What Do You Think... - Islip,NY

It sounds like he's not 100% potty trained. It also sounds like he's not that interested in it. It should not be a battle, and should be stressful. If you're spending all night trying to get him to go on the toilet, then he's not fully ready.

Are you able to pull him out of preschool until he's ready? Or, is this a daycare center where they help them with potty training?

Kids are different and it sounds like he's not ready and/or willing. I put my older child in preschool at 2.5 for playmates. That's basically what it was. A paid for play date bc she is very very social. Different for my younger one. She loves to be home alone so i waited much longer. If you don't need him to go, I'd wait awhile. No need to stress him out.

honestly i don't think it's preschool, i think it's the potty training. he's freaking out about it. SOMEHOW he has gotten the idea that this has earth shattering, life-or-death importance. poor baby :( just want to hug him. nothing should be stressing a three year old out that much!

if the reason you are pt is because of preschool, find another preschool. he's not ready. three is a "typical" age for boys, but he's not ready. he may be in a few months. but he's not now. i just feel awful for your son.

I think that there is a problem with your toilet training, quite frankly. You said "Now, I will say my son is very difficult, doesn't like going potty, I spend some nights all my night trying to get him to go on it." That's a bad sign, DB.

Children have so little in their lives that they can control. Everyone tells them what to do, when to do it, and how to do it. The only thing they can control is toileting and eating. And he is controling his toileting. The reason, I believe, is because of the stress that YOU (and maybe your mother) are putting on him.

Boys usually train later than girls. A slew of women on here would tell you that their boys didn't train until they were 3. You shouldn't be spending some night all your night, as you put it, pushing him to go the bathroom. No wonder he is stressed out to the max.

You and your mom need to go to the ped together and learn what TO do and what NOT to do with this child and the potty. You also need to be very honest with the doctor in what has been and is going on. If you don't, your little boy is going to be a mess for a long time. If you don't believe me, ask your ped and he or she will explain.

Yes, I would take your child out of preschool now until you fix what is wrong at home and he can stop stressing out over the toilet.

Dawn

If being potty trained is a requirement of going to school then yes, take him out. It sounds like he's not ready to use the potty on his own. He's not sure when he has to go and is feeling a great deal of stress over it. Spending all night to get him to go on the potty is not helping him and is setting both of you up for failure. He's just not ready.

Potty training should not be this stressful. I also suggest that starting preschool and starting potty training is putting two stressful situations on him. Do one or the other but not both. You do not want him to associate stress with using the potty. This could affect him the rest of his life.

Will the preschool still allow him to attend if he wears pull-ups or diapers? I agree with the other posters that he is probably not ready for potty training. If potty training is a requirement for preschool, then give him a break and pull him out.

Where I live, there are many parent's day out programs that don't require children to be potty trained. Maybe you can try one of those until he is ready for potty training. Your son will still be able to play with other kids, but he won't have to stress about going to the bathroom. If he's not even three years old yet, he will still have a couple years to go to preschool and get ready for kindergarten. Good luck to you!

So he is not even 3?

I think he is not ready to potty train.. He is completely freaked out and confused.
Once he is ready he is going to catch on in just a few days.

Our daughter walked unassisted at 6 months.
She spoke in sentences at a year.. She would not potty train until she was almost 4. Not for the lack of me trying.. but she was just not ready.. Once she was ready, in 2 days she could do it all.. Even through the night.. it was as if, all of a sudden she figured out the feeling..

There are no words to explain to a human, what needing to go to the potty feels like. The child has to figure this out.. Until that time, you are just placing them on the potty, hot or miss..

In her day care, they had little potties a lined up.. I think that also helped.

Speak with the director and point blank, ask her opinion.. Then listen..

I think he is too young for preschool. My almost 3 year old has been showing some weird social anxieties as of late. I couldn't imagine him being in preschool. I know it's the latest trend, but research does not show any advantage to preschool for middle class kids. In fact, it shows social delays, not social benefits! (http://www.amazon.com/Standardized-Childhood-Political-Cu....

Kids do not need years to prepare for kindergarten. I'd pull him and give him space in terms of potty training. He's 2. He should have a stress-free life, if possible.

I totally agree with most of the other responses -- he needs more time to develop his potty training skills before he's thrust out on his own with no diaper. If he can do preschool in a pull-up or diaper, then sure, he should still go. Three weeks is not a lot of time in terms of potty training, esp. if your son is struggling even at home. I'd let up on him -- go with pull ups and don't force it. When you spend all night trying to get him to go on it, that's way too much for him to handle. I used to put my son on it every hour (we got a Potty Watch which he loved) and if he didn't go in about three minutes, we left the bathroom and tried again the next hour. I kept him in pull-ups until he was consistently able to make it the hour between potty trips without going in it. This kept his confidence up, which is a HUGE part of potty training. It took us MONTHS of potty training work at home to get to the point where I'd be comfortable sending him to school in regular underwear. Good luck!

He doesn't sound ready. Why don't you call the Director and ask her what her thoughts?

He can socialize at home with mom and grandma and has plenty of time to get ready for kinder. That's what 4K is for. My vote is to take him out. What does your heart say when the teacher says he is very stressed in class?

Are you sure she isn't telling you he's not ready to be potty trained? Is the stress from class or from not really knowing if he needs to go potty? I know when my daughter was about this age, some of her teachers told at least one of the other kids' parents that their child was not ready to be potty trained. It turned into a big issue between the teachers and parents because the teachers insisted they wanted him reverted to pull-ups while his parents wanted him potty trained. If I were you, I'd clarify with the director if she thinks the potty training is the issue or if the separation from you is the issue.

You can take this for what it's worth since I've been a stay at home mom since my middle daughter was born 11/2002 and I'm just now going back to work, and our situations are very different.

I didn't make my children start preschool until they turned 4 yrs old. I didn't believe they needed it until then, but I did want them to have one year under their belts before starting kindergarten. It's not required in my state, and if a child attends preschool then it's most likely private school and not public.

Anything earlier than the year prior to kindergarten is daycare, plain and simple. If you need him in daycare then isn't it a moot point whether or not he's ready for daycare? What would matter is which room they keep him in and whether or not this daycare is willing to cope with his toileting anxiety and try to help ease his anxiety about having accidents.

There's really too little information to determine if he's too young for daycare or a school-like setting. I think that he's probably fine with it but he's hyper-focused on toileting right now, and the peer pressure about it is something he's thinking about. That could actually work in your favor. "Wow, none of the other children in my class have accidents at school... they all use the potty and they all seem fine with it! Huh, maybe there's something to this potty business..."

His thoughts about toileting are being challenged and that's stressful but I think he'll end up coping. He just needs some time to adjust and reassurance that he's doing a great job. Let him know that even though the other children all seem to be pros at the toilet, they could still be having accidents at home and it doesn't mean he isn't doing his own very best.

It sounds like this is a stressful situation for him and you. If your goal is mostly socialization at this point, I would drop the preschool and take a few classes. At his age you should be able to find some mommy and me music or swim classes. Help him adjust to the idea of larger groups.

There is still plenty of time for traditional preschool. We did part time preschool with our son the year before he started kindergarten and that has worked very well. We plan to do the same thing with our daughter. In the mean time, she takes classes. They are shorter duration than preschool and she loves them. She started classes with me and then transitioned to doing things on her own. I am confident that preschool will be a rather easy transition for her next year.

He does not sound ready for preschool, and he's not three yet, so it sounds rather early to start. I don't think work and a need for babysitting is a reason to put him in preschool -- day care or babysitting would be more appropriate.

If it were me I think I would take him out and try again in a few months once he is fully potty trained (to me it doesn't sound like he is) and better able to benefit from a school situation. It just doesn't sound like he is ready yet.

I think it's important to be prepared for preschool, parents and kids both.
Our school didn't take kids in the threes class until they were fully potty trained. The kids who attended as twos learned this and were ready. It sounds like your son wasn't quite ready.
I would see if the school will let you pull him out until he is pretty much fully potty trained, then try again.

Poor little guy! It sounds like he's just really stressed by the combination of preschool and potty training. Before you just take him out, can you sit down with the director and ask if she can recommend anything to make his transition easier? Maybe there's a teacher's aide who could be his special potty buddy or something? A good preschool (and not all of them are good) should be able to help a child through this time.

Where would he be while you are at work if he isn't in preschool???

I would agree he doesn't sound ready. But what else are you going to do with him?

I would ask her what she means. If he's been in school 5 weeks and only potty trained 3, then this is still very new and he didn't start off potty trained. Can he wear pull ups? He can still go to the potty, but not be so fearful of having an accident. How do they handle accidents? Does he feel shame or is it just cleaned up and moved on? At the parent meeting for DD's school, one parent with a child in the younger class expressed concern that her child was the only one in diapers and they assured her that wasn't true. So if this preschool's pottying requirements are too stressful for him, consider a different one. In our area, many schools have rolling enrollment and many still have slots (the economy being what it is). He may do better in a smaller setting. My DD's class can legally have 18 on any given day, but usually has 12-14.

If he is not ready for preschool, then on your off days attend storytimes, go to the park, go to child-appropriate events in the area, and consider joining a Meet Up. My DD was not potty trained til 3.5 and did not attend preschool til 4. He'll be OK if you decide now is not the best time.

He's a very bright boy if he is asking other kids if they go in their pants! It's as if he was looking for a way out, "Well, THEY go in THEIR pants!" or to see if this is what everyone does, uses the potty instead of their pants. Either way he's got it and he's being plain old stubborn. Little ones have little control in their lives other than eating, sleeping and pooping.

I think it's great you have him in preschool to develop social skills, they're so important. And, at this point I don't think he's ready, there's too much on his plate. Before you throw in the towel, though, go to this site that helped me:
http://www.rogerknapp.com/medical/pottytrainingrefusals.htm

Follow what you learn there and give your son a chance to succeed...it sounds like you need to make him think it's his idea to train. Talk in depth with the director, ease up and make training and cleaning up accidents his responsibility and see if his stress level changes. If not take him out, work on mastering the potty, and start back to preschool after the first of the year. And come up with a training plan both you and your mother follow so he has consistency.

It doesn't really sound like he's ready. I would take him out and try again next year.