The Cry Out Method

Hey! I feel for you...my best advise is to get Dr. William Sears book Night Time Parenting. In the book he explains why babies wake up and what to do so that you and them can get more sleep.
I have a two year old and have never used the "cry it out" method. When babies cry it's for a reason...this is how they communicate...even if it is just a cry because they want their momma. How would you like to be stuck in a crib crying for help and just be ignored? I know I hate being ignored. I hope you find something that works for you.

I started cutting out feedings 1 at a time at night. They did still wake up and cry and at first I would still go get them but just not feed them, just let them know they need to go back to sleep. It worked for all 3 of my kids and they all sleep all night by 8 weeks. They will cry for a while but soon they ended up just putting them selfs back to sleep. I let them cry for a while before I would go to them to help put them back to sleep. Good luck, it will all work out for you!!

I'm glad to hear it worked! Also, my pediatrician told me that my breastfeed 6 month old did NOT NEED to eat in the middle of the night and to try to break that before he got "set in his ways". After a few weeks if you still need to break that middle of the night feeding this is what worked for us...........When he cries in the middle of the night for his feeding go in and offer him a bottle with warm water without picking him up. He will probably take a few drinks and cry when you leave but after a few times he should catch on and hopefully start giving you and him that much needed FULL night of sleep! Good Luck!!!!

I have 3 kids and I just never could do the cry it out method. I stay home with all of them and my husband works full time. If this just started happening he might be going through a growth spurt. They do that about every 2 months or so. They hit the growth spurt and need to up the supply of your milk. My kids practically nursed constantly when they were going through it. Eventually it will pass. Good luck!

Even though six months is still a baby, they are also just learning how to manipulate you. My seven month old will cry and then stop as soon as he sees me. I also caught him peering around his crib to see how long it would take me to come running when he fussed, and he stopped as soon as he saw me coming. That is not due to hunger or pain!!! That's just plain old-fashioned spoiled! hehe

Anyway, I have no problem with the CIO method, but it's hard on Mom. I let him cry for about ten minutes, then comfort him (no picking him up) and then keep doing that -- he eventually falls asleep. And then he sleeps just fine. He recently started waking up about an hour after I go to bed, and it was getting to frustrating to never get any sleep! Anyway, this has worked for me.

This is such a controversial topic! Don't feel guilty for doing what works best for you, just because other moms don't agree with it. You are the mom, and you know best.

Good luck.

Please do not let him cry it out. When he falls asleep it will be from exhaustion and he may fight sleep harder than before. It may solve the sleep problem but the same issue may pop up elsewhere during the day.

I recommend The Baby Whisperer. The book is here on amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Secrets-Baby-Whisperer-Connect-Comm...
The very helpful forums are here: http://www.thebabywhisperer.com/smf/

HTH. Being a mom is hard work.

Please, please, please DO NOT let him cry-it-out!!!!!!!

The No Cry Sleep Solution might help, but I found it too much trouble. It is worth a read, though. I don't have time to get into why I disagree with the cry-it-out method. Just give it time. I was where you are and I was very tired, but I would do it again. In fact, I did it twice.

The best advise I can give you is to go to www.askdrsears.com and read up on attachment parenting. You can also go to the library or a book store and check out some Dr. Sears books. Anytime I was feeling run down as a mommy, I would go to this website to get re-motivated.

Even Dr. Ferber, who was/is a big cry-it-out supporter, has gone back and revised his "Feberizing" method. He admitted that each child is different and has different needs. He also now says to wait until a baby is at least 6 months to let him/her cry-it-out. Well, I think what can be harmful at 5 months, can be harmful at 6 or 7 months.

I did try to let my oldest cry-it-out when he was around 6 months. I can still remember how my heart broke as he looked up at me while he was screaming. I toughed it out for 3 or more hours the first night before I picked him up for the night. I even went back and tried it again before I said enough was enough. Instead, I accepted that I was here to comfort him, even at night time. I did not want him to learn that he could cry like that I would not comfort him. It isn't natural for a mother to ignore her baby while he/she is crying out in fear and sadness.

Anyway, I have gone on for too long. Please go to the Dr. Sears website before you make up your mind. I now have a great 4 year old, and 2 1/2 year old, and I have been told they are very pleasant children to be around. I have no regrets about choosing attachment parenting!

A 6 month old is still a baby! IMHO, i wouldn't let a 6 month old cio. He's obviously NOT crying for attention if he's nursing every time you get him up. Breastfed babies nurse more often than a bottlefed baby takes a bottle. It's all in the composition of the breastmilk vs. formula.

I've read countless times that a child under 12 months doesn't need anything other than breastmilk or formula the entire first year. I know plenty of moms that don't introduce any outside food but they still get up plenty during the night to nurse their child. To them it's more important that their baby receive breastmilk vs. food.

That being said, my baby was on hypoallergenic formula and started consuming 60+ ounces of formula per day! The ped was shocked and suggested we introduce cereal a couple of times a day. Only then did he get back down to a typical amount of formula. We had to base our decision on his cues. Sleeping is the same way. After my baby got over colic he started sleeping in 4 hour blocks or so. While my friends baby was 5 months older and STILL not sleeping that long at any given stretch. Now my son sleeps nearly 12 hours at a time (14 months old) and her daughter only sleeps about 8 (if they're lucky!) Different babies need different amounts of sleep. I'd save cio for when he's 12+ months and understands what sleeping is. At 12 months i'd ask my son if he wants to go to bed and he'd walk to his room. He understood what we were doing. A 6 month doesn't understand.

Every baby is different. I personally feel that at 6 months old, 9 months old, etc... that you have a baby still that cries out when they need something. If you stop providing him with that need then you're only hurting him. I'd save cio until it's absolutely necessary. It's a last resort in my opinion.

If you're married or have a partner i'd suggest pumping a couple of bottles per day and then only getting up in shifts. My husband and i used to do this. I'd take the first 4 hours of the night and he'd take the rest. That way you're guaranteed 1 solid block of sleep per night.

Maybe this website will help you http://www.breastfeed-essentials.com/schedules.html

Or this: http://www.nursingbaby.com/parenting/quest68.htm
Quoted from that website: "Be assured that your baby is likely getting all the sleep that he needs to grow healthy and strong. He may be growing through a growth spurt right now and actually need that extra milk. He may be a very sensitive baby and wake up during his sleep cycle uncomfortable from a wet diaper. I do not recommend that you began withholding milk in an effort to get him to sleep with other comfort methods, unless you have a partner willing to help you in this. A father can 'father-nurse' a baby down with rocking and holding, but it requires a committment, and some confidence that baby's not in the middle of a growth spurt or any illness."

Some responses to a similar question on babycenter.com http://www.babycenter.com/400_my-baby-suddenly-wants-to-n...

If you think you're child is only nursing for comfort... signs: seems satisfied, stops sucking and swallowing, plays with your nipple then maybe you could introduce a pacifier. If sucking soothes your child then it'd be a lot easier for you to just leave a pacifier in his crib. If i remember correctly around 6 months my son started putting his pacifier in and out of his mouth. My son was crawling by 6 months so he was able to get around his crib and get his pacifier as he needed it.

I hope you find something that works for you. I just wouldn't do cio with a 6 month old.

I 2nd the bedtime routine. We started a routine at 8 weeks old at the same time every night and we still do it every night (with only a few excpeptions). We also put the vapor bath in the tub every night. For whatever reason that seemed to soothe him whereas the lavender bath didn't.

I hope you find something that works!

It almost sounds like he isnt getting enough milk to fill up his belly you might want to try giving him a bottle or not letting him fall asleep. My now 6 year old did the same thing, I gave him a bottle and now I cant remember how much i gave him at 4 months but he slept the first night 5 hours. I was so worried that he wasn't waking up I didn't get any sleep!!

We did the Ferber method at that age and it worked perfectly. Best of luck to you!

Hi L.,

I'm also a first time mom of a sweet little boy (he is 7 months now). The same thing happened with my guy at about 5-1/2 months or so and as it turns out he was getting ready to cut his first little teeth. I guess the sucking made him feel better. Once I figured that out, I could treat those symptoms and life got a lot easier for us!

As long as it was not a distress cry, I gave my son 10 minutes (watch the clock). If he was still crying after 10 minutes, I'd go check on him. I started it at around 9 months and still use it now at 17 months. It works for us and everyone gets more sleep. Good luck. (FYI - 10 miutes of crying won't hurt/harm him.)

I am a big fan of the cry out method. Now to say that it is very important to be sure that there is no reason why he would be crying, such as being hungry or needing a clean diaper. If you are sure that he should not be hungry then I say let him cry it out. We had to do this a lot with my son when he was a baby because he just thought that he needed to be up whenever he wanted. After a while he realized that when it is dark outside he should be sleeping and now if he wakes when it is dark he may talk for a few minutes but then it is back to sleep. It was the best thing that I could have ever done and at first it is hard but in the end it will be so worth it.

I tried every sleep training method out there. In the end, The Ferber Method worked for us. It is CIO - but not a straight CIO. It is "progressive waiting" where you let them cry longer each time. It helped me because I was still able to check on him...but also taught him to sleep on his own. We still have set backs when he is sick or we travel - but a night using the method again and we are back on track. I would suggest you buy Ferber's book and read it. See what you think. Good luck!!!

Hi L., I have a 7 month old and am in the process of weaning. I did stop nursing in the middle of the night when he was about 4-5 months old. My biggest advice is to do what is RIGHT FOR YOU. Having said that, my first son (now almost 4) nursed ALL THE TIME and I wondered why none of us ever got any sleep. For my daughter, I stopped feeding her in the night - she was and is an awesome sleeper. Nutritionally, babies don't need night time feedings after 4-5 months of age. Some say that feeding them through the night causes more difficulties because their digestive systems are always "awake" and they have to urinate often. So, it sounds like your son has just gotten into the habit of pacifying himself with you and needs to learn how to do it on his own. It might be best for your husband to go in so you don't have a let-down relex and the baby won't smell the milk. It is SO hard to listen to them cry, especially your first child. But I will tell you, it takes about 3-5 nights of working on this and he will be a champion sleeper! Good luck!

Hi L.,
I have a son who cried ALL the time... we did end up trying the cry out method. IT WORKS! Let him cry for 15 min then go in and check on him, do not pick him up, just pat his tummy or back and tell him it's ok mommy's here, go to sleep. calm him down.don't stay in ther but a few min after he is calm. Then you have to leave again.I did cry myself doing this , but don't give in! wait another 15 min and do the same. I think we did this for about 3 hours the first night but after that the time was shorter and shorter. A week later he didn't need us to come in .he just fell asleep. It was worth the hard work. He was feeling better because he had the rest he needed. good luck!

L.,
I know how desperate you feel to sleep! I've been in your situation with my son... Please, please, please read the book "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by elizabeth plantely. It helped me tremendously with our sleep issues. I think you'll find it helpful for you also!!!
Good luck,
K.

If he is 6 months old he should be eating cereal and starting to eat baby foods by now. Are you giving him cereal before his last bedtime feeding? This may help.

I used the cry-out method with my boys, but only when there wasn't another underlying issue. If he's been fed, is dry, doesn't have gas, isn't teething... Then crying-out works rather quickly, but if there is another issue going on, it won't work at all.

Your son may also be using you as his pacifier. My middle son, which I nursed longest, did that. I finally realized what was happening when he kept falling asleep after 5 minutes of nursing here and there throughout the night. I stopped letting him nurse when he wanted to and he stopped waking up as often.

I'm a mom of four girls and with my first one she would do the same thing and come to find out she was not getting enough to eat because i was not producing enough milk for her. I started giving her rice cereal mixed with formula or breast milk three times a day and it worked. Make sure you start w/rice cereal first and then if he likes it and does ok then you can slowly start introducing more you do not want him to start getting up because of a belly ache. My daughter stopped getting up in the night to feed because she was not starving any more. If he is just getting up to feed try this it should work. I know it seems to early to sart feeding him food but if you are getting up every 1 1/2 hours to feed him then he is not getting what he needs. When my grandmother told me to give my 6 month old baby cereal i thought she was crazy but i tried it and it worked for me. The cry out method will not work if he is hungry.My daughter would not take a bottle she went from nursing to eating food and drinking out of a cup. Good luck and i hope this helps.

Crying it out worked well for us.
Is he going down well by himself when he first goes to bed at night? Is everything the same (things like music/white noise/no noise and nightlight, etc.) when he wakes during the night as when he goes to sleep?
He should be getting enough to eat during the day (as long as his weight is normal/average) that he can go all night without needing a feeding. This is more than likely just a phase, or him kind of testing the waters so to speak. If you don't want to get into that habit, just be sure you're consistent with not feeding. If he wakes and he wants to nurse because you're the one getting up with him, try having your husband get up once or twice so that it's not an option for your son to nurse. Does he ever take a bottle? Maybe offer a small bottle of water.
My babies were bottle fed and when my son was stubborn about giving up his last nighttime feeding, I started watering down that bottle and putting less and less in it so pretty soon he was just getting one ounce of water and then he decided it wasn't worth getting up for that.

My main thing is, whatever you decide to do... cry it out or Ferber or whatever you feel will work for you, be consistent!! Know your plan, know your husband and you and are the same page, and that makes it easier to know what you really want to be doing during the night when patience might be short and you're only half awake. Just pick a strategy and stick to it!

My absolute favorite book on this subject by the way, which helped me the most to understand my kids' sleep habits and needs and to figure out what works for us is Marc Weissbluth's "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child". I recommend it to all moms.
Good luck!

Hi L.! My husband and I just used Dr. Ferber's book starting last Friday (6 nights ago) with our 6 month old son and had EXCEPTIONAL luck with it. The worst was about 30 minutes of crying (and we got to go in and check on him during that time) only on the first night. We've only had to go in his room twice all week since that first night. I would highly recommend Dr. Ferber's method for sleeping, and it is NOT as "cruel" as our pediatrician suggesting that we just plain leave him - we weren't comfortable with that.

With the feeding every two hours, we didn't have that issue to contend with but there is a substantial portion of the book that deals with that. If it's anything like the sleep portion you're in good hands. You'll probably need to gradually taper off the feedings. A 6 month old is old enough to go all night without eating or just eating once. Our son eats once still between 4am and 6am, but that's mostly because my boobs hurt by that time! After you get the feedings spread out then you'll likely start on the sleeping if it hasn't been corrected through the new feeding schedule.

Good luck, and I wish you much-deserved sleep!

~ V.

It seems you have a few choices: cry it out (which I am not a good model for), try comforting him without picking him up (patting him, offering soothing words), or family bed. This is really a touchy topice b/c so many moms have different ideas of what is acceptable. In the end, I would do what you are most comfortable with and what gets you the most sleep:) If you don't want to cry it out then I suggest the book "No Cry Sleep Solution".

My daughter woke frequently at night and wanted to nurse. We finally figured out that she had acid reflux, so it actually was hurting her to lay down. We elevated one end of her bed, got her on medicine, kept her upright after feedings, etc. and it REALLY helped. (I spent MANY nights semi-propped up in my bed with her head on my arm). I read The Baby Book by Dr. William Sears, and that helped me pinpoint what the problem was. The Dr. Sears book is great b/c it tells you things to look for, possible reasons why your baby is upset/not sleeping (there are many other things it could be, besides acid refulx), and things you can do to help. I have 2 daughters (18mos & 5yrs) and found that when they were upset, it was because of an underlying issue, which is what you have to solve. Babies have a reason for crying, it's our job as parents to try to figure out what the reason is.

Also, there's nothing wrong with taking him to bed with you to nurse, especially when you're exhausted. I did that sometimes with my youngest and I didn't have ANY problems weaning her and she now sleeps all night in her own bed. Just relax, do what feels right and works best for you, and don't worry about everyone else's "rules."

Good luck!

Trust your instincts. That is the best advice I could give you. If something doesn't seem right to you, trust that. You are the best judge of what is right for your family.

That said, I personally do not like the cry it out method. I would recommend the No Cry Sleep Solution.

I personally haven't had a problem like this, but I have a friend whose daughter started waking up every hour or so to nurse. Both mom and baby were exhausted. They kept trying different things until they found out that the baby was getting too warm and was easily disturbed by very light stimulation - noise or light. She now sleeps very well in a cooler, completely dark, quiet room. Her mother lays her down closes the door on the room and takes a monitor with her to the other side of the house. They just had to keep trying different things until they found something that worked.

Keep trying and something will work out for you. I hope you and your son are soon sleeping well and feeling better.

Hi L.-
I was in the same boat last week. My 4 month old was waking 6-7 times per night wanting to nurse. At his 4 month appt, his dr. said to let him "cry it out," to sleep and when he woke in the middle of the night. She also said not to feed him. Well, the first night he cried for 1 hr. 20 minutes, and about an hour every time he woke up (I did feed him around 1 am). He woke about 4 times. I slept in the basement so I couldn't hear him and was so sad. The second night, he cried for 15 minutes and slept from 10:45 to 6:45. We are 5 days in to this, and he dosen't hardley cry at all now. He still wakes periodically through the night and I am still feeding him once, but it is such a dramatic improvement that I am now a big believer in cry it out. I think you should read Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child (Weisbluth)and Solve Your Child's Sleep habits (Ferber) and talk to your peditrician. Trust your instincts, but he has to learn that if he just lays there, he can fall asleep on his own. Good luck!

I think before you do that you need to check with your pediatrician about his weight. I did it (cry-out) with all 3 of my boys and it worked, but I hear they should weigh so much before. It's much easier to do it now while he's in a crib and can't get out than to wait. Babies need to learn how to comfort themselves and go to sleep by themselves. It will make his life and your life easier in the long run.

Good luck

I used the cry out method on my older son when he was 3 months old. It took 5-7 days before I could lay him down and he not cry anymore. He started sleeping through the night within 2-3 weeks. My younger son was a whole different story w/ different circumstances. One thing that I think is helpful is always have a regular bedtime routine. I would always give a bath every night at the same time - I know some say they don't need nightly baths but I did it to just establish a routine. Then I did a light massage w/ lotion. I would feed him but make sure he didn't fall asleep or wake him up if he did fall asleep. I would then give him a pacifier and turn on a music aquarium in his crib. I continued that routine for months and he did well. Good luck!

I think that at this age, he is old enough to self soothe. Therefore, the cry it out method should work. I wouldn't let him cry for more than 15 minutes. Then, return(do not talk) just do the shhhhhing and leave the room. And throughout the day you should leave him by himself and let him play. I can put my daughter on her stomach and cook dinner for about 30 minutes before she gets bored and wonders where I am. It is all about making your child more independent! If they are more independent throughout the day, they will be at night also.
Another thing that I don't think anyone mentioned is a bedtime routime(down to the minute). Make sure it is a calm soothing enviroment. And don't turn lights on. When it is dark he will realize it is sleep time.
I hope that this helps you! Having a child that old and the parent still not getting a decent nights sleep must be hard.

hey babe, i've been there. my sweet boy woke up every 15 minutes or so for MONTHS, and we chose not to let him cry it out. we found alot of sucess in "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" it has tons of little things that you can do that add up to more sleep. you can find it at the library or B&N. both of my babies nursed at night until they were weaned,around 2. you can make it, and he will learn to sleep better, without crying. i promise. this book really works!

I have a 14 month old son... we kinda used a combination of the cry it out and pick up put down method. We did let him cry for a certain amount of time... 5-10 minutes usually... then we would go back in and pick him up and repeat to him that it is time to go to sleep and wait till he settled down. Then we would put him back down again. He didn't get up as often as yours is getting up... but it seemed to work very well. We only had to do the pick up put down method a couple times before he just started going back to sleep on his own. Eventually he began to go to sleep on his own for naps and at night. We just lay him down, kiss him, say some prayers, and tell him goodnight!

Are you feeding any cereal yet? It might be a good idea to try rice or oatmeal before bed. That might help him sleep longer if he is hungry. If that doesn't help... then you know he is not hungry... he just wants YOU! Which I would strongly suggest breaking NOW for your and his sleeping sake.

Good luck with yours... I know the feeling of not getting enough sleep on top of having to worry about them sleeping, too!

My son is now 23 months old, and we had to let him cry himself back to sleep for a while when he was the same age as your son. My son used to wake up, not so much because he was hungry, but because he wanted to snuggle. We finally let him cry a few times (one almost 30 minutes). He caught on pretty quickly and started sleeping better. Unless he is sick or teething, he sleep really well through the night, which he has done since he was 6-8 months old. Good luck. It is really hard to listen to them cry. If you are certain that he is getting enough to eat without all of the nightime nursings, just close your ears and you will make it through.