What Do I Tell My Son

T.,

I can speak from experience as I have the same type of situation. Although my oldest son was 5 years old when my husband and I got together, he is the only father that my son has ever know, and especially being that you are military I can relate. It can be a rough subject but you have to be as honest with him as possible. I have found that telling my son that his dad was young and didn't really know how to be a good daddy helped. My son has never seen his father although every blue moon he will call to talk to him, which I think is worse that diappearring altogether because it causes too much confusion and make my son feel as though it is something he said or did that made him leave. I think that the most important thing that you can do is be honest ( you don't have to get into specifics) but let him know that you and your new husband (his dad now) love him so much and show him that everyday because ultimately that is really all that matters and one day when he is older he can find his biological father and ask him the questions that really only he can answer. If you need any real advise, or want to talk, call me at ###-###-####. My husband is Air Force as well and it does seem as though we have a lot in common and I am more than willing to share more with you if you want to chat, it would take a lot of writing on the computer so give me a call and we can talk further if you would like. I am home in the evenings after 6pm. Looking forward to talking to you.

C.

I too have been in your position. I had my oldest when I was just 18 years old. Two years later I married my husband and have since had 3 more sons. My oldest's birth father has drifted in adn out of his life on his whims. My husband has been fantastic and loves my son and treats him the same as he treats his blood children. When my son was younger he had questioned me about why his father isn't around. I had a hard time controlling the urge to tell him that it was because his father was a useless piece of sh!t. Instead I explained to him that not everyone is cut out to be good parents and some people aren't mature enough to handle the responsiblity of taking care of a child.
Right now your son just needs to know that he is very loved and that his father not being in his life is no fault of his own. Children worlds revolve around their emmotions and they feel as if everything is connected to them, good or bad.
I hope that I have been somewhat of a help.

My situation is a little different, but I can tell you how I help my son to understand that his dad isn't around as much as my son would like. Connor is 5 and I was married to his dad for 7 years. So for the first 4 years of his life he was used to having "dad" around every day. Then one day he announced he wasn't happy and was leaving. Now he might call a few times a month and sees him about once a month. Connor asks questions all the time. Mostly I tell him the truth, in a somewhat positive way. I never talk bad about his dad. But I don't create false hope either. Mostly I tell him how much I love him and that I am sorry his dad can't be around much. We read books about not having dad at home too. It has also helped that he has joined a group at school and he knows that he is not the only one whose real dad is no longer living at home.
I don't know if this helps at all, but it sounds like you are doing the right thing by following your instincts!
Now Connor's new thing is asking me when I am going to find him a step dad! Uh- oh!

I am a single parent. My daughter is 2 and asks me "where my dad". She asks this because she hears her little cousins talk about there dads. What I do is think of something that will satisfy her now, like "your dad works all the time so mommy can buy you toys". It may sound stupid to you or I but she understands that, its something that she can relate to as a 2 year old. Just something very simple, thats appropriate for his age.
You should tell your son the truth, but I would wait until he is old enough to understand what happen, and let him make up his own mind about what he thinks of his real father.
I dont ever tell my daughter anything bad about her dad, but I dont tell her my true feeling either.