Separation Anxiety from My Son?

You sound like a GREAT momma to me. :)
I felt the same way with my little guy- and realize that the reason he may not seem as excited when he sees you is because he knows you are a steady constant in his life that he can rely on. :)
You'll get those reactions- especially if you end up having to go back to work.
I completely know how you feel about the separation issues. My son is 19 months and while I LOVE my alone time (when I can get it!), I always miss him terribly while I'm taking it.
I really fear that these feelings are what being a mom is about.... We grow this perfect little baby in our bellies, birth them and care for them and LOVE them with our entire being- just to watch them slowly grow up and leave.
Don't get me wrong, I know that having an independent adult is the end result we all want as parents.... but it does seem like we get the short end of the stick.
So anyway, hang in there, KNOW you are loved by this little guy and enjoy each and every day. :)

Sounds like mothers guilt. I want 'me time' and when I get it I feel guilty - I should be cleaning or cooking or doing for the family. However, I do for them all day and night long...so I do deserve me time and alone time. It is a constant battle that requires a balance.
Your son will always love you very much and you will always love him. He most likely doesn't get excited when he sees you after a short seperation b/c he expects you to be there and he knows that you will be there.
My 7 year old loves to go and wants to go with every family member to spend the night. My 3 year old doesn't want to spend the night without me. I wasn't around much with my 7 yo (working and going to school) and I was always around with my 3 yo (SAHM or working nights). Part of the difference is their personalities and I believe part is that my baby wasn't away from me for the first 18 months (breast fed).
I think it is healthy for you to get alone time and it is healthy for your son to be away from you occasionally. I think seperation anxiety starts slightly latter in his life; around the toddler age also the age when they start to cling to their special toy or blanket. It is also healthy for him to become attached to the person you leave him with. Especially when it is your hubby or family member.
What you are feeling and going through sounds extremly normal.

I do get what you are saying. I started feeling this way about my son from when he was born, basically. I remember the first time I went out to dinner without my baby (he was just a few weeks old), and I couldn't wait to get home to him!!

As a single mom, I would want a break from him, and then when he went to his grandma or another babysitter, I would miss him. And yes, when his father does visit him, they have a different relationship and they laugh a lot and have fun (my son is 3.5 now, and loves spending time with his father when he is visiting).

I still feel insecure sometimes, but I don't think that my son will love anyone like he loves me. I think every relationship we have in life is unique, and so I have learned to be happy to share my son's time with others who are important in his life. When he tells me he likes his babysitter, or misses his daddy, or loves his aunties so much, I am happy. This is healthy in terms of his ability to attach himself to other grown ups in his life. I know I'm not enough on my own to teach him about life. I figure I will always be his mommy, and along with me, he needs everyone else who is in his life, to learn whatever it is he needs to learn.

Don't worry about your son becoming "more" attached to someone else. He will always always love you, and it sounds like he is securely attached to you, and doesn't need to be needy/clingy to you. He trust his relationship to you as his primary caregiver, and he is also enjoying his other relationships. Yes, you can be selective about who gets to spend time with your baby (and he needs you to be selective at this point), but you can let him go for an hour or two sometimes and know that he is developing healthy bonds to the other important people in his life, too. And you are getting some very important "me" time, to replenish yourself, so you can be the best mommy you can be.

It's very, very common for moms to feel this way. Even when the kids are teens or young adults, some moms have separation anxiety.

It's also very common to worry that you put so much work, time, love and attention into your kid(s), but don't get the same amount back. It can be very irritating when kids just adore some aunt or sitter or grandparent because they represent nothing but fun, while you're stuck with the discipline and work.

Don't worry, though, your son will love you! If he gets to take you totally for granted, that's a good thing, because it means that you've always been there for him and he's sure that you always will be. Sometimes he'll resent you, or find you boring, or think you're the worst mom ever, but as an adult he'll recognize all that you've done for him. (And he'll be an adult a lot longer than he'll be a toddler!)

It's a mom's curse. We give and nurture and love our children and do this unconditionally with no expectations, though sometimes we wish they would show us how important we are. It happens to us all. I'm not a stay at home mom, I work full time, so you'd think I'd get a warm welcome just like everyone else. But I'm mom so I don't always. My daughter still seems to prefer her daddy to me, or her auntie or grandma etc. Sometimes it makes me feel sad, but then I remember that a mom's role can never be filled.

My daughter is 6, so you begin to notice the differences as they grow. When she was younger like your son, she did the same things he is doing. Now, on the surface, she still has more fun with dad and her eyes light up a little more when he walks in the room. But when she feels sick or sad and needs nurturing and love, she comes to me. When we were both away from her for about a week, it was me she was crying for. So even though you don't get that instant reciprocity from your child like others might get, know that you are and will always be #1.

Also, alone time is so important for you and your son. Get yourself some distance and perspective, even if it's only for an hour. It's hard at first, but trust me, it gets easier. Especially when they hit the terrible 2's and 3's!!

Good luck!

Hello, I was the same way about leaving my children. My husband and I have four who are now grown. When we had custody of one of our grandsons, I also hated leaving him. Now we have a little chihuahua and I hate leaving her. Now that is not normal. :-) It is okay to leave him with others, he will still love you and depend on you.
Good luck with your precious little boy.
K. K.

You have lots of very smart mommas responding here. You are a loving momma, and your role will NEVER be replaced. Be secure that you are the numero-uno and also be gentle on yourself that motherhood is new every day and it can feel messy and complicated. When I drop my 10 month old boy off at daycare, half of me is elated that he smiles when we get there and the other half wonders why he isn't upset to see me leave... This is normal! You're little one is lucky to have you.

I understand completely and I feel these feelings are very normal. Your baby boy loves you so very much and he is so blessed to have such a caring Mommy. There is such a special bond between Mother and Child - it's something that cannot be explained. You are his primary caregiver and he looks to you as "the one" who is always there for him. I think it is a natural reaction for him to get excited when he sees a new face. I experience the same thing with my 3 yr old daughter. My husband and I both work full time, but different hours and days. I bend over backwards for her and then when Daddy, Nana, or PawPaw walks in she is like "Mommy who". I will ask my husband to please let me just sit in the tub for just 10minutes or watch a little TV uninterrupted so I can have some time to relax and then immediatly I feel guilty. The very few times that I may have alone time to go to the mall just to browse and get away I feel like I have to hurry and get home so I can be with my baby girl. I sometimes also feel that I am the only one that can do it the right way for her. I feel like I need her more than she needs me. She finally moved from our bed to her "big girl" bed, and I now sleep with her because I love being right there by her. They grow up so fast it is depressing sometimes. My baby girl told me a couple weeks ago that when she grows up she is going to be a Mermaid and swim away but she said she will come back to visit me. (She is hooked on "The Little Mermaid" right now.) I had to leave the room so she wouldn't see me cry. There are days like you said that you feel so drained and want to just be alone and then your little one does or says something that just melts your heart all over again. I think I have learned more from her then the other way around. Take each day as it comes and remember his love for you grows stronger every day just as yours does for him! I am learning as I go with this being my first child, but I think they go through stages of being clingy to one parent vs the other. After my husband has spent the whole day with her, she wants only him to help brush her teeth, fix her drink, read her a book and I have missed her every second while at work. I want to be the one to do all these things for her and I get upset. Then she will give me a hug and tell me she loves me and I snap back in like "OK - everything is better- she needs me". I struggle letting someone else be with her also, but I think it's good for both Mommy and baby/toddler to have time with other family members. Mommies have to catch their breath and relax - it's important and healthy for everyone. Just think how it's going to be when they are 13 yrs old and don't even want us around because we are "not cool" and they "think" they know everything. I will need counseling for sure! lol.

PERFECTLY NORMAL. My sons are 10 and 12 and between homework, and sports and having to tell them to do things 100 times, I feel like they drive me crazy. However, the rare occasion that they sleep over a friends, or I go out of town, I miss them immediately and find myself walking into their room even when they aren't there.

You are feeling nervous about your son's attachment and that is normal too. Don't beat yourself up about it. Our kids should have us first on their list as far as I'm concerned because we make the biggest sacrifices for them, gladly.

I don't think there is a chance that you would be less than first place, but here are some things I suggest:

TO STAY FIRST ON HIS LIST:
1. Insert some new activities into your routine together (mommy and me swimming class, etc.). Take your time with him up a knotch.

2. Find some new noises and sounds to make while playing with him, can be a new noisy toy, or just some crazy thing you do with your mouth.

TO DEAL WITH MISSING HIM EVEN THOUGH YOU NEED TIME TO YOURSELF:
1. Start a running list of things you never have time to do but that you enjoy. These things come to you when you are drowning in motherhood "to do's" but seem to escape our minds when we get some free time. Refer to that list the minute you know you will be free. Do something from the list. It will make you more patient and loving when you return to mom duty.

2. Remember your son can detect you impatience and irritability while with him. Taking advantage of the "me time" is the best way to overcome this. Focus on that when you get time away from him.

Best wishes.

Pam A.

yeah i totally get what you are saying I think it might be sahm syndrom or something. I want space and time to myself, but I dotn want to be away from my DD I dont want to miss anything...and honestly I want to be sure she is safe at all time!! it is crazy bc of course I cant do both things!!! I only leave her w/ dad I have only left her three times w/ someone else and it was so hard and all I wanted to do is be w/ her......I have lots of other sahm that feel the same way!! I am sure, hopeful, that it will get easier and better over time.

I also had to come to terms with the fact that my daughter on the surface seemed to prefer others to me. Just know that you are his mother, you care for his needs, you've never slacked on this so he simply takes you for granted. I found that when I did do my first overnight away, it was me my daughter wanted to see, though on a day to day basis everyone was more special than "mom". As a SAHM, you have to pace yourself like a marathon taking care of your child. Dads get to come home and whoop it up. So yes, dad, and aunties, and grandmas and grandpas are special and you are just mom. I also loved the moment that someone else took over the care of my daughter, but felt left out when they had so much fun together. I'm just saying I relate to some of what you are saying and have had similar feelings. I think as your child gets older he will let you know more how much he loves you. This is not the age to have all your love reciprocated. Just know that you are the number one in his life, and just because he has more fun with dad doesn't mean he doesn't love you. If you were to die, think of how his life would never be the same. Just because he isn't old enough to put this all together, you are. Just know in your heart that your his mom, and enjoy your alone time, enjoy that he loves to play with other people. My sisters son cries if she leaves the room and while I'm sure thats very validating, she has no freedom and there is some good sides to having a less needy baby. You'll get your validation soon enough.