Weaning at 20 Months... Any Advice?

Hi D.,

I am going through the same thing with my 14 month old. I would do it longer but since he likes to bite now, I just cant.

My son has slept with me and his father since day one, My husband doesnt agree with it, but I enjoy sleeping next to my baby.
I dont really have any advice, I just wanted to let you know I am in the same boat as you.

Good luck

Don't let anyone make you feel guilty for nursing your babies! I think it's absolutely wonderful that you have provided such an amazing source of nutrition and comfort for your little ones and have stuck with it so long.

Sleep IS a wonderful thing, though, isn't it? :) When I was ready to wean my almost-2-year-old (who is now 13!!!), he was a little resistant. I started talking to him about it, explaining that he was getting to be such a big boy that soon he wouldn't need that anymore, and that soon we'd get him a big-boy sleep helper. About a week later, I took him to Walmart and helped him pick out a new sleep helper (he chose a small stuffed rabbit). Each night from then on when he requested to nurse, I would say, "Oh yes! We do need a sleep helper, don't we? Let's go find bunny!" We'd get bunny and sit in our chair together and either have a story or song while we cuddled together with bunny. When I would tuck him in, I would kiss and hug bunny also and remind bunny that it was his job now to help Caleb fall asleep and to keep him company tonight, and if Caleb should wake up during the night, bunny should let Caleb rub his soft ears until he felt ready to fall back asleep.

Of course, if Caleb cried out I would go to him and either stroke his back while he snuggled bunny or sit in the chair together until he was calmed. They are little for so short a time, in the grand scheme of things, so I say love on 'em while they'll let you!

God bless,
T.
http://www.bornagainresale.net

Well the good news is that you already are weaning them--they nurse much less than they used to I bet! If you just can't stand it anymore then you have to quit. Follow these other ladies' advice. But make sure you're not weaning because you think you should or you think they're too old. They stll get nutritional and immune system benefit from breast milk and they still get very valuable comfort from it. Let me tell you what a blessing it is to be nursing when you have a very sick child. She gets fluids, antibodies and comfort all at the same time. Consider also that if they are ready to fully wean it will be pretty easy for them to give up nursing. If they are not ready they will cry and whine and cling and generally be very upset. If that happens, I would suggest that you wait a few more months and try again. It'll be easier on them and on you.

first of all I would not worry about what other people think. Co-sleeping is a very natural thing. I have done it with both of my children. I decided to start weaning my first child because I was pregnant with my second child. The boy (#1) loved to nurse, and I waited until he was a little over a year (3/4 months pregnant). I started by giving him a bottle in the night when he woke up. I would nurse him a couple times a day and bottle at night to start the weaning. Then it went to just bottles, then water in the bottle at night (making it less desirable) and now it is just the binky and he doesn't wake up to eat anymore. Though he is two years old..I think it stopped around a yr. 1/2.
Good luck!

I didn't wean my son until he was 3, so I don't have the perfect advice for your situation. However, when I stopped nursing my son at night it took 3-4 days of simply refusing to nurse him. It was quite hard because I didn't have a man around to help. In you case you should have your husband get up and soothe them back to sleep for a few nights until they get used to sleeping the whole night through. It's only 3-4 rough nights to be able to get a whole nights sleep. As for the day feedings, you just simply start refusing one or two feedings a day (replace with juice, water, etc) until you've stopped all together. My son got the picture quickly enough (in about a week).

Also, CONGRATS on breast-feeding twins for so long. It sounds to me like you've done everything you could to make healthy, happy babies. :)

First off I want to say kudos to you!! Breastfeeding for 20 months on demand is no easy task for one child, let alone for twins. I commend you for tandem nursing and following your childrens cues :)

As for the weaning. I have been through this several times myself and each child has weaned differently. My 7 yo had to have a bottle in order to wean off the breast as he still needed the sucking comfort even at 33 mths old. But as i was tandem nursing his younger sister I was getting worn out and needed one of them to wean. His sister self weaned cold turkey 5 months later at 19 mths old. My youngest child was just weaned 2 months ago. She has a huge vocabulary so it was easier to talk to her about the process. I first told her that "deedee" (her name for breasts/nursing) had owies and they hurt so I needed her to let them rest. I then made sure to always sleep in a shirt and bra since we cosleep. The first 2-3 nights were the hardest and we would walk the floor or rock in the rocking chair until she fell asleep. But she quickly started sleeping without those as long as she was still able to get the snuggle comfort she needed. When she started asking for deedee after a week of this I let her know that they were all gone now, the milk was empty. As attached to nursing as she was it was a fairly painless process to wean her.

So I guess my advice is take it slowly, try cutting out just 1 nursing session at a time. have daddy help with bedtime since they seem to be ok with someone else rocking them to sleep. Discover other ways to soothe and relax them for bedtime like a warm bath with lavender, baby massage, rocking or walking in a dim room etc.

Middle of the night wake ups will slowly ease up as you cut out the bedtime nursing. The middle night times may be the hardest for them and you but it should pass quickly. Be consistent, still give them plenty of snuggles and comfort and you will all make it through this just fine. Good luck :D

When I started weaning my son at 12 months, he was still waking up once to comfort feed. After weaning him off the day feedings, one at a time, we started on the night feeding. I had read that to wean them off the night feeding, start reducing the time you feed by one minute every couple of days. This worked until I tried under 4 minute feedings. He just wouldn't go back to sleep. I asked my pediatrician for advice, he has 3 small children himself. He said the only way to do it at this point is to cut him off. So, as hard as it was, I did.

This was also the time that he was becoming attatched to his blanket...transitional objects are very helpful.

When he woke up in the middle of the night, I would go in and hold him and rock him. The first couple of nights were hard, but he soon stopped waking up at all, and since then, most nights he sleeps without waking up.

There is nothing wrong with continuing to breast feed. I am a firm believer in doing what works for you and what is comfortable for you. If you are ready to be done, then it is time, especially if they don't need it for nutrition any more. If they drink whole milk, give them a warm bottle or sippy while you rock them, tell them stories and/sing them songs...Basically create a new bedtime routine. While they may resist at first, keep on it...making slight adjustments to perfect it...and it will come within days.

Remember, you are the parent, be firm, and reassure them that you are still their mom, and you still love them. They are just growing up, and this is part of the process...just like sleeping in their own beds. (I stay in the room with my kids until they are back to sleep, but they don't get to come to bed with us, because no one gets good sleep when that happens)

My son weaned about 21 months, so I know what you mean. I started taking away nursing sessions for sleeping, starting with naps, then gradually took it away for night-time feedings, I would let him nurse any other time except to go to sleep, he didn't want it except to go to sleep, so virtually weaned himself. They just need some other form of comfort. My son is a thumb sucker, so it was a pretty easy transition, but a lovey or blankie would work too.

Hi D.,

First I want to send out my congratulations! You are super mom! Breastfeeding twins for 20 months and still going! You are awesome! I know that can't be easy.

My daughter is 18 months and we are in the exact same situation. All I have to say is that co-sleeping and breastfeeding are fantastic tools for helping your children feel safe, secure, confident and independent. Whatever you do, choose a method you are comfortable with and be consistent. The key to anything with children is consistency. They feel safe and comfortable when they know what is going to happen, so the first week or two it will be difficult, but once they realize this is the new pattern, they will accept it!

Since you have the same issue of them being able to sleep with someone else, but needing to BF when with you, this is what we have done to start the separation. My husband now put our daughter to bed at night. She cries when she is over-tired, so it's been important for us to make sure we get her to bed on time and then she will fall asleep a lot faster and easier. This allows me time to clean-up and get ready for bed while he puts her down. Then I can go to bed and get 2-4 hours of great sleep before she wakes to nurse. Many nights we are now going for 4-6 hours straight before nursing.

The next step we are working towards is setting a no nursing at night routine. So we will let her know she doesn't get to nurse between the hours of 11 pm and 6 am. ANytime until then is okay and anytime afterwards is okay. But, for all of us to sleep better, she will need to accept this new rule.

For more on this, you should look up www.drsears.com he is an advocate of co-sleeping and breastfeeding and he has a lot of wonderful advice for parents in our situation.

None of my kids have nursed that long (so far; number four is 14 months right now and is still going strong) but I read something in a book that might help. The mom in this instance had a 30-month-old and was about to have another baby so felt like she needed to wean the older sibling. They planned a "weaning party", complete with cake and balloons, maybe even candles. Then, when her daughter saw the baby nursing or asked to nurse, her mom said, "You don't do this anymore--remember your party?" By making it a celebration, it seemed more "official" or something.

Otherwise, I'd start by taking out their naptime feeding first. That way, you aren't (quite!) as tired and won't cave into the pressure as easily. With my kids, giving them a cup of milk right before seemed to help. And, much as I hated it, I eventually got to the point where I had to let them cry or I would go crazy from sleep deprivation. It only took a few times before they learned to put themselves to sleep. Nighttime is much harder because of the cumulative effect of so many nights without good sleep, and I can't even begin to imagine twins--! Hurray to all the mothers of multiples out there! I can barely handle one at a time.

Good luck! You can do it--YOU'RE THE MOM!

Hi! It sounds like I was in the same boat w/ you just a little while ago. I have a 15 mo old daughter that was recently weaned for similar reasons. I was ready to start weaning her so that I could sleep at night- but she was not really that ready yet. However, I knew if I kept breastfeeding she might not readily stop for years. So, to decrease the nasty crying fits of rage brought about by "just cutting her off" (which a friend suggested and obviously did not work for her or us)- I started to decrease feeding time. Part of the decrease was to just stop offering it and to let her tell me when she wanted it. Then I slowly stopped feeding her at nap time and gave her a bottle instead or just read to her/ rocked her to sleep. There were still crying fits, of course, but not as bad. When it was obvious that she wanted breastmilk, I tried to explain that she could have it later. I felt that cutting her off at night was a bit much while decreasing it in the day time since she would wake up alone in her crib. She was a bit more needy during that time and did wake up a bit more at night- more or less for comfort and to be reassured that the breast was still there. After a while, I did the same method for cutting back on feeding her at night. We still allow her to fall asleep, put her in the crib and when she wakes up we bring her to bed w/ us. That way she is still comforted and knows she is safe. Just keep it slow and reinforce using something else for comfort. I know it must be frustrating w/ two in that they wake up at different times and respond differently to what is offered. So the sleepless nights will still exist for a while longer, but it will eventually end.
Just hang in there, stay patient and savor the moments you have still feeding them. What I experienced was that even though part of me wanted to stop breastfeeding- I really missed it when it was over. That was something only I could offer, it was a special time together and in some ways, it kept her as still a baby in my eyes. But even though breastfeeding is over for us, I know that I am still offering her the love and attention that only a parent can give. We still have our special time together and it is a joy to see her thrive and grow into toddlerhood.
I wish you the best of luck! Keep hanging in there and just do what feels right for you and your twins. It's nice to have this forum to chat and hear others advice or experience- but really, it's up to you to do what feels right and works for you and your family.

My daughter is 15 months and I am trying to wean her now. She also likes to fall asleep nursing and wakes up at night. At nap time I just told her no nursing she fusses and tries to lift up my shirt after about 5 min she'll settle down touch my back or bare belly and fall asleep. We're still working on night time but we're trying slowly and eliminate nursing for night wakeups before the bedtime nursing.

J.

This will be easier than you think. I did extended breastfeeding with all three of my children with weaning between 2 and 3 years. When they are older like that I think it is a bit easier because you can talk to them about it and explain it. My third was a little more resistant and not showing he wanted to stop either - and, just like you, it was only at bedtime and nap time. I decided I was really done so I told him one night I couldn't because I had an "owie" and of course he wanted to see it so I said it was on the inside and the doctor said I had to wait and couldn't nurse (yes I know I am a chicken and blamed the doctor :) ) The first night at bedtime he cried 15 fifteen minutes....some nights he wakes and wants to nurse but I just would lie down with him and snuggle him up and he would fall back asleep instantly. The second night he cried maybe 5 minutes, 3rd night no crying but still asked to nurse, 4th night I asked him if he wanted me to rub his back (this is after 5 books of trying to get him to sleep) to which he replied "Me can't nurse anymore, you can't rub back now, I have an an owie too" So I knew he totally got it and that was it. He woke once that night and did not ask to nurse. With twins I can imagine this will be a little harder, also with them in their cribs. If you plan on moving them to beds soon you could wait and do it then - mine all moved from our bed when they were two but I know you are also wanting to stop now and when you feel that why, like I have, you don't enjoy it anymore. And I just wanted to say, I had lots of unsolicited advice from people as well on nursing to sleep and the family bed - all worked well for us and never had any trouble moving any to their own bed. You just go with your gut and do what works for you and your family. Good luck!

hi darcy--
great job, BF-ing twins this long is definately NOT the easy way to go these days--not alot of social support for it. i commend you--and i hope you won't regret a single minute of it--like someone else said to you, you can't ever get that time back.
i think you can wean these guys without too much hassle, if you do like you've been doing--child-led. certainly they don't "need" the nutrition, although, don't get me wrong--it's still great stuff. but i caution you about what you replace feedings with. i would NOT start bottles at this time, use a cup instead. additionally, i would NOT be using juice, since we're seeing SO much more childhood diabetes as of late--people are juicing their kids to death! don't get into the habbit of giving juice everytime your kiddos fuss. there's nothing wrong with a sip or 2 of water for nighttime fussies, along with a good snuggle or backrub. and you didn't mention whether your twins are co-sleeping. it would make sense, since twins are so used to each others warmth for comfort. it makes them be closer besides. i understand wanting them to have their own identities as they grow older, but that will come whether you want it or not. allow their own natural closeness to be self-soothing, while it can be. and, i don't think there's anything wrong with snuggling in their bed, if you want your bed to be kid-free. but i don't believe in hard and fast rules about that. as a grandparent now, i look back on the nights that we had our kids in bed with us as the best times we ever had--absolutely! there were times, like with the middle one, when he was still sleeping with us and breastfeeding at 2, when my husband said "it's time"...but we still allowed him back in for bad dreams, leg pains, etc...they need to know where they can go for comfort when they really need it. so...
good luck, and love your children while you have them...they grow into parents, and hopefully repeat all the good things you gave them!

Phooy on what people think you "should" do. I'm not sure if you're familar with the term "attachment parenting" but co-sleeping and extended nursing are part of this child-centered, caring, gentle parenting philosophy. You might try taking a look at Dr. Sears "Attachment Parenting book" or "The Baby Book".

My son will be three in June. He sleeps in his own bed now (started to around age two when we got him a toddler car bed) until some point at night when he comes to bed with us. He also still nurses himself to sleep (though that's all the nursing he does). What I've noticed is that he has been transitioning himself from the breast for a long while. I have helped facilitate that along here and there (after he was 2 I said no more boobies throughout the night, because I did want my sleep too), but mostly it's been child driven. He only nurses for two or three minutes now, and just kind of sucks but rarely swallows much milk. As he nurses less, the breast makes less milk, which makes him nurse less and so on. We've been talking a lot about not nursing anymore, and I think it's important to let the child (and yourself!) go through the process of processing and grieving for the loss of that special intimacy that nursing brings. When your twins are ready, they'll be ready. When you're ready, you'll be ready. Breast milk for toddlers is a wonderful gift. Also, nursing for a least two years is a wonderful gift for yourself, as studies have shown many health benefits for the mom who nurses for two or more years.

Best to you and your family. Continue to do what you feel is right in your heart. Following your heart makes you an amazing mom!

I feel your pain! I have a sixteen month son. He is my third and is a great nurser. He also wants to nurse before naps & at night. You must be exhausted with twins!!! I wish I had more advice for you, I am struggling with trying to wean. I have had reoccurrent breast infections since he was two months. Every time I start to cut out a feeding a get another infection, about every six weeks! I am in the process of scheduling an appt. with the breast clinic. I would love to talk more with you. I have been trying to put my son down for naps without nursing, but he does cry for a few min. Best of luck! ____@____.com

Hi D.:

I would love to hear the advice you get. I have a 9 month old little girl I am trying to get to sleep through the night. She also sleeps with us after she gets up for her middle of the night feeding and I too am sure it is just for comfort that she gets up.

Best of luck with this!

C.

HI D.,
It will probably not be a popular choice with your twins but that does not make it a bad idea. You are going to have to expand your repertoire of soothing and nurturing skills. I breast fed my "irish twins" until they were 2 and 3 and neither wanted to wean when we did I was just exhausted and done. What we did was start to introduce the bottle with bedtime/naptime snuggling and other soothing situations. Also what do their other caregivers do? Try that. It won't be pretty at first but they'll figure it out.

Haven't read the other advice, so I hope I'm not repeating...

First of all, no matter what anyone says, you the the RIGHT THING by breastfeeding and co-sleeping. That is what was/is right for your family and that is the best choice, what is right.
Secondly CONGRATULATIONS mama on bfing TWINS for 20 months! That alone is an acheivement that is beyond measure and I for one am proud of you! AWESOME!

On to weaning.....it may be that they are not quite ready to wean, but that doesn't mean it can't be done.....My sone w/b 3 next Wed. and still asks for "nursies" occasionally, but mom is strong....(though it's not easy to say no)
What I did when he was younger, originally to get him out of our bed was to make a little "nest" on the floor next to my bed and lay w/ him. I always started out w/ cuddling/holding or rocking to get him to sleep and made that last as long as possible before I let him finally nurse. (then I would make a point to scooch away, but not too far, just before he was actually asleep) Sometimes I literally would lay there w/ his head on my boob until I could get away safely. Slowly but surely we progressed to no nursing at all before bed. (This WILL NOT hppen over night, it will be a process.) Another option is to have dad to bed time every time for atleast two weeks, and to have dad to night time wake up....but trust me, I know how hard that is. The key is to get rid of night time feedings first. Remember there is a very real emotional connection tehre as well that should not be severed roughly. Once you are down to no night feedings, give them a break for a few weeks and start eliminating nap feedings. Take it slowly, and don't rush it. They could go through the process quickly, or slowly, or one might let go easier than the other. Either way, they will not still be nursing into kindergarten, just make sure it is not more traumatic for them (and you) than it needs to be.
You are very welcome to message me if you need more suggestions. It's really just too much to type here. Again, mama, YOU ROCK. I am so happy to have "met" someone so strong and resilient, and loving, and well, just able to nurse twins for such a long time. That is so awesome and made my day!
Be well,
J.

I think it is great that you have been able to BF twins for so long! Congrats.

I only have 1 kiddo - but he is also 20 months old, and still BFing. However - I night-weaned him at about 17 months because I really needed to sleep. It actually helped him sleep through the night, and I feel much more rested. What I did: I moved out of the family bed for about a week, and my partner dealt with night wakings. When my baby asked for milk, she told him, "mamma is sleeping." He protested a bit - but within 3 nights wasn't fighting it so much, and within the week was mostly sleeping through the night. We did have a short relapse after a bout of flu, but we are back on schedule.

I found that I was able to move back into the family bed, and he mostly sleeps through. But if he does wake up, I can tell him, "no milk until morning." and he will accept it (as long as I am consistent).

Another thing we do at our house is that my partner puts our toddler to bed, and I only do the evening nurse in the living room. After we are done, my partner takes him upstairs. We try to be very clear with verbal communication - saying, "you can nurse now, because in a few minutes Baba will take you upstairs for bed and Mamma will stay downstairs." This has worked very well - so that even if my partner has to work late, I can still put our son to bed the same way (nursing downstairs, then snuggling upstairs).

Maybe starting here is a good place, and then you can assess whether or not they are ready for day weaning. You may be pleasantly surprised by how much easier it is to keep up with day nursing when the night nursing is gone (I know I was).

Best to you!

I'm looking forward to seeing the responses you get--I have an 18 month old, who is now teething, yet another hurdle to weening. I understand your situation, an can empathize. Two at once is a challenge. Good luck and I'll be waiting to see what advise comes through.

Good for you nursing your twins for so long! That is awesome! I don't know many moms that have done so. Bravo!

I have never nursed twins, but have weaned children this same age and older. For night feedings what I have tried to do is bring a sippy cup or snack into our room to give them an alternative to nursing. We still let our babies that are weaning into our bed and provide the comfort they need through snuggles and back rubbing. If this doesn't work there is always what I consider, "the old standby," it consists of my husband taking them and walking them around, with a sippy cup, or other pacifier, until they fall back asleep and then bringing them into bed with us.

Since your daughter is on her way out of night time nursing I would start with her.

One thing to remember, they will not wean overnight! Just as it takes time to become adept at breastfeeding, it will take time for them to wean.

Good Luck!

Hi Darcy I feel what you are doing is wonderful,especially if they were premature ,breast feed is great for their immune system, I am french and we have different views from America. follow your intuition,it's powerful lovingly C.

I would say switch up the routine. While weaning form the bedtime boob I stopped rocking the baby in her room. We would sit out in the living room with the rest of the yahoos where it was still loud and I would give her a sippy of milk. If she still insisted I would nurse, but as she became used to the cup she drank more from that and less from me. I did have to set a day and just stop eventually though. She was fine and only "asks" for the boob occassionally now but is very easily distracted. The only way to break the habit of nightime nursing for comfort is just to stop. It sucks but if you are ready to be sleeping through the night then it is no longer working for you. Ask dad, next time he has a few days off, to take over at night. When they wake up have him rock them to sleep, rub thier backs, whatever needs to be done to lessen the blow. If you go in or bring them to your bed they will want the boob. It should only take a few nights for them to start sleeping better........ that being said, if you strart this process and it just doesn't feel right to you, go back to what does feel right.
I stopped nursing my daughter a month ago at only 13 months because that is what worked for us. She was down to 4 boob times a day (8am, 12pm, 4pm, and 8pm) when we started weaning so it was pretty simple for us to eliminate 1 feeding every week and a half-ish.
Good luck and remember to do what feels right for you and the kiddos

I nursed three, my 4th,5th, and 6th, almost that long. It just comes to the point where I had to say 'sorry Mamma's milk is all gone.' After a week or so they just started to say 'all gone' and pat my chest. It is a bit of a heart string tug, but they are smarter than you think and will eventually get over it.

J.

I guess I agree that ideally you "should not" have gotten them used to nursing to sleep, but you do what you have to. Nursing them to sleep made that one aspect of a very difficult job easier. Having a baby is hard enough, but having two AND continuing nursing them this long is a HUGE accomplishment and you should not feel guilty for any part of it.

If they let Dad rock them back to sleep, them let Dad take over bedtimes. They are old enough that it would probably be easiest to cut them off cold turkey. It will go a lot smoother if what they want is not staring them in the face. Go for a walk at bedtime, or go shopping and let Dad do it alone for a few nights. At nap time, try to get the sitter to do it. If you have to, then try rocking them facing away from you, but cuddled to your face, or wear a thick sweatshirt. When you hold them, every part of their insticts will tell them to turn in and nurse. They'll smell it too. It should only take a few days to break the habit.

If it were me, I'd break one habit at a time. As for the night waking, once they stop nursing, they will also stop waking up at night. If it were me, I'd continue to bring them into bed when they wake because it is easier and everyone gets more sleep. If you really don't want them there, then don't though.

The key to making this work and making it easier on them is NEVER give in and nurse once you have declaired a dry spell. It would get very confusing for them and cause them to fight you harder every time to get you to give in again.

You are worried what other people think?? that is the first problem of breast feeding moms.. and how long, and why>??? well, I have two boys, 17 and 10 and both breast fed till about three years.. it is human, and natural and you are doing the best thing breastfeeding while most mom's don't even , thinking it a hassle or worried what the society will think of them. you can read a book called THE FAMILY BED and feel more comfortable about what you are doing. Also if there is a LE LECHE group in your area, call them and join them, they are a support group for breast feeding MOMs.. Good for you, and keep on breast feeding.. D.

I also breastfed my boys until they were almost two years old and let them sleep in our bed. I was also that mom that fed them in the middle of the night if they woke because I needed to go back to sleep. I thought I would have a hard time weaning my older son since he was totally a breast fed baby. We were NEVER able to get him to take a bottle and he never took a pacifier. But, when it came time to wean, even at that young age, he understood. I started first with only feeding him in the morning, naptime, and at bedtime. I explained that he was a big boy and soon would have to say bye bye to the boo boos (that's what we called them). I also told him (I'm sorry it may sound odd-but it worked) that the boo boos had to go to sleep at night now that he was a big boy and could eat and drink big people food. When he woke during the night, looking for that comfort, I reminded him that they were sleeping just like he was. He even started sleeping more at night when I stopped the comfort feeds to get him back to sleep. Of course had anyone clued me in to that little fact, I would have stopped nursing him every time he woke up at night sooner. Soon, I just started eliminating the other feeds, then finally stopped feeding him at bedtime. That one was the hardest and it took a lot of reminding him that he was now a big boy. Even though I was convinced the weaning would never happen, it was a lot easier than I expected. In fact, I can't even remember exactly how long it took. I do know that just explaining over and over what a big boy he was and that breastfeeding was for babies who couldn't eat all the good food he now ate really helped. I hope this helps, knowing that-yes other moms did all those "bad" things you're supposed to avoid and still managed to wean their kids and get them to sleep thru the night.

Hi Darcy!

Congratulations on breastfeeding your twins for so long!!! Way to go!

About me: SAHM of 3. Slept with each for nearly 2 years. BF each until 20, 22, and 24 months. Weaned oldest when I was 12 weeks preg w/2nd. Weaned each one a little differently.
1st weaning was mandadory due to 12 weeks preg and risk of miscarriage. 2nd weaning was because I was simply "done" with the demands/depression. 3rd weaned because I was in the hospital on anti-nausea medication for a week (due to pancreatitis).

Things I found helpful:
1. DH does the night time parenting. I kick him out of bed so he can go comfort the child. I put a pillow over my head as my child cries. Sad, but sometimes necessary - I know my child is in good, loving hands and not being hurt by my not being there.

2. Tell them "Mommy has owies". True because they have been biting sometimes. I even put bandaids over my nipples to help them understand (and help me not leak!).

3. Best thing that helped me I found out with the last one: Benadryl dried me up! Yes, my Dr. said it is safe to nurse with Benadryl. If I have nothing to offer, it's so much easier to say "no." Also, I think what I had left tasted different since my daughter (3rd) made a funny face when I let her have some one time. So maybe feed yourself some strong foods (garlic?) that they may not be as eager for.

4. They were in their own room and in their own bed before I started weaning. I couldn't handle trying to wean when they were still in my bed. We tried. Too hard on me.

5. After weaning, they would occassionally ask to nurse and I would tell them "Those are Mommy's" or "mine". Of course, they wouldn't agree. But it opened a way to introduce privacy and respect for others.

After weaning the child would come in my bed with no problems. Also, DH would sometimes bring him/her in and keep him/her on his side of the bed if he was desperate for sleep.

Hope some of this helps! Good luck! It sounds like you're doing a great job!

C.

As far as weaning from breastfeeding, I do not have advice. But as for weaning from middle-of-the-night feedings, I received my best advice from a female doctor who was a mom herself. In my eyes, she provided MUCH better care than our previous pediatrician who was male and without children, just because she gave real mothering advice.

To break our son from his middle-of-the-night wakings for feedings, she told me to pick a long weekend, like Memorial Day or Labor Day, or just a time when you don't need as much sleep. She said it takes three nights, possibly a few more...but most parents give up by night #2 because they attempt this during the week (when dad at least needs to be ready for work the next day). Be ready to be tired, that is the first step! So we chose an appropriate long weekend. The only thing we did from that point was make sure he had a full tummy before bed, and when he woke to feed and fuss, we were to rub his back and soothe him (preferably not picking him up).

This worked like a charm. As she said it would be, for us it was only three nights. And yes, I had been trying but giving up by night #2...

Sorry no advice on weaning from breastfeeding altogether. All of my guys lost interest on their own!

Hi D.,

I am a mother of two boys they are now 11 and almost 8 years old.

Both boys breast fed and slept with my husband and I. We was able to get them out of our bed with just getting them to sleep in there own beds by introducing toddler beds and making it a big deal on how big they are getting. They have the toddler beds with rails so you don't have to worry so much about them rolling out.

I on the other hand had a hard time getting my youngest off the breast feeding at two he was still wanting it. I had to take a vaction for myself for a few days and that is how I weaned him. When I returned I was pretty much not lactating any more so when I got home naturally he asked for it and I let him latch on for a second and he found nothing there. That was the end of it the bottle and sippy cup was better for him at that point.

Make it a big deal when you buy a sippy cups for them and have them choose the one they want. This could be a good way to make it easier for them to transition. This is the point to make a tough love decision for your twins and for your sleep deprived self. I do understand so much and you yourself might go through a tough time of letting go of such a memberable way of special time with your babies. But there is much more to come, they always learn to snuggle with you in different ways.

I am here if you need more ideas to help you and your family deal with this tough situation of the weaning process.

Good Luck

A.

I didn't breast feed, but if my son sensed me, he wouldn't go back to sleep. I started working nights when he was 18mo and my husband was the one to go in when he woke up at 1am. That actually worked like a charm. It's not so much hunger as comfort that they want. It was good for daddy to be able to provide that too. As to people telling you not to feed them or let them sleep with you... I say these first years and so short and so precious that you should enjoy those moments. Yes, it's a little tougher later when it's time to wean, but you don't get those moments back. Good luck!
G. R

My advice (from one exhausted SAHM to another) is similar to the other response you got. It will probably be easiest to cut out the nap & bedtime nursing first. After they get used to falling asleep without it, they will gradually give up the night time wake ups & nursing. We found that reading books, snuggling (but not in nursing positions!) & light massage worked well for a substitute before sending them off to dream land. I also had to stop holding my son until he fell asleep. That seemed to make him wake up more often & want to be with me more. It's hard at first to put them down awake yet drowsy. You'll probably get some protests and tears at first. The best thing is to be consistent though when it comes to sleep. Day & night, be consistent in how you put them down & respond to them so they know what to expect. A good sleep book that I found is "Sleeping Through the Night"

Best of luck!

I weaned my boy at 23 months. I know how you feel. It was hard, but I felt my only option was cold turkey, since we were down to only comfort nursings too. It was a hard two weeks, but it was worth it. Instead of nursing when he asked in the daytime I offered him milk, and at night instead of nursing, we rocked. It might help to let your husband do this one. There were a lot of tears, even some shed by me, but it will pass and eventually you will have two weaned kids! Good luck.

Well I would just do it gradually. Start by giving them milk in a bottle and then maybe move to a pacifier? And then they still have something to suck for comfort. Our doctor gives us the okay to keep the pacifier until age 3. Just stick to your plan, whatever you do. Good Luck!

When they wake up at night, I would just go in their room, check on them. Tell them it is okay, pat them and go back to bed. It might take a couple of fussy nights, but they should figure out quickly that the night time food source is gone and they will sleep without it.

I weaned my 17month old son by putting ginger flavored body wash on my nipples when he wanted to nurse. It only took a couple of times for him to lose interest.

This is what we did:
For naps we were always doing something else that made my son fall asleep at the right time like driving or taking a walk in the stroller.
At bedtime I went out and dad put him to bed.
In the middle of the night when he wanted to nurse, we turned on all the lights and spoon fed him yogurt. That lasted a couple weeks, then he decided it wasn't really worth eating in the middle of the night.

I have 13 month old b/g twins who both still breastfeed and slept in the bed with us until they were 10 months old. We still put them in our beds (we are in separate rooms until they can sleep through each other crying) when they wake up early in the am. We night weaned over Christmas when they were about 10 months old. We just went cold turkey. It was difficult for a few nights and we gave bottles of goat's milk and slowly decreased the amounts. They were both used to nursing to sleep and sometimes being attached to the breast for hours during the night. Now I offer water at night unless it is after 5 am when they wake up - then I will offer the breast. I am slowly pushing this time back too as I know they are just conditioned to wake up at that time and get breastmilk.

Not sure if this helps. I will be curious to see how it goes for you. Kudos for breastfeeding two for so long.

I weaned my kids at 15 months (because I wanted to get pregnant again) and 18 months (because we were going on vacation and I didn't want to deal with it). Just start by omitting one nursing at a time (starting with the most inconvienent ones) and then wait several days for your body to adjust before moving on to the next one. You don't want mastitis! When they wake up, have their dad go in (NOT YOU!) and rock them back to sleep or talk to them softly and say "it is time for sleep," and just repeat the same phrase over and over. If you go in, they will want to nurse, so send dad. The kids are old enough to understand a lot, so saying things like, "Sorry. Mommy's breasts are empty," or something similar could help. Good luck!

When we were working on weaning my now 2.5 y/o daughter at night, our doctor advised us to have my husband be the one to get up with her. She also advised not picking her up but instead to sit besides the crib and perhaps put a hand on her but not make eye contact. This sends the message that they are not alone, but in not making eye contact, that it is not play time. Eventually both my husband and I would do this if she woke up. We also used a white noise CD to try to soothe her. This did work, although we had to both commit to it for a couple of weeks.

It sounds like they are just trying to stick to the routine that you've had them in for quite some time now. I think you should talk to your husband and begin to establish a new routine. Bath time and then rocking to sleep. If you tell them no to breastfeeding, they will eventually get the point. They will cry, no doubt, but will stop eventually when you are firm with not giving in to them. Be firm about not nursing them, but hold them and coddle them while they settle down... they will eventually understand that you can comfort them without nursing them. Then, when they can go to be without nursing, and they wake in the middle of the night, rock them back to sleep and put them back in bed. With the new routine of rocking to sleep at bed time, they will adjust pretty quickly, I think. If they want to settle down with some milk, give them a cup while you sit with them in the evening or night time. It will help fill their tummies and let them know that they don't NEED you for milk anymore. You can do it! Good luck.

My twins weaned themselves at about 8 months, for which I am sad - so I sure don't condemn you for "waiting so long" to wean them. And our kids spent time in our bed everynight for over a year, and to that I attribute some of their self-worth and confidence.
Do they take a sippy cup or a bottle? Could you offer them that instead of the breast? Or a binkie? Mine gave up nursing when they realized it was easier to drink from a bottle...always put them back in their crib, that is until they got big enough to climb down and run down to our room.
Is putting them back in the crib and letting them cry for a bit a possibility? I don't think having them in bed with you is going to help as long as you are still making milk.
Cheer up- I have a friend who nursed one of hers for comfort until Kate was four, and she turned out just fine (and started to sleep through the night long before then.)

Congratulations on breast feeding this long.
Now you want to wean them so do it. Your kids WILL protest! Who wouldn't want a warm body to soothe them back to sleep in the night?. From what I've heard and tried myself they just have to cry it out. They have to learn to soothe themselves back to sleep. You are not a bad mom if you let your child cry.
Trust me, they won't cry for long. You have a double problem because you have twins and when one cries so does the other or at least they'll wake up. That's a tough one but I don't think you have a choice. Be strong. Don't give in. If this is what you really want them be consistent. I think your kids just haven't had a consistent sleep routine. Sometimes they are nursed/rocked/in their crib/in your bed-whatever worked.
So, you just have set a new routine. Make it the same ritual every night for example, bath, put on jammies, brush teeth, read stories, soft music (if that helps), turn the lights off, and say goodnight. If they wake up, you can go in and say, I love you but it's night time-and get out of there. Easier said than done, I know. Good luck.

Dear Darcy,
My oldest 3 children (I have 4) are 3 years apart from oldest to #3. My sister-in-law, saved my sanity with a book called "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child". It is written by a pediatric sleep expert. He says that children wake up out of habit to be comforted and not because they are hungry. He says that sometimes we need to teach our kids to turn over and go back to sleep by themselves. He advocates letting them cry. This can be difficult and doesn't always work. It worked for my kids. The oldest cried for about an hour for 3 nights. I started this when he was about 19 months old and I was 7 months pregnant with #2. I needed to be able to put him straight to bed and not take 1/2 hr. rocking him as I had been because my husband was often not home at bedtime and I couldn't leave the baby alone for that long. I don't remember how long it took for the other 2 but I know it wasn't nearly as bad because I started shortly after they turned 3 months old. They all slept wonderfully as young kids and never fussed about going to bed. I keept bedtime the same time every night. I would highly recommend the book, it is easy to read and you don't have to read the whole thing.
Nursing them at night and bedtime is very comforting. There is no need to stop unless you need to. I nursed #3 until he was about 2. Simply nurse them and put them to bed while they are still awake. The book will explain how to do this.
Also don't bring them to bed with you any more. They love this form of comfort and will continue to demand it unless you put an end to it. I know some moms aren't willing to give this up as it is so comforting, but believe me, it won't hurt them at all and if it helps you to be a better mommy because you are now rested and not a grump from chronic lack of sleep it is well worth it. They will flourish from all of the ungrumpy love you are able to give them during the day. If you want to stop nursing, I would wait until after they can go to sleep by themselves.
Hope this helps. Feel free to write back with any questions.
B.

I think that what you have done up until now is just fine. You do what you have to in order to get through those rough first few months and it is especially rough with twins. Besides, the point isn't what you 'should' have done, it is what you can do now! I'm sure you have gotten lots of advice, but my personal advice is to have your husband do almost all of the putting to bed and getting up at night for a week or so. It will be a rough week especially for him (but assure him you won't be sleeping either because you will be in bed worrying about what it going on), but it will help. If there are a few times that you don't mind nursing, the best suggestion I have for weaning them is at night is to nurse them for 10 minutes on each side (or whatever you normally do) for a couple days, then go to 9 minutes, then 8, etc. It has worked with my first 3 kids and I am hoping that it works with my baby when it comes time! Having my husband help with bed time and night time wakings helped a ton too! Good luck!

my friend ended up going on vcation for a week and leaving the baby with her mom. I realize that with two its harder but if you have a couple of strong reliable experienced friends they should have it handled in a couple of days and you can come home on your way to being dried out. i had to cut my kids off cold turkey. it was tough the first couple of days but we got through it. you just have to be tough. easier said than done but thats how it goes sometimes. I let my kids sleep with me and nursed them to sleep too. Cold turkey just worked best for us. my oldest was 18 months and my youngest was 14. The sooner the better because they bounce back faster.with in about 2 nights we were all sleeping through the night. well worth it.

My last girl was about 20 months when I weaned her. Pretty much the same situation.
Have dad put them in their crib at bedtime, so you don't have to nurse, and when they wake, bring them to bed to nurse back to sleep with you.
Then one day I quit offering the boob, and she didn't ask for it. She just wanted to cuddle and go back to sleep.
Just do it in phases.