Ok so I asked this before.
My future mother in law wanted to throw a shower for M. and I already asked not to do the engagement party and everything else. it's her last son to get married. it's his first wedding and she doesnt have girls...only boys
I felt bad J. saying no although i found it awakrd to do this since i was married when I was 21 and had a shower over 10 years ago. i told them possibly a very small couples would be nice but not needed.
My mom, aunts, and his mom decided J. because i was married before isnt a good enough reason to say no and that i was divroced for no fault of my own and that this is his first marriage and they wanted to do this, and we J. moved and pretty much started from scratch since my ex kept the house and pretty much everything.
So now not only are they throwing one but they told M. when and where and want it at my house since noones seen our home yet.
so now i'm left feeling very akward. i let my mom knwo but she's so insanely excited to plan this with my mom and aunt. They said they wanted to keep it small and 30 or less people...all women who would be at the wedding, I'm feeling very awkward about the whole thing. I told them I am not registering no matter what.,
I'm not quite sure what to do. i dont want to rain on their parade but i feel really odd and like people will think i am out for gifts when i'm not
What would you do?
I 'm not really sure theres much i can do besides go with it and not be a party pooper
thoughts?
Graciously accept.
And then go register for things you really, truly do need.
Unless you want a drawer full of lingerie or a bunch of stuff you'll never use.
Looks like the train is already out of the station!
Be gracious, grateful and accommodating.
(If you DO register, do some non traditional stuff - outdoor gear, grill accessories, etc.)
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!
Enjoy it!!
These women are obviously excited about throwing you a bridal shower and want to celebrate your upcoming marriage.
DON'T rain on their parade.
Bask in their love for you and him and be grateful.
L.
This is your fiance's first wedding, so it's okay to have a shower! I would register because it does help people figure out what to get you.
WHAT you register for says a lot. If you're registering for gifts all $200 or more, that's a lot different than picking things you want/need in a reasonable price range. I don't find registries to be greedy at all. I do roll my eyes, however, when everything on there is way out of my price range!
Enjoy your shower!
I think it's OK too! Let the moms/aunts have their fun and plan this for you! If they aren't concerned by how it looks since you've been married before, you shouldn't be either!
Relax and try to enjoy it...and for goodness sake, REGISTER! It is your husbands first marriage!
Congrats!
Not much you can do when the mama train gets going!
Sit there and smile.
The ladies who feel awkward about it will stay home. Some will J. come to see your house. Some will enjoy the place to go with a bunch of women (the older ones). If they love you enough to come to your wedding, there is no hard feelings, they care.
M-
J. a word of advice, and not sure how to best address this, since it is at your house, and it is a bit of a "look see" for your new home, Auntie Selma might be upset if she bought you a three tier cake server when you've got one out as hostess. Favorite neighbor Pam might be upset if she buys you pig themed tea towels only to learn that you are really into sunflowers or roosters.
Register. People like to have some direction and like to feel that their money was well spent and their gift well received.
Good luck,
F. B.
In this scenerio, I think I'd J. go along with it. The moms are excited and turning them down could create some unnecessary ill-will.
Have fun with it! You're not the one planning it or anything - they are. You're J. the guest of honor. In that regard, see if they want to move it somewhere that you J. have to show up for instead of clean for (in your own house). I would probably feel more weird about the shower being at my own house eventhough they are hosting.
Good luck! Don't stress and have fun with it
My goodness. These people love you and are excited to do this for you!! This is a wonderful time in your life, LET them and go with a smile on your face. You aren't using anyone or being greedy. Other people want to celebrate with you. Be HAPPY you have people in your life who want to share this joy.
Lighten up. Have fun. This is so not something to feel weird about.
**Bad typo. I accidentally typed "you are using anyone or being greedy." So sorry, I totally meant aren't. You are NOT being greedy!!!!
Sit back, smile and say thank you! Enjoy the moment. You are very lucky to have folks that want to do this. Your future MIL is excited. It is his first marriage.
They are excited for you getting married let them do this for you. If someone doens't want to get you a gift they wont. It's about celebrating the couple not J. the gifts!!!!
In most cases, I would be like you and not want a shower or big celebration because it is your 2nd wedding.
However, it sounds like you have a sweet fiance with a very supportive family and they want to do something for you like it or not. So with that in mind, I would go along as low key as possible and let them have the celebration for his 1st wedding!
I like it as a meet and greet with no gifts please.... this sends the clear message of a true celebration and that you are not looking for gifts, etc. Of course, some people will give you something, J. be gracious and make sure you follwoup swiftly with a thank you note!
Congratulations!
As long as they only invite people who know your heart and know that you're not a gift grabber, I'd go ahead with having it at your home. If they are going to be inviting people who'd judge you, I'd ask for a neutral location. I'd probably ask them to keep it intimate.
If it were M., i'd change it from a "shower" to a no gift meet and great. Unless you truly don't own household times. Otherwise its tacky.
I would go with it. I think it is pretty cool they are doing this for you. I would also register. Enjoy this time with your family and your family to be.
Many blessings
I think it's okay! I get what you're saying, but honestly, I really think it's okay to have a shower in this circumstance and I don't think most people will think you're out J. for gifts. You don't say how long you've been divorced, etc. but it sounds like you were married pretty young and I do think that does make a difference.
As far as registering...do you have a lot of stuff? Do you have dishes, etc. that you would be using? If not, then I do think you need to consider registering. I would maybe make a limited registry for things you really, really need like dishes, towels, maybe sheets but not make a huge list because honestly, people who are coming to both the shower and the wedding are going to be buying you things so you might as well direct them at least a bit. Plus, if you register at one main place (and I'd keep it to one) like Bed Bath and Beyond or Macy's or even Target you'll get plenty of gift cards for that place too and can get some other things you may want.
I'd say your lucky! I wish I had a wedding, wedding shower or some sort of celebration. I'd say go with it even if you feel uncomfortable. You will want to remember this day as a beautiful new start no matter what. Nothing better than a celebration. You might regret it down the road. ;-)
Showers are a celebration. Those who are concerned about the gifts, whether the giver or receiver, have lost the point of it all. There's absolutely no reason why you shouldn't celebrate this union as much as any other! This is your marriage that I assume you will be in for the rest of your life. Celebrate it! It seems like you're fighting it ever step of the way because you're worried about what other people "might" think. You're also giving the impression that this marriage doesn't seem as important to you as it does to everyone else... and you're the bride! It doesn't matter if this is his first and your second, or third... this is your wedding! Celebrate it! The same goes for baby showers. The first isn't more important than any others. Celebrate! Get into the feeling and spirit of YOUR wedding.
K. B
mom to 5 including triplets
You mentioned that you moved. Would that mean most of the guests were not at your first shower/wedding? You also mentioned that you are starting from scratch. So you do need things, right? I would J. go with it. If most guest were not at the first one, I really wouldn't worry. If some people were at the first, you could say something like since you were a guest at my first wedding/shower, please don't feel obligated to get a gift. We would be so happy for you to J. come celebrate with us. That way if they really want to get you something they can, but they won't feel obligated. You know, "Your presence is our present" kind of thing. Stop feeling guilty about the whole thing and J. enjoy it. Congratulations and best wishes!
Trust M., I completely understand your awkwardness. That being said (well, written, in this case), you need to play along. They are excited for you, and that will carry over to anyone else who is so inclined. His family is celebrating his first wedding, and your family will most certainly understand your situation.
I know that others have suggested registering, and I'm torn in this case. We only registered (almost 15 years ago) for things that needed to match, such as china and flatware. However, we all know that times have changed. Gift registries are common for every little occasion nowadays, and no one but M. seems to consider them tacky. If you truly do need some basic household items, I don't think people consider registering to be in bad taste. In my opinion, bad taste is when your registry is loaded with high end or luxury appliances (like the rice cooker that gets used once a year or the $400 ice cream machine) because your kitchen is already well stocked. J. use your judgment. Of course, you could also mention a few gift ideas to both moms and skip the registry completely.
EDIT: I J. thought of one other reason to re-think the registry boycott. Some traditionalists, like M., consider it tacky to give money as a wedding gift. If you don't let people know what you really need, you should probably be prepared to get some "gifty" items like vases, photo frames, etc.
