Medicating Our Children

Depression and anxiety are medical illness, actual chemical imbalances, the severity of which determines treatment. It would ALWAYS make sense to try therapy and behavioral modification FIRST. Whether to move on to meds is a personal, but sometimes absolutely neccesary choice.

I am totally against using drugs for anything unless totally, totally necessary. 95% of all cases of depression would be better managed by exercise and therapy, yet, we as a society believe a pill can fix everything. Mental illness is not the same as cancer or other physical ailments. Psychology is not a true 'science.'

A pill won't help him to cope with his loss. Only time and emotional support will.

For the same reason doctors schedule c sections, because its the easiest way to go. Life IS about dealing, and learning too, and medication should only be used as a last resort.

too often we use it shockingly fast.

Yes, actually, you are wrong. I have found doctors NOT to be quick to diagnose mental health disorders and tremendously helpful in helping children who genuinely need help. While counseling can sometimes be helpful, it doesn't always resolve complex medical conditions, especially those involving the brain.

A diagnosis is a tool. Please use the information wisely to help your child.

Our son has ADHD and I get sickened by all of the people who have zero experience with the condition and/or no medical degree disparaging parents who treat the condition. We do a combination of behavioral therapy and medication, but medication is what helped our son in so many positive ways. It connects the dots in his brain in ways that no food, vitamin or parental encouragement can. Without medication, it's like trying to tell someone who can't see well to just squint harder. Just focus harder! Calm your body yourself! Doesn't make sense with vision, doesn't make sense in this medical problem either.

Depression, ADHD, anxiety and other brain disorders can not be parented or talked away. They are valid and really awful conditions to deal with. Our son has also had trouble with OCD and depression, so I speak from experience. This goes well beyond the "I am sad because I lost my toy" variety. It greatly affects daily life. It's not about popping pills, it's about treating a condition in the same way you would with epilepsy, diabetes or other conditions.

Keep in mind that as a parent, you're in charge. So, if after listening to advice from the medical experts, you want to do something entirely different, you can. See a counselor and confirm to yourself whether it helps or not. Take charge for your child. If you decide to try medication at any point, you're still in charge. Don't like a side effect, talk to the doctor about stopping the medication.

Just be very careful about overgeneralizing treatment options for mental health issues when you haven't walked a mile in someone else's shoes.

I don't know how many children you have with your husband, but if by "our" your are refering to my children, you would be so alone it is deafening! I choose standard medical care for them when it is needed, for all thier organ systems when they disfunciton, including their brains.

Depression and anxiety are medical issues, and school counselors do not, and should not discuss medication for children's athletes foot, let alone very real mental illness. Many medical issues do not requrie medication, sometimes you can bring your cholesterol down with diet alone, but you should seek a qualified physican to assist you anyway. People, including children have organ systems that fall under the care of medical specialties when things go wrong, and last time I checked, brains were just as much flesh and blood as the urinary tract and feet. The school is there to educate your child, and if they were exhibiting an emotional illness, the counselor has a duty to tell your that they think your child needs medical care, which is ablsolutly within thier range of practice as a school counselor. If a school counselor suggested medication instead, and tried to diagnose your child with a medical condition, report them to the liscensing board that holds thier certificate, becasue that is inappropriate.

A board certified child psychiatrist may very well suggest therapy prior to, or in combination with, medication when it is called for. If the school nurse called you, and said, your child is not able to keep from wetting himself at school, and I think he may need some kind of medical care, would you be upset? Would you say, gee, I don't think we should medicate "our" children when they pee themselves, becasuse, shouldn't we try potty training or diapers first? I think not. If you want to see if you have an unreasonable thought process about mental illness, instert "pee" everytime you speak of the behavoir associated with mental illness, and you will see just how sad an anti medication at all costs bias is for a person who has a medical condition that could be helped. Peeing is something that is "behavioral" it is both voluntary and involuntary, under our control most of the time, and yet, we can be completely without the capcity to make it right by thinking about it...no person, if truly mentally ill, even with a temporary illness caused by circumstance, can thing away a chemical imbalance or pull thier seratonin or norepepherine levels up to a normal level by just trying harder. Sometimes, a medical intervention is needed when our normal emotions cause an atypical reaction or distrubance.

On another note, get your son to a psychiatrist and into therapy if he has had a traumatic loss that is effecting him to such a degree that he is in need of school intervention for an emotional issue. That is a sign that he may very well benefit from professional care, and I would no more tell you want that is than the school counselor should have, but just because she said something that offended you along the way, it does not necessarily mean that she may not be right about his need to see someone who could help him feel better, and that would be a psychiatrist. Maybe he only needs a "diet" (therapy) for his cholesterol to keep from peeing himself? You just don't know what he needs, but even those people who piss you off can be right about what your next move should be.

M.

If your son broke him arm would you just try to fix it at home on your own?

If he had cancer, would you try home remedies first or just hope it was just a phase?

Yes, everyone experiences depression or anxiety at one time or another but it becomes problematic when it lingers for a period of time or interferes with the ability to perform day-to-day tasks normally. When it gets to this stage, it is a medical condition and requires treatment. This could be counseling or medication...and should definitely be guided by a professional. The professionals who have met with your son likely have the expertise and experience to know that your son's best path would be medication coupled with therapy.

It depends on what the medication is for. If your son had "absolutely" no behavioral issues prior to the recent changes, then it's likely situational and you should get him involved in some counseling outside of school. Keep in mind, if the issues are rooted at home, they need to be addressed at home through private counseling. Short-term goal-oriented family therapy can be very powerful. Situational depression is often adequately addressed through therapy, but may be supplemented by medication depending on the severity.

If your son was having issues prior to the changes and the situation has exacerbated, then that's a different question. I agree with the other responders that medication is too often given as a first line of defense and more often than not recommended in lieu of therapy. When I work with children and families and they elect to try medications it is always with the contingency that they either initiate or continue with behavioral therapy.

Medications don't "cure", they "balance" individuals enough to be able to learn new behavioral and cognitive patterns. Having said that, if your child is experiencing chronic depression or paralyzing anxiety, then medication will allow your child to experience what the rest of us feel on a "normal" day.

Meds are tricky for kids, but I will pose the question that I heard once at a psychiatry conference... "If we were talking about Diabetes, would you deny the use of insulin? Nope. You would modify your child's diet and supplement the imbalance with a chemical. This is no different."

See a therapist first, but stay open to the idea of short-term medication if needed. Your son is young, so look for a play therapist who will be able to engage him using a child's natural means of expression, which is imaginary play. Ask your school counselor for a referral to a play therapist.

I agree w/ Theresa N. 100%.

Hi J.,
True mental illness can benefit from medication. Temporary grief over a family loss is not mental illness .Clinical depression is a chronic condition which can be life threatening. Medication should not be used (IMO) to treat temporary behaviorial issues as your son has - he does not have a neurological disorder. Sure, there is plenty of overmedication going on and not just of kids, adults too - I don't believe that 30% or whatever of adults need to be on an antidepressant. I have a kid who was ADHD (she pretty much grew out of it) and one who is ADD but I don't medicate for that. I managed a teen with clinical depression without meds and it was HARD. I understand why other parents would have medicated under those situations and I wanted badly not to "have" to but I was very close as her condition was becoming close to life threatening.
School counselors and teachers want kids medicated so it's easier for them to deal with the kids - teachers don't have time to pay special attention to one child having behavioral or emotional issues in a class of 25, and having parents pay for meds is cheaper for them than having to pay as a school district for special ed and related services.
If you are dealing with a temporary situation, I would think that medication does not need to be the first choice of dealing with it.
Good luck!

Dear J., First, I am so sorry for your loss. You are so right about how you feel. Your child feels every bit as much as you do. Time, counseling and compassion is in order. There are booklets put out by Care notes that can help you help your child through the grieving process. Your six year old is going through a lot. Talk to him, ask him what is bothering him. Don't push or pull it out of him. Just let him know he can talk to you about his feelings. Sadly, our medical profession has been taken over by Big Pharm. and all they know or are taught is to write prescriptions. You talk to his teacher(s) and ask them to be aware of his needs. I hope it works. I realize that teachers are up to their ears in what is going on in the School System but I hope he has someone with a heart. Grandma Mary

I agree. Trust your instinct. Some things that have been helpful for us also have been keeping a clear structure and routine, cutting out sugar and food coloring and getting in fresh fruit and vegetables each day as well as a good bfast (egg, real oatmeal, for example). And lots of outdoor time; I know it's getting colder in NY - but boys esp. really need a few hours a day of outdoor time. I lived in Michigan and had my kids suit up and play outside for 45 minutes and then they could have hot cocoa - warm apple cider would probably be better as it is a natural sugar, not refined.

In certain cases, I would have to agree with you. Pills can mask the problem and the root often goes unresolved. Medication along with behavioral modification can be very effective.

I work for a company that deals with adolescents with behavioral issues. We assist them in re-directing undesirable behavior and help them cope with life around them. Most of the clients are on medication, due to the school's insistence, but when it wears off at 3pm, the parents are left with the fall-out for the rest of the evening. That's when I come in. I work with my clients after-school.

Check into outpatient counseling for grief in your area before the school demands medication "or else".

Good luck. Feel free to contact me.
Nanc

J.,

I always thought mental illness was when people are depressed and anxious without a trigger. That's simplifying things way too much, I know. Just trying to make a point.

It sounds like your family is going through a lot right now. Maybe some professional counselling for your child will help. Speak to the counselor first and tell him your concerns about the situation/diagnosis/medication and find someone with a similar philosophy.

You are absolutely doing the right thing by not medicating your child right off the bat. I hope things get better soon.

Best of luck,
R.

(Just to clarify: I am not saying antibiotics are the same as anti-depressants, I am saying that mental illness should be taken as seriously as physical illness. That said, one should not be on antidepressants with "no end date in sight." That is medically irresponsible. A medical professional should be monitoring any patient to see if the anti-depressants are working or no longer necessary.)

If he is just having trouble dealing with the loss, then counseling might work. If he is not responding to counseling than the loss may have taken a greater toll than you realized. Medication is indicated for serious mental illness and depression because these are caused by imbalances in brain chemistry. Very drastic loss and life changes can result in changes in brain chemistry. Research has shown that these imbalances can be treated with certain medications. Mental illness has been shown to be just that: an illness. Most people would treat a physical illness like strep throat with the appropriate medication and that is what competent mental health professionals do. Certainly get a second opinion if you feel that the medication is unwarranted, but don't let your child suffer because of a fear of medication or the perceived stigma of mental illness.

i think if you want better advice from everyone here, you should provide more info. did he have unusual behavior before the traumatic event? has he had blood work and brain scans done yet? what did the results find? when my brother was 7, i was 9, we lost our dad to suicide. totally devastating. our lives were up rooted and we moved in with our aunt , uncle and 3 cousins, whom we were raised by. before the tragic events, i think my brother was fine. then again i was only 9 so what did i know? we both went through therapy for years. i came out "ok" (if possible! lol) but my brother had his own problems. he suffered many years with adhd, doing poorly in school, acting immaturely, finding trouble as a teen. he was in therapy since we were young, later moved on to meds. now as an adult he is "normal". he has a steady job, lives on his own and loves life. his brain is def wired differently than others though. he still acts immature, (he's mid 30s but acts mid 20s lol). my point is he needed meds (and therapy) to help him do better in school and cope with everyday situations. i don't think my dads suicide triggered the events in my brothers life. (ex- i was fine, he was not) people with adhd and other behavior issues are just wired differently in their brains. its a disease. all mental problems are and can be treated. do more tests with your son and treat it accordingly. by the way, my brother went off meds sometime after high school or during college. good luck

It seems many here automatically assume that your son is suffering from depression and anxiety and therefore concluding that you don't seem to understand the seriousness/validity of such a condition. However, I see your question as whether or not doctors & counselors over diagnose these conditions and frankly there have been several studies showing that they are indeed over diagnosing these conditions and proceed without any other testing to give out prescriptions for medication.

In my personal experience, my own doctor offered to prescribe me anti-depressants because I admitted that I do occasionally feel stressed out. I didn't take him up on his offer because I knew I just needed some exercise and to get outdoors - that's how I relieve stress. I went in to see him because I was suffering from some cramping and overall tiredness and it occurs annually around spring and I wanted to see if it was anything I needed to worry about - this was almost ten years ago and I'm still not on medication. So yes, I think our society likes to over diagnose mental illness and immediately want to take care of it with medication rather than perhaps looking at other sources. I due believe there are actual cases and yes, those who need those medications should be treated, however as I mentioned there as a recent study that showed many children in elementary being diagnose with ADHD when in fact they are just entering school at younger ages and are being compared to the behavior of older children in the same grade. I will try to find that article....

A pill will help with the uncontrollable feeling so that counseling and coping can happen. As he gets more in control of his life the meds will go down until he doesn't need them anymore.

To everyone saying mental illness is not like other illnesses, you can do blood work and find chemical imbalances, you can do brain activity/PET scans and see the different ways the brain activity lights up, mental illness is an actual measurable disease. Depression from a life changing event can be just as devastating and taking the edge off that sadness so therapy can work quicker and more effectively is not wrong but more humane.

I feel you are going to get lots of different opinions. I happen to believe that most kids do not need to be medicated. I think especially schools, want kids medicated because it practically puts them in a coma so they don't disrupt the other children and them giving their lesson plan. In your situation I strongly feel that your child does need to be in counseling and hopefully he can let someone in to help him deal with what's going on. What I've learned as a parent throughout the years, as much as you want to be the one they open up too or come too, sometimes for whatever reason, they feel at ease talking to someone else. I had a lot of problems with my daughter and it really hurt me that she wanted to talk to my mother (her grandmother) and my sister (her aunt). However, I was happy that she reached out to them and they were able to help her talk about what was bothering her. You could see if your son felt more comfortable talking to someone else, including a stranger.
There has to be a STRONG reason I believe that a child needs to be medicated, like seriously harming someone or themselves. Dulling out a kid because they are too hyper doesn't cut it in my book... again my opinion

I think in your situation counseling is a better place to begin for your son. On the one hand, I do think we overmedicate for mental health issues and some children do end up on medication that could do well with another alternative. In other cases the mental health issues are much more severe than anxiety and grief over a specific event and medication is the most effective treatment. Also, not all children have a capable parent or adult to provide emotional support. I worked with children in foster care depression, grief and loss were issues for almost all of those children. Many were able to manage in a supportive foster home with weekly counseling. But I worked with one child who was suicidal, hallucinating, and unable to function because of her depression (even in a stable, supportive foster home). That child needed medication plus a few acute hospital stays, 2 years of intensive counseling 5 days a week before she was able to transition to weekly counseling and eventually be weened off medication. I think it is a more complex issue than people realize. Whomever is prescribing the medication has to have a lot of information about the child, specific mental health problem, family support, etc. in order to make the best decision in a specific case.

I think kids are over medicated for lots of things thankfully our pediatrician generally sides with us and will refer us to specialists that have similar views.

I work with at-risk teenagers and have often thought that we overmedicate them, especially in relation to traumatic responses. I have begun to receive a lot of training and experience with trauma and have learned that often children and teens express their trauma in forms that we relate to ADHD and anxiety. Unfortunately, until recently, trauma was only studied on returning war veterans and we didn't relate trauma responses to other things (i.e. death and loss, attachment issues, etc.). In fact, a lot of new research coming out is starting to say that what we typically diagnose kids with is not actually what they tend to have, but rather is a responsive coping mechanism to deal with different events in their lives. Kids with ADHD and depression, bipolar, etc., have chemical differences and functions working in their bodies then kids who are reacting and coping in "negative" ways to their surroundings. A lot of the reason that you see doctors and school counselors responding the way they do is that it takes YEARS for research to disseminate down to actual practice because often you have to get the "new" generation of workers into the field and practicing before it becomes a common practice. Up to this point, doctors and counselors have been trained to "treat the symptoms" before really addressing the problem. But, we're starting to learn now that really need to address the problem in order for the symptoms to be treated.

An example, I actually went to my boss the other day stating that I thought we were referring kids to the wrong programs. I mainly work to help adolescents get Psychiatric appointments. However, one kid that he assigned to me get an appointment for was only put on medications because he said that he was having problems sleeping and focusing in school. They gave him meds for this and he said it still wasn't helping. I found out that he had experienced a VERY traumatic event and was actually experiencing many symptoms of PTSD, not depression or ADHD like they wanted to diagnose him with. What he needed was trauma counseling, not medication. But, I tried to tell my supervisor this, and he felt that I was overlooking his symptoms to much even after I had told him the information the kid had given me and that he needed to still be treated for depression by the Psych and if I wanted I could find him a counselor. His mom was much like you and did not want her kids on meds. It's just very hard to change people's ways of how to view reality and the effective ways to treat it. But, if I was you, I would try to find a counselor who focuses specifically on children/play therapy, as this seems to be good in helping kids process their grief.

Medication is not the answer for everything.
That being said, my grandmother was violent to the point of putting her fist through plate glass windows - she HAD to be medicated no question about it or she would have ended up killing someone.
If your son is not hurting himself or anyone else, counseling would be fine to try first. There are normal ways of expressing normal emotions, and then there are some very destructive ways. If counseling does not help then you'll have to try something else.

Counseling first definitely, especially since there have obviously been
a loss and changes in his lifestyle. Teachers want what is easiest for
them. Sorry teachers, not all but some do. I will keep you in my prayers
and hope that your son will slowly improve. Just keep the counseling up
and make sure it is a right fit for your son.

well if you went to a psychiatrist they write scripts!! Medication is the answer to everything. I also believe therapy first and if there is no improvemnet after trying different things then PERHAPS medication is an option. They are offering Zoloft for 6yr olds(low dosage) for anxiety. "it takes the edge off" is what most dr's say. Yet some side effects are horrible and NOT one doctor can tell you about long term side effects. Also they usually recommend the medication for a year. What happens after your child is dependent on the medication to feel better? All these medications DO EFFECT brian chemistry. I think it's an easy cop out for lesser conditions. If a child is bi-polar or has true life threatening mental issues then it should be considered. If you have a good therapist they should be able to make short term and long term goals and give you and your child tools to deal with their problems. IMHO. I'm totally with you!!!!

I completely agree with you! Feelings of sadness, grief, loss, anxiety, even hopelessness, are all feelings we all feel from time to time, in response to life events, and shouldn't necessarily be avoided with the help of drugs. If we took a drug every time we felt an intense emotion how would we ever grow into emotionally and spiritually healthy adults?

Having said that, there is a difference between normal and impaired coping.
The grief process takes a LONG time to fully play out. THere are stages of grief that everyone goes through after a major loss. These stages are normal, predictable and healthy. It's incredibly difficult to watch someone go through them but it's necessary to go through the stages in order to eventually come to terms with what happened, know what I mean? A good therapist (not school counselor) will be able to recognize normal vs. impaired coping. If you don't agree with their assessment take him for a second or third opinoin. It's not a decision to be taken lightly!

Yes traumatic events do cause changes in brain chemistry, but the comparison (made by some) to antibiotics is ridiculous. When ill we are given a 7-14 day course of antibiotics; antidepressants have no end date in sight. You still need to seek therapy or do some major soul searching and work on the problem if you ever hope to wean off of the drugs.

No you are not alone. I truly believe if you medicate, you fail to teach your children to deal with their feelings and emotions. I am working on my 5 YO with her anger. I don't feel she has a big issue, but when she is mad she stomps around and has a lot to say. I wasn't taught this way, but I believe it is much more healthy to teach her to let it go, say something short, and move on.

I hope things get better for you.

Hi J., I to am against giving children medicine that changes the way their brain works. I am sure in extreme cases it is necessary, but have seen how talking, listening, a proper diet and consistency can usually help even more. Go with your gut and try to find a family counselor who feels the same way. At 6 years old your son is probably acting the same way an adult would feel with all these changes and loss. I know sometimes I feel overwhelmed and not in control, your son probably feels these things and acts on them. I hope every thing works out for your family. God Bless.
L.

i agree w/ u J.! i say go to counseling and see how it goes from there.

I agree, there should be counseling first. Our district has a loss/grief session done by guidance counselors. They did this at the kindergarten level all the way up. And, a therapist is likely still a good idea if the individual was very close to your child and it sounds like they were. I would think meds would be in order if the child has been depressed for too long.

i believe this is so we can potentially prevent a tragedy from happening

I would not let them jump straight to meds, I would insist on counseling sessions first.

Try massage. The human touch is incredibly healing. Give your child a back massage (or even on his hands or arms) with your hands--- skin on skin--- at least once per day - 2x if you can manage (morning and evening for maybe 5 -10 min, or less if it is not practical) while you chat with him. You can start every other day and build up to it. Also exercise would be good- get out for a 10-20 minute walk 3x week or more. What your son really wants is you in this time of grief. A therapist only if you can't seem to connect, and then probably you can do family counselling---but ask around to find a good therapist..

Yes, acting out is a NORMAL response to an traumatic experience!! Children don't know how to "rationalize" their feelings and articulate them with words. They just let it out! Not everyone knows what to do with the feelings though (teachers, doctors, counselors, etc). Give your 6 year old opportunities to express his/her feelings through dramatic play, art, or talking with trusted parents. Consider holistic means for helping your child if you feel they need more support before you go the pharmaceutical route.
N.
www.nicolemacdonald.com

When i got sick. I developed depression and anxiety. The doctor told me to go see a pychistrist (i can't spell). So i did and she gave me Zoloft. I asked her if this was going to help and you know what she said. She said while im on the drug it will help, but once i get off of it i will be right back to where i was before taking the meds. She said the zolfot would not fix my problem. I took one pill anyway and i went manic, never knew what that was till it happened to me. My blood pressure and heart rate was high. I had a bad experience. I agree with you. If there is a cause (which is that you have suffered a great loss) and out of what's happen now there is turmoil in your household that does not equal Mental illness. We live in a world were showing your emotion b/c something bad happen is unacceptable. I agree with you that there should be some counseling first.

I hope things get better for you and your family.

You don't say what the loss was, but I completely agree with you anyway. Don't know the answer.