What Do I Say to Help My 13Yo Daughter Who Is TALL?

I was 5'10" by the eighth grade...and everyone always commented on my height...walking next to my 5'5" mom made me seem even taller...

People would ask her in my hearing if I played basketball...and it would make me cry because I felt like a super tall freak and I was so uncoordinated that basketball wasn't even an option.

I struggled through high school with dates being shorter than me (what is it about short guys that love tall women???)...I felt I couldn't wear heels...

But you know what by college I was glad I was tall...I could wear amazing clothes, I could gain ten pounds and no one noticed, and finally the boys were tall too. oh, and I realized that I was actually too short to be a runway model...so that showed me how many beautiful girls were even taller than I was...

My husband is 6'4" and he makes me feel so small...he can even pick me up. So, tell her there is a light at the end of the tunnel. And give her a great big hug from another 5'10" girl!!

My sister is 6'1".
My brother is 6'3"
I got the short stick at 5'4"

I would LOVE to be 5'10", but alas, I am not. At 13, I am going to guess that she is in 8th grade, maybe 7th. She may feel like a giant now, but if she can just hold on til HS, it will get better. She will NOT be the tallest kid in HS, at least not at 5'10".

If she can learn to be confident in her body and it's height, she'll learn to command a room. At 5'10" she is in good company.
I found this article from 1997. There are MANY famous, Hollywood stars that are right there with her.
http://www.people.com/people/archive/article/0,,20123618,...

Brooke Shields (6').
Jenna Elfman (5'10")
Christine Lahti (5'10")
Lucy Lawless (5'10")
Geena Davis (6')
Sigourney Weaver (5'11")
Cameron Diaz, Julia Roberts, Mira Sorvino and Charlize Theron (all 5'9"); Minnie Driver, Nicole Kidman, Gwyneth Paltrow and Liv Tyler (5'10");
Uma Thurman, 6'
Miss America 1997, Kate Shindle, is 5'11"

Trisha Year wood (5'9"), recently crowned Best Female Vocalist at the Country Music Association awards: "I don't know that height alone can make you powerful, but it definitely makes me feel that I'm a presence. That gives me confidence—and that somehow translates into power."

I am 6'2. I was 5'11 in 8th grade - I think the same age as your daughter is now. I wore heels then and still do upon occasion. My Mom empowered me my entire life to embrace my height. I love it. One thing I had to realize is that people tear me down because the want me to come down to their level. They tore me down due to jealousy.

Dang, you're tall ... Oh I thought you were just short
How tall are you ... how short are you
Did you play basketball ... did you work in a chocolate factory

For the most part people in school will stop once she stands up for herself. She is a target she has to remind people she is human and the tears are what they are after - they want to shame her about her body - they want to tear her down. Sadly, the fastest way to get it to stop is a quick snarky remark from her pointing out their insecurity about height.

If that is too far outside of her comfort level she can simply agree with it all and become part of the joke so it will not hold as much weight.

Hey jolly green! - Ho ho hoooo
Giant - Fi Fi Fo Fum

The more she plays into the comments the better with this tactic.

One will surely work for her - I use both depending on the person and their intent.

My younger son inherited the ears from my side of the family. They stick out (as do mine) and he was certainly singled out for it. Because of our faith, we taught him to respond that God gave him his ears and he was fine with what God gave him. Once kids found that they couldn't get a rise out of him, that he was comfortable in his own skin, they dropped the comments.

Here are a few things your daughter might like to know at her age (maybe she does know them):

Every single kid in her middle school, including (or especially) the teasing ones, is embarrassed about him/herself in some way. Even the kids who are knockouts, even the kids who seem to have life all together, go home and cry. It's part of life at that age.

She doesn't have to go out for basketball just because she's tall. She doesn't have to look into modeling just because she's tall. She can do either one, if they're things she *wants* to do. If they're not, she can do other things. Her height may accentuate her, but it doesn't define her.

She certainly can be upset by names kids call her. They're not pleasant names. She doesn't have to pretend that she isn't hurt. She can learn to respond to teasing with a healthy variety of kindness and humor. Living well is the best revenge.

When the boys catch up with her in height, she's going to enjoy her height so much better.

She can learn how to dress impeccably (which doesn't mean expensively or sexily) so that others' first reaction is not, "Wow, she's so tall," but, "Wow, she's so pretty."

You can say that it may feel awkward now when everyone else (especially boys) haven't grown yet but she will really appreciate it in a few years. Have her reflect on all the different body types she sees in comparison to being tall. Everyone has got something about their appearance they don't like and for a couple of years this may be something about her looks she just doesn't like. Remind her that things change drastically in a few years. Often what was considered awkward and unattractive in middle school becomes beautiful and desirable later in life. There are a lot of gorgeous tall people to use as examples!

My 14 year old is my height 5' 10", we think she's done growing but you never know. She's taller than most kids her age but being a freshman this year we've noticed all the "man" sized Junior/Senior boys out there. The kids her age are still mostly small but you can see where they'll be going soon.

She has never complained to me about it, in fact when she reached my height she was very smug and happy. She is beautiful with a models body but the boys aren't breaking our door down just yet. She just hasn't quite come into her own in that way and her Dad and I are thrilled about that.

Speaking from my own experience your daughter might feel like she fits her body better after high school. Nothing better than walking into the party (or club or concert) and being able to see over the top of all those shorter girls right into the eyes of the cute guys that are looking at you!

13 is a tough age as the girls really develop and change. My daughter is 5' 10" and is now comfortable with her height, but she's also 15. She's old enough now that she doesn't feel like she has to prove she's not a little kid and is much more comforable in her own skin. Do any of your friends have daughters who are a little older and tall that could talk to her. The idea that she'll get through this and other envy her height, doesn't hold water to a 13 year old.
Other than a "mentor", take her shopping. If she feels more confident in her clothing, etc. it may help with her self-esteem. My daughter refuses to wear any kind of a heel. She's comfortable with her height, but doesn't want to be any taller than she is.

I was 5'8" in school. That was tall in the 1960s. My Mom was 5'5" & considered tall in her days. ( she wiould have been 95). Each generation is getting taller. With that said...my daughter is 6' & was always the tallest girl in her class. In kindergarden, the teacher moved her to the back row during circle time. That is where everyone sits on the floor & listens to stories. In the back row, it was all boys & they kept pulling up her skirt. She refused to sit on the floor & moved herself to a chair. The teacher called & said that she was "causing trouble" at circle time. When I asked her why she moved her, I was told that she was too tall to sit with the other girls. Can we say Discrimination??? I told her to move my daughter back with the girls & just let her sit at the end of a row. We had a long talk that night & I asked her how she felt about being tall. She liked that she could get on the rides at the fair, that she could see over people at a parade & a whole bunch of things. I told her to stand straight & be proud that she was tall. She looked better in her clothes & if she didn't think about it, she could put her efforts in something more fun. I asker her what SHE wanted to do, not what her friends were doing. We made a list. She picked gymnastics first. She was good, but to tall. So, I overlapped it with her 2nd choice. Roller skating. She liked that one better. So, by- by gymnastics, hello skating. She won a silver & gold medal in Jr. Olymics. She wanted to try dance. She was accepted at the performing arts HS in dance. She also bowled & played tennis. She also took a modeling class. People that had teased her about her height, forgot about it & only noticed her accomplishments. One funny story is when she was in middle school, a boy she liked asked her to the school dance. But his friends teased him so much about taking a giant, that he cancelled out on the day of the dance. In high school, he asked her out again. Sorry, she already had a boyfriend. Keep her busy & she will forget how tall she is & so will everyone else. Good Luck

She should embrace it! My daughter was six feet at 13. Never bothered her because everyone in our family ( both sides) are over six feet, except me. We always just told her to be proud of who she is. Today there are many tall girls so I am thinking she is not alone. My daughter is an accomplished equestrian and everyone was always joking about her and her horse. She did not need to gallop just push with her feet. She laughed with them.

It's going to be hard on a teen no matter what when people make comments. When she's older she will feel better, but that doesn't help now. The most effective thing for me when I'm self-obsessing is always thinking of people who have it so much worse. She has loooong healthy legs while some people are dwarves or paralyzed or obese with genetic issues or oddly proportioned or any number of things that shouldn't draw comments and are even harder to fit in with. Being tall is nothing to be self conscious about-actually nothing is-people are WRONG to say these things to people and make people feel bad. So she's got to be strong and grateful and confident despite not being exactly like everyone else. I'm sure you've tried pointing out the scenarios that would be worse, but that's my suggestion I guess. Sorry she is being made to feel bad. :(

Well, I am 5'8 as well. In 8th grade I was the 2nd from teh tallest and of course all the girls were in the front of the line for pics and stuff. I did get ribbed about my height but back then it was just teasing. Now kids are mean. My girls are just a smidge shorter at 14 yrs old. I sometimes catch my girls slumping over to try to not be so tall. I kind of did the same thing. I was called brainiac for having good grades, Sears Tower (started in 5th grade) for being tall, sometimes they would get funny and call me green giant. I was quiet and shy so it bothered me then even though I knew they were just joking around. I try to get my girls to be confident. Stand tall. Be proud of yourself and try to let it roll off. They are getting better at it but not always. I let them know that eventually the teasing does stop.After I graduated 8th, I saw some of my male classmates, the ones that initiated some of the teasing and they had all grown several inches and the teasing was over. The great thing was that since i was tall, I was not bugged so much for being a HS freshman. They generally thought I was older.

I'm 5'9" though appear 5'10" bc I'm all legs and very thin so I can kind of relate. I was kind of lucky though as I sprouted later in HS when some other girls were already tall. 13 is young to be that tall and have you asked her if she's worried she's not going to stop growing? Very good advice here but honestly, I'd wonder how tall she's going to be. I say this as the mom of 2 daughters who likely will be very tall as my husband/their father is over 99%. I worry about it. Has your daughter hit puberty? That will help indicate if she's goign to slow down. Have you asked her if she wants to talk to a doctor? I know if I were her, I'd want to know what I was dealing with... Was I going to be 6'3"?? 6"5"?? And can you get her involved in sports where she will be surrounded by other tall girls? Have her read about the great women volleyball players who are over 6'. Tennis too. I think it's fantastic when some women can embrace their height. I never really could though. I'd love to be shorter. So I sympathize with your daughter. It's not easy to stick out. But to a degree, she has no choice so tell her that - she can slouch around or she can stand tall. While inside I would like to be shorter, I always stand up straight and carry myself well. I would also get "The Tall Book" written by a very tall woman. Statistically, tall people are more intelligent and make more money. It was nice to read. But I'd think if you can get a handle on how tall she's likely to grow, she might be able to deal better. And it's a very very tough call but my MIL took hormones to stop her growth... I don't know what i'll do if it looks like my daughters will be super tall but i'm not sure I'd completely dismiss the idea. Kudos to all the super tall women who carry it well and embrace it etc but some people just don't want to stand out that much and will always be uncomfortable. We give hormones to kids who are going to be super short...

Gosh I remember those days. I always towered over the other kids starting in 5th grade I just shot up!! I never really was comfortable with it until after college but now I feel SHORT. Yes, SHORT. I have many friends who are my height and taller. Where were they in HS???

Is there a way you can introduce her to/show her accomplished women who are tall and comfortable with it? I'm thinking models, actresses, WNBA, professional athletes. Also, maybe she's insecure about how her clothes fit so finding a good tall size in pants and shirts (old navy/gap etc has talls online) might make her feel better. I always say I was the trend setter for "cropped" pants back in the 90's. My pants were always too short LOL!

My neighbor, who loved us like a grandma, was petite and she would always comment on how jealous she was of our height. Her daughter (in college) would always comment, nicely, on how models are so tall, etc.

It made me feel a lot better about it. Also, my mom and brothers would always be quick when someone said "you're tall" typically followed by "Do you play basket ball?" (coaches daughter) to pipe in about all the other extracurricular activites I was good at that didn't include my height.

I think a good idea, too, is don't tell her "not to worry about it" it devalues her emotions about the situation. Sympathize, listen and even ask her what you can do to help. It is her reality, but what can you do to help her.

would you ever consider letting her get into runway modeling??
Good luck. She really will be happy one of these days with that fabulous height!!

I am 6'1 and have been since early in high school, if not before I started.

I used to see other tall girls walking around slumped over like they were embarassed and I never understood. Height is something to be proud of. It's not something we can control in the least. My kids are all VERY tall for their ages as well. My daughter hasn't been measured in a while, but she isn't too much shorter than I am - MAYBE by a foot.

My second grader is 58 inches tall and my kindergarten son is 56 inches tall. They are HUGE for their ages.

My daughter gets upset about being tall because she wants to be a rockette, and they stop at 5'10 on average.

That's sad that people tease her on that, but if it wasn't for that it would be for something else. The boys are probably jealous! And the girls are jealous because they know the boys will like her better when they know what's good for them. I had so many guys following me around because they liked my height and my confidence...even when I was 100 pounds heavier than I am now. Tell her to embrace it. Show her, since you're tall too.

I always wanted to be 5'10. She is lucky. It will just take time until she grows into it.