What Do You Do with Kids in Summer? Fighting, Screaming, Boredom, Etc.

Hi J.,

What are the rules? What are the consequences for breaking them?

I agree with whoever said save the TV for the late afternoon depending on behavior and whether chores have been done. It will give them some incentive to behave. It will also keep them occupied so you can make dinner.

As for the day, a firm schedule would be helpful. You will have to be more involved in planning and leading activities instead of letting them fend for themselves.

Good luck!

I see here a lot of responses about rules.

But no mention of water play. I think you could have a kiddie pool and a sprinkler going for some fun.

Do you have a free zoo nearby? Ducks you can go feed?

I always look in the local free newspaper for kids activities. Many don't cost much. Is the park REALLY boring. Maybe find a better park, even if it is a bit of a drive.

Can you make a scavenger hunt? Bike races? Hopping balls?

When I said I was bored my mom always suggested that I could clean my room.

Yikes 5 kids?
Are day cares even allowed to have 1 caregiver to 5 kids? hee, hee.

You have enough children that "school rules" need to be considered as house rules too. Safety is the reason.

First of all there is NEVER, EVER supposed to be any running, jumping, pushing or screaming in the house. Inside voices and bodies to ourselves. EVER. For any reason If there is any of this going on, that child is to go to time out and be reminded of these basic rules.

Second no one is to ever hit, push or swing anything at anyone at any time.. Hands to ourselves unless we are holding hands in a parking lot or at the store.
Again, if we cannot remember this.. time out for that child.

The kids in our neighborhood learned that if you are screaming, there needs to be blood gushing or a limb dangling.. No screaming is ever needed. Just use your body to walk to an adult and then use your voice and words

Stick to your guns on this.

Calendar of events.
I would do a "soft outline" for each day so you all can have a goal of activities.

Breakfast, clean up, play outside while it is still not burning hot. Snack, play outside but riding bikes, etc.. Lunch, clean up..

Rest or quiet time. hour and a half. This means reading, napping, putting together a puzzle.

Snack and then go to the pool.. Swimming for 2 hours. Come home, while you fix dinner, the kids, can play in the back yard. play games.. etc..

Clean up, last hour of play outside.

Bath and bed.

Another day.. breakfast, clean up, play outside for an hour or hour and a half. clean up, go to the library for story time, return/ and check out books, come home, lunch. Quiet time.. Go to pool or splash pads. etc.

Maybe if there is a Pizza place special lunch , you could take them for pizza one day for lunch.

A picnic in the park, Go to the Playground at school with a morning snack..

Think of some art projects that they can work with. Sometimes here in town for a small fee the hardware stores do crafts. Or Michaels or joAnns craft stores do crafts

Set up the tent in the back and an let them pretend they are in the woods.

I find that either a list of activities or a calender helped keep us organized,

Mama, you need to treat these 5 kids like you run a daycare. Think about what would happen if you allowed this kind of chaos to reign if you were actually running a daycare.

First of all, you wouldn't be allowed to yell at them. A parent would complain to social services and you'd probably end up being fired or closed down. A good daycare also doesn't play two hours of TV per day.

If you want your kids to get along and stop screaming at each other, YOU have to be the one to stop screaming at them first. Screaming at them just makes THEM act like this more. Letting them beat on each other means that you aren't supervising them. You have to supervise them.

You need a strict schedule, just like a daycare. When you put the kids down for bed tomorrow night, write a schedule. They need to get up the same time every day. Who wakes first, the baby? The older ones? Whoever does, get them up first. Have specific things they have to do - wash face, get dressed, make bed. Have the older ones help the little ones with you watching over them. Give one or two step directions. Keep the TV OFF. You can play soft and soothing music in the background if you think it helps.

For meals, have everything ready and prepared to put out. The breakfast stuff can be set out the night before. Don't give them sugar and junk. Make sure that they are getting protein. If any of them misbehaves at the table, send them to a room by themselves so that they figure out that if they don't behave, they don't eat.

You need snack mid-morning, scheduled activities around snack time, lunch at the same time, nap for those who need them, and more scheduled activities.

Outside time should be every day. You need to institute time out if a child misbehaves. They sit beside you without talking or moving at the park. Wear the baby so that you have more flexibility. If you have a yard of your own, that would be better.

You cannot let your children run wild. If they are getting thrown out of establishments, this is a reflection on you. You have to learn how to control them. If that means hiring a high school or college student as a mother's helper, then do it. And NO more screaming. You teach "inside voices" and "outside voices" and when to use them. You cannot expect them to use inside voices when you are screaming at them. You must be an example.

Good luck.

One thing I would do is unplug the TV. If my DD whines about turning the TV off or whines when I say the TV needs to rest, she gets ZERO tv later. TV is like brain candy. She doesn't need it. She wants to yell about it? She can go to her room. I've told her she can stare at the blank TV for all I care, but it's not being turned on. Go do something else.

If you think the older ones are damaging the little ones, then you need to rein in the big ones. Let the little ones have their games without the big ones bothering them. When the little ones nap, make the big ones have quiet time. Yelling and jumping on furniture? Put a stop to that. If they can't play nicely, maybe they need to do chores instead. Bored? Oh, I never said that around my mom. There was always a toilet to scrub or the dog poop to pick up or something equally fun. I learned to entertain myself.

If my kid was so wild I had to leave somewhere I paid good money for 1. we would rarely if ever go back and 2. depending on age, they'd "owe" me chores or money because it was a waste of my time. If they can't behave when taken somewhere special, then I'd tell them they lost the opportunity they were given. Too bad. So sad.

Instead of offering to go to the park, what about just taking them there? Or sending the older kids to friends' houses some of the time?

ETA: things my DD can almost always do: make a craft (she has a big craft bin), play with chalk or bubbles outside, swing on our swingset, look at books or be read to, listen to music and dance, play with her dolls and toys, play with toys (including play dough and blocks), ride her trike or scooter in the yard. When DD and her friend (we often babysit for a friend) get squirrely, I send them outside to play. The biggest concern I would have in your note here is that they are so violent you fear daily broken bones. I would work on that. They should be able to play without sending anyone to the ER...or that will become your daily activity.

Once again today, Laurie A has beat me to the punch, so to speak. (I am not going to punch you. :) )

Yes, you need serious house rules. Jumping on the couch means 'go outside and jump'. Just because some of the kids think the park is boring doesn't mean it is. Invite them to take sketchbooks, art supplies, or something to read if they don't want to play. They don't get to call the shots.

TV time should be a privilege. But you can also be strategic about it. How about tv time when it works for you? Set ONE time a day for tv and every time your preschooler asks, you say "Yes! You will get to watch tv at X time tomorrow. Right now is (play, quiet, park) time." Phrasing is helpful.

Every day, a quiet time. Everyone goes to their rooms to look at books quietly. Find space for your older kids, who can handle more responsibility and may be more independent during that time. Let the little ones play quietly in their designated areas.

Much of what you describe is kids who need a predictable day, and who need boundaries. Jumping off the couch is NOT okay in my book. Not picking on you, but it only usually ends in problems/tears.

For what it's worth, first-- I am a mother of a singleton. That said, I also nannied for years and was a toddler group/preschool teacher. The ace up my sleeve was to have more activities planned per day than I actually ended up using. It's worth it to stay up later a couple of nights and print off activity sheets. Consider exploring the Enchanted Learning website... they have a lot of theme-based activities for preschool teachers, and with a family this size, this site could be a help for you. Every day, the same structure, the same routine, as much as possible. Make your house rules and enforce them, even if it means a hard week of "You jumped off the couch after I told you not to. You must sit in this chair for X minutes until I come and get you. Jumping is for outside." (Draw a hopscotch to get them started if need be, or have the jump off a low stool and mark their landing with chalk. This will help them want to jump outside, because then they get your attention. Bigger payoff for little ones.)

Talk to your older ones and ask them to brainstorm projects they'd like to do. If you are stuck, Mary Ann Kohl offers a book titled "Preschool Art" which has a lot of ideas for fun projects. You will have to take a little time to prep them, of course, but they can keep your kiddos busy for quite a while. When I was a nanny, I also kept a collection of large ziplock bags with prepped activities in them to just pull out at a moment's notice. It takes a lot of prior planning, granted, but it is so worth it.

And don't forget about playdough. Make/buy enough for each kid to have a huge chunk (at least 2 play-doh cups worth) and have a variety of kitchen tools handy to use with it. Or go online and order a set from Lakeshore Learning. Seriously-- I brought out playdough more than any other art activity during my preschool/toddler teaching days.

Good luck, J.! It sounds like you want to turn things around. You can do it!

Do you have house rules? Sounds like you need to tighten the belt and teach them how to behave.

If someone acts antisocially, isolate them for 30 minutes. In my house, if you act antisocially, you can't be social. End of story. Sit down with them and tell them what is appropriate and what's not. When they act inappropriately, isolate and then discuss it: why? Empathy, what could they have done differently next time.

We have a strict "nice rule" in this house: manners and nice voice at all times. We all break this rule from time to time, but I really believe you have to teach people how to be nice. One grumpy person makes everyone grumpy, so expecting pleasantness in the main areas of the house is a good preventable measure. So you isolate the bad tempered one --including mommy- until the attitude has changed. My oldest was beating up on her brother not that long ago, but now they can play for hours without a fight.

Also. Stop letting them do dangerous things: no jumping or climbing on furniture. I honestly don't get this new attitude of letting furniture be a bounce house. I have a friend that lets her daughter walk on tables. It's dangerous. So stop doing it. My son loves rescue heroes, so in this house, anything that could be dangerous isn't allowed. Mind you, they climb on the outside of the tunnel slide in the backyard, but we have rubber mulch. Its safer than jumping on couches and tables...we also go to lots of indoor play places if I think they need to jump around, but we don't jump, run, etc. in a house.

I think all preschoolers go through a boring stage to watch TV. Just walk away.

Oh mama, you do have a lot on your hands but I'll throw out some ideas.
Some my mom used on us, some my friends w/6 kids used.
-Take them to a park & let them play for awhile to exert their energy while
you hold the baby or have him/her in a stroller.
-Take them to the nearest fast food place w/an indoor playland.
-Does your mall have a play area? Take them there.
-I know taking them places is not the easiest or ideal but it will help.
-Google "free things to do" in your area.
-Take them to a different park they haven't been to before. Don't ask if
they want to go, just take them. Bring snacks & water bottles.
-Have them do a lemonade stand out front?
-Is there a nearby place w/a pond where they can feed ducks?
-Take them to the zoo. Bring a wagon for the younger ones to sit in & be
pulled.
-Is there an outdoor mall near you? Take the there to walk around (bring
stroller for baby).
-Seet up a scavenger hunt in your home or backyard for the older ones.
Plan it the night before you go to bed. Hide 10 things on the patio or family room. Give them a list of the items to find.
-Before you go to bed, put some candy in a shoe box, put the lid on, mark
it w/an "x". Draw a pirate map for them to follow & find the "treasure".
-Make a homemade pinata out of a shoebox, hang w/twine, fill w/little
light toys & some candy. Let them take turns smacking it w/an inflatable
bat.
-Have a "party" at home.
-Have them play pirates w/paper towel rolls as swords
-Set up an indoor obstacle course w/waste baskets to go around, sm cones from the dollar store to jump over etc.
-tell them you're going to have a fitness contest. All age approp kids to line up, get down & do 10 pushups, 10 knee ups to their elbows, backward crab walk etc.
-set up a racetrack for their Hotwheels & have a "race"
-think like a school & try it: breakfast, free play, snack time, treasure hunt outside for rocks, twigs etc, lunch, an hour of tv, snack, quiet time etc.
-see if you can get some young neighbor gal to come help you for 2 hrs a day for small pay.
I will try to edit w/more ideas in a bit.

Okay, granted I only have two kids but when the fighting and "boredom" sets in I give them a choice: find something to do or I will assign you something to do. That gets them going.
I don't yell I take action.
My SIL has four kids, including a disabled one, and one we're pretty sure is ADHD (though not officially diagnosed) yet her home seems calmer than yours.
She's also not a yeller but her kids listen to her because she also takes action.
For example, the whining? I never put up with that, that wasn't allowed, at ALL. Whining = I can't hear you, I only hear you when you use your regular voice. Ignore it.
Fighting? Go to your rooms, isolation. If they share a room send one to your room (I've done that more than once!)
Jumping on the couch? Not allowed on the couch, no TV.
What you're describing sounds really unpleasant and chaotic. You have less control over your own kids than a daycare provider or preschool teacher. If my kids were under your care I would probably report you to the authorities. I'm not trying to be cruel, just honest.
I would look into some parenting classes, or maybe family counseling. It really sounds like you have no control, and with five kids you are in for a VERY long and ugly road if it continues. They will be absolute nightmares by the time they hit middle/high school.

Hmm, I had three over a six year period, so they were 2.5 and 3.5 years apart. TV time was generally in the mornings, while I cleaned up and packed lunches then we usually headed out to get together with friends, at the pool, park, zoo, beach, whatever, so the kids would have other kids their own age to play with, and I would have adult friends to talk to. They had some more TV time in the late afternoon, while I decompressed and started prepping for dinner.
I guess this is just what happens with five so close in age, it seems like it's more about crowd control. I would just separate them I guess, send the older ones to their rooms to read or draw or do something QUIET for awhile, while the little ones nap. Don't make it a choice, everyone, including you, needs down time.
We always had a lot of fun during the summer, even with some long hot days and occasional bickering, my kids were pretty happy and busy most of the time. I hope you're able to figure something out.

Well, first of all TV is an obvious currency. So, TV is now AFTERNOON instead of early, and ONLY If they ALL behave. Use peer pressure and mob mentality to YOUR benefit.... not theirs!

I've never subscribed to the let them be bored theory. I subscribe to the Idle hands are the devils handiwork. Which means they've got to be BUSY. Look for vacation bible school, Mother's Day out, whatever...... anything you can find to get some of them some structured activities. That way you don't have all 5 of them all at once all the time.

Do you have an indoor pool / aquatic center? Most of the time that will separate them by ages - older ones to the deep pool, younger ones to the kiddie pool.

EVERYONE has a "job" for each meal. You supervise. But they work independently - one sets the table, one gets the bread etc.

Lastly as other moms have said..... house rules. Come up with simple ones that have SWIFT consequences. Their rooms should be sleeping rooms so that when you send them there it's not fun time. They just sit alone. OR do the opposite if that's better.... rotate them to play areas IN their rooms. Again... separate them and let them each engage in their OWN activities.

I schedule one fun thing in the morning and one fun thing in the afternoon. Examples are hiking on a trail, the skatepark (morning only before the teenagers get there), a playground, the pool, the aquatic center, the free kid's movie, the environmental center, visiting a friend's farm animals at the horse stables, the library, etc. I schedule weekly playdate swaps with other families. Both kids will go to other people's houses to play for a couple hours or their friends will come over to our house. It's a good distraction. Basically, I try to keep them busy and I try to get them time away from each other. You are right though...summers can be hard!

wow!
i'd be in the 'let them be bored' camp, but i've never had to cope with this level of violence (or had to cope with that many different little personalities.)
i THINK i'd stick with 'let them be bored' but have an absolute zero tolerance policy for screaming and fighting. no-distraction time-outs and serious privilege curtailment for the older ones, who are well old enough to behave better.
stop yelling and start lowering the boom. this is not a good family atmosphere.
khairete
S.

How about breaking them up a bit by having a sitter come and watch the younger kids while you take the older kids out? Amusement park, mini golf, bowling, the zoo, museums, bike rides, beach/lake, pool, etc. Of course, not every day, but to break it up a bit. Make them earn these special trips with good behavior.

Other days keep the big kids at home with a sitter and treat the little ones to their own special time.

Do you have a playset in your yard?

Wow, five kids. I think you should probably try working on having the older ones help you with the littler ones. I told my 6-y.o. boy that if he picked fights with his 3-y.o. sister all summer long, I was going to send him to summer school. That was enough to scare him straight, and he's actually been a big help with his sister.

Another idea would be to split them up, especially if there are a couple kids who are the main instigators of the fighting. They don't all have to be at camp at the same time, do they? Send some of them to the camp and then bring the other ones to the play place. Divide and conquer, that way you get a little bit of a break.

Also, maybe try making them earn TV time? Have them do chores or read books or just go an hour without getting hurt, fighting, or screaming.

But to answer your question, my kids go to swim lessons, my older boy has a bunch of camps coming up, but mostly we have playdates with friends. Or they play together in the backyard or in their room. I do like getting them out of the house, because my 3-y.o. loves her TV also. But I don't put up too much of a fight about it, because she only watches PBS or educational DVDs, and it does allow me to get other stuff done in peace.

Good luck!

with that many kids.. you have to take the role as the leader or it will be chaos.. so you say... ok.. time for ... arts and crafts and everyone does art... then say .. ok.. we are going to the park.. and everyone goes.. like in a day care or preschool.. the teacher says the activity and the kdis all do it.. and evey 20-30 miniutes the activity changes... sounds like you just let them play till they fight.. then you have to break up the fight or referee... you need to be proactive.. and also... send misbehaving kids to their room.. if they cannot be nice they miss out of the fun.

sprinklers, backyard blowup pool, chalk drawing on sidewalk, shaving cream play outside.. then in the sprinklers to clean up.

finger paint or foot paint on the driveway... and then clean up in the spinklers.. read to them. play games ...

have you sat back and observed.. who starts all of this fighting? is it really the oldest picking on the younger.. or is the younger doing subtle things to aggrevate the bigger kids... sometimes .l. take the time to watch and listen to see who is really starting things who is the victim and who is the instigator...

Hmm, I don't remember what I did, but I don't think my kids fought THAT much. I think they usually each had friends over or went to friends' houses. Otherwise I took them to parks a lot.

Camp, for sure.

I heard something recently in a talk about sibling relationships that it is common for them to fight something like 9 times a day. If that helps. Good luck.

Think 19 and counting. I know it is TV and we see the sweet side, they I think they really do stay organized with their planning.

Can they go to a YMCA camp? If you can't afford it for all of them, can you rotate? Actually, if you can't afford it they do have financial assistance so that kids get the opportunity to be involved in an organized setting.

I say that is your best bet. Find the local Y and let them play some organized sports and swim for a while. They will come home extra tired.

J.,

Wow, did your post hit home! My life is your life, minus 2 kids. I have three boys, ages 9, 6, and 5, and they are all WILD AND CRAZY TOGETHER ALL THE TIME ALL DAY LONG!!!!!!!! They make me insane!!!!!!!!! I too don't want to yell at them all day long! All I did today was crunch numbers on how to afford camp for them in order to get them out of the house and give myself a break!!!! Then I got a glorious email camp offer from a local gymnastics place (that has much more than gymnastics). They're having a BOGO (buy one camp, get one camp free), and I took advantage of that!! I signed up all 3 kids for 3 weeks of camp (but not all day M-F, b/c I wanted to spread it out over 3 weeks). They are going M/W/F from 12:15-3:15. What is so magical about that is that all 3 of them will be at the same camp at the same time, so it's just one drop off and one pick up (unlike a couple weeks ago when they all had different camps at different venues at different times - it sucked)! I also take advantage of the free weekly shows at our library (as well as a neighboring library). Maybe you can find a good camp deal (check groupon) for your 3 oldest kids?

Another option - I have always wanted to try this, and even though it's a big project and takes a lot of effort, I decided to finally do this, and I am 100% committed. Just a couple days ago, I put all 3 of my kids on a gluten free casein free diet. I have always heard that a GFCF diet helps to improve behavior in children. However, you must be very strict (no cheating!) and have enough patience to give it at least 2 months. My son's herbalist said to do it for the entire 2 months, so I am. If you decide to try this with a few of your kids and would like more information (meal ideas, etc.), feel free to message me!

My last thought - if possible, send a few of your kids to grandma and grandpa's house for a couple of weeks! Best of luck! I truly feel your pain!!