Wanting to Wean 20 Month Old from Nighttime Feedings....

Ick! It's hard to be the mom you want to be when you don't get any sleep either!
I've used Bach Flowers to night wean both of my kids. Rescue Remedy was all I needed for my first; my second needed a whole new set of flowers. They can be found at a health food store (and Rescue Remedy is awesome for anyone's daily stress! I never leave home without it! =) ). http://www.bachcentre.com/centre/remedies.htm has information on the flowers. My second needed Vine, Vervain, Rock Water and others (he wasn't stressed, he knew what he wanted and he was ticked he wasn't getting it which is why Rescue Remedy didn't work for him). I have all the flowers for personal mixes; if you'd like to email me I can tell you more. =) ____@____.com luck and sweet dreams!
~M.

I would see if you can have your husband go in and rock your daughter back to sleep, so that she learns not to nurse. Once she learns that, she probably will stop waking up. You can also do cry-in-arms, where you our your husband rock and comfort her, but don't feed her. It also helps to tell her things like "milk has gone night-night, no milk at night". She is getting old enough to understand that. Dr. Sears Sleep Book has great info. about this.

And I should add that even babies who "sleep through the night" don't! They wake up the exact same number of times! They just don't request parental assistance, which is the only difference. When you let a baby CIO, the reason they don't cry, is because they think no one will respond to them, and no one is there for them. They really don't "learn" anything. This isn't a good thing when they are learning that the world is a trusting place.

Good resources on sleep:
www.askdrsears.com
The Sleep Book by Dr. Sears
The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantly
Sweet Dreams: A Pediarican's Secrets for Your Child's Good NIght Sleep by Paul Fleiss
Christian Parenting By Dr. Sears

Another key to keep your child from nighttime feedings is to make sure that whatever they eat will last with them through the whole night. My kids were formula fed, but I put baby rice cereal in their bottle to thicken up their formula and give them more to digest through the night.

I have gone through this with my 2 year old son. We have found that a sippy cup of water does the trick. He gets the comfort of knowing someone is there meeting his needs and he is back to sleep. The nights we go without is a nightmare. He doesn't drink much of the water, just a sip or two and he is back to sleep. Good luck.

When we had this issue with our son, I was recommended to cut a slightly larger hole in the nipple and put a little rice cereal in the bottle of milk at bedtime. i was hesitant - as I really wasn't into hearing all the "old wives tales" from my mom/ grandma...however, I was at a place where I, too had tried everything. This worked! Turns out (now that he is 3- we can see this clearly) he likes to eat every few hours, his metabolism is like mine) so he was just waking up cuz he was hungry. The rice cereal allowed him to last thru the night... Best, Lisa

My guess is that at 20 months, this isn't about being hungry or needing nourishment anymore (I assume she eats during the day, and is a reasonable weight for a toddler). Sounds like she has developed a habit of using you to get back to sleep rather than being able to fall asleep on her own? I would recommend reading the Ferber book. Lots of people don't like it because, in part, it recommends a "cry it out" schedule, but, more than that, it has a lot of useful information about sleep associations and what happens when those aren't good. It was very helpful to me and my daughter that had developed a habit of nursing to sleep and started waking every 90 minutes.

I believe she is using you as a human pacifier at this point. Do not give in and nurse. It may be time you reserve her nursing just during the day and not to use it as a method of getting her to sleep at all. At 20 mos there is no reason for her to feed at night at all. Her stomach is big enough to carry her through the night. She is used to waking, maybe due to teething, getting disturbed then you being her method of soothing. It is crucial that you figure out a method to get her to soothe herself or you are in for a long period of trouble. After 12 mos the habits they get are harder and harder to break each month. Maybe get her a sleep machine/music box. It has a setting that if it hears noise the music or soft soothing sounds kick on for five minutes, enough time to get her to settle back in. The crying out never worked too much for me as after 15 min my kids were so upset that it was even harder to settle them, however, just trying a new soothing bedtime ritual, explain that it is time to sleep and do your best not to run in with every whimper or cry, do not nurse her to sleep and hang in there. Habits at this age are super hard to break and take time, lot's of patience. Maybe at this age too, take her to pick out a snuggly friend to sleep with and make a big deal out of her being a big girl and her friend needs a good nights sleep. She is getting old enough that you can start being tougher and explain things to her. Good luck, nobody likes their babies upset, the crying wears us out and it is upsetting. Hang tough though so you can get her in a pattern on not using you as her soother.

I'm certainly not an expert, but it sounds to me that your daughter loves to be close to you and when she wakes up at night she doesn't know how else to fall asleep except to nurse. It's hard, but you need to stop nursing her so much at night and teach her to fall asleep on her own. Does she have any other security item? If so, when she wakes at night, let her cry about five minutes, then go in and reassure her she's okay, give her her security item (blanket, doll, etc) and walk out. If she cries, wait ten minutes, then go in and do the same thing. You just keep doing this and adding about 5 minutes each time. It's tough, but it does work. Eventually she'll learn that she needs to sleep and she isn't going to nurse each time. Anyway, that's what worked for me (I nursed my son until 14 months of age). It's essentially the Ferber method. Best wishes!

Your daughter is expecting to be nursed. If your husband is willing to help, he should go in, make sure she is ok and then say goodnight and leave. If you go, she anticipates the booby juice :) I just stopped the bedtime feeding with my 14 month old and my husband put her to bed at night the first night or two. At bedtime, get her ready for bed with your usual routine, say goodnight and give her to your husband to do the rest - hold her for a minute, rock her, whatever the routine is - put her in bed with a kiss, say goodnight and leave. Don't go back in. We did that and it finally worked. A few times our daughter woke up crying and I just waited to see and she only fussed for about 3 minutes - which seemed like 30!! Good luck!!

Try giving her a warm cup of milk instead. You will have to be stong hold her love her but do not give in. It will mostlikely take a few nights and days don't forget the day they are just as important as the nights. BE STRONG and it will happen. I went throught the same thing with both of my girls at 14 months.

Kara Pearson, CO

You may feel frustrated at the prospect of reading yet another book, but I would recommend "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Marc Weissbluth. I think he offers a good range of solutions from those willing to let their children "cry it out" to those who are more comfortable with gradual approaches. He has done extensive research in this area, and I found the book a reference I would go back to again and again as my daughter grew older. To regain your well-rested family (important!) he stresses consistency and perseverance in trying his methods. What made sense to me was the idea of teaching your child how to fall asleep on her own. His ideas apply not just to night-time sleeping, but to the importance of regular nap schedules and uninterrupted consistent sleep. Sorry I can't provide more details in this tiny space. Best of luck.

Hi L.,
Wow you lasted 20 months. My son did the wake up thing around 6 months at every hour or 90 minutes. UP until that very moment my husband and I were convinced we would never let our son cry it out but after that sleepless night we were at our wits end and had to try it. The crazy thing is that it worked.. although it took a few nights of hours and hours of crying and screaming. At 20 months your child should not need to nurse at night, so it's kind of a habit. You know when you wake up at night and if you look at the clock it seems like you wake up every night at the same time.. I think it's s imilar phenomena. They get into the pattern and expectations. My favorite book, although it doesn't give a lot of how to's is Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby. This gave me the research/information I needed to ensure my child got enough sleep (and that I got enough sleep to be a good mom) for healthy development. There are lots of ways to go about this and you should find a method that makes you the most comfortable (I had friends who felt they did not want to leave the room and let their son cry it out -- they didn't want them to be scared.. so they set up a bed and stayed in the room (with ear plugs) and they would not get the child up and at some point, not physically comfort the child (perhaps hold their hand through the rails) but they were their to let them know that they were safe (this also lets you know they are safe -- although a video monitor could help here too). She would move further and further away from the crib and was eventually out of the room (a couple of weeks). I chose to just let me son cry (I did not go in and comfort -- ferber method but it's an option if it works). I fully weaned my son at 25 months and honestly the longer you wait the harder it will be -- the more they can talk. Although, it's easier to get them to understand what you are doing. Perhaps, you need to prepare your child and then tell them when Mommy's Milk no longer works at night because they are getting older and it's only for little babies. I nursed so long (I only had an early morning feed) because I didn't want to get up and I could just bring him into bed and go back to sleep.. turned out once he was weaned he slept till a decent hour of 7.

Best wishes... if it's what you want and is right for your family be strong and stick it out. It will not last for ever and your daughter will not love you any less.

I recommend you attend local La Leche League meetings. If you go to http://www.lllusa.org/ and click on Find a Local Group at the top of the page, you will find a group near you. You will make new friends and hear the most delightful stories of creative, compassionate solutions. R.

My 24 month old just weaned last month. We had a similar problem. She wasn't wanting to eat during the day...or dinner time, and then she'd nurse all night. So we had two or three bad habits to break. She was also using me as a pacifier like a few people suggested.

I had hoped for a gentle wean where she'd just not be intersted anymore, but I didn't get my wish.

I finally had the last straw after finding out I was pregnant and extremely sore. She woke up one night and wanted to nurse every hour. With the pregnancy, I was drying up quickly and feeling extra sick because of the need for fluid. After about 3 feedings, I was out of milk....so, we began the weaning process completely.

It was a rough and she cried for about 4 hours. I think she woke up at some point and cried another one or two. However, at that point there was nothing I could do. It was too painful to even try to let her use it as a pacifier. I started the broken record approach. "No, milk is all gone, you drank it all." I didn't explain anything else....just no, you drank it all. I held her and rocked her. The next morning we both slept in.

The next day I enforced the "all gone" concept by giving her some M'Ms and letting her ask for more a few times....then warning her that there were only 3 left...then 2...then 1...then all gone. No more. I did that two or three times over a few days. I also warned her over the next few days that milk was almost gone (cut the nap nursing out very last).

Night two.... she woke up wanting it again. By that point I was like, "we're weaning; I"m not doing this again at another point.' She woke up and cried for 2 hours and at that point wouldn't let me comfort her at all. She scooted herself as far from me in our King bed as she could. DH was sleeping in another room b/c he was sick. She cried herself to sleep and that was it.

Night three....woke up, asked for it...whimpered when she asked for it and I said no it was all gone....and went back to sleep.

At that point, I was okay with letting her cry. It's her first big "loss" in life and I figured maybe she was just
"mourning it." When we lose something or someone, we cry....

Then we had to deal with the not eating during the day.....about a week later, she woke up around 4 wanting to eat and so then I had to start the broken record of, "No it's sleeping time, we don't eat when it's sleeping time. We sleep." She screamed for about an hour, but she was fine after that. Woke up like nothing happened. She is sorta eating better, she doesn't wake up to eat anymore.

Good luck. I was super concerned about damaging her for life or damaging our relationship. She did fine and in fact got more sweet and cuddly. I never lost my temper with her when she was weaning and just kept telling her I loved her. She ended up becoming more confident and independent once she weaned. It was awesome to see that change in her.

I was in this same situation with my daughter at 10.5 months old. I didn't want to initiate weening for fear that it would affect day time nursing but we all desperately needed some sleep. A friend of mine gave me "the sleep lady" book (and I have read all of the others) Google it and I'm sure it will come up.

Anyway, it worked for us. Night nursing was no longer an issue within a few days and I was able to sit with her when she had night wakings to re-assure her (and me) that everything was OK and that she could go back to sleep. There was some crying in the beginning but it if you are sitting in the room right next to the crib/bed you can see that your baby is not hurt or sick, they just don't know how to fall asleep. This process allowed her to learn how to put herself to sleep without "sleep crutches" (AKA you, in this situation). We were down to 1 waking within a week or 2 from 7pm to 5:45 am. She stirs at night and I can her her on the monitor toss and turn from time to time but mostly she is back to sleep in a few minutes without my intervention.

Lastly, at about 1 year, she still nurses well and is much happier and well rested through the day.

Hope everything works out for you. I know that there are a lot of people who try lots of different ways to get their kids to sleep but this is what worked for us.

Hello L., my name is L.. Although I have had les experience then you in the motherhood feild. I have 2 year old boy. Do you only nurse or does your daughter eat other foods? I found it helped with my son to mix his milk with baby cereal so he would get more full and last longer. Mothers milk is the best but digests very quickly leaving a child hungry faster. Hope this helps if you have not already tried it.