Hi all. My son’s good friend invited him to his birthday. He’s turning 10. Apparently, his parents wanted to do something special for him, so they asked him to pick only 1 friend, and they agreed to take them to an indoor play place. My son is very excited. The birthday is TOMORROW.
Today I talked to the mom, and it seems her son had a fever last night but she’s planning on moving forward with the birthday plans. I told her that maybe it was best to postpone until he feels better, but she said he was too excited and that she didn’t want to disappoint him. She was trying to pass it off as though her son isn’t really feeling that sick.
I don’t want to seem overprotective, but we just went through a nasty bout of the flu in our house, and I don’t feel I should send my son to his friend’s birthday and risk my son getting sick. Sure, his friend could feel fine, but then again, he might also have something contagious.
What do I do? I hate to cancel at the last minute, but I can’t risk it. How do I let them down gently?
Thanks for your advice!
If it was a low grade fever without any other symptoms I wouldn't care. Besides, those play places are filthy with germs, what difference would it make if his friend was 100% healthy?
This is our personal experience - if he was feverish last night, then by tomorrow either he will be ok (have fought it off) or he'll be sick. My kids don't stay 'just' feverish (i.e. the same) for more than 24 hours. They either kind of bounce back or they get worse.
If the mom hasn't called you by tomorrow, I'd give them a call first thing in the morning to inquire how he's feeling and go from there. If she says he's really not feeling well but wants to still go forward, say that you'd be more than happy to reschedule and strongly suggest that would be best for everyone ... give her an out. You can say that your son has just got over the flu and that you feel they'd both likely enjoy it far more if fully up to it, etc.
If he is fever free for 24 hours, I see no problem. The fever means his body is fighting whatever it is. He could be perfectly fine tomorrow. If it was me, I'd wait and ask if he is better in the morning, and if he isn't, then I'd just say, I know the boys will be disappointed, but can we do this next week?
I had to cancel my own 10 years olds bday party due to illness. The kids were all very disappointed, but this is life. We had something in our house, and she was to have 2 friends sleep over. I told everyone it was a no go until everyone in the house was 100% OK.
If a child has a fever on Friday night, there's no reason to assume he's contagious with anything as of Sunday. The fever is the immune system at work, right? At some point, you have to trust that the parents love their son enough to not send him to something if he's ill. I'm sure, if he didn't recover or have other symptoms of something diagnosable, they wouldn't move forward.
Did you send your son to school? As a former teacher, I can assure you that your son was on the bus with at least 3 kids with symptoms of something, and he was in the classroom with 3 more. At some point, you have to assume his immune system will kick in.
I think you will likely ruin this friendship if you overrule the parents - there's just no nice way to say, "I think your kid is sicker than you are saying." If their child has something diagnosed and you know your child is susceptible to that, it's something else entirely. But you and your kid are out among sick people every day. Just take basic precautions. If you want to strengthen your immune systems, there are ways to do that, but not in a few days.
Your son I think is well enough.
I wish the other mom would keep her kid home because if he's contagious then every other kid at this indoor play place will be sharing his germs.
But - I'm fairly certain this happens all the time anyway.
There's no living in a bubble.
Let your son go - I think he'll be fine.
Just tell him he needs to wash his hands very well before he eats anything.
your initial question is 'should he go?' to which i'd say 'yes.' any time your child leaves the house he could encounter a germ or someone with a fever. i'd trust the other mom and let her make the choice on whether HER kid feels up to it or not.
but the end of your post says something quite different, that you've already made up your mind that you 'can't risk it' and just want to know how to let them down gently.
this is a birthday treat. there is no gently. you can be courteous, and of course you should, but you're going to disappoint everyone ferociously and there's no getting out of it. so if you really can't risk your kid meeting a germ (in a indoor playplace no less, heh heh heh) then you just have to say 'i'm sorry, i can't risk bartholomew meeting a germ. we'll be happy to reschedule.'
and deal with whatever fallout comes, hopefully calmly and without drama.
so glad i'm not a kid in today's super sanitized world.
khairete
S.
Call her this morning to find out how her son is feeling. When did the fever end? How long has it been? If his fever ended Friday night and he feels fine now it has been 24 hours. Then I would send my son to the party. I would remind him that he has to go into the bathroom and wash his hands really well with soap before they eat/have cake. Good luck. It's always a risk any time your kid goes to a place like this anyway! Or to school for that matter...so many germs.
If the fever has broken by the day of the party and the child feels fine I would let my child go, any time you take your child out in public they risk exposure to illness.
**When** is the birthday plan? Next Saturday? One week is plenty of time for him to feel better....
ETA: I see you added the date. As other posters say, you have apparently made up your mind. But remember, any time your son goes outside or certainly to a play area, it is covered in germs!!!!
I would call and essentially say what you told us. That you're concerned about your son and then your family getting sick. That you cannot send your son for the party. You're sorry and know that the boys will be disappointed.
The birthday boy is likely to feel worse in the morning. Sick often starts with a fever, then progresses to more.
How high is the fever? If It's 100°, he will feel sick tomorrow. If It's 99° and has no other symptoms he may be OK tomorrow. I suspect he already has symptoms. Why would mom take his temperature.
Apparently the kid is healthy enough to enjoy his party otherwise the mom would have cancelled. Let him go. If you all just had the flu, chances are you wont get it again. If that kids has the flu he surely would not be wanting to have a party. So, it's probably nothing. Go get a present and card Mom.
Tell them that you are sorry, but after you've given it some more thought, you are too concerned about the fever and her son possibly passing along something contagious, so you cannot send your son with them tomorrow. Tell her your family just had a nasty bout with the flu, and you really don't want anyone to get sick again. Thank her for being honest with you about his fever, and tell her your son is very pumped about the party and he will be disappointed about the cancelation as well you know her son will be. But you hope that they will understand and you would love to go if they can reschedule.
If they are rude about it, then clearly they care more about not upsetting their son than risking your child and family wellness. If they are good friends, they will understand. It can't be that hard for 2 kids to go to a play place on another day.
Yes. A fever can be just a fever. Sometimes my kids get fevers with no other symptoms. I think she did the right thing by letting you know and yes, it is up to you, but honestly, if he's not throwing up or having any other yucky symptoms, let him go!
So I'm just now seeing that this was posted on Saturday. I hope you let him go and didn't disappoint a healthy birthday boy!
Your child probably gave this to him and he'll be fine.
