My daughter loves to draw, she has an account on deviant art. She post her paintings and people comment on them, or add them to their favorites or other stuff like that.
Some people get request to draw something, like she gets a request from another person to draw a manga doll or a picture.
Well, she got in to a contest where the winer will be able to request the painter to draw something for them.
She won but then decide to give away the price to the second runner because she thought that if she ask for the request then people would start noticing her work "because" she won the request and not because they like her art.
So she comes to me and tells me this.
Now, my first thought was: "Why do you get in a contest if you don't want the price" also thought "well, maybe they will go to see your art but they only will like it if you are good"
I didn't said any of this because I saw she was proud of her decision, so I just said: "Well, I think that means that you feel very confident that your work is good and you don't need somebody to point at you"
And she told me I was mean!! I try asking her why, but she just said: I don't even want to talk about it.
What the heck? Did what I say sound bad? I don't think so but wonder if I just don't get it?
She is 13 if that makes any difference.
Lol, yeah 13 + "artist" = DRAMA!
I think from now on I am answering everything with a: "and how that makes you feel?"
Thanks, nice to see I am not speaking an unknown language.
-She didn't draw anything for the contest, she just was the 300 person to sign in.
everything you say will be wrong.
She is 13.
And a girl.
phew.... my girl is 8.. and the walking the narrow fence is tricky!
I remember when I was 13 my mother could not say or do anything right! I think it comes with the territory...teenagers!
Being an artist myself perhaps I can tranlate.
Artists can be VERY sensitive about their work and sometimes "hear" negativity that may not even be spoken. Our art is a part of us that can be very vulnerable, and any doubt given to how people perceive it can weigh heavily on our ego. Even if you say nothing.. it can be seen as a negative. Ex. My mom didn't say anything about my work so that means she thinks it belongs in the trash.
When you said, "Well, I think that means that you feel very confident that your work is good and you don't need somebody to point at you". All she may have "heard" is YOU feel YOUR work is good. Not I feel your work is good too. She may have taken insult to the fact that you didn't say anything about liking the work yourself. Artists can be hiper sensitive and putting the moodiness of a 13 year old on top of that can make a doozy of a combination.
In time she'll get thicker skin.... Hang in there!!!
No, but she is 13 and the world revolves around her right now (even though she would never admit it) and she is an "ARTIST".
Our daughter is also an artist and each time she works on something, she feels like it is part of her soul out there. It is very personal.
Just reassure her you are never criticizing her or judging her, if she hears it that way, it is not your intention what so ever. I have had this conversation with our daughter many times, during those teen years.
FYI, it gets better. Our daughter is now in college as a dble major and one of her degrees is Studio Art.. She is still sensitive to comments.. good or bad.. But she knows her dad and I are always supportive of her ideas and work,.
13 year, female and an artist.... Yep, "and how that does that make you feel?" is you BEST bet for the next 5yrs!!!
And even that won't save you at times! Just keep trying, keep telling her that even if you put your foot in your mouth, you only MEAN to be supportive and encouraging..... and remember one day talking to her won't involved a minefield!
She probably saw the point at you part as people making fun of her.
Only 13, that makes a big difference.....teens almost NEVER want to agree with Mom and Dad. In addition you have an artist in the family and artists can be very sensitive and moody. Just encourage her to continue her art and when she is ready to have a show - Great!
You said nothing wrong Mama!
Blessings...
Oh Y., you have the biggest heart!
My daughter was a serious competitive gymnast for years. If I complimented her routine (and OMG she was a BEAUTIFUL gymnast), she'd give me a look like, psh, you just say that cause you're my mother and what do YOU know?!
If I offered some sort of feedback on what she could have done better, she was all defensive and pissy. Like I couldn't POSSIBLY understand (and I do since not only was I a girl once in another life, but I was also a gymnast!).
Mostly we just didn't NEED to talk about her work on that kind of level. We talked about OTHER girls routines, we talked about the stupid blind judges, except for when she placed, then we talked about how very HARD it is to please that particular judge, we talked about pretty much EVERYTHING relating to her meets, and the sport of gymnastics EXCEPT her own routines.
And since SHE knows I think she's the most GORGEOUS athlete to ever grace the sport ANYWAY, what else is there to say?!
You're the best Y.!
:)
I don't understand what she was mad at, but then I don't really understand what you said to her. I guess it sounds like you were implying that she might not be good.
She won something. Probably you should have just said, "You won? Cool! Good for you! How exciting.!! Show me what you draw for them."
That's about what I would have said.
