Desire for Another Baby...

Having a 'sister' is really not a good reason to have another child. They would be at least 8 years so they really won't be "playmates". My sister and I are 7 years and have never been close.

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If you truly want a baby in two years (boy or girl there's a 50/50) then tell your husband that you will drop the issue for now, that the youngest is still a baby and that you will try to get occupied with activities and the 3 you have now. Then I would really drop it for at least a year and see how he feels in a year, he might feel differently or even you might feel differently.
The only issue I find a little concerning is that you go through surgery and its risks to get "fixed" but that's just my personal opinion.
Also, think by yourself about the reasons you want another child, is it just to get another girl? would you be happy with a third boy? if it is a boy, will you stop at four or will want a 5th to see if it's a girl.
anyways, I completely understand the desire for another baby, right now I'm craving for one but I promised myself I'd wait for next year (I have two children).
Good luck!

Be happy with what you have! I don't blame your husband for wanting someone who isn't pregnant and nursing all the time. I don't think it's necessarily nice for him to tell you he wants you "fixed" because of the damage, but I've often wondered how the husbands stand it (and the wives) when they're CONSTANTLY pregnant and nursing for years at a time! Three is plenty and if both of you aren't on board -the LAST thing you need to do is have another. You have a girl, so you don't need to "try" for one -and of course there is NO guarantee you would have one anyway, but you would have a frustrated and unhappy husband. Trust me -your feelings will pass, especially if you focus on the three you have. Our desire to get pregnant is biologically built into us and it ebbs and flows a lot due to hormones and phases in life. However, just because the urge is there, doesn't mean you should follow it.

The first thing I would do is find the root of why he does not want another. It sure sounds amazing that he wants to move forward with raising your kids and focusing on your marriage. How many guys think that way? To want to focus on you as a couple alone is incredible!

All that being said, I think ultimately you will need to find someway to stop your urge to have more kids. Nothing good can come from having a child when only one parent wants it. In other words, you are saying your desire is more important than your relationship with your husband and he will most certainly read it that way. Also, kids are such a blessing, I would hate to see one come into the world with animosity about he/she being there. How sad for not only the baby but the rest of the family.

I totally understand the need to have more children, I would have a ton more if I could. My husband does not want any more either. I also totally understand that a marriage is two ways and this decision is massively important for both of you. The only thing that he has on his side is human life, you cannot rightfully bring a human to someone who does not want it. Babies need TOTAL love not forced love. Make sense?

Just focus on your beautiful family and remember your husband really loves you, that is why he wants to get back to having you all to himself one day. That is really a beautiful thing, most people don't have that.

Good luck to you, I know it is hard.

If your husband is truly against another child, then I would drop it, at least for now. You could test the waters a little a year from now and see if his thoughts have changed once the youngest is a little older. I would not, however, let him push you into surgery unless it is something you truly need for yourself. People die trying to please their husbands with perky boobs and flat tummies, when those men should just love and desire their woman for who they are.

Honestly, it looks like I'm in the minority here, but I believe that if you feel pulled from your heart to have another child, then that is all the reason you need to be justified in wanting that child. As long as you are able to provide for all of your children, I see no reason why you should talk/reason yourself out of wanting one more.

I think the best thing you can do to convince your husband is to stop talking to him about it. Maybe make one last statement like, "I am going to drop the baby talk because I know you aren't interested. I just want you to know that deep down I feel pulled to have another child and I would like you to consider that." Then, truly drop it and focus on him and your relationship. Do things together, have fun, and work to get closer. Then reapproach when things are really good, or in an ideal case he would come to you with a changed mind. I just think that sometimes the best way to have others give in to our wishes is to give in to theirs. Good people will recognize this and want to reciprocate. You do have to be prepared to be patient and wait it out for as long as it takes.

Just a thought. Good luck!

You said you would want one more baby in a couple of years. Why is this even an issue right now. Maybe in a few years your husband will miss having a little baby around and be open to having another one. OR maybe in a few years you might want to focus on the three you have. I say you tell yoru husband you will keep an open mind about plastic surgery, as long as he keeps an open mind about discussing another child, then drop this issue right now and have fun as a family! (BTW I wouldn't be opposed to plastic surgery either) Good Luck!

You have a 50/50 shot of having one sex or the other. I would stop bugging hubby. If you really want another girl, becoming a foster parent and possibly adopting from that road may solve this. Realistically your daughter would be 7 or 8 years older than her sister at this point if you decided a baby is what you want. They may not have much in common and may not be close. (My sister and I are 4 years apart and not close). Count your blessings and enjoy the life you have. Look forward to daughters-in-law and treasure the house princess. That urge for another baby will go away or at least calm down if you begin to set your mind on other things.

I have so been in your shoes. My husband wanted to be done after the second child. I prayed as begged for the third. He gave in and we had a baby girl. At that time we had a son and two daughters. I wanted another boy so badly. My children also wanted more kids around. We all prayed. My husband was aware of our wishes, but we really didn't say much to him. Finally for our anniversary he announced he would like to have one more child. We were pregnant the next month. That precious gift was stillborn at 31 weeks. We went on to have another child die before his birth. Our hearts were broken and we really didn't think we could handle getting pregnant one more time. God did for us what we were to fearful to do. I found myself pregnant with our youngest and praying desperately that she would survive. My husband is madly in love with all of his children and thankful that I didn't give up.

If my husband ever, ever said anything about wanting my body fixed after carrying his children he would not live to see the next minute. I am not an object to be "FIXED."

He wants you to get your body "fixed"!!!....has that not offended you in any way? I am mad for you!

I think your very wrong for pestering your husband. It's true that maybe in 2 or 3 years (you said a couple of years), that both of you will feel the same as you do now. Or it's possible, that both of you could change your minds completely. Is it that he wants you to have the plastic surgery in the near future? Either way, both of you should enjoy the beautiful children you have now, and a year from now reevaluate your feelings and your situation.

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Dont let it strain your relationship. If you are happy with the kids you have now just let it go and see how you feel in a couple years. Also maybe you could concider adoption instead? Just an option and yes he is right you need you and him time. Thats how my husband feels and we have to lovely little girls! Please dont let it put a strain on a happy marriage :)

If you love being a mommy so much and love your husband even more - why don't you just babysit other people's babies? Make money while doing what you love...

I think forcing another child on your husband would be a self-centered thing to do on your part. You filling an urge that you say exist within only you and not your husband... to me that is self-centered.

And I see nothing wrong with her husband suggesting to get "fixed up"... if they are in agreement with each other, which is the case.

I am really bothered that he wants you to get 'fixed' after having his children. You are not a sex object. You are the mother to his children. I am hoping this came across wrong in how you wrote it and things aren't really like that. I am feeling hurt for you and surprized it doesn't seem to bother you.

i felt strongly about having our 3rd and my husband said no for very good reasons. i knew i could not convince him. i went to God with it and basically said, if it's Your will for us to have another child, You will have to convince my husband. it worked. my husband's heart changed and he was willing to seriously pray for answers about having a 3rd baby. our 3rd child has been a joy for all of us, including her brothers. many of the problems that we worried would happen with an additional child have happened, like more weight gain for me, a crowded house, tighter money. but somehow the joys from being together make it more tolerable. if you don't already do this, i suggest having a weekly date. we didn't do it for a long time because of the expense of a babysitter. but now that we are doing it, it's totally worth the money. it fills my husband's need to have play time with me and fills my need for conversation with him. if we do something physical, like frisbee or indoor rock climbing, we both feel better about my physique. a good book about these needs that my husband and i both found useful is "His Needs, Her Needs". Good luck and God bless!

Yea, i think your hubby is right. Just think of how much SOONER you can retire/vacation, travel the world.. and having another will put that off until you're MUCH older.. you are in a great position with three, and four is WAY too many.. IMO

I love children and there is always a want for another one in the back of my mind. I have 2 boys and 1 girl as you do and always think of that second girl for my daughter. Don't stress about it. If it happens it was meant to be. Enjoy the 3 you have now. It gets more difficult with more children wanting your undivided attention. Whenever i feel the need for another i borrow my sisters kids...lol...and realize wow iam glad i stopped at 3...good luck

I honestly am more on the side of your husband in one regard related to your question. There's no guarantee that you'll have another daughter. Will you be satisfied knowing that you "tried" for another daughter?

Also 8 years (since your daughter is currently 7) is a BIG age difference. They'll likely not be close as siblings until they're adults. I have 2 older sisters, 1 5 years older, the other 2 years older. None of us are close despite being relatively close in age.

There's no doubt in my mind that you're a good mom, love your child unconditionally and focus most of your energies on your family. Is it possible the fear of life without a baby is the overwhelming motivator?

I, too, want another child. My husband does not. Our son's 4th birthday is today. We also have a 2 year-old daughter. 2 years ago yesterday, I received news that I had cancer and went through 5 months of chemo. My Oncologist has cleared me for more kids - I have little memory of the months I was in treatment. But, I have to ask myself if it's fair to bring another child into this world when I have no guarantees of health in the future. Is that fair to my children? Is it fair to my husband? He is worried about being a single parent to 2 if not 3 young children with no mom.

On the flip side, we never banked cord blood which could be a source of stem cells needed in the event I have a recurrence and require a stem cell transplant. It wouldn't be a reason to have a child, but I'd take advantage of the opportunity to save that resource.

What if something happens to one of my children?

My advice is to ask yourself what your motive for wanting another child is.
It's not our place to tell you if your reasons are legitimate or not. But, I do think it's OK to plant the seed of the reasons why you wish to have more children and to talk with your husband about the reasons he doesn't want more.

Good luck!