What Do You Do with Anxiety?

I agree with the poster who recommends a therapist for you, BP. You do seem to be very anxious. Count the number of questions you have asked since you started writing here. That's actually a lot of questions in a relatively short period of time. (Not complaining, mind you. That's not the point.)

As a person who has anxiety disorder (and is actively treating it), I would encourage you to change your language regarding your situation.

First, you've always been anxious. Okay. Low-level anxiety and you were managing it. Now it is exacerbated (or triggered) by this new situation. The situation is not the cause; the anxiety was already present. The situation is a trigger for an amplified anxiety.

It's sort of like saying "this plant grew from love". No, it didn't. The plant was a plant first and love, care and watering were what made it a better, stronger plant. I think examining our language around our feelings is important if we are going to bring the feelings and thoughts into perspective.

This may be a time when a counselor and/or short-term medication might be helpful. A couple years ago, my son was in first grade and being routinely physically hurt by a classmate. The frustration, anger and helplessness in that situation *exacerbated* my anxiety. My thoughts/feelings/brain were more or less hijacked and on high alert. So, along with seeking counsel from mentors (who advised me wisely) and a counselor, I also decided to talk to my doctor about a prescription as a temporary measure. While I chose to stay on this (and really, I had no idea how much anxiety had been affecting my life and behavior until I got a break from it, and I love being in control of my own head now), this has helped me through my own concerns and understanding of my own special need kid. (He has ADD and some significant processing delays; we have transitioned him to home schooling where he is actually learning now, in a way which really works for him.) I'm unsure what the last two plus years of our journey would have been like without help and support from mentors, a good counselor (occasionally, but still, valuable) and relief from that faulty brain chemistry of mine.

So, I would encourage you to seek outside help. I can tell by the tone of your many posts that this anxiety is producing a lot of worries for you. Your son needs you to be an even-keel and is likely sensing your anxiety over his future. I don't want to be unkind, but for kids, that comes across as a no-confidence vote. You really don't want to send that message. As someone who has experienced the transition from being a more white-knuckled mom to someone who has confidence that her own funny little learner is going to be just fine, I really hope you are able to find freedom. Good luck.

You need to separate your sons issues from your own issues - and treat both separately.
You certainly don't want your issues to become his.
You said yourself that this new school has great support for kids with your sons issues.
Put some trust in that.
If exercise and meditation is no longer adequate to manage your anxiety (and it could be this is just temporary - it might be fine again in the future), it might be time to talk things over with your doctor and see if there's a medication which might get you over this rough spot (your son in high school).
Even teens with no issues will drive parents with no issues nuts from time to time.
So to a degree - this is so perfectly normal.

Maybe you finding social groups of your own will work in parallel with your son finding social groups of his own - you'll be his example and his role model.
Perhaps joining a support group for parents with children with learning disabilities will help you see how others manage and how others with similar difficulties cope and overcome and thrive in spite of their issues.

On the plus side, you recognize that you have anxiety and have for many years. You've taken some steps - exercise and meditation. Great. But obviously it's not enough.

I don't think that you can assume that the "root cause" is your son. His issues may be the trigger, but anxiety is a medical condition, and your son didn't cause it. If he had no issues, something else would be the focus of your anxiety and almost obsessive overthinking of things.

You need more help than what you can provide yourself. Please see a qualified professional to help you get to the next step. Medication, either short- or long-term, is one possibility. But therapy is another, and it's really important to pursue it whether or not you use medication. You can find a psychiatrist, or a psychologist or social worker who works in collaboration with a psychiatrist. I would use your primary care physician as a referral source for a counselor, not as a provider of medications.

Please see someone. Your son needs a mother who is in control and who is happier. And he absolutely does not need to grow up feeling that he is the root of her problems. Your struggles, stress and anxiety could actually be making his situation much worse.

This is beyond what Mamapedia members, friends, meditation or exercise can solve, and beyond something that can be fixed by joining the PTA or helping your son find friends. Your heart is in the right place, but your focus is off. The recipient of help needs to be YOU. Good luck. Please call your doctor today.

It might be time for you to revisit your doctor for a prescription or consult to a therapist. You are worrying too much about the what ifs. There are things in life you can't change and you have to go with t he flow. Stop trying to micromanage things as well.

Do you give your son some space to find out who he is this year. He may just come into his own and do all the things the right way and not have to be pushed.

Take up a hobby or a class or exercise group. Time to start being a person again. Do you have other children? If so, do things with them and enjoy them as well.

the other S.

From your previous questions its easy to see that none of this is really about your son. Its you being so focused on things that are totally beyond your control that you are creating anxiety that doesn't exist. You need to see a therapist and work on getting yourself together. Once you focus your work on the correct person (YOURSELF) things will fall into place.

If you keep on the way you are keeping on your son will be so stressed out at school that he'll be miserable. Please check yourself and step back letting the school take the lead.

Talk to your doctor. Therapy and/or medication can help. Don't beat yourself up. Anxiety can become a physiological issue that needs medical treatment.

Your son's disability and school change is a trigger, perhaps, but not the cause of an ongoing anxiety issue. Take care of yourself and address this if it's gone beyond what you're able to handle. Medication can help you find your "baseline", and therapy can give you strategies to deal with the anxiety thinking.

Good luck

I would talk to your doctor/physician first. Then ask him/her for some type of medication.....temporarily to see how you feel about it. In addition, I would look for a support group for anxiety. Best of luck. I'm sure with some help, you can manage this and feel much better very soon!

Updated

I would talk to your doctor/physician first. Then ask him/her for some type of medication.....temporarily to see how you feel about it. In addition, I would look for a support group for anxiety. Best of luck. I'm sure with some help, you can manage this and feel much better very soon!

Meds. Talk to your doctor for a referral to a psychiatrist. DO NOT let your PCP prescribe psych meds.

I had anxiety issues for many years, and unfortunately didn't recognize it until damage was being done. I started by talking to my doctor. She put me on some low dose medication and we discussed some techniques to help - the good old count to 10, remove myself from the situation that is causing anxiety and returning when I had calmed down, exercise, and recommend I see a therapist. I had a bad therapist who actually made the situation worse, but the meds along with the techniques worked very well.

Several years later and some major life changes, I'm still on the same dosage of meds and in a group therapy.

Start by talking with your doctor

Frankly, you can tell from your prior posts that you are "anxious" and seem to be easily stressed. I'm sure you are aware of this but our kids can tune in to how we are feeling. If you are stressed about him, you will stress him out as well. Maybe see a doc and get on some meds before you do some emotional damage to your son. Good luck.