correct them and felt she had to since we didnt tell her she could call him that. We let my daughter have the option. If he knew her since newborn I wouldve made it easier on her and always given the title of dad

By her first name. If another nickname comes about later when your daughter is older, that's fine as well. Just not mom!

She should call her by her first name. Regardless of how well she treats your daughter you're still the mom.

My step-dad is a wonderful man and I love him like a father, but I still call him by his first name. He isn't my dad, he's my Mom's husband. It doesn't matter how old your daughter is... it's the relationship that determines what "title" someone should have.

I think she should just call her by her name.

I am a step mom and my kids have a step mom. I frankly am confident as their mother that I don't feel threatened by another "mother" in their life. Their step mom is the MOM in her home. I told my kids from day one that they can call her mom if they feel like they want to. I did NOT want any pressure on them. HOWEVER, their dad had a FIT when he heard they were calling my husband "dad". He pounded it in their head that he is NOT their dad...funny tho since its my husband who is with them full time and pays for everything. Regardless, it completely stressed them out and they didn't need that. So my point is, don't feel threatened by her position as her step mom. Let her call her mom or her name or nickname or whatever she wishes. Encourage a good relationship between them. Its not a competition, she KNOWS who her "mom" is, its more than just the name we are called, and I believe you are smart enough to know that. JMO. Good luck!

Ok, as soon as I saw your question (before reading the rest), my first answer was: Witch - with a capital B! lol!!

But seriously tho, I would not let her call her mom!!! Without making a big deal out of it, get her in the habit NOW of calling her by her first name! Just always say "hey, here comes daddy and Suzy!" Or "how bout daddy and Suzy blah blah blah."

I think it's great that she treats her well; sounds like you all get along well also. I hope it stays that way; especially since there are children involved!

Good luck!!!

no to mom. however it would be ok at least in my family for her to call her mama "X" when I was young my mom remarried. I was 2 and a half, brother was 1 and half and my sister was 6 months. we all had biological dad but when my mom remarried we got "daddy al" who ended up being a wonderful dad. in fact he walked me down the isle when I got married.

Most step-moms I know have the child call them by their first name. I would do that. Anything else, might confuse your daughter. GL

She's a coparent, so a mom-ish name would be nice. If her name can be nicknamed to sound like mom - example, Marie could be Mi-mi, that might be the perfect solution. Be confident in your mom-ness, and concentrate on the strength of the co-parenting relationship. That's the best thing you can do. A word does not change who you are to your daughter.

first name. that's what we did with our beloved step-mum. i call her 'mumsie' now and have for years, but it was a choice i made as an adult. growing up i always called her by her first name.
my mom died when i was 10, but she was and always will be my only mom. that doesn't diminish the love and respect i have for my little mumsie.
khairete
S.

I always called my steps by their first names. My daughter calls my hubby Arnie Daddy. She calls her dad ex wife after me Mama Jess. She calls his subsequent gfs and current gf by first names.

Uhg I am sorry I can't hold my tongue. I cant stand that he has a baby with you and married someone else. Now I remember why I hate people.
eta: sorry for that I'm having trouble dealing with life right now because of matters similar to this. To answer your question-No- she is not her mommy, mother, mum, mummy, bio-parent what so ever. She should be called by her first name.

She should call her by her first name. Reality is..she is not her mom, only her daddy's wife. Now when she get older, she may choose to call her mom, then thats fine.

My brother and I grew up calling our stepmom by her first name. We just call her Ellen. I heard once that she disliked us calling her Ellen, but we have been calling her that since we were tiny kids. What else would we call her? She is not our mom. She does not even act like a mom towards us. My kids now call her Grandma or Grandma Ellen.

This is going to be tough on you and confusing to your daughter. She is so young and people will refer to stepxyz as "your mother". She may call her mom on her own. Some kids call them their other mom, mom at dad's house, etc. You can always teach her that you are her mother and let her know that she is her mother by marriage.

Since my Dad married much older, I never called his wife my mother. I had some hang ups with her and that is why my situation is different than your daughters.

Will you be okay with it if she calls her mom regardless of what you teach her? This isn't her fault, so I say allow her to be comfortable with the situation.

My stepkids have always called me by my first name. Their dad was a part of my daughter's life from the time she was in diapers and she called him by his first name.

"Not the mama!" I also don't like the idea of calling her by her first name. I'm kinda old school in that I think that first names require handles. A nickname or her middle name might be more appropriate.

ETA: I encouraged my stepson to make up a name because my first name alone was out of the question, under the circumstances.

What do they want her to call her? You mention you got into the conversation about it, but never said what all the parties want.

My step kids have always called me "S.". Occasionally, they would refer to me as their "mom" for convenience sake. I was their stepmom since they were 1 and 4 years old. I am now "Grandma S." to their children.

In the end, though, this choice will be made by her father and stepmother, as you won't be in their home.

I was 8 when my mom met my step-dad and 10 when they got married. Although I didn't have much of a relationship with my bio-dad growing up, I knew who he was and that he was my "biological" dad. After mom got married, I called step-dad by his first name a few times. Usually, I'd just find a way around calling him anything ("um, hey, can you help me with this?"). But after a few months, I just started calling him dad on my own (no suggestion or expectation from either of them). They've been married for 21 years now, and he's still DAD! Bio-dad and I did end up having a relationship once I reached adulthood and I always called him by his first name (or "bio-dad" if I was talking about him to somebody else). I did call him "dad" a few times, but it felt weird to me... like, he really had no contribution to raising me, or being any solid, active part of my life, so "dad" didn't suit him.
I think if your daughter is lucky enough to have a step-mom who truly cares about her and loves her, you (all THREE of you) need to come up with something better than just her first name! Especially if step-mom has other kids (or will have other kids) who will be in the house calling her MOM and him DAD!
My step-siblings (who I think of and refer to as my brother & sister) used to come visit us (before they moved in with us) and would call my mom "MOM" and dad "real dad" (because they called mom's hubby #2 "dad"). That always sounded so weird to me, but hey whatever makes sense for the kid!

I don't know what will work in your situation, but I do think the THREE (adults) need to get together and figure something out that you can all feel comfortable with and stick with. As a baby, you'll need to refer to step-mom by whatever name you THREE decide on, but later, when she's a bit older, you'll be able to call step-mom by her first name and your daughter will understand. Good luck.

what about Mimi... I know some grand moms that are called that (and she could use that because it's sort of a cutest version of Mommy or Mom Mom without it being that) and if you wanted it could be Mimi (whatever her name is) or Mama (whatever her name is). I call my mother-in-Law Mom Nancy. I don't think she should call her by her first name because she is closer to your daughter than just a 'first name basis' thing. You could come up with a variation of another language. I know she is a stepmom (and not a grand mom), but my sister-in-law's grandmother is called GiGi by her son and nieces/nephews (like GG, for Great Grandmother)... it's clever. So just some ideas to get you thinking.