Bridal Shower Second Wedding?

If someone wants to throw you a shower, accept graciously.

ETA: And who cares if some think it's tacky or talk about you on Facebook? They don't have to come.

Can you ask her to make it J. an informal gathering and no gifts? J. something to celebrate the fact you guys are getting married?

I'd let her throw the party!

NO NO NO! That was actually something I did put my foot down on. I knew I couldn't control people giving M. wedding gifts but there was no way someone was going to throw M. a shower....

A shower is to set you up in the new home, are you living together in a home?

Swear to ya if you did people would either decline or talk about you on Facebook. *rememberMolly'sdiscussion?*
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I forgot about it being his first but still, it isn't his shower...unless you do couples but then if you call it a shower...and he still lives with you.

Nope, still going with nope. But this time no caps.

what a wonderful future MIL! How kind of her. She knows you're having groomsmen only & she's offering to throw a party for you!

my vote: a bbq or backyard party....designated as a couple's shower. :)

You would not be "blowing it off" if you suggested a celebratory luncheon/dinner for ladies only.

ETA: And we were setting up house. We had J. moved back from Europe....

I had a bridal shower for my second wedding.

You are older, wiser - this marriage deserves to be celebrated...

J. like baby showers...each child deserves to be welcomed...does it have to be big and splashy? Nope.

Your mother in law is wanting to do this - go for it!! It doesn't have to be big...even if it was 4 or 5 people - that's fine! You are celebrating something GOOD!!!

Congratulations!

Chances are you don't need kitchenware, etc., but you could probably use new towels or a bedding set.

I love Sue's idea of a couples shower, or maybe even a lingerie shower (depending upon your comfort level with your future MIL).

I can't remember, but is this his first wedding???

I totally understand your hesitation as I've said no to a shower. At the same time, I don't know if I could say no to my future MIL or his family without somehow offending them. If its his first wedding, then a shower is perfectly acceptable and no more issues. If its his second also, I like the idea of a couples shower. Other ideas: lingerie shower, recipes shower (everyone brings their favorite recipes) or cleaning (bring favorite cleaning products/tips).

When I was about to have my second child my BFF wanted to do something for M., but of course a full on shower didn't seem appropriate. So she organized a nice dinner party with my closest friends, sister, aunt and cousin. She sent cute invites, and had a cake at the restaurant, and of course people gave M. gifts, but there was no registry or anything. It was J. a nice, smaller scale celebration.
I think doing something similar would be appropriate for a second wedding. Let your MIL organize a nice party, J. keep it small, and I would NOT register for gifts. That's something a young bride does, to set up her home. Older women with established homes and families who do this J. seem, well, greedy, to M.. It J. seems tacky, IMO.
The most important thing is that you've found real and lasting love the second time around, congrats!!!
ETA: I don't think it matters that it's HIS first wedding, I mean aren't showers usually for women? I know some people have coed showers now, is that what your MIL has in mind?

I'm voting "tacky" on this idea.
UNLESS future MIL is on board for a VERY small, tasteful luncheon at her house with your future family members, your mom, aunt, etc.

Is this her son's first marriage? If so, I would feel kind of badly not letting her throw a shower...if she wants to and is excited. Remember, your mom got to do this once before. She got to experience all the little first time wedding things. Perhaps, his mom wants to be able to do that as well?
Of course, I say this from the perspective that he's never been married AND she REALLY wants to throw you one. (Not J. being polite to you by offering.) I get why you don't want one, but I'd bite my lip if she was extremely enthused and let it happen.

If she is J. being nice, simply decline. Say something like, "I don't think we need a shower, but I would really appreciate your help with _________." J. keep her involved. She is probably J. being kind and wants to continue being a part of the planning.

Let her do it, and maybe ask her to make a family-only affair. She probably J. wants to show you off to your soon-to-be inlaws. Besides, everyone can use new sheets, towels, etc. at any time.

Since it is his first wedding, I would agree to the shower. If you are feeling awkward about it being a 2nd shower, I would J. invite people (family and friends) who were not invited to the first one. Or if you do invite some that were at the first one, make it clear to them that you do not expect a gift, but would enjoy their presence at this shower. If they choose to bring a gift, that is very nice of them, if not, that is acceptable too!

If this is HIS first wedding, I think it is okay to have the same things. I also think that it is respectful to keep them low key as well. I would let Future MIL throw you a wedding shower, ask that it is kept low key since this is not your first and you do not want guests to think you have no class at all. Also make it clear that you are not requesting another shower be thrown, it is being done FOR you and again, keep it low key. I think it can be done well with out guests who were at your first wedding thinking you are looking for a gift grab at this wedding. In fact, I do not think I would even mention gifts anywhere and allow the guests to inqure and make choices - keep this about the celebration.

J. invite the women on his side and your mom and aunt from your side. And anyone you've met along the way that want at your first one. Do a small registry. I don't think it's tacky. His mom is excited and deserves to give you a shower.

Congrats!!

I agree with the couple's shower. But if your MIL thinks that's too weird then I think a regular shower is J. as good! Enjoy it and don't let the fact that this is your second time around overshadow it :)

Considering that this is his first wedding, then I would do a shower. I would really reign-in your guest list and registry, though. Think of things that you will actually need day-to-day. I would invite the women who will be invited to the wedding and suggest something elegant and "non traditional"... maybe a cocktail party at your MIL's home or at an upscale bar/lounge with appetizers and no games?

You probably aren't going to do a bachelorette this time around either, so having drinks and appetizers with the ladies (who can stay long after the "party") can lend itself nicely to an evening with your friends.

Only married once, we were both older, 33 and 34 when we first married, and had already fitted out our apt. I declined a wedding shower, but did a registry, and accepted a baby shower down the line.

Nothing wrong with a co-ed shower in my opinion. Cocktails and tapas. Unwrapped gifts only, and set on a table so everyone can see what has been so generously gifted. No unwrapping necessary. Send everyone home with a bottle stopper and/ or a clever set of paper cocktail napkins.

Good luck to you and yours,
F. B.

PS- I had groomsmen too.

if it his first wedding by all means let his family throw a shower. but don't invite all your people from the first shower. have his family and your mom / aunt. if you have a really close girlfriend I would invite her. but you should not invite anyone who is not invited to the actual wedding.

Here's what I would tell her, if it's his first wedding.

I would love to do a couple's shower. You know, stuff for the house, but I don't need a bridal shower so much, I have all the sexy stuff I need at home already.

A bridal shower is for giving the bride girly "bride" things. Of course you don't need one for that.

A wedding shower is for the house/couple. That's appropriate for his family to do if it's his first wedding. If he's been married or had a big blow out wedding before then I'd say thanks but no thanks.

There is nothing wrong with you having a bridal shower. J. register for stuff you need or want and if people want to get you something they can. It's not all about the gifts it's about celebrating the couple!!!

When I married for the 2nd time, and I was protesting a shower, especially since we were older and had two of everything. Close friends told M.: "It is our decision to shower you with love, and that's what we want to do, so please let us." How could I argue? They made it a lingerie and linen party, which worked out great.

My husband wanted the princess wedding, I wanted to elope. He was 'supposed' to have 12 groomsmen (ugh!!!) and we got it down to 5. I had 5 bridesmaids, but one of them was going thru three horrible events and couldn't take on my wedding, I chose not to replace her. The 5th groomsmen walked my mom (since my dad died before the wedding) down the aisle as we all exited. It worked out nicely.

With the right attitude about loving each other, and wanting to celebrate your love and future, it will all work out and be lovely. Good luck!

Is it the party or the gifts that make you feel uncomfortable? Does mom want to throw a party or does she think that you two need gifts? If it's to celebrate your upcoming nuptials, perhaps a tea or cocktail hour would be a nice compromise. If the gift idea is what makes you squirm, perhaps you stipulate that people don't bring gifts? I know that people often disobey that, but at least that's their choice and not yours. You could also choose not to register for gifts or wait until after the party to register. Dunno if that helps...

Let her throw you a shower. I happily went to my friend's second shower. (She was divorced too) If someone thinks it is that tacky, they can decline the invitation. Have fun!