What Am I Doing Wrong? - Burleson,TX

Very normal- my son is almost two and is just now back to giving me a hug when I drop him at daycare instead of running right into his teacher's arms. It broke my heart every day, but when he was really upset he wanted his mommy. This is the age when they start to separate and learn to be more independent. You're not doing anything wrong, he's just exploring and growing up!

Don't worry, you are not doing anything wrong. It is completely normal.
Since my son started daycare, there have been times he cried when I left him and times he cried when I went to pick him up, sometimes within the same day! :-)
He may be doing it to get a reaction from you too. If he sees that you become sad when he does it, he may be exploring this new power of his. I would recommend not giving any negative reaction and keep upbeat when he refuses to hug you etc. Just say you love him, blow him a kiss and leave, smiling.
He may also be acting out as you "leave" him during the day. One-on-one time and lots of cuddling during weekends and whenever you have a chance during the day should help.
This is just a phase and it too shall pass. Keep your chin up. He loves you more than anyone else, that is why he is doing this.

put down that hairshirt, you are not doing anything wrong. eighteen month
old babies realize that there is life beyond mommy, and that is actually good, doesnt feel well when it happens, but it is perfectly normal. you could be there 24 hours aday, and the child would still reach out for someone else, you see, you are the constant in the childs life, they expect you to be there.they are confident that you will be there, so therefore they then feel confident to reach out to someone else, because they know you will still be there and available.
K. h.

I haven't read all the responses but wanted to say that when my son has his feelings hurt, he can act like he isn't interested in that thing. So, he could be missing you and to cope is 'acting tough' like you're not important enough to miss.

Regardless of why, mom's are a given and a son will always love his mom. Maybe you could come up with a 'secret handshake' or maybe he shows affection in other ways besides the kisses and hugs. Watch and you will find many times he is saying "I love my mom" without actually saying it.

One last thought, maybe he needs a minute or two of reuniting before he is ready to hug.

You are not doing anything wrong. Kids are fickle. My boys are ecstatic when daddy gets home, and when we talk to grandpa and grandma, they mostly just care about grandma. Try getting your snuggly/cuddly time in before your caregiver arrives. A friend of mine went through this with her daughter, to the point that her caregiver thought there was something wrong--there wasn't. Her daughter adores her, wants mommy when they visit us, cries for her when she is sick, etc. That is great that your son loves his caregiver and that his daddy has such a great relationship with him, too. I think once they step away from us as the main source of comfort and having needs met in their infancy, they are so excited about the other people in their lives. It will pass, try not to feel bad, and love him up when he lets you.

Hi A.,

Kids switch off on who their favorite parents are and naturally get attached to a care giver who is there day after day.

There is another thing that might be bugging your baby...What kind of perfumes and soaps are you using?

It will get better...don't take it personally.

Blessings....

You aren't doing anything wrong. I've seen children switch current affections from parent to parent, parent to provider, provider back to parents etc. My grandson wants me fine when he is home all day with my mother and I. He loves to be with my daughter (his mommy) when she's home. But when grandpa gets home he's all about Grandpa. He never cries when I leave the house. But that's because I'm here 24/7 and he hardly ever looks for me and finds me gone. He cries when his mommy leaves or when grandpa leaves. He wants to be with me when he needs a diaper change or to be comforted after a boo boo or to be fed off the spoon. But he would rather be with my mother when he wants to sit and be held because she does that more often with him.

These stages will come and go and come and go again. Try not to worry about it. Just love him :)

You've had some fantastic answers from other responders which all convey that your son is normal (thank goodness!) and that in time he will "come around".

Until then, may I please suggest that you take a 30 minute "me time" break somewhere in your day and jot down 5 attributes that make you an incredibly loving mother but (even though your child cannot yet comprehend these attributes). Write down things that you "feel" deep down in your core. The next time you are feeling abandoned by your little tike (or anyone else for that matter) go to this list and revel in your outstanding characteristics as you remember how wonderfully good you are!!

How about this for starters. You rock just by reaching out to a bunch of complete strangers so that you can find answers and enhance the JOURNEY of being a mom.

Working or non working moms have the seem fear. Anyhow your doing a great job. Remember you want somebody that is bonding with your child and you feel safe with.
Keep hugging him and kissing him. This will pass. Make sure you have some routines just your son and you.
I am home full time my husband works extremely long hours for 4 1/2 mo of the yr. Especially when you kids were really young they ALL prefered their dad. Its stinks. I am the one that is home with them full time. Anyhow it doesnt' bother me anymore I am grateful they love their dad so much.

all kids seems to go through a phase like this somewhere around 18 to 2 and 1/2. Some thoughts i have is to not beg for hugs because that gives him the control and he may be manipulating you (yes they start doing that even as young as he is). My daughter went through this stage with her daddy. She would wouldn't even let him fix her a drink she wanted mommy to do it! My dr. gave me a suggestion. She said that when you are leaving say to your son. Mommy is leaving if you want to give me a hug goodbye you need to come now. then wait a few minutes, then leave whether he has given you a hug or not. That way he feels like he is not being forced to hug you. He may also be upset after you leave that he didn't get a hug which he will remember next time. The other thing we started was daddy daughter dates. Special time that just the two of them went to mcdonalds or something. Good luck and remember he will grow out of it!

It is very normal. Your son is attached to the person he shares most of his time. At his age, the playmates are his favorite people to be with and his nanny is the one, right now. Try to do games and one on one activities with your son, when it is possible to strength your relationship with him. Moms are not substitutable, regardless the nannies and dads. Kids go on different stages where they like more the classmates than moms and dads or they will like more their girlfriends than moms or dads, but they will always come back to moms and dads for advice and comfort. Just take it easy.

IF you give your baby quality time and closeness, then take this as normal. If you're around a lot more than anyone else, you are taken for granted a bit. He might resent you for leaving him behind. All the rest is normal. It won't last long. I once read that babies see their closest parent as an extension of themselves rather than a separate person. If you were out of the picture, it would be like them losing an arm or leg. They take having their arm or leg for granted now.

If you want a quicker turn around, you could try bringing occasional little, inexpensive treats (I don't mean candy) or surprises to them when you pick him up. Not regularly or that will be taken for granted too. You could leave a simple fragrant flower or wildflower with him when you go a few times a week. Be playful when you can, not just the hardworking mom who takes care of their needs and those of the house. bring out your inner child now and then. Do the unexpected now and then.

Hi A.,

I've been babysitting 4 children in France, 3, 5, 7 $ 9 years old.
Because they were all day with me, they became so attached to me that in the morning (I was live in au pair) they would call me, not their mom. They would come straight to my room, not downstairs to see the parents. During the night same thing (I wasn't in charge of them night time), but they would call me for anything. BUT, as soon as the mom started going less hours at work and when she was at home more than before, even thought I was still there, living with them, they turned to their mom.
So, no worries, the children are like that, who is most of the time with them, and who is really nice with them, they attach and love that person.
I would suggest spending all your free time with your son, the most you can, and don't worry he will turn to you!
All the best.

I know your feelings are hurt mom, but take heart. You're doing such a great job making baby feel loved, and secure in your love, that he doesn't feel the need to cling. My kids run right passed me to dad, but that's because he's a jungle gym. If they get hurt they cry for mommy. I'm ok with not being the fun one. You might ask your caregiver about the routine she has with baby and what they do that he particularly likes. If they have a dance party before nap, maybe you could incorporate dance time into your routine too. Give yourself a break sister. You're not doing anything wrong. And noone could ever take your place in your babys life.

your not doing anything wrong. my 2 yr old does this to daddy. He has to spend more time depending on her. you are home for 3-5 hrs before going to bed. She is with him 8 hrs a day. this will pass. It is normal for this age. There are days daddy can't even touch my son without him crying. and he is not hurting him. he may poke him rub his head and he starts crying. all kids do it. which parent they do it to varies and I don't know how they chose which parent they are going to do it too.

when he goes to school when he is older you will get the same thing. They don't say bye, no hug, no kiss nothing. and when they are older and you yell bye you will get the roll the eyes and mom your embarassing me. this is uncool in front of thier friends. Dont let it bother you. he knows you love him and he loves you too. hang in there.

when I was young I worked in a daycare and this happens a lot. I mean when you think about some of these full time daycare kids see us more than mommy or daddy during the week. We had some kids dropped off around 6:30 am and were picked up at 6:30 pm. Parents took them home and were with them for about an hour and 1/2 before bedtime. So yeah the kids were with us more and therefore bonded with us. I don't know how long you are gone from your son but this might the case. He is bonding to his caregiver. But in a way it's good. It sounds like he loves her and she is good to him. As he gets older he will understand more and more that you are just as important to him as Daddy and the nanny.

You aren't doing anything wrong - welcome to the joy of being a working mom. I know it sucks but it will pass, spend as much time with him as possible while you are at home - even if it is just sitting next to him in the floor while he plays. Children are very smart at a very young age, they know how to push buttons and I promise he loves you and misses you. My boys did this also, they were watched by their grandma - they would even accidentally call her mama sometimes. She was great about correcting them so you may want to discuss with your sitter how you are feeling. Just be honest and let her know how wonderful she is to provide such a caring environment that he feels so comfortable with her and ask her to help create a little hype about you coming home. You could call her when you were about to pull in and she could make a big deal about "mommy's home" - I'm sure she won't mind a bit. Hang in there, don't feel guilty or blame yourself; just continue to do the very best you can to provide him with love and support. God bless!