Want to Help a Friend-would like Your Advice

Legal Aide is free. As the biological father, it is his duty to pay for his kids, not some choice he thinks he has. She should look into getting his wages garnished as well.

i'm sure you've gotten similar information
He has no choice in who he decides to claim - on the other hand, she may have to put an order in force to have him paternity tested first. Once paternity is proven, he will have no choice as to whether he is financially responsible.
The Dept of Family and Childrn can do all of these things for her - working/going to school with 2 or 3 kids should constitute for additional help from the state/federal as well. She may not be proud to receive the help - but there are alot of things out there offered for single moms, even childcare assistance - especially if she's working AND going to school. An even bigger piece of advice, which is oh-so-personal - and no one would 'want' to give it: use a birth control and make sure a man is responsible BEFORE u DECIDE to get pregnant. He may not feel obligated, becauz he feels trapped - maybe he didn't think she'd get pregnant. That is no excuse - not nearly a good one at that, but it is ultimately our responsibility as Mothers to make sure we don't bring children into the world that we cannot take care of. It sounds harsh - and i would never suggest anything after getting pregnant - i'm just saying to be ever-so-careful in the future too - my friend just had her 4th, and she just turned 25. She loves her kids so much - but i worry about her every day. I have 3 and it's hard enough!! Regardless, i wish your friend the best - i hope you were able to find some good advice in response to your plea :)

She can get support, regardless what he thinks.
She needs to go to her county offices and talk to someone in legal aid there to help her get support. A DNA test may be needed but once it is determined he is the father, they will put a freeze on his checking, garnish his wages and freeze any assets. The government won't force her to have an atty to get support, most states totally protect the children!!

He has no choice, it isn't his decision ever! She can always get free consults with attys too to guide her in the right directions, most attys will meet with you to discuss the issues the first time free.
I will pray for her, that is a tough spot to be in! She sounds amazing to be doing so many proactive things to give herself and her daughters a better life. HUGS!
She needs to kick the guy to the curb, he has to pay support!

Agree with all the advice on collecting child support - she can go to the state/county and get help there. It's a legal right and not just a civil suit, so she has resources there.

You and her other friends can also help her situation - help watch her kids from time to time or take them to the park or zoo, invite her for dinner or lunch at your home sometimes, and in general be a friend she can confide in and rely on for love and support. It's amazing how all these little things add up to help get through challenging times

Have your friend call 211. 211 is the confidental, toll free number to the United Way. They have a wonderful network of FREE resources that will help her get the child support she deserves from the father of the baby.

Do not delay.

Theresa

While it is difficult, I've been there and my advise is to have her have him sign away his parental rights if he has that attitude. She will get on with her life much faster and there are always ways to get money besides having to put up with someone that makes trouble all the time. My second son has been so emotionally damaged because his dad didn't want anything to do with him but because I thought it was best to keep him as part of his life I didn't take the opportunity to have him sign away. Now I have a wonderful hubby who is there for my son but my ex won't sign for my hubby to adopt. I have a court order for child support and guess what? In theory I should be getting paid but his mommy protects him and I haven't seen a penny in over 8 years and I most likely won't see any of it until he gets his social security check if he gets one, so those laws that make him pay don't work. I don't want to be negative but it would be smarter for her to find someone as a roommate even if it means bunking with her girls that will provide childcare for some of the rent or at least help with rent and utilities if she needs money to get by. I think she should also try again to get some services like WIC, food stamps and medical care. Those allowances are higher and I know many people that qualify for them with what sounds like more income than she has. It's only for a short time until she can graduate and get on her feet. That's what it's there for. Also research churches that provide clothing or monthly food support as they often have higher income guidelines. I'm suprised her counselor hasn't been more helpful.

Hi V.:
Every county has a Child Support Enforcement Agency (usually connected with social services) which will establish and enforce child support for no charge, including filing motions, going to court, etc. All she has to do is to go to the CSE office in her county and apply - there is no income requirement or fee. Hope this helps!

Hi, Tell your friend to go to the Child Support Registry. It's off of Federal and 12th in Denver. They will take care of everything. They set up the court date and an lawyer will be there to help her get what she needs for her daughter. I went through the same thing. I know it's difficult. I think all she has to pay is $25. You don't have to have a lawyer to go to family court. It doesn't cost anything to file cases. Good Luck.

Wow your friend has quite a platefull. This is not going to get any easyier for her if she don't stand up to him now? It sounds like he has a great family support and they don't care about her well being or the baby's. This is a sad situation but will get better as time passes.

Here is what i think that the government funds should be used for. She should seriously think about quitting her job and get help from the government for now. They will help her with food stamps , wic for the baby , they will also help her file for child support payments, child care, sometimes housing. The best way to find out what you would have to do is to go to you countys social services dept. This time and oppoutunity will help your friend finish school while in the mean time able to raise her children with out the stress of work. This is what the help is for. Not all the bums who take advantage of the system. It will only be temporary and no one has to know. Good luck and god bless

Hi V.,
First of I would like to thank you for being a great friend. I wish I had friends like you on my side when I went thru this myself. In Montana we have an agency called Montana Legal Services. They also have this in Colorado.
http://coloradolegalservices.org/co/homepage.html
It is a self help law group however, if things get complicated they find you a lawyer, at no charge. My support and "parenting plan" (haha) Lasted 5 months and the last month of it I had an attorney that the agency found for me pro-bono. My x may not be paying the child support but it is now court ordered and they will attach something as soon as they can find it. I work full time and with all the expenses I have, daycare, full, insurance, rent, etc I qualified. I have a huge feeling she would qualify for this also. The only thing I would warn you and your friend about is that, if the father is required to pay child support, he will also have rights to the child. Whether he actually pays or not. I got lucky. My dirt bag lives in California so I dont techniqually have to share, unless he comes to visit. Hasnt shown up in the 2 years we have been here thou... YIPPY for me. good luck!!

YOUR FRIEND CAN GET FREE LEGAL COUNSEL THROGH HER COUNTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What Julie said is RIGHT ON! HAVE HER CALL THEM ASAP!The district attorney will file for child support on the kids and her behalf. I am not sure where you live but in Colorado all the counties will do this. They will do a study, he will legally be obligated to provide info, and if he or his parents can pay attorney's but not support his own child it will not look good to a judge. Trust me, my husbands ex made decent money and she took him to court through the DA and they did it all for her for free( she wanted MORE $ from us, she was already getting $ and health care). And once the ball is rolling they will make it retro active.( which means he will pay back support) Also, if he doesn't pay, she will have the order that will hold up in court and if he ever has assets she can get the back support, so if he owns a home and sells it she would get the $ then. It may take a while but he is the father and responsible. He chose to have sex with her. This is just so so so sad, they will pay a lawyer ALOT of money rather than help their own flesh and blood. This guy sounds like a child. I don't know who told your friend she could not qualify, alot of progress has been made for women's rights in this matter. I would aslo suggest your friend get counseling, why would she choose to have a relationship with an unemployed man and then have a child with him? I hear this and it makes me sad, she's lucky to have a friend in you.

Hey V.,

I'm sorry to hear about your friend. If your friend lives in Boulder county she can contact the law school at CU Boulder and 3rd year law students who are already practicing law and act as her legal counsel in and out of a courtroom for free, but she has to live in Boulder county. She should can also talk to them about how to get support from him. If she is going to school have her go to the finicial aid department and tell them that she just had a baby and they can increase her finicial aid. There are also need based loans she can get from school. And most colleges and Universities have a women's services department that should be able to help her with childcare of really cheap and often moms will work out deals with other moms, for example, your friend could watch someones kid on a Saturday and the other mom would watch her kids on say a Wed. stuff like that, so tell her to really look at ehat the school has to offer and check out the law school at CU or if she is in Denver do the same thing at DU law. I hope some of this helps and I wish your friend the best.