Wear a Ring Even Though I'm Not Married.

No, I do not think you should buy or wear a ring. I did interviewing many, many years ago and I NEVER NEVER looked at a persons ring finger, nor did I care if they were married, had kids etc.

If you think wearing a ring will keep an interview going in the right direction then I say by all means wear the ring!!!!

A ring doesn't equal married, so wear one for whatever reason you want. You aren't being dishonest. Dishonest would be if you tell the interview you are married when you are not. Besides not every married woman wears a wedding ring. I know a few women who are happily married and don't wear a ring.

As a recruiter, i can tell you the interviews probably aren't fizzling because you aren't married. That's the excuse you use because you aren't seeing the big picture.

I think wearing a ring to make people think you are married is a form of lying...it's deceitful and if I found out you weren't married and giving me the impression you were? I wouldn't hire you...I would feel like we already started out with a negative....hard to come back from that..

You don't say what you do and you don't say how many interviews you have been on...

The interviews could fizzle because of many different reasons.....
1. You aren't a "fit" for them/
2. Your experience isn't as strong as your resume implies.
3. You've only been a SAHM for 2 years...are you in it for the long haul or is this a temporary fix to get your family through the "tough" times...so they spend the money to train you and then in six months to a year - you leave again to stay home with the kids...
4. You may be well-written but not well spoken...many hiring managers are turned off when their interviewee says "hhhhmmm" or "ummm" too much in an interview...doesn't look them in the eyes or has a "limp" hand shake...yeah - a limp hand shake can turn a person sour...sorry - it's true.

So go back to the recruiter who called you in for your last interview and ask for pointers...ask for what MIGHT have been a negative...some recruiters will tell you straight up....

So bottom line? I wouldn't wear a ring to an interview...in my opinion it implies deceit.

I don't think you are being honest with yourself as to why the interview goes down hill. It is that you are telling them you were a stay at home mom. That says to them you may do it again.

Think about it this way, and this is not meant to dig at you, what does it say? You stopped working because you have kids, you are now looking to work again because you need money. What if you don't need the money anymore? They feel you will quit, you appear to have no commitment to working.

I don't think the lack of personal commitment really factors in but if it does it is secondary.

So add to that fake married which they will find out as soon as they hire you how long do you think you will last at that job?

Please know I am not judging you, I am just trying to give you an idea of what they are thinking.

Finding a new job is all about marketing and advertising. You need to find new language to explain you hiatus from the workplace beyond being a stay at home mom. You may also consider doing some kind of volunteering or training program or freelancing or consulting opportunities to get your resume and work experience back up to current day standards. Then perhaps wether or not you are married or single you will be more competitive in the workplace.

Michigan is still pretty coservative socially in most areas, especially somewhere like Marquette. So, I understand where you're coming from. I would agree with the poster that says to wear a ring and call your significant other a fiance. This way your status jives with paperwork for the job.

Put it on, girlfriend.

$50 for a plain whitegold band.

Fashion statement & financial protection. Then at LEAST you know you're hired on your own merits and not other people's prejudices.

((When in mesoamerica I used to wear a ring, even though I wasn't married. It was/is considered protection. It's just OPENLY acknowledged as protection, rather than shoved under the rug. Ironically, now that I AM married I don't wear a ring.))

I believe when you have to fill out your paperwork for taxes they will know you lied. If you want to start out a new job that way, go for it.

If you want to say you have a fiance, then you could do that, and that would explain why you wont be checking off the married section for how you will file your taxes.

Good Luck with what you decide. And I know you didnt want this kind of answer but, if you are a strong enough person to not question why you are not married, why would you worry about what people at your job think? Maybe things are a lot different in MI than they are in MA, but I feel like it should be a non-issue.

In your interview you don't say that you have kids. That is information they are not allowed to ask. If they ask you what you have been doing for the past two years, say "Personal reasons" or something like that.

Hi crunchy mama-

I am not married to my significant other, pete. But when he was diagnosed with cancer in 2008, I did get rings for us both...celtic bands that matched...as a commitment to 'get thru' chemo/radiation/surgery. I had medical power of attorney, but I found the rings avoided many nosy questions during a very stressful time.

I am more committed to pete than I ever was to my ex...I CHOOSE to stay each day...and not out of some sense of obligation if that makes sense at all.

For me, it is an outward sign of our love...AND it does keep invasive questions at bay...

Just my opinion
michele/cat

First, As for the discussion about the tax paperwork. I've worked as an HR Manager. The only person who should see your paperwork is the one HR person who asks you to fill it out, and possibly one more HR administrative person who enters the info into a system. HR people deal with confidential information all the time. We risk being fired for sharing unnecessary personal information about employees.

Second, as long as you don't say "I am married", and why would this topic come up in an interview anyway, as it's illegal for them to ask, you aren't lying. Where is there a law that a gold or silver band worn on a particular finger is an indication of anything legal?? We can wear whatever rings we want to, on whichever finger we choose. Some cultures, in this country, wear rings to signify engagement/marriage, and some don't.

Wear a ring if it makes you feel more comfortable, and therefor more confident in your interviews. Good luck!

Slightly dishonest?
Is it more dishonest than for judging you as a single mom?

ETA: As for the tax thing, I believe you can claim whatever status you want on your tax form.....no biggie.

If you feel like it will make things more comfortable, or will give oyu more confidence in the interview, why not? It can be a promise type of ring. Will it make things awkward between you and your boyfriend? The truth will eventually come out when you sign the paper work/taxes/benefits and such, so that could be awkward with a future employer. It's up to you to build a working relationship based on assumed dishonesty.

Really though, it's so common to be a single mom, and many women don't wear rings anyways, even those who are married. I wonder why the interviews are fizzling after the stay at home part, maybe there is something else? I don't think it is because of the ring.

WHAT??!!! Who the heck...What? What type of jobs are these that care if you wear a ring or not? Or are married or not? Are you there to prove you can do their job or to prove to them you're married? I do NOT get it. IF you think anyone is not hiring you because you may not be married....I'd think about looking elsewhere for a job. What kind of problems did you have being a single mom? You need a different profession!
On the other hand, if you're in a committed relationship and living with the father of your child, wear a ring. Lot's of people wear rings. You don't need permission to wear a ring. Maybe they are picking up on your being paranoid and defensive or something! (joking) Maybe if you think you're hiding a dirty secret, it's affecting your confidence....wear a ring. Or don't. Don't sweat it.

For the record, I am married, I never wear a ring, and it's nobody's business. And there has never been an issue with people asking my status or snubbing me when I'm out with my kids and no ring. Or maybe I just don't notice it. Lucky for them. Because I WILL throw a stone back at a glass house if I have to.....

If you're not married why would you wear a ring? As a side note why aren't you married? If you have a stable relationship with your children's father and are living together what's holding you up? Even if you are married not all married people wear their rings even though I think they should. Stop worrying about the quizical looks and ignore it.

I don't recall anyone looking at my finger when I applied for jobs as a single mom. But if it makes you feel more confident, wear a ring. As for it being dishonest, I say, "Meh." It's a piece of jewelry. What conclusions people draw from it are their problem, not yours.

If you think that the absence of a ring is something that could make your life worse at work, then get a cheap ring from a costume jewelry shop. It really is about your comfort level. Also, have you discussed this with your live in boyfriend? This is something that he might have a problem with. As for my husband and I, we don't wear rings, so I know where you are coming from.

I wonder if the interview fizzles bc you say you were a SAHM, they look at your finger which indicates you're not married and they assume you recently got a divorce. And they may be wary of that in terms of thinking it's all new to you so there will be personal issues going on or maybe it's not even final so again, potential custody issues etc that will distract you. So maybe that's more the issue?...

you know i used to say that all the time, "i'm going to start wearing a ring around my finger, this is ridiculous", when i was pregnant. i still say it some times, just from all the stares my son and i get out in public. i totally understand what you are going through, and i mean i know it's dishonest, but i would do it if it means getting a job. i have been living with my boyfriend for 4 years now and our son is 8 mos old. we have never thought marriage is important, mostly good for tax reasons, so we never got married. i got pregnant when i was working and you wouldn't believe how many people tried to convince me that i needed to get married because i was pregnant! i think a lot of people thought of me in a bad way because we weren't married so i think wearing a ring would greatly improve your situation. i've since just started referring to my boyfriend as my husband when i introduce him to aquaintances, it makes things easier and we love each other just the same.

I don't really see it as dishonest (except in the fact that your only reason for wearing one is to have the lable of being married) but many women wear a ring on the ring finger who are not married.

Is my husband dishonest because he doesn't wear a wedding ring. if he goes to a bar is it being dishonest, or if he applies for a job is he being dishonest (by telling others he is "not married") I don't think so. If you wanna wear a ring then by all means wear one!!

I think it is fine for you to wear one. Heck, I used to wear one before I got engaged to keep the creepy guys from hitting on me at the restaurant/bar I worked at.

Go ahead and get the ring. And actually, if you both consider yourselves committed to each other, maybe get rings together. Don't even have to be expensive, but why not make it a gift to each other?

What a shame that people judge you b/c you are not married to your kid's dad. It's none of their business is it -- they should care if you show up on time and dress appropriately etc. I say if you want to wear a ring, wear one. Call him your fiancee. I have a friend who's not legally married to the father of her kids (married, divorced, now living as one big happy family, yet not remarried). She wears a wedding ring on her ring finger. I am not sure if he wears one. Would your kid's dad mind you wearing one?

The only backfire I see would be if you are interested in dating other guys. I would like to belive that most guys would see a ring on your finger and walk the other way. Is that okay with you? To not be approached my an eligible guy b/c of the ring?

People need to stop being so judgemental.
If it makes you feel more comfortable, wear a ring. I wore a ring long before I was "really" married. Even now, my marriage is only valid in a few states because I happen to be married to another mama! I wear my ring every day and consider myself married. You don't have to say you are married. You can list yourself as single. But if the rings keep you from being judged, do for it. :)

Sure, wear a ring. It really is none of their business. If it will make things easier I would do it. Good luck! :)

An ex coworker of mine wore one when she was pregnant and a waitress. She said that she got tipped less when people realized she wasn't married yet she was pregnant.

I say that if it makes your life easier, you should buy a ring :)

Sure, wear a ring. Your marital status is nobody's business, and there's no law against wearing a ring on your left ring finger if you're single.

I wear a ring and i live in sin. LOL I feel the same way even in these days people still look down on unwed mothers. Even tho it happens all the time. I have 3 kids with their dad and have been together for 13 yrs.
I just think it is easier to let people assume that we are married but in our house it is no secret and the kids know.