Wanting Another Baby

Hi M. ~ I do not think I will be of much help here. I am the mother of 6! 5 boys and 1 girl!!! I would love more! I never feel like I am done, I also feel like I want one more. For me I am resolved to think that I will never be one of those women who "just know" when they are done. Good luck with your choice!!

L.

M.,
I am so happy there is moms out there like you, like I said before I haven't heard people say," I wish I didn't have all these kids," BUT I do hear,"I wish I had more."
You are doing exactly what you're here for, to be a mom and wife, the bible says "be fruitful". You're so blessed. My mother in law has 10 kids, I have 3 and I'm pregnant with my 4th. I love my kids. If you are intended to have more children God will bless you with more, and when you do get pregnant, I'm positive your husband won't tell you to "take it (baby) back", babies, are not materialistic items, they are little miracles, that grow way to fast. Enjoy your motherhood, God Bless you and your gorgeous family. And take a HUGE vacation when all of them are out of your house, because then the Grandchildren start coming....YEAH!!! Your house will always be filled with love. That's whats life is truly all about!!! Cars and clothes, shoes and TVs will never love you back. Your kids will always give unconditional love. Priceless...

M., Does the W in your last name mean 'Wonder Woman'? I don't have advice, I have nothing but props for you, envy and kudos. You're amazing. I wish you all the best and I am going to pray for you so that God can answer your prayers because someone with that much love for children deserves so much. Love Ya, H.

Wow....8 kids, huh.....God Bless You. You must have the patience of a saint...both you and your husband. I really envy you...I only have two boys 17 and 20 years old. I really think the more the merrier....You are going to be in your glory when you retire. Family functions are going to be so awesome....hey, just like the Osmonds! Cannot get over it...wow...you are incredible...lucky kids.

I am a family oriented person. I love to be around my whole entire family and it is the most fulfilling experience I have ever known.

I am all for families of any size, one child, many children, whatever. There does come a point though when I think we have to be thankful for what we have.

If you have 8 healthy children, that is wonderful. "What if" the next one is tempting the odds? While you've had 8 wonderful pregnancies, you are only getting older. They aren't all going to be that way. How old you are is another thing to take into consideration. Can you afford another child financially and time-wise? You can't bank on scholarships for college...what about money to pay for sports, being able to be in 9 different places at once if they happen to have games at the same time, etc. 9 weddings to pay towards because you know it isn't just the girls we pay for any more. Think ahead to Christmases not only with your own children but grandchildren! That's a lot of potential grandchildren.

I am not trying to be a nay sayer nor am I saying you aren't capable of making it work. I just think there comes a time when you have to be thankful.

I have three boys and I love being pregnant and being a mom as well plus, being an only child I have always wanted a big family. Having said that I also know that if we have one more, that is it for me. My children play sports so that question has come up as far as being there for games already, being able to spend quality alone time with each child, plus I am big on the "even number" thing. My husband would be happy with 3 but in addition to not feeling done myself, I don't want anyone to feel left out. I have made peace with myself though that the next one is my last regardless of if I "feel" done or not.

Good luck making your decision.

That sounds like a lovely family. I also want another child BADLY. I know the feeling of loving to be pregnant and a mom. My husband and I have 2 great kids and we have been trying to have more for about 7 months. I had a miscarriage last July and ever since then it seems so difficult to get pregnant. I wish you the best with your family, all its present members as well as any potential future kids.

M.,

I think it is wonderful that you have such a large family! I have 5 kids, four biological and one step. Unfortunately, I have had 3 c-sections and should not have more...but realistically I don't think my body or my sanity could handle more. We thought we were done after my first two. We told everyone we were done...but we don't believe in birth control so God gave us two more! I am so glad that He did.

I do feel like we are done now. I am so tired all the time, I feel like I cannot handle any more laundry or messes. Our house cannot fit another person at 970 square feet for 7 people! I no longer get those pangs when I hear an infant cry (although my youngest is only 15 months so who is to say how I will feel in another year or so.) I just can't wait to get to the point where we can all really enjoy hiking together and kayaking...things that we do a little of now, but it is hard with babies.

My husband also says he's done...he jokingly says he would shoot himself if I got pregnant again. But he is also almost 46 years old so he will be 64 when our youngest graduates from high school. He wants to be able to transition to the next phase before he dies!

With 8 kids there will still be babies in your future...grandbabies! But remember that even though we think we can control whether or not we have more kids, until you have a hysterectomy, it is still possible...even with tubes tied or vasectomies. God is in control. I have friends who have had kids after undergoing those procedures, so if God wants you to have more, you will!

D.

Hi i just read your message.it is wonderful been a mom i have only two and i am satisfied but if my economy situation was diferent i would have three more .the main thing is not only been pregnant and becoming a mom so many times .the most important is been with them ,dedicating full time loving them,playing, coocking,teaching good things ,without paying babisitter if you think you are a full mom go ahead but also donot forget your beloved husband............

Hi M.! Wow, I just had to respond and say I'm impressed! I have 3 children (ages 8 (girl), 5 and 4 (both boys)) and it feels like I have 8 kids around here! :-) One reason I'm not having any more is due to the lack of space in our home, another is the financial aspect. I say, if you have the room, the funds, and the patience of a saint (hee,hee) go for it! Best of luck to you! - K.

wow, good for you. we have two and are done. my only advice is from my sister in law, who has 7, says, "if there's room in your heart, there's room in your house".

I too had a hard time feeling finished with childbearing - even thought about being a surrogate because I love to be pregnant. We have 3 kids and are officially done. My youngest is 3 yo and I would say the intense feeling started abating when he was around 18-24 mo. I think for the most part I am now content with being done and not having to deal with all that a baby requires. Time really was what I needed. And by the way, my b-in-law has 8 kids also (6 girls and 2 boys) and they always seem to be very happy, well-adjusted kids!

I'm only on number 2 but would love a large family like yours if not bigger!!! There is a woman who goes to my church that just had her 10th and she loves her large family. Why is your husband so against another baby? Maybe if you both address his issues he might be more willing to go for a ninth. Good luck!!

It's hard when your mate is not on board with you. I am pregnant with #4 now. My husband and I said that we would never close that door to having more kids. Never put a number on it. Just have them as they come. I can't ever say when I'm done. Probably when I go through menopause,lol. My view is this: I have such a small time frame to do this miraculous incredible thing. I dont want to limit that. I dont want to look back on my life when its too late and say "I wish I had done that more than twice." If your hubby were on board, I'd say go for it! Pop out another (or two *wink*)! Is there any convincing him? I hope so! Sorry I dont have better advice. Good luck!

Tell your husband that one more and you have a baseball team (just kidding. I have just one, but I would have loved to have at least two more, and I cannot.

Do you know why you want another .. and that eight isnt enough...??? Pray about it and enjoy what you have .. if it is meant it will happen ...

i read your update, and i have to say one thing OMG, WOW...HOW CAN YOU HANDLE THAT???? and that in NO WAY is against you!!! that's just coming from a mom that's having a handful of a child and just ONE child. i myself would LOVE to have a large family, but am in NO situation to do so (plus i don't think i could have the patience that you obviously do being that you already have 8 and want another). i have to say i agree with the last person that responded (going by others i know who have large families) that you don't always get that "you just know" feeling! if you can handle another child, financially, mentally, and emotionally, then i say GOD BLESS AND GO FOR A FOOTBALL TEAM LOL!!! the only thing i can possibly say against you having another child is that if your husband is strongly against it, then you may want to reconsider your feelings on having another child. possibly look into surrogacy IF you really love being pregnant AND can possibly give up a child for good reasons. there are plenty of people out there who love children as much as you do, but just CAN'T no matter what they do, and adoption can be extremely hard to go through. IF you can be a surrogate and give the blessing from God to another couple (if your husband truly doesn't want another) then maybe that can help your desire for the love of being pregnant. just remember, you do have to think of everything (including the "can i let go after delivery" question). just a suggestion. just remember, i in no way feel that wanting another, even with having 8 already is a bad thing (unless of course you were one of those ppl that some made it seem...that keep having children and live off the state, or live in slums not taking care of your children, etc...) but being that that is NOT the case, talk to your husband and see how he feels, if maybe he'll go along with another since you have such a great relationship, and if not, if you both can handle surrogacy. i wish you the best of luck, and have to say that i admire you for being able to share the love with all those children and your husband. i know i have a hard time with my 1 (or 2 if you consider my husband in it lol) and then have time for myself. it takes a strong person to be able to do what you do (as you put it, God gives you what you can handle). i wish you the best of luck! let me know what you decide, i'm really curious on the decision you make. GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS!

Wow, you have 8 children already and want more? You are a brave women. I have one daughter who is 5 and I have that feeling of being done.
How do you have time for all 8? My advice is enjoy the children that you have already and see what happens down the road.

I admire you for having 8 children...But you have to RESPECT your husband's desire to NOT want another child...You certainly don't want him to resent you or that child...I think he feels that 8 is enough both emotonally and most likely financially. Concentrate and love those 8 blessings that you have and Love and Concentrate on your husband's happiness as well...The energy you spend on the urge to have another baby is wasted if both of you don't share that desire. Spend that energy more productively on your family! Thank the lord everyday for those healthy children, and for a husband that has not run for the hills!

I don't know how you do it - but I had a friend from an online group that had a 9th when her eldest daughter had her first...

I have two boys (15 & 9)...if the biological clock wasn't running out and I had a viable partner I would gladly have another. I never got the 'all done' feeling...but, when I should have had another my ex was sick, then we had the 2nd when it should have been 3rd. Then, we had a very bitter divorce. When I met someone we were together for 3 years and got engaged. I broke that up nearly a year ago, but he had had a vasectomy after his 2nd 20 years ago...so...there wouldn't have been any with him...and now...

I am nearly 49...

So, if you are young enough, have the financial resources and the energy, if it is meant to be, God will bless you with another.

How do your other children feel about it?

WOW!!! God Bless!!! 8 kids is certainly a handful and you know what...we all know what we can handle and what we can't.
You obviously know yourself well enough to know you want more children and at 8, what's one more? Sorry to hear your hubby is not on board. I always wanted a huge family and if God had blessed me with better economics, know for sure, I would have about 6 kids already. Perhaps it's a financial issue for your hubby. In today's economy most couples find themselves having children per the money they make. If you can afford to do it, go for it. Sit and talk to hubby and understand why he is so against it. Come to a conclusion and understand one another so you can move forward or close the chapter completely. Good luck to you!

I don't think everybody "just knows" when they are done having children. I have four and revisit the question of whether or not we should try for another every month. The answer has been "no" for seven years and I'm seeing signs of pre-menopause, so God and my body may soon be answering the question for me permanently.

M.:

I don't think the feeling ever really goes a way. It's more like a mindset. As your children get older they need you in different ways and you have to be able to grow with them. You seem to have a lot of growing to do. If hubby is against it then maybe you should talk to him and view things from his prespective.

I have 4 beautiful girls and would have loved to keep trying for a boy but i had all medically needed c-sections and the dr said enough was enough my body couldn't take any more. That was my sign. Even though i wanted to have more. You will know when you are done. Here is what everyone said to me... If you can financialy take care of your children then keep going but don't forget there will be grandchildren that will be comomg so you still have that to look forward to.

If you don't have that feeling that number 8 was your last baby then you aren't done yet. I had my first 2 and was happy with my kids but I just knew I had to have one more. Somehow my family was not complete without one more child. I ended up having twins but I would have been fine with just one.

First off I have to say ...you go girl!!!!!!
The reality is though,I assume that your husband parents with you and is supporting your precious gifts, you have to respect his desire. You wouldn't want there to be resentment between you and him, although i'm sure if another child came into the picture he would love it dearly. My husband and I are currently working on number three,(the oldest is from a previous relatonshship) and he has made comments about this being our last. Right now I can't talk about it, I feel i need to enjoy this pregnancy to the fullest, and not mourn every 'last' that is happening. You and your husband should sit down and have a real heart to heart and express each of your concerns and wishes. Then give him time to absorb and think about it all. Trust that whatever answer he is giving you is what he feels is best for your relationship and the well being of your family. God bless you for your willingness to go above and beyond 'the call of duty' and remember someday there will always be grandbabies for you to hold.
best wishes, S.

Hi M.
First I am wondering why you need so many children, what is going on in your life that makes you feel incomplete. Think about the cost of educating these children for college. And most importantly if hubby is dead set against it then that should give you your answer. You don't want to be raising these 8 on your own.
G. L.

I can empathize with you.

I can not speak for your husband, but my husband and I have come up with our own method of deciding how many children we will eventually have. In actuality there is not a set number at all.

Maybe these will apply to you as well:
Aside from my (and your) desire to have many children to love, first and foremost, it depends on how many children God will bless us (and you) with. Second, it depends on how well my body (and your body) will handle the pregnancies. Like others have said, obviously finances have to come in to play as well, but I do not think that should be a deciding factor. My love is never ending with my children. If it came to it, I would rather have a smaller house with more children, than a empty mansion.

My husband and I have a 3 year old, 1 year old and are currently expecting. Although I am currently expecting, I am already planning when we will be having baby 4 and 5. But to stick with our method, we are taking it one at a time: If 3 seems like to much, we will stop at 3. If not, we will have another, and if 4 is too much we will stop there, etc, etc. Who knows, maybe we will be blessed with 10, maybe 4. When people ask, "Is this the last one yet?" I get so frustrated. Not only do I truely not know the answer, but many people can't phathem the thought of having more than two children. Everyone has their own ideal of a perfect family.

As far as right now, I can not see myself ever not wanting more children, but the factors (like mentioned above) have to be considered. For example, if my pregnancies became more high risk with each one, there would be a point where I would have to stop.

If you are really set on having more, then God bless you. If you already have 8, I do not see why having one more would be of too much concern to your husband. Maybe he just fears that it won't end there either. There does have to be a common ground, and I hope you can reach it. Was he okay with every previous pregnancy? If yes, and now he thinks having another would be too much, than you probably have a good chance of convincing him otherwise. If he said no more, two babies ago, than maybe you should just sit back and be patient with him.

Either way, let us know the outcome!

You are certaily blessed to hav so many uncomplicated labor and deliveries and all children without special needs. You must be in fantastichealth. You must make that descision with your husband. I guess you need to examine why you want another. How the other chidren are doing, What are the financial concerns. I take it you do have support from your family in terms of moral support and babysitting. Having a baby is more than just FEELING. I would think that your husbands request to stop at 8 is I had 3 children one with special needs. Do you have help around the house? How much time do you and your husband get to spend together as a couple and not just parents? You are fortunate you can afford to feed and clothe 8 as well.

Hi! I know the feeling. We have 5 children and sometimes I feel that urge too. Reality sets in though when one of them needs time with me or there is a school project or an activity that is time consuming and I think about how much I can truly give each one and at the same time have time for myself. My girlfriends tell me that I am "addicted" to pregnancy and it's all I know since I am a stay at home mom. If you are blessed to have 8 and they are al healthy, then I would say enjoy them and go do something nice for yourself because they will be grown one day. Good luck!!!

I have two daughters, ages 18 and 22 and cannot imagine having 8 children. I was a full-time mom and felt that they really got wonderful attention from me. They are thriving college students. Please consider the time it takes to nurture each one as a person. I cannot imagine how you can afford to give each child what they deserve of your time. I also cannot imagine how you can provide for them financially.

Have you considered being a surrogate? That would appease your desire to be pregnant without burdening your partner and children with another child that needs your attention as well as material care. There are many worthy couples who cannot carry a baby themselves.

I'm sure your kids are clean and all, but quality of care goes beyond that. Do you have time to help each one with homework, monitor their computer use, take the older ones on tours of potential colleges? And I think you need to really respect your husband's opinion. Children are happier if they are raised by a strong partnership. Babies are cute and cuddly, but they do become children who need education and discipline; they then become teenagers who need guidance, oversight, help with homework and college apps; and they then become young adults who need money for college tuition, weddings and down payments on first homes!

AND, have you heard of overpopulation? We need to be responsible to our communities and earth at large when bringing new souls into this world. The mountain of diapers that your 8 children have probably consumed could merit renaming the local landfill after your family. That said, I'm not against large families. The eminent Dr. Sears, who I greatly admire, had 8 children, including one high-needs baby and a couple who grew up to become doctors themselves. His wife is a nurse and they seemed to have been hands-on parents who raised children with healthy diets and good morals. Just please think about the long-term picture and not merely your enjoyment of being pregnant.